Speak
by Ninot
Summary: Last summer Peyton was raped while at Brooke's party. Lucas wasn't there to save her when she needed him and now she has shut everyone off. No one can get through to her. When her rapist returns to school will she be forced to come clean, can Lucas save her this time? LEYTON in the end. WARNING: STORY ADDRESSES DARK ISSUES. Explores the themes of Rape.
1. Chapter 1 It all comes back to haunt you

_FLASHBACK: August 15_ _th_ _2006 (prologue)_

 _He grabbed her hair and yanked and all she could do was scream, but that did nothing. A dirty sock reeking of mold was shoved into her mouth and his sweaty palm shoved on her mouth to prevent the scream that she desperately needed to release. Her skirt was hitched up around her waist and she had no room to move for they were only inside a car._

 _Her skirt was drenched with blood, sweat and tears. While he felt pleasure, she felt pain. His hair was sweaty and he was biting his bottom lip to keep from moaning out in triumph. She was doing everything she could to study every single feature on his face. She felt violated and... ashamed. Her dignity and strength was gone and all to a monster who calls himself a man! He finally removed himself from her and placed a chaste kiss on her lips "That was amazing babe, I'll see you back at the party" came Sammy's disgusting voice as he hopped out of his car leaving her staring at nothing in sheer shock._

 _He zipped up his jeans and started towards where the roaring music was coming from, and said in an alluring and sexy yet threatening voice that made her insides twist with sickness, "I'll see you soon"._

 _It was then that something snapped and she knew she had to go inside and find Lucas._

 _She had come to the party with Lucas but had gotten so jealous and pissed off at the way he and Brooke had been flirting and making out the entire time practically in front of her, when he knew how she felt about him. Him and Brooke were official and there was nothing she could do about it. So she did what she knew how to do and got drunk. She met a guy named Sammy who was new and had recently joined the Ravens, she thought they had sort of connected but she couldn't have been more wrong there was only one thing he wanted._

 _She pushed open the glass door and walked on shaky knees through the laughing people who barely acknowledged her existence, her eyes spun around wildly in search of Lucas or a phone but neither was anywhere to be seen. Her breathing was erratic, her hair a mess which fit her dishelved and dirty appearance. Her skirt was covered in blood but no one seemed to notice this, it was like she was invisible. She shoved past a few more people shouting, "Has anyone seen the phone" but no one seemed to notice her hysterics._

 _"Has um…anyone seen the phone or Lucas?" she asked…she caught sight of Haley and Nathan who were chatting to everyone as Skills was playing a drinking game everyone yelling 'jug'. She practically flew over to Naley her breathes becoming less controlled. Their eyes snapped to her before they took in her appearance, the shock evident on Haley's face but Nathan lips were twitching and he could tell he was gonna bust a gut in laughter any minute. "Woah Sawyer had fun?" Nate asked a smile splitting his face but she didn't laugh back, it wasn't like that._

 _"Where's Luke?" she asked sounding on the verge of tears. Nathan seemed to not notice this but nothing got past Haley. "His upstairs with Brooke" she didn't even have to think twice, she flew upstairs towards Brooke's room bursting the door open and gasping audibly._

 _Lucas and Brooke were in Nathan's bed, and he was getting close and on the brink of an orgasm, he stopped immediately his blue eyes snapping to hers, "Peyton" her name on his lips came out choked and filled with emotion. She spun around wildly the vision of them burning red hot into her brain, running for the stairs and ignoring Lucas's shout of her name,_ stumbling, she gave a surprised yelp as she lost her footing on the stairs and desperately reached out towards the smooth wooden railing. Narrowly missing it, she let out a screech, like that of a parrot, as she tumbled painfully down the stairs _hitting her head hard at the bottom as she landed, it was then that she felt it, some say that when you hit your head to hard that a screw can be knocked loose or something that you can never be the same again._

 _She felt the blood trickle down her forehead as she begun to get up shakily. She felt a soft hand on hers and instantly knew it was Haley, "Oh my god Peyton are you ok?" she sprung to her feet at the sudden contact. "GET OFF ME JUST DON'T TOUCH ME!" she shrieked as she bolted._

 _She ran past Haley and Nate and out of the house her vision blurring. She just had to get away, so she did the only thing she knew how to do…she shut it off._

Present day:

Rape is usually not about sex it's about the power and dominance the person feels. Peyton Sawyer never thought it would happen to her. She was wrong, and she learnt the hard way on that fateful summer night at Brooke's part. She couldn't of been more relieved that she was smart enough to take that morning after pill.

It had been aproximately one month 16 days and 12 hours since that day, and that feeling of being dirty or filthy still sat with her not going away. She didn't even remember how she had gotten home that night to be honest she didn't want to remember anything. She hadn't spoken to any of her friends since it happened and she hadn't spoken to Lucas either, she ignored his calls, his constant apology messages the lot.

Summer break was over now and that meant going back and facing everyone, she wouldn't have to worry about Sammy apparently from what she heard he wouldn't be coming back. She had shut down her Punk and Disorderly webcam and hadn't been logged back on since. ' _Just count to 10'_ she thought to herself as she closed her eyes, getting herself of the floor of the bathroom where she had been in for about an hour vomiting, apparently this is what happens when you don't take your daily dose of heroine.

She only remembered the day after the event she had found Rick in Tric and he had offered her a free toke of heroine. It was much like you are drunk but better. If you leaned back it felt like she was falling. She felt lethargic . After the high ended she couldn't stop going back for more, she did anything Rick wanted her to do. She was just grateful it made the pain stop and it was then she knew what she had to do to stay strong.

She stood on shaky knees and her eyes snapped open taking in her sickly appearance in the mirror.

Her eyes were sunken in and her hair an overgrown blonde mess of curls in desperate need of a cut. Deep purple cuts scared her wrists, some fresh others old. She grabbed her foundation and smeared it on her face, she had to go back looking normal if she didn't want people to ask her questions about where she went when she ran out that night why she hadn't been answering her phone.

She had been numb to all emotions since that night and no matter how hard she just couldn't feel or wouldn't allow herself to. She finished her makeup and gave herself a satisfied nod before pulling on tight denim jeans and a red Henley. She smeared her lips with dark rouge lipstick, then packed her cheer leading kit in her bag before making her way out of the house and towards her comet.

It's her first day back at High School as senior, she had several new notebooks, a top she hated and a stomach ache.

* * *

She had actually managed to make it to school alive considering she had run pretty much every red light in Tree Hill. She walked casually into Tree Hill High and as soon as she did she had every bit of male attention and jealous prying eyes from girls on her. She let out a shaky breath closing her eyes and willing herself to continue. _'his gone I have nothing to be afraid of just shut it off"_ she thought to herself before opening her eyes again and walking with her head held high towards her locker. She was thankful that she hadn't seen any of her ex friends as she liked to put it and Lucas yet, she dialed her locker number and threw her cheer kit in there, her first lesson was English with Mr. Turner, great a class with all her ex friends.

She had managed to shut them all out and cut them off, she just didn't want anyone in her life who reminded her of that night. When she thought about Brooke's party she felt like she was being suffocated all the feelings would start to resurface and she couldn't breathe. So that was why she went out of her way to avoid it.

The thought of Lucas as well practically balls deep inside Brooke was enough to send her over the edge as well. the pain the memory brought back was unexplainable and crippling, it felt like a desperation feeling and a "what do I do now..." where you don't really know what to do with yourself. She felt lost, empty, raw, sharp, sensitive... and it's true what they said about that pain in the Pitt of your stomach, she could actually feel it.

She also felt like a lot of emotion was tied to her heart and left almost a weak, sensitive feeling in her chest, like pressure. It made her tend to curl up in her bed at night time, and just feel numb, not really there, just like a mid-dream feeling.

She was brought out of her reverie when she caught sight of Brooke and Lucas hand in hand. Walking down the corridor, suddenly that crushing weight in her chest was brought back and images of that horrid night and them to together choked her. She slammed her locker door shut with such a force it shook the entire row and started of casually towards the school bathroom convincing herself that it didn't affect her in anyway.

"Peyton" she heard his voice come, she stopped and forced herself to look into those deep meaningful warm blue eyes. As soon as her eyes met his she wished she hadn't looked, a breath caught in her throat as her eyes diverted towards Brooke and his entwined hands. She had nothing to say to them so she just walked past them and towards the toilets.

She had spent about ten minutes in the toilets well aware that she had missed the first ten of her lesson but she could care less, she felt sick and bloated. She reached her English classroom door and closed her eyes before opening it.

"Nice of you to join us Miss Sawyer, I hope you had a good summer" He said as she walked into the classroom. She caught sight of everyone working in groups, Brooke, Haley, Nathan and Lucas all sitting as a group in the back their eyes on her. Lucas and Haley tried to smile but she looked down before looking at the teacher. "Sammy how nice of you to join us also?" he said, she felt her blood run cold, she felt her whole body begin to shake at how close her was to her. Her head was screaming at her to run, but she was so terrified that she can't move. she can't run.

"Could you two both join Nathan's group at the back?" Mr. Turner said, she swallowed hard before forcing herself to nod.

"Hey fresh meat" she caught onto him say making a breath catch in her throat and she found that she could walk quicker. The fear crippling her sending her body into overdrive.

She walked shaky knees to the desk taking a seat next to Haley and moving over to create as much distance between her and them as possible. Sammy scooted in next to her, making her skin crawl.

She was aware of everyone talking around her but was too shaken up to even talk she couldn't believe he was even sitting next to her right now. Did her not know what he had done? "So yeah that's why I think Othello ended up driving himself mad" Lucas finished as he looked at her. There was a minute of awkward silence before Brooke broke it "So guys I'm planning on having a pool party tonight whose down for coming?" she asked looping Lucas's fingers with hers to spite Peyton.

"I'm down" Nate said as Haley nodded that she was coming as well. "What about you Sammy, Peyton?" Lucas asked as his eyes shifted to hers, "Yeah I'll come" Sammy said as she felt him turn and stare at her. She felt a feeling of disgust come over her.

"No" she hissed through clenched teeth, her hands balling into fists as she started counting to ten in her head. "Ok Peyton what the hell is going on with you, you haven't spoken to any of us in a month, you haven't answered any of our calls…" Lucas begun and she felt her stomach twist in fear, nerves and sickness all rolled into one.

"Maybe I just don't want to talk to any of you" she spat, getting worked up by the fact that Sammy and the ones who betrayed her most was sitting right next to her. It was like her worst nightmares come to life, "why what did we do?" Brooke asked faking the innocence in her voice. "Screw you, you know what you guys all deserve each other your all as SICK AS EACHOTHER" Peyton stammered her voice raising on the last part, "what's that supposed to mean?" Lucas asked his eyebrows knitting together in hurt.

"Look just calm down Peyton" came Sammy's voice as he placed a hand on her shoulder at that moment every single detail of that night washed over her, swallowing her up in a pit of darkness. She stood up so fast she almost knocked Haley off her feet. "YOU STAY AWAY FROM ME...YOUR DISGUSTING!" She shrieked at Sammy the fear evident in her voice as her eyes glistened with unshed tears.

Everybody's eyes in the room were now on her and all she could think was she needed to get the hell out. "Peyton" Lucas begun standing up to try and sooth her but she stepped away from him.

"Just all of you stay the hell out of my life" she choked out before bolting from the classroom… she ran to the school toilets and the first thing she did was lock the door, then puke. With one violent contraction the congealed contents of her stomach emerged in the morning light, nothing digested since the evening before. Peyton wiped at her mouth, acidic residue forming a shiny patch on her sweaty hand, and retreated to sit back against the toilet stall door, breathing heavily with her eyes shut tight. Praying by some miracle that everything would just go away.

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 **A/N:** Here we are. What do you think? All your feedback, ideas and suggestions have a huge impact on how the story continues let me know what you want to happen and I'll write it in.

Love LeytonFan4Eva xx


	2. Chapter 2 Happy go Lucky

School had ended about five hours ago and it was now around about 8pm Lucas Scott sat at his computer desk watching to see if Peyton would log into her Punk and Disorderly but it didn't happen she barely ever came on it anymore. He had spent the rest of the day pondering on why Peyton had been such a bitch to all of them today it kind of pissed him off that she had spoken to him like he was shit. But then he had remembered how deep her wounds ran, he couldn't get the image of the look on her face and how she ran out of the classroom out of his mind. It much reminded him of the night at Brooke's party when him and Peyton had, had an argument about her feelings for him. He had been so confused, torn between how much they both meant to him, he still was confused and it killed him to see Peyton hate him so much. He had gotten the frustrated and had refused to call it jealousy when she saw her going off with that new kid Sammy.

He had literally grabbed Brooke by the hand and led her up to her bedroom. He pressed his lips to her roughly to hers, he had never been one to like rough sex but he was blinded by the image of Peyton going off with that scumbag. He hadn't realized how fast he and Brooke were moving, and before he knew it they were having sex. He remembered the look on Peyton's face when she came into the room, sheer pain and heartbreak. Then all of a sudden all the anger and resentment he had felt for her earlier dissolved into nothing but a feeling of guilt and pain. His breath was ripped from his lungs and the air was thick as he gasped. He had run from Brooke's room after Peyton, leaving Brooke naked and alone in her bed. Then searched for Peyton everywhere but she was nowhere to be seen.

He let out a sigh of defeat as he pulled his blue shirt over his head. He had to start getting ready for the party or Brooke would skin him alive.

It was then he heard a ping come from his computer, and then Peyton appeared on the screen. She had logged on, he stood glued to his spot in shock not able to believe that she was actually there on his screen and the fat that she looked so sickly and pale really caught him off guard he looked fine when he saw her today, he stared at her scrawny legs, his eyes travelling up her body. She was looking in her full length mirror, then her eyes shifted to a picture of her mom. She touched the photo her fingers shaking as she exhaled a trembling breath.

But what he saw next shocked him, she let out a choked sob as she doubled over her hands clutching her sides. She gasped for breath, for life as she continued to sob, he couldn't understand why her mood had changed so quickly. "Peyton" he whispered as he watched her drop to the ground in an emotional heap. He felt his heart clench in his chest the lump forming in his own throat as the tears burned behind his eyes. He had to sit back and witness the girl he had complicated feelings for breakdown. He shut his laptop lid giving her the privacy that she deserved and sat back heavily in his chair.

He was pondering on whether he should go over and see if Peyton was ok when his phone beeped and it read Brooke.

'Dammit' he thought as the realization that he was late for the party dawned. He placed the phone on his ear and waiting to hear her raspy voice. "Hey you where are you?" she spoke into the receiver, "Yeah hey Brooke I'm on my way now" he said into the phone. "Ok boyfriend I'll see you in a few, I love you" she rasped into the phone. He let her words sink in before replying "you too". He jogged downstairs where he saw his mom sitting with her head leant up against Keith in the living, while he flicked through the channel.

"Mom, Keith I'm going now" he said as he moved towards the door. "Wait" came Keith voice, he closed his eyes a walked slowly backwards popping his head around the corner to look at Keith. "Have fun" Keith uttered laughter evident in his tone. A laugh erupted from Lucas as a massive grin split his lips "I will" he drawled in his southern tone before turning and making his way out the house.

When he reached Brooke's house the place was pounding with music. The door was already open so he walked straight into the house. There were people everywhere jumping on the spot to the beat of the music, the song playing was Fall out boy dance dance. "Luke?" came Brooke's raspy voice as she tugged him towards the back. He was met with the sight of Haley and Nathan who were in the pool splashing. "HEY LUKE YOU MADE IT!" Haley shouted as she got out of the pool and went up to hug Lucas. "Hey Hales" he said hugging her back.

"Luke can I talk to you for a minute?" Haley stated her whole demeanor changing as she took him by the hand and led him off to an isolated spot across the pool. "Has Peyton said anything to you" she asked, the mention of her name caused his stomach to soar with butterflies. "No" he gritted out a little harsher than he intended, Peyton was a sore subject for him. Haley's face twist into a sad expression as she looked deep in thought. Lucas noticed this.

"what's wrong?" he asked suddenly very intrigued. "I don't know I just have a feeling that something hasn't been quite right with her since that whole Brooke fiasco last month, I mean I know she walked in on you guys doing…you know but I think there's something more too it I just can't put my finger on what it is?" Haley stressed as she looked at him deep in his eyes. "I don't know she won't let me in, she won't let any of us in…she won't let me tell her how sorry I am she…" he begun but Brooke came out of nowhere. "Hey boyfriend, hey friend hope you weren't talking about me too much" she chirped snaking an arm into his.

"Nah" Haley said as she looked down, "can I steal Lucas for a bit" she asked as she looked at him, "By all means" Haley spoke as she walked back towards the pool.

"Come with me" She purred and before he knew it he was walking back inside and they walking through a crowd of people then upstairs to the quite that was her room. Before he could think twice her lips were on his and pulling his shirt from his shoulders.

He pulled away looking at her in the eyes, "Look Brooke…not right now" He stated as her face twisted in annoyance. "what is this about Lucas?" she spat out almost like spitting out poison. "It's nothing I'm just not in the mood Brooke" he uttered as she sat down next to him on her bed. "Well you weren't complaining last night when you were screaming my name" she joked starting to nibble at his neck.

His heart was telling him no but his teen boy hormones won out. He grabbed her face and kissed her hard. he didn't know what made it happen. He didn't know what made the change.

"I knew you couldn't resist me baby" she purred against his lips and he lets go to unzip his jeans. He grabs her by the waist of her skirt and yanks it, breaking the elastic. He slips the condom on. And gets ready to enter her, He thrusts once, cautiously. He thrusts again, and he's gone, he's off into the careening nowhere. He lives for seconds in that soaring agonizing imperfection, he's lost to himself, he's no one, he's obliterated, there's no Lucas at all, there's only… He hears himself gasp in wonder. He falls into an ecstatic burning harmedness, losing, lost, unmade.

He would've given anything for it to be Peyton with him right now instead of Brooke. "Oh my god" she choked out as the ecstasy was written all over her face. Flashes of Peyton flew through his mind and It was then he reached his climax he let out a strangled moan as she milked him of everything he had. He rested his head on Brooke chest both of them worn out and flustered. "Wow" she rasped out as she turned her face to look at him.

He looked at her briefly forcing a fake smile as his eyes train back up to the ceiling, "I know" he breathed out. It was then the door opened revealing Sammy. They both sat up Lucas doing his pants up quickly and Brooke pulling her skirt down. "SHIT I'M SORRY I WAS JUST LOOKING FOR THE BATHROOM" he said with a devious smile, there was something about this guy that Lucas didn't like, he seemed off.

Maybe it was the fact that he and Peyton had gone off together the night of Brooke's party. "right" Sammy said closing the door, Lucas listened as he heard the door close at the other end of the corridor.

"Talk about a quickie" Brooke said as she pulled him to his feet and they went downstairs. It was then he felt his phone buzz and the name read mom "shit…Brooke babe I've go" he said she pouted by let him go in the end after much pouting and promises that he would make it up to her tomorrow night.

He walked for what seemed like ages but then soon realized that his feet were not taking him in the direction of home but to Peyton's house. All he could think about was that he needed to make things right with her and find out why she hates him. Before he knew it he was standing on the Sawyer residence doorstep.

He knocked quietly at first but then it turned into full out desperation. There was no reply, he went over to the window and looked in but he could see nothing. He looked through the mailbox and shouted her name, "Peyton" but there was nothing not even her music playing. "Look Peyton I know you're in there just please talk to me, just open the door Peyton please" he begged leaning his forehead against her door. He could feel the lump of anguish growing in his throat and his throat constricted with emotion. "I just want things to go back to the way they were Peyt please, talk to me why are you shutting me out?" he asked but he was still unsuccessful and got no reply. He wanted to be within the fortress she built but that was obviously not going to happen.

She had shut him out and he knew whatever it was she was going through she couldn't do it by herself. But she didn't trust him so she wouldn't let him help her.

His shoulders slumped, "fine that's great Peyton" he shouted his annoyance getting the better of him as he stormed away from her front porch on his way home.

Unbeknownst to Lucas there Peyton sat in the corner by the front door. In the dark, with an empty needle that was full on heroine in her hand. She didn't want to talk anymore. It hurt too bad. She just couldn't stand anymore pain. She sat there shaking as the tears poured over and spilt down her cheeks. This was not how it was supposed to be. It was never supposed to be that way.

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 **A/N:** I thought i give you a double whammy today, tell me what you would like to happen and i'll write it in. I need lots of ideas.

love,

LeytonFan4Eva xx


	3. Chapter 3 Anxiety

Peyton opened her eyes to a warm wind that blew through the downstairs window, it seemed she had fallen asleep in the hallway last night. Taking a deep breath, she got to her feet and walked slowly up the stairs towards her bedroom only still half awake.

She remembered just mere days after the rape she would smell semen and sweat with no source of either. The scent would be as strong as it was on that hot August night. Her heart rate would accelerate and she would attempt to control her breathing rate. Always she would check her nails for dirt. After the attack they had been ripped, broken and bleeding from clawing at the sides of the door to escape. For that reason she would never wear nail polish. Seeing was believing. Otherwise she would be dragged back into a full blown flashback, checking herself for the blood that had run down her legs from the rips, seeing the face of her attackers on every man that walked by in the street. She had endured some of the worst flashbacks in her life, lost in psychosis, fighting her torturers off again and again. But clean nails and drugs could stop the cycle. If her mind ever manufactured the dirt like it did for the smell she would be lost in that nightmare world once more; reliving, refighting, hurting, terrified.

She lazily arched her back as she walked in rubbing her eyes. She was so not ready for this day. She walked to her computer desk and looked at picture of her, Lucas and Brooke taken before everything had gone to hell, she took the picture ripping it up into tiny pieces before chucking it in the bin, then gave herself a satisfied nod. It was the first time in a month she had properly cried last night and she was determined to not let it happen again. So she was back to being numb Peyton officially.

She walked lethargically into her bathroom before, splashing the warm water on her face. ' _god that feels good'_ she thought to herself as she took in a heavy breath. She opened her eyes and looked at herself in the mirror. She watched as the droplets played around on her face and then slowly dripped down her chin. She needed another hit.

She paced over to the stash under her bed pulling it out. And her heart skipped a beat at what she saw next…nothing was left…just nothing. She immediately felt nauseous and her hand flew shakily to her mouth. Maybe she could go get a fix before school right? She looked to the clock next to her bed. Guess not? Perhaps she'd be fine she could arrange for Rick to meet her after school and pick up her shit.

She had cheer practice today that meant another day of facing everyone else and especially Sammy, the very named made her blood freeze over and she closed her eyes shaking her head as she could feel the memory about to wash over her. But she shut it down quickly. she got dressed into a vest top throwing a loose black jumper over the top and put on grey baggies, she couldn't give a shit less how she looked as long as it kept everybody else's eyes of her, she brushed her teeth.

When she was ready to go she placed the picture frame of her mother down then grabbed her keys from her desk. ' _I can do this I did yesterday, first days the hardest right'_ she thought to herself as she nodded mutely and made her way out of the house placing on her own counterfeit smile. Peyton took a deep breath and buried the pain away deep inside of her, like she had done for a month. Somewhere inside her fortress she had dug a hole that no one could get to, ever. Her pain was her business nobody else's and that's how it was gonna stay. She strolled over to her car secretly hoping that they would all just drop the subject now and prayed for the day to be more or less decent.

The bell for first period rung but Peyton was in no hurry to go to her first lesson. She walked around for a bit down the halls when a familiar face caught her eyes it was Sammy, her heart begun to pick up pace as her breathing became more erratic. She turned quickly on her feet and begun walking towards English. "Peyton" came his voice but she ignored it closing her eyes desperately trying to get him out of her head. The memories we starting to resurface. "Peyton" came his voice again and she wasn't aware of how close he had gotten until she felt a hand on her shoulder. She let out an ear piercing shriek squeezing her eyes shut.

When she opened her eyes she found him standing in front of her at his full height of six foot. His brown hair sticking to his face and green eyes boring into hers. "we need to talk about what happened between us that night, where do we stand?" he asked as her mouth fell open agape not quite believing what he had just said. He seriously didn't even know what he'd done. "NO YOU JUST NEED TO STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!" She screeched he grabbed her arm but she wriggled out of his grasp before walking shaky kneed towards her English room. She needed a hit and bad otherwise she didn't think she could do this.

"Miss Sawyer I'm getting a bit bored of you being late all the time?" Mr. Turner said but she didn't even dignify him with a response. She fell back heavily in her chair, just praying for everybody to back the hell of her. No one could ever know what she was going through. She knew she was hurting Lucas by pushing him away by pushing all of them away and to be honest it's what they deserved. Peyton stared down at the picture she had thrown down her desk. Nathan and Haley. They were proof of the wonderful effect she had on people, she pushed the thought out her mind. But then it was replaced by guilt. She picked up her pencil and begun to draw. Her hand carefully drew the detailed faces.

It was then she noticed that her hand had stated shaking, the chills suddenly taking over her body although it was like one million degrees outside. The page blurred in front of her as she trained her eyes to the spot desperately trying to rid the feeling. "Ok I want you all to go back to the groups you were working in yesterday and make a plan of an essay" Mr. Turner said everybody else moved but Peyton stayed in her seat her mouth slightly parted the shakes wracked her body and she stared down at her artwork before crumpling it into nothing.

She turned around and noticed Lucas's eyes on her. For a brief moment she was caught by those majestic blue storms but quickly bowed her head and trained her eyes back to the front. Lucas sighed and turned back to the others as they babbled on about why Othello killed his wife. His mind was racing with thoughts of her, the pain churning inside him. He felt like it was tearing him apart. Piece by piece by his own misery.

Her eyes occasionally shifted to his ruffled blonde hair. She still remembered the night of her confession to him so clearly she had gone around his house about a week before all that shit happened. Telling him she wanted all the same things he did and was ready to let him in. Then Brooke had come in dressed in nothing but his massive grey hoodie that she loved so much. Asking him and she quotes ' _Ready to score'_ she had felt the what she thought was the worst pain in her life that night but after that night that pain looked like a fucking success story.

She was jolted from her thought by a chair being scooted in front of her. It was Nathan. "Hey Sawyer how you doing, we haven't spoken?" he asked as his sea blue eyes looked into those of her green ones. "I've been busy" She lied hiding her shaking hands inside her sleeves. "You haven't seemed yourself lately it's just I can't shake the feeling that somethings going on with you" Nathan stated watching to see if her demeanor would change at all but it stayed the same.

"No your wrong as you can see everything is fine" she spoke firmly gesturing at herself, he looked at her worry evident in his eyes before saying "So I'm having a party this weekend at mine do you want to come?" she pretended to think hard then said "I don't go to parties".

He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, "Since when…from what I remember you love a good party" he grinned trying to lighten the mood but she didn't respond.

"I don't go to parties Nate so just drop it please, that was the old me before and why are you even here were not friend anymore…" she said annoyed as her eyes stared into his so that he knew she was serious "what do you mean before and what do you mean were not friends PEYTON?" Nathan asked as confusion clouded his face "you don't understand I knew you wouldn't understand" she stressed her eyes never leaving the spot on the desk, "understand what?" he queried the worry taken over his features again. She opened her mouth to dismiss him but then her focus was taken away from her.

Sammy had returned back into the room his green emeralds shifted to hers. She swallowed hard and looked down, her shakes becoming almost uncontrollable now.

"Woah Sawyer you ok?" Nate said seeming to have picked up on this. "You know what I need Nate" she uttered looking him in his eyes before standing to her feet. "I need to get out, I need all of you guys to just stay out of my life and stop trying to talk to me I don't want anything to do with you any of you" she declared, her breathing becoming shallow and her shoulders shaking even more than they had been earlier. Her vision had started becoming little specks of black that she thought desperately to go away. "what's your problem, Peyton?" Haley spoke up she had obviously had been listening to her and Nate's whole conversation seeming they were only a few meters away from her. The whole class went silent their eyes all trained on hers, she looked around the room her eyes meeting those of Luke's blue ones that looked pained.

She let out a bitter laugh before stating, "right now Haley you my problem always sticking your gigantic nose where it isn't wanted, maybe you need to go to a hospital since your incapable of following any of my instructions" she seethed trying to keep her voice calm but her rage was becoming fast out of control, Haley's mouth hung agape not quite believing how Peyton had just spoke to her.

"Do you want me to put you in the hospital" Peyton queried starting towards Haley but Nathan grabbed her by the arm. Making her jump out of her skin. "DON'T TOUCH ME NATE JUST DON'T!" She shrieked as she shook. She started backing out of the English room.

"Miss Sawyer sit back down" Mr. Turner orated, "I'm not gonna sit back down sir" she declared as she kept walking. "MISS SAWYER IF YOU WALK OUT THAT DOOR DON'T BOTHER TURNING UP FOR MY CLASS AGAIN" came Mr. Turner's roaring voice. Everyone expected her to come back in to sit down and obey but she kept walking. She walked down the corridor biting her lip to prevent the tears from falling that were desperate to spill from her eyes. Everything was such a mess.

She kicked a locker to try and get out some of that pent up frustration and sunk down it cradling her head in her hands. She just needed everyone to just chill the hell out.

Peyton was already fully dressed in her cheer outfit, her hair a mess and her skin pale as anything. She needed that hit otherwise she wouldn't survive. Beads of sweat lingered on her forehead as she made her way out into the gym all the basketball players Lucas and Nathan included in action. She walked over to where the cheerleaders were practicing and past them sitting heavily on the bench.

"What are you doing Peyton, you're meant to be practicing" Brooke hissed for spite, her and Brooke used to be tight but it turned to hate when Brooke found out her feelings for Lucas. "Whatever" she gritted out her breathing becoming erratic as she rested her head to her knees. "Get up Peyton and try not to go all 0 to bitch on us in ten seconds this time" She stated as Peyton stood up uneasily.

She got in line with all the other cheerleaders and started practicing. Her heart was going about one hundred miles per hour. "You're not doing it right" Brooke shrieked that was the last straw Peyton threw her pompoms down and tackled Brooke to the floor then hitting her with kinetic energy of a train crash. "PEYTON STOP!" came Lucas voice and before she knew it she was being pulled of her.

"What is wrong with you" Lucas shouted in her face as the tears sprung to her eyes. She instantly saw the look of regret cross his features. "Come on Peyton I'll take you home" came that skin crawling voice she knew all too well. She felt him touch her and that was enough to make her freak out again. She screamed as she felt him loop his arms around her waist the same way he did while he was power driving her in his car.

"GET OF ME, GET THE FUCK OF ME!" She sobbed out hysterically as everyone in the gymnasium stopped. Lucas and Nathan looked at her shocked not understanding why she was acting up like this so much and having outbursts. "I quit, I quit this fucking squad you can have back your stupid Pompoms I'm through" she cried as she chucked them towards Brooke and Lucas.

Lucas watched as the tears made their way down the blonde's face. Feeling helpless why couldn't she just let him help her with whatever it was she was going through.

"Peyton where are you gonna go?" Lucas asked stepping in front of her retreating form. "WHO CARES!" she screamed as she walked around him, as she walked her vision blurred and her head felt like it was gonna explode.

She sucked in a sharp breath a high pitched gasp erupting from her and found she was unable to exhale.

"Peyton" came a voice she rested her hands on her knees trying desperately to breath. "BREATH PEYTON!" came Lucas voice as he was suddenly in front of her but his voice was becoming nothing but a mere whisper. She watched as Lucas's body started to fade.

The painful knot only growing in her throat, everything had started to burn. his frantic voice seemed to be fading away even quicker now. A pained look came over her facade. Her eyes rolled back into her head and then everything was inky black.

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 **A/N:** intense huh? Lemme know what you think, I'd love to here your idea they'll be another update soon xx

Love,

LeytonFan4Eva xx


	4. Chapter 4 Epiphany

Hey Guys it's LeytonFan4Eva I would just like to thank all your ideas and comments on my fiction, it has helped immensely and it's been great hearing all your ideas. I would especially like to thank Jordana60, Guest, Mufc87 and Kb. Love you all and I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and tell me your ideas and what you think. This fic is planned to be about at least 47 chapters xx.

Love,

LeytonFan4Eva

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"Peyton" Lucas grabbed her as her body collapsed against him pulling him down with her, slumping like a rag doll before starting to shake turbulently, it didn't take him long to register that she was having a seizure.

"Come on Peyton please breath" he cried his eyes shifting to everyone else. "Nate call an ambulance, I think she's having a seizure" He stated desperately trying to keep his voice even without it breaking as he watched as her eyes flicker wildly, the tears were threatening to erupt from his eyes at any second, her whole body jolting violently as he held her tight to him, little whimpering sounds coming from her mouth. Haley launched her face into Nathan's shoulder the tears coming from her eyes.

He looked up to notice Sammy walking fast paced out of the gym, his blond brows knitting together in question but he was soon snapped out of his reverie when Peyton's head jerked back forcefully.

"Lucas I need you to hold her head" came the voice of his coach Whitey as he got down on his knees opposite him trying to help Peyton. Lucas looked to Whitey desperately, "We need to move her tongue otherwise she could choke on it" he said but Lucas was already on it. "Maybe it's what she deserves" Brooke spat looking away from Peyton's flopping form, the red head, Rachel who Peyton referred to as big red let out a chuckle for spite. Peyton had started to stop seizing and was now just still and turning a ghastly pale complexion which to be honest was scaring Lucas much more than the seizure she just had. "SHUT UP BROOKE!" He growled out harshly, staring Brooke dead in her doe brow eyes with what could only be described as resentment in that moment in time. He was normally quite a level headed person but how could she be such a cold hearted bitch in this situation, did she always sound so whiny like now? Brooke gasped audibly her eyes blinking back tears as her eyebrows knitted together in hurt. "Ok everybody gets out of the gym" Whitey spoke as more members of staff came in and escorted the squad and cheerleaders out.

It was then Lucas felt her still in his lap. "COACH!" he shouted as Peyton's eyes slowly started to flicker open. Until he was staring into mint green ones, "Peyton" her name fell from his lips choked with emotion. He watched as she closed her eyes and inhaled the fresh oxygen into her body, a sense of relief washing over him. He felt something wet drip onto his hand then realized he was crying, the tears slipped down his rough cheeks and silently slashed on his fingers. She looked around disorientated before inhaling sharply and trying to get to her feet agitatedly.

"Woah Peyton just stay down, don't try and move" He said leaning into her with a worried expression but she was so agitated she just couldn't. "Get of me" she muttered out stumbling to her feet, Lucas also stood to his feet and could do nothing but watch her stagger off, "Peyton you've just had a seizure" he tried but she didn't acknowledge him, she continued to walk seeming what could only be described as confusion or shock could be both.

"Peyton" he called out but she didn't stop. He watched her walk of for a second before something snapped, reality hit him how was he letting her just walk away when she could've just almost died for all he knew. He bolted from the gym after her and into the parking lot to find Brooke, Haley, Skills, Rachel and Bevin waiting for him. "Hey we just saw Peyton is she ok? I thought the ambulance was coming for her?" Haley said as the wind whipped her chestnut hair around her face. "No she woke up and then freaked I've got to find her, where's Nate?" Lucas asked searching around but there was no sign of him either.

He didn't understand why Peyton was being so erratic, but he was gonna find out sooner or later. "He went after Peyton in his car, he said he was going to follow her to see if she was ok and that he would tell us when he gets some news on her" Haley finished with a nervous nod before slapping a hand over her mouth. She was obviously to choked up to say anything else. "I'm gonna go find her" he declared, scratching the back of his head nervously. "Yeah you would do wouldn't you" Brooke seethed out her eyes staring into his with an emotion he couldn't quite read. "Not know Brooke" He stated as he started walking off, "GOD YOU'D THINK THAT YOU WERE IN LOVE WITH PEYTON!" She shrieked her body shaking with rage, the tears coming down her face making her hair stick to her cheeks.

That was it. "I DON'T LOVE PEYTON BROOKE I'VE ALREADY DISCUSSED THIS WITH YOU!" He roared knowing that there was no truth to his words what so ever, it was complicated. "WHATEVER LUCAS GO FIND YOUR PRECIOUS PEYTON, I'LL CALL YOU LATER!" She cried ignoring everything he just said. "DON'T BOTHER!" He gritted out as he turned his back on her yet again, as he started running full tilt towards his car.

"LUCAS!" he heard her shout but it became nothing but a whisper in the wind once, he jumped into his red pickup truck and drove off of the school premises.

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A few minutes earlier Peyton had flown through the doors gasping in wonder as the fresh air hit her face, almost bring tears from her eyes from the moment of clarity it brought her. But it was then all the previous emotions came back and reality hit her hard in the face. She realized what her mission was in that moment in time. She was in desperate need of a hit and needed to get in contact with Rick right away. She got out her phone and flipped it open her hands shaking.

 _'Hello'_ came the reply, "Hey Rick It's me" she started in a trembling voice, when a guttural laugh erupted from the other end of the receiver making her jump out her skin and she realized she had been sent to message. She waited patiently for the beep. "Hey Rick it's me Peyton how about that fix you promised me remember, and i'll make it worth your while, call me back when you get this..." she said before adding desperately "please". Her legs sprinted in the direction of her car and she yanked the door open before setting herself down in the passenger seat.

"PEYTON!" She heard a familiar voice call and turned to see Nathan running towards her, she turned up the ignition on her car with shaky hands and pulled out of the school drive way Hole Violet blasting loudly from the speakers. She nodded her head to the beat drowning in the rhythm of the music and finding a sense of calm where she drown out all the emotions she was feeling.

Now current time, it was four fucking thirty in the afternoon and she was just pulling up at Tric. The journey hadn't taken long and she had been pretty sure that Rick was now purposely ignoring her messages just to put her more and more on edge. She had left Rick in total now about five messages making promises of what she was gonna do to him at first but then the messages seemed to get darker, more angrier. He was starting to piss her off and she had felt every bit of control she had left slipping right through her fingers.

Peyton stormed through Tric's doors her eyes searching the empty bar furiously before they landed on Rick who was at the counter. "Oh hi Peyton" he said as she took long strides up to him before kissing him hard on the lips, he responded almost immediately his hands moving down towards her ass. But she pulled away quickly before taking the crumpled money out of her bra. "One hundred dollars as promised now give me it" she stated as she bit her lower lip desperately. She had never had sex with Rick, she had found herself incapable of being able to do anything physical since that night, but it still didn't stop Rick from trying. He took the money then got out a little neat black box.

She gazed at it hopefully her lips twitching into a slight smile before he placed the box in her hands. She was about to leave when he grabbed her tightly by the arm. "Now you have to do something for me" He stated staring her deeply in the eyes causing her to feel naked under his gaze, but as soon as she felt anything that familiar numb feeling settled back in. She opened her mouth to say something when, a throat was cleared from behind her.

She turned and felt sick with shock that Nate was standing right in the door way. Shit how much had he fucking seen. He looked at her with an emotion she couldn't quite read and she automatically trained her eyes to floor. "Peyton come with me now" he said firmly, "oh whose this Peyton your boyfriend?" Rick said an annoying voice. "Ex" Peyton stated not moving his eyes but before she could blink Nathan had flown across the room and grabbed her roughly by the arm.

"Hey Peyton i'll be waiting for that little treat" came Rick's voice as the door closed and the next thing she knew she was flung out onto the street and Nathan's eyes bore angrily into hers. "Alright you better start talking" he spat as she suddenly felt the lump constrict her throat. "Ok" she said nonchalantly as sudden thoughts of her and Nathan's relationship crowded her mind. She thought of their recent relationship but couldn't rid the memories out her mind it was a whole jumbled mess. She inched closer to him then shoved her soft lips on his desperately but as soon as they made contact he pushed her off.

"What the hell Peyton what is going on inside your head, is it the drugs?" he asked gesturing angrily at the box she clutched to her chest. She looked at him blandly before hanging her head and starting to walk away but was stopped when Nathan pulled her into a tight warm hug. It made her feel safe. All his anger towards her for kissing him had dissolved and he was now left with a guilt that threatened to drive him mad. But he felt bad for her, as he looked at the lost girl in his arms.

"Just tell me what's going on with you Peyton, I just wanna understand" He said, and was caught of guard when he heard a stifled sob. She couldn't take it anymore the overwhelming feeling of pain becoming so strong it threatened drive her over the edge, being scared to go out, the cravings, having to see that dirty creep at school everyday and stay silent about what happened . It was just all becoming to much, she had to tell someone just to make it stop.

she pulled away her eyes shining with un-shed tears before taking a shaky breath getting ready to drop the bombshell. "I was raped Nate"...

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To be continued...


	5. Chapter 5 Let me in

Nathan stared at her with wide eyes his expression unreadable it was like everything was moving in slow motion for Peyton like one of those old movie camera's from back in the day when the tape would go at about one hundred miles per hour. And everything else would move fast around the one lost person standing in the middle, a gut feeling convinced her that he was gonna lash out at her, and she really couldn't handle anymore grief. She looked up at him with tired and tearful eyes, "what!?" Nathan asked his nose scrunched up, eyebrows knitted close together in confusion.

"Nothing forget I even said anything" she spoke erratically trying to run off but he gripped her arm tightly pulling her back to face him. "Peyton what did you just say" Nathan asked his face softening ever so slightly. "I GOT RAPED OK!" she shrieked the tears threatening to escape her eyes but she found she couldn't cry. Her eyes shifted down to the floor the feeling that same feeling of dirtiness creep over her entire body and when he didn't respond she let out the sob that had been choking out her throat trying to walk away again but before she knew it she had been crushed into a tight embrace.

"It's ok it's all gonna be ok were gonna sort it but I need you tell me one thing first" he whispered into her hair as she felt the tears silently slip down her cheeks soaking up his basketball jersey.

She instantly took her head off his chest her eyes growing wide in crippling fear as she knew what his question was gonna be. "Who was it?" he queried his eyes not even blinking, she could practically see the rage building behind his eyes. "Don't ask me that" she begged shaking her head frantically. He could tell she was starting to put her walls back up but he wasn't about to let it happen. "We've got to go to the police Peyton" he begun starting to lead her of to his car but she stood her ground, "NO WE CAN'T NO ONE CAN FIND OUT, I KNEW YOU WOULDN'T UNDERSTAND!" she shrieked shaking her hand out of his vice grip.

"Peyton we've got to otherwise whoever did this will get away with it, how…how did this even happen…when?" he queried searching her minty eyes for a response. 'Brooke's party' she said quickly and she swore him trying to put the pieces together in his head. 'When you came in you were a mess I didn't think...' he uttered more to himself than her.

It was then she felt a fresh liquid start running out her nose, wiping it she realized she was bleeding. She had to fix that hit fast. "Peyt your bleeding" he said a worried expression crossing his features as she wiped the blood away quick, he got out a tissue handing it to her.

Nathan regarded her for a moment taking in her crumpled cheer outfit and lost expression. There had been an inherent sadness in her eyes that had been there since the night of Brooke party and then suddenly he knew. "Oh my god, did this happen at Brooke's party?" He asked and knew his answer when her eyes widened in terror. "Oh my god Peyton what happened did you get pregnant…what?" he asked suddenly.

"No" she spoke sharply finally finding her voice again. "Ok you don't have to tell me who it is right now but we've got to go to the cops and you taking drugs is only gonna make that incredible pain you're feeling worse" Nate told her, she suddenly felt her insides curl together with anger and her she snapped.

"LOOK FOR STARTERS NATE YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT ABOUT MY PAIN! AND I'M NOT GOING TO THE FUCKING FEDS THERE'S NOTHING THEY CAN DO PLEASE PROMISE ME YOUR NOT GONNA SAY ANYTHING NATE…PLEASE!" She begged starting to sob hysterically, He walked up to her slowly as if trying to decide on something, his eyes holding nothing but sympathy. She watched him as he pulled her close again, and wrapped his arms around her.

It was a lot more awkward than she could have ever imagined it, but she liked it. He was her only best friend now and she knew in that moment that she had made the right decision in telling him. She knew he wouldn't tell. "Ok I won't tell but promise me you're not gonna take drugs anymore" he negotiated, "It's not that simple Nate I…" she begun but he cut her off, "promise me Peyton" he barked making her jump, and all she could do was nod her head that she promised. He removed the box from her hands walking over to the dumpster and threw it in. She wanted to scream at him, hit him, kill him but she couldn't, Alll she could do was watch on numbly as the one source of an escape she had left disappeared.

"Let's get you home" he said as he put a hand on her shoulder leading her off towards his car, she was guessing he would come pick her comet up later for her.

* * *

Once Nate had taken her home, he had stayed with her for a little while trying to coax her into telling him what happened but she found herself unable to open back up to him again, she had put her walls back up with double barrier. How could he do this to her, how could he throw away her only source of hope she had left. She hated him for it but at the same time she loved him for it too. He set a cup of warm hot chocolate down on the side of her desk, before settling himself next to her on the bed.

She was almost in a catatonic like state, she had gone into herself yet again. In a way she was glad that she had finally had some of the weight taken off her shoulders and she was sure that she was glad that she had confided in Nate to carry her secret and trust him but now she wasn't quite sure. Peyton felt the pair of eyes in front of her beseeching hers and instantly looked up forcing a fake smile. She was finding it hard trust him now she was only just letting him back in again and calling him a friend again.

"I'm so sorry Nate" she whimpered out closing her eyes and exhaling slowly. He knew that she meant the kiss and nodded his head in acceptance of her apology. "It's ok you were just confused and now I understand why" he said with a light laugh trying to lighten the mood but she didn't laugh back.

"You ok?" he whispered as she looked at him, with a look of indifference in her eyes, she nodded mutely before lying down against her pillow. "I'll be downstairs if you need me, and Peyton don't worry your secrets safe with me" he promised with a heartwarming smile before he walked out of the room leaving her staring at the wall almost trapped inside her own mind. She lay there in bed not being able to think of anything else to do with herself, she slowly got up walking towards her bathroom, locking the door behind her.

She got the razor from on top of the cabinet and begun slicing a neat line into her wrist, next to the old cuts that were starting to heal. Closing her eyes she relished in the pain coming over her that allowed the emotional pain to subside. Once she was done she put a wet cloth on her wrist to stop the blood flow then returned to her bed, and clung to her teddy before closing her eyes and exhaling slowly. The withdrawal was starting to become to much to handle and she couldn't stand it, she had been so certain that she would be ok, once she got her fix but Nate had royally fucked up her plans of doing so. And now she was paying the price for it.

Her head felt heavy and even lying down on the pillow didn't make it go away. The painful throbs and pulses in her skull, was not a sharp pain like a knife-inflicted wound, but more of a dull pounding with a hammer over...and over...and over again. She gets up from her bed and begins to pace her bedroom.

Her brain felt like it was on overdrive, but at the same time can't process properly. Images and ideas and plans and memories run through her head, but they're chasing each other round and round. Her mind can't catch a single one, but gets pounded with all of them at the same time as they ricochet and slam into the walls of her head. She covers her ears desperate to rid herself of this hell and the only way she knows how to is that heroine flowing through her bloodstream and giving her the control she so desperately longed for. The room spins and she squats on the floor, trying to make everything slow to something her brain and body can cope with. She feels so sick. She wants to call an ambulance but the phone is too far away, it's too far away, it's too far away. She doesn't know who to call, what's their number, who too call, too far away, he's gone, Lucas left her, he went, breathe, gone, Call for Nate, His too far away... blackness... creeping blackness... she's on the floor in a ball- the foetal position. Where is Nate, what's her name, who to call, what's the number, the stairs are too steep, the room is spinning...blackness...when does it end?...

"Peyton are you ok?"came a voice and she turned around to see Sammy coming into her room, a blood curdling scream erupting from her very core tore it's way through her body, as she cowered farther into corner of her room shaking her head frantically as the the tears started to free fall from her eyes. "STAY AWAY FROM ME, YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID SAMMY!" She sobbed as he got closer his hands coming into a surrender stance, "Peyton it's me ok it's Nathan" He spoke in Nathan's voice as well whatever this demon was it sure as hell wasn't Nathan. "YOUR NOT NATHAN WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO HIM!" She cried as she retreated farther into the corner her eyes closing again as another scream tore through her.

She opened her eyes again and this time was met with the sight of Nathan's blue eyes as her whole being wracked violently with sobs and shakes the sweat lingering on her forehead. "Peyton it's me, it's me" he repeated trying to sooth her but Peyton wouldn't listen to him she continued to scream bloody murder.

Lucas had came around after searching for Peyton everywhere in town, and had been shocked when Nathan answered the door. This is should've been the first place he looked but he didn't think she'd come here out of knowing that he would look here first.

Nathan had tried to deny that Peyton was here but he knew otherwise when a ear piercing shriek came from upstairs. They had both rushed up stairs and Nathan was in front of her faster than he could blink trying to sooth her. She was so disorientated, and scared and confused. Lucas didn't understand why.

Nate tried everything but she wouldn't stop, and Lucas knew what he had to do. He walked into the room, and crouched in front of Peyton cradling her head in his big hands. "Peyton focus, focus on me" He soothed and watched as realization dawned on her face before her eyebrows knitted together in pain and confusion.

"It's me Peyton, It's Lucas" he said watching as the fight left her eyes. She looked confusedly to Nate to Lucas, to Nate to Lucas before bursting into tears. Lucas scooted forward cradling her in his arms as she sobbed. He looked at Nate a look in his eyes saying alright spill as they both sat heavily listening to Peyton cry. He could feel a pain festering inside his chest not so much physical but emotional and it was tied to his heart.

His heart was breaking seeing Peyton like this and that when reality hit him hard and he knew. It had taken him forever to figure out why his feelings were so complicated for her and know he knew. He was hopelessly in love with Peyton Sawyer and he had been for as long as he could remember. But Brooke was the easy option, Peyton the more complicated one. It was just a matter of who he choose.

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 **A/N:** Another update would love to know what you think again, give me your thoughts on what you want to happen in the next chapter. Possibly the school shooting?

Love,

LeytonFan4Eva


	6. Chapter 6 Out with a bang

Hey guys it LeytonFan4Eva here, I have skipped ahead to the next day and this going to be a very exciting chapter Hope you guyz enjoy.

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She awoke to sunrays shining directly in her face and turned away from the offending light. When her eyes came to again she opened them to find that everything was back to normal again and then she remembered the events of the previous night, Nathan had caught her red handed with drugs and then…Lucas, Lucas had come around but she hadn't known why. She closed her eyes as snapshots of last night played through her mind, as the tears begun to burn behind her eyes, then finally spilt over. "No…no, no" she whined to herself repeatedly.

Unsteadily she got to her feet almost falling and cracking her head whilst doing so but she caught herself leaning on the side of her dresser, her body felt like a sauna and there were little beads of sweat lingering on her forehead. She couldn't believe everything was such a mess I mean what if Nathan had told Lucas everything whilst she was asleep no…no she couldn't have that. She had to talk to Nate. Maybe she would just have to wait until she got to school. And this time hopefully Lucas wouldn't interrupt.

Pulling the curtains back, she glanced outside to see her comet parked just where it normally was, Nate must have returned it while she was asleep. In about half an hour she was fully dressed in her denim jeans and a lace up white vest top, and her makeup done but there was hardly a point her she found that she just wouldn't stop crying.

Peyton hadn't bothered eating breakfast in fear that she wouldn't be able to keep it down so she just decided not to have anything.

Sliding onto her 1967 Mercury comet, Peyton reached over to press the button to lower the roof whilst taking in all her surroundings, maybe this would help her cool down a little.

She grabbed the pair her black aviator sunglasses from the mess that was her backseat before placing them on her forest green eyes sliding into place before. She reared the engine into gear and it roared to life. The next thing she knew she was gunning it down the road and was on her way to school. She looked at herself in the wind mirror disgusted at what she saw. She wiped the tears away, from her swollen red eyes causing her mascara to smear against her flushed cheeks.

More than ever all Peyton wanted to do was find Rick and get what she desperately wanted most; the high that took her away from the places that caused her pain. She wanted to be numb from the world around her just to curl up in a ball, away from everyone, away from Lucas, but mostly away from herself.

She knew she had promised Nate that she wouldn't buy anymore heroine but she didn't think that was something she could do, there was no way she could keep that promise.

She fished her phone out of her pocket before turning it on to see that she had about seven missed voicemails but she ignored them, she dialed Rick's number. With every button she pushed it got harder and harder to go through with the plan but she forced herself to do it. She was six numbers through hate and fear pushing her to dial the last number. Then she placed the phone against her ear and patiently waited.

It rang once, twice, three times before Rick's voicemail filled her ears causing her to snap her eyes shut in frustration. She listened until that loud, excruciating beep sounded in her ears causing her to wince. But holding it back she took a deep and begun her message.

"Hey umm Rick…it's Peyton…I need a hit…umm call me when you get this" with that, she pulled the phone from her ear before putting it back in her pocket and swallowing the lump that had formed in her throat. Everything that she had gone through showed that she was still a lost little girl inside who didn't know how to handle herself or other people. She felt weak, dirty and worst of all worthless like life was not worth living. Deep down she knew that she always ran away from her problems instead of facing them head on but the little voice in the back of her mind had won out and forced her to push everything she was feeling deep down and drugs was her way of doing so.

If she let the pain in and accepted it, it would consume her and there would be no escape she knew that and by doing drugs and pushing everyone away that reminded her of that night, it might just make things that little bit easier.

She finally arrived at school and everything seemed normal, in perfect harmony at peace with the world. She clutched her school bag to her before forcing herself to walk, her breath was hitched in her throat and she found that her hands were shaking uncontrollably. But she forced herself to go on until she reached her locker. She hadn't seen Lucas or the others yet so that was a start.

She was also desperately trying to avoid seeing Sammy, if she saw him her whole plan of getting back on track would crumble around her. She started to walk casually towards the glass doors, eyes trained to the floor. Her first class was calculus.

But she was not prepared for the sight when she looked up, there in front of her from the other side of the glass was Jimmy Edwards holding a 32 revolver gun. Her heart started racing out of fearing what was about to happen. The metal from the barrel glinted brightly into her eyes like a light at the end of a tunnel and she could have sworn she heard the silent click as he took the safety off.

She started to panic forgetting to even breath as she stared helpless at the man who would end her life. His eyes weren't like a demon's, fiery and full of hatred, but they seemed to hold fear. His lips slightly curved up pondering almost, knowing he had full control of her life. She wanted to run, to hide, to wish this was just a dream as her body started to quiver from the pure adrenaline coursing through her veins. Everything seemed to move slowly that a few seconds seemed like years.

Then a bone chilling bang went off and for a second she felt nothing, heard nothing but the continuous ringing in her ears. Then suddenly everything was completely manic, people running everywhere screaming, crying it was a stampede. She tried to move with them and then she felt it.

All movement around her seemed to have slowed down to an excruciating pace. And she could feel her pulse pounding through her body, and escaping in torrents through the open wound on her abdomen. At this moment she felt no pain, she felt no sorrow. she was only amazed by all that surrounded her. She looked down at her hand, and flexed it. She was amazed at how the muscles flexed back and forth perfectly and would soon move no more.

She fell to the ground, a dull ache forming in her chest. She still could hear nothing. and yet she was calm.

Then it hit her with a painful truth, she had been shot.

In that moment she did the only thing she could think of and tried to stand up but the pain caused her to almost fall back down. She staggered holding the pressure on her wound to where she could see the library. Yes, there would be a safe place, but little did she know that bastard Sammy had seen the whole thing but he had turned his back on her due to cowardice and crept his way to somewhere safe inside the building. Once she was through the doors she collapsed behind a book case her breathing short and heavy as cold beads of sweat lingered on her forehead. She had to take a look at the wound but she was too scared.

But then, something hit her it was like an epiphany or something and she realized that she had no desire to live, this was her giving up. What was the point, maybe if she was dead the pain would stop? She took her trembling and blood hand away from her bleeding stomach wincing as she did so and let the tears of blood cry from her stomach as the tears from her eyes would not allow her to cry.

And with that she closed her eyes allowing the physical pain to swallow her up and rid her of the inner turmoil she was feeling.

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Lucas who had heard the blast was just running of the school bus when he saw a frantic looking Brooke running full tilt towards him in tears. "Woah Brooke what's wrong?" as she slammed into his chest crushing him into a tight hug and sobbing. He was confused why was she freaking out like this. "Somebody has a gun inside and their shooting" She cried panicked as he stroked her hair that was whipping around in the wind.

"Haley" Nathan cried before starting off towards the school, "Everybody back on the bus" Whitey called to the students who were rushing around everyone. "Luke…Peyton was inside I saw her before it happened" she sobbed and in that instance he realized that all the anger and hate Brooke had towards Peyton had fizzled down to nothing but fear for her former friend.

He looked around, helplessly. "I don't if she was shot or what I didn't see where she went" she cried the tears coming down where she was, at that moment he paled and felt sick to his stomach with the knowledge that there was a possibility that Peyton had been shot, he just stood there as a statue, like a monument frozen for eternity. the fear he felt was a being in itself because it wasn't just in him it was all around him, then he felt shear panic.

"Wait what Peyton was shot?" he asked shaking his head not able to process the news, it couldn't be true.

"I don't know, she was right there and then she wasn't now…" she trailed off too worked up to even string a full sentence together. And then his vision shifted to Nathan, as Whitey started calling his name. "NATHAN!" Lucas shouted as he ran after his little brother before tackling him to the ground. But he got up, "Haley's inside" he shouted before running inside and then Lucas realized he was torn.

But he only had one option go and find Peyton. He glanced back at Brooke before backing up towards the school then running inside blocking out Brooke calling his name.

Once inside the school he managed to track down Nathan who was inside a store room looking for a weapon. "What are you doing?" he whispered as he handed him a baseball bat, before walking out into the corridor, "I have to find Haley" he stated and before they knew it they were both creeping around the school. They came to the corridor by the glass and was met with sight of a puddle of blood a lot of it. "Shit" Nathan gritted out as he stared at it, Lucas felt his heart begin to hammer in his chest and he exhaled a shaky breath before saying, "You go look for Haley and I'll go find Peyton".

He watched as his brother trailed of down the corridor before following the trail of blood that led to the library.

He pushed the door open with his back, bat in hand before entering the library. It looked relatively normal and if all of the shit going on around him wasn't going down he would've sworn it was just any other ordinary day. He walked through it following the trail before he came to a halt at the book shelf.

And when he looked up his eyes wished he hadn't, there he saw the crumpled figure of Peyton blood everywhere, on staining the hand that she used to clutch where she had been shot but the blood continued leaking from the open wound on her stomach. Her light green eyes snapped to his wearily, as they shared an intense stare before she breathed our a weakly "Luke".

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 **A/N:** And so there it is tell me what you think, next chapter will be ready ASAP. Merry xmas for yesterday and Happy boxing day :)

Love,

LeytonFan4Eva


	7. AN: Authors Note

Hey guyz,

This is LeytonFan4Eva I'm going away for a few days so I'll update ASAP. Will be back on the first and there will be new drama anyway Happy new year,

LeytonFan4Eva.

xx


	8. Chapter 8 Into the light

It was like everything was travelling in slow motion or something like nothing made sense, like it was all some sort of fucked up fantasy. Lucas stood there in complete utter bone chilling shock not wanting to accept the inevitable.

"Lucas" He briefly heard the voice thundering through his ears but found that he couldn't snap out of his reverie. His mind was so far off as the fear just sat with him nailing him to his spot.

Nothing.  
No Voices.  
Ears ringing.  
Breath speeding.  
Heart racing. No, heart wrenching.  
God, make that ringing go away.  
Dying?  
Impossible.  
This wasn't true, It was some sick joke, RIGHT?!

But at that moment it was as though everything had snapped back into focus and made sense again his instincts kicked in. He forced himself to run over toward her swallowing his terror before squatting down to her level, "Hey" he said he had to remain calm for her, be strong for her sake otherwise he was afraid he would cause them to both crumble.

"Peyton we need to get you out of here ok" He heard his trembling voice leave his throat as he left his daze and reality begun to hit him hard. He took in the blood surrounding her and soaking up his trousers as he knelt next to her. "Come on" he soothed trying to lift her bridle style but stopped abruptly when she let out a muffled shrieked. "No…I can't…hurts…I can't…" she rushed out in a jumble of words, it appeared her head wasn't in the right place.

Her forest green eyes were fixated on his pleading with him to make the pain stop, "Ok" he said stroking the back of her head. Before getting to his knees to check the door, but then he felt her weak hand pull at his with a firm grip that came out of nowhere.

"Please…don't…leave me" she croaked out as the tears spilt over and she begun to cough violently. He felt the panic well up inside him and he was quick to act squatting down to her level again his eyebrows knitting together in confusion. When she stopped spluttering he looked at her blinking back tears just to reassure that she was ok. They were running out of time. He cupped her cheeks as her she looked up at him blearily.

He could see her eyes shutting but was having none of it, he wasn't going to let her give up not now not ever she had to be the strong girl that he had fallen in love with. "Hey, hey I'm gonna go block the entrance alright…we'll" he paused looking at her to make sure she understood what he was saying "We'll just hide" he stated with a forced smile, she nodded weakly giving him the consent he needed to go and help them to survive, "Listen to me I'm not leaving you Peyton" he promised before resting his forehead against hers and looking into her tired green eyes. He gave her one last pained look before running of two barricade them inside of the library.

He scanned the room in search of an item to barricade them in and his icy eyes settled on a nearby cabinet. He absentmindedly moved towards it taking it by the edges then pushing with it with ease in front of the door. That had to do it, when he was sure he had the strength to do so he paced on shaky knees back towards where Peyton was waiting for him.

He audibly gasped taking in her appearance he hadn't fully looked at her properly until now and when he did it shocked him. It wasn't just the fact that her body was soaked with her own blood but something else had caught his eye. It was the cuts that marred her arms, and he had never noticed it before because her clothes were never really that tight, but her body was smaller than he thought possible. She couldn't have weighed more than 100 pounds and the fact that she was 5'8 made her look almost skeletal.

He blinked himself out of his reverie and settled himself next to her not once moving his eyes of her. The fear of the inevitable churning inside him she was… _dying._ "I'm tired Luke…aren't…you tired" She whispered hoarsely as he her emerald eyes looked into his awaiting an answer, her eyes were green lasers, slicing to the soul of anyone she looked at.

"Yeah but we gotta stay awake, I know it hurts Peyt but please just try for me" he all but begged stroking the tear that fell from her right eye.

Peyton looked at him again the pain beginning to become number and Lucas' face starting to get blurry. "Luke" she rasped as her voice broke and she her bottom lip trembled, he looked her worry etching his features as he looked around for something to put pressure on her wound. But he found nothing which made the panic inside him even worse. "It's ok…it…doesn't…hurt any…more" she breathed out exhausted by even talking.

His eyes went wide in alarm as he began shaking his head frantically the words she had just uttered finally starting to hit him like a ton of bricks. "No come on Peyton, tell me about a good day anything to take your mind of it" he begged his eyes beginning to water.

"Luke…If I say that I love you will you…hold…it against me…because I've lost a lot of blood" she spluttered trying to smile but what showed was utter agony. He looked at her intrigued, "Come here" she breathed as he leant his head forward to hear what she had to say. To say he was taken aback was an understatement as her lips crashed to his in a kiss that was full of all the strength that she had left. He knew that she needed this and to be honest so did he, so he didn't pull away it felt…right.

Peyton closed her eyes and begun telling him about a day when she and Brooke had been older than 10 years old. She told him how safe she felt being inside there but then she started talking of things he didn't understand about the night of Brooke's party.

"I was…so angry and…hurt that you chose Brooke. Something awful…hap-happened" she stuttered as she breathed out cautiously. His eyebrows knitted together in confusion he didn't understand, "Peyt what happened tell me" he begged his eyes blinking back the tears as her eyebrows knitted together in what could only be described as pain.

"Sammy" she whispered, before her eyes rolled into the back of her head. "Peyton what about Sammy, Peyton" he rushed his voice laced with alarm and panic. He grabbed her head as her eyes slowly shut his tears finally spilling over as he shook her gently repeating her named over and over again like a prayer. His silently checked for a pulse and could feel that there was a weak one there. He had no time to waste she would die if he didn't get her out of there.

Reality was it felt like he had been there for hours but it had only been about 30 minutes' tops.

He got shakily to his feet and moved quickly towards the door, moving the cabinet before pushing it out of the way then, moved back to Peyton. Her blood laced his shirt, and made him sick at the sight of it. He silently lifted her into his arms bridle style and made his way quietly out of the library. He was doing well until the door slammed and he closed his eyes waiting for something to happen but he didn't have time to just stand there.

He made his way down the corridors, he was so close to the exit, "Your gonna be ok Peyt, everything's gonna be just fine" he managed before pushing through the blue door. Then he looked up and not to his surprise saw Jimmy Edwards his friend standing there with a gun pointed straight at him. "Where are you going Lucas put her down in front of me now, I'm in control here me" He shouted as he pointed the gun at Lucas frustrated.

"I know Jim but if I don't get her out of here she'd gonna die" he begged before swallowing, it was then something softened in Jimmy's features and he appeared helpless. "I didn't mean to hurt her" he pleaded swiping angrily at his tears.

But before Lucas could open him mouth to speak Keith was in front of him with his hand in a surrender position. "What the hell is this, the schools on lock down" he shrieked at Keith yet again thrusting the gun around angrily.

"It's ok Lucas go" Keith said as he slowly made his way to the door opposite. "Keith come on" Lucas pleaded, "I love you Lucas" Keith said with a smile before pushing Lucas out of the door gently. He was torn he wanted to go back in with Keith but Peyton needed him, and before he could register his action he was walking outside with a limp Peyton dangling in his arms. She had turned a blue color which was not good was she dead or alive? the very thought threatened to make Lucas break down.

He walked towards the swat team and they ripped Peyton from his arms before he put his arms up in surrender and they forced him down onto the ground to check that he wasn't the shooter. Once he had the all clear, Brooke and his mom, Haley and Nathan, Skills, mouth and Rachel ran up to him, Brooke smashing herself into his chest as she hugged him clinging to him for dear life and sobbing but he couldn't tear his eyes away from Peyton she needed him.

"Brooke I gotta go see if Peyton's alright" he said his voice cracking and on the verge of going into hysterics as he shook himself from her grip and ran towards the ambulance, climbing in. "I'm going with her" he stated before hopping into the ambulance, he struggled to catch his breath when he saw them cutting open her shirt and tend to her. He was a mess; he couldn't stand seeing her in that much pain.

She begun going into seizures and that's when he lost it, he clasped his hands into his messy blonde hair as the tears spilt over shaking his head refusing to believe the inevitable, "SHE'S CODING GIVE ME THE PADDLES!" a female paramedic screeched as at deafening sound blared through the ambulance and a green line ran across the once beeping screen. He watched as they performed everything on Peyton trying to bring her back to life but nothing worked.

They stopped after about ten minutes before looking at him with sorry eyes then putting the paddles back down.

"Time of death 4.25pm" it felt like his whole world was crumbling around him like, like his universe had just gone of spinning in a direction he didn't want. "NO!" he screeched his voice breaking as he leaned down resting his forehead against Peyton's as violent sobs shook his body. He grabbed her pale cheeks before uttering, "Peyt…Peyt can you hear me come back to me please baby…Peyt". Nothing. "She's gone son I'm sorry" The man stated before wrapping up the paddles but they were all shocked when a beep came from the monitor and a shaky breath came from her mouth.

His heart throbbed with hope, she came back, she heard him she had come back to him. She was alive. "Ok people let's move she's back we need to get her to the hospital and prep her for surgery asap page the doctors" The woman paramedic said jumping to her feet as Lucas clutched the cloth onto Peyton's stomach. This was gonna be a long way and she wasn't out of the woods yet.

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hope you enjoyed this chapter reviews, reviews, revies!

LeytonFan4Eva xx


	9. Chapter 9 The Revelation

She becomes aware of sounds at first. an annoying beeping, the murmur of voices. then she can smell the room around her, anesthetic, and flowers, and something she can't put her finger on. She feels sore, all over her body. everything hurts. if it hurts so much when she's just laying here, then it's going to be terrible when she's forced to move. Wait where was she, who was she what was her name. ' _think, what's my name what's my name dammit'_ She thought as her eyes slowly slid open ' _Peyton my name's Peyton Sawyer'_ she remembered, as her eyes tried to adjust to a dim light above her, but even turned down low, its blinding, Peyton squints for a second, cringing.

Her eyes adjust and they dart around the room. the walls are painted a sterile white. on the wall facing the bed is a bulletin board, covered with pictures and cards and drawings.

along the wall is a counter and cupboards above it, there's flowers lining almost every inch of the counter, bright, happy flowers that just don't seem to fit the mood in the room, even though she's not exactly sure what the mood is. She doesn't understand where she is. She keeps looking for some indication, but she can't find any.

She looks down at her body feeling her stomach and was pretty sure there was a bandage wrapped tightly around her, scared and wounded - slowly, and she gets it. She's in a hospital. The scene rushes back to her mind. the deafening blow of the gun, getting shot in the stomach. Lucas's panicked face as he found her after that, but the rest. The rest was a blur. A Monitor suddenly goes off beside her bed, and she realized her heart is pounding with the memory and tears have started to fall from her eyes. Then she feels the soft touch of a hand placing itself on hers.

"your awake" he says brightly as her green eyes met his with confusion, Lucas?

"what- no- is -is Nate okay?" she stuttered out, him being the first to come to her mind, as she didn't know what could've happened to her best friend whilst all of the commotion had happened.

"he's fine, no one was hurt except... you... okay I can get a…doctor" he hesitated panic coming over his features as she winced whilst trying to sit up.

"what happened?" she asked, though she remembered perfectly. She needed someone to confirm it.  
"you…you were shot Peyton, in the stomach there was internal bleeding and you died about three times during the surgery" He murmured his icy blue eyes boring intensely into hers with a scary kind of passion.

"whoa" she whispered, her voice hoarse. Before she choked on her words. Lucas shot up immediately before bringing her a picture of water and helping her drink it. "Slowly" he commanded as she gulped down slow sips before pulling away and leaning her head back against the pillow. Even with her eyes closed she could feel the uncomfortable tension radiating off the two of them. She let out a breath trying to break the ice but failing miserably.

When she opened her eyes again, she looked at him to find his eyes still watching her intently as if she was going to break any minute or something. "What?" she asked hoarsely, as she watched him divert his attention.

He looked to his shoes before twiddling his thumbs anxiously. "Um…Peyton when we were in the library you said something about Sammy" he tried and it was then she remembered. Everything unfortunately not even a good sedative could even make her forget, what that despicable creep had done to her, and how Lucas had betrayed her…and the library. She put her walls back up instantly shifting her attention to the ceiling.

"How long have I been in here I gather it's only been a few hours" she rasped while looking around at her taking in her surroundings. "No Peyt it's been two days, we've been waiting for you to wake up we didn't think you would and you didn't answer my question" he stated before his whole expression went from worry too serious in a split second.

"Nothing" She denied simply dismissing the whole situation altogether this could not be happening, what the hell had she said. "Peyton" he warned she could tell he was getting irritated by his dismissal and she could feel herself melting a little at his lack of concern but she just couldn't and wouldn't budge. She couldn't stand the pain that memory brought her it was consuming.

"What happened, you told me about the party and how you went off with him" he paused momentarily choking on his words and swallowing his jealously and resentment he had towards the whole idea of it before collecting himself and trying again. "Then what…you've been acting weird for a month. You're doing drugs why?" He asked her head snapped up looking him in his eyes with a fire that hadn't been there for months. "How, how do you…who told you that?" she queried, it had to be Nate she should've know she couldn't trust him.

"No it wasn't Nate" he said like he had just read her mind and she visibly relaxed. "We found out that you had drugs in your system whilst they were doing surgery on you and you were suffering withdrawals. Also the other night gave you away" he finished before looking at her with a disappointment that she hated and she felt the anger well up inside of her threatening to choke her and send her over the deep end. And then she snapped. How dare he…

"What the fuck do you know any way you don't give a shit about me why start now?" she queried her eyebrows knitting together in sheer rage. "Peyton I care, of course I care" he stressed his frustration starting to get the better of him.

Maybe if she pushed him hard enough he would fuck off and crawl back to Brooke. "No you don't if you did you would know about all the crap that I've been going through lately, Nathan that's someone not Brooke not Haley and definitely not you" she cried feeling the tears starting to prick her eyes.

"NO PEYTON I'M HEAR YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ME, YOU'D KNOW DEEP DOWN THAT WHAT YOUR SAYING ISN'T FUCKING TRUE OTHERWISE YOU WOULDN'T HAVE KISSED ME!" He roared.

"I THOUGHT I WAS GONNA DIE LUKE, AND YOU TOOK CARE OF ME YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT YOU AND NON OF ANY OF THIS SHIT WOULDN'T Have HAPPENED IF IT HADN'T BEEN FOR THAT GODFORSAKEN PARTY" She cried with a mad rage that was exploding out of her.

"THIS ISN'T ABOUT BROOKE PEYTON SO DON'T BRING HER INTO IT. IF YOU HAVE SUCH FEELINGS FOR ME THEN WHY DID U NEVER ACT ON IT. YOU DIDN'T EVEN ASK ME HOW I FELT YOU PUSHED ME AWAY, AND YOU FUCKED SAMMY!" He shouted his anger matching hers as her heart dropped into her stomach and her eyes glazed over with tears is that really what he thought of her? That she was some cheap easy slut, she was so angry and just couldn't stop she hated him, she hates him.

"I FUCKED SAMMY? I FUCKED SAMMY AT LEAST YOU FUCKED BROOKE INTENTIONALLY AND WASN'T FORCED TO DO IT!" She sobbed out covering her mouth as the information of what she had just said sank in. there was a deafening silence that fell upon them as he stared at her mouth agape his eyes wide with what could only be described as shock.

"What?" he asked not sure what he just heard. "Nothing" she said before looking down at her hands as the tears fell freely down her cheeks. Before she knew it he had flew from his spot at the bottom of her bed and had a firm grip on her chin forcing her to look into his deep blue eyes.

"Use your words Peyton, what did you just say?" he asked in a voice that was scarily calm. She shook her head refusing to talk again afraid that she would break.

"PEYTON!" He snapped making her jump and close her eyes tightly before shaking her head more fitfully. "he raped me" she whispered before looking into his eyes with fear. Fear of what his reaction would he. Fear of him. He stepped back away from her as if she'd burnt him and she took that as her answer.

"Yeah I know, I'm disgusting I know all that so you can stay away now" she choked settling back down on the bed and turning away from him. She heard him shift from his spot but he nothing happened. "Peyton…why didn't you…I would've…" he begun but choked on his words.

"What you would've stopped him, you would've saved me. No you were too busy ball deep inside that bitch. And because you never loved me back" she whimpered closing her eyes. "That's where your wrong Peyt, I…I love you I always have, I was just lost and confused" he admitted, finally after all this time. She thought that she cries tears of joy or if she could jump into his arms and kiss him senseless but all she felt was sheer rage.

She struggled to sit up a coy smile playing on her lips at his little speech before letting out a bitter spiteful laugh. "Wow that wasn't so hard was it, it took me doing drugs, getting raped and breaking down but you finally spit it out" she said sarcastically staring him in the eyes with hate. "Peyton…I'm so sorry" he stated his eyes holding nothing but desperation and guilt.

"Yeah? Then where the hell were you this whole time" she muttered before looking to the floor. "You know the drugs just made the pain stop. I didn't have to feel like I was dying every time I went to school and had to see him every day let alone see the ones who portrayed me the most" she cried finally letting it out and bending her head to try and hide her tears. She heard him shift and a weight sink on the side of her bed next to him.

Her eyes met his as he grabbed the side of her cheeks. Looking into her eyes with something she didn't quite recognize. Before she knew it her mouth was pressed to his in a kiss full of passion, love and comfort all mixed into one and it was if the pain died away a little ever so slightly. He fisted the back of her hair as the kiss grew more heated, more urgent but she couldn't let him in he'd hurt her again she knew it.

She pulled away shaking her head as her green eyes met his hurt blue ones. "we can't you're with Brooke now remember" she sobbed the inner turmoil threatening to rip her apart. "Let me help you" he soothed wiping at the river of tears that were flowing from her tear ducts.

Pressing his forehead against hers as he rubbed her cheeks. He leant forwards again and pressing his lips to hers desperately, moaning slightly into her mouth as her nails pressed into his back.

But no, this wasn't the right time to much had happened. He was with Brooke and she knew that she hated her but she wasn't that bad mind. She pulled away yet again pulling his hands away from her cheeks.

"This isn't right you need to go" she said the pain those words brought her evident in her voice. It was hard turning him away but he had screwed up bad and a kiss wouldn't just make it all better.

"Peyton…" he begun but she shook her head showing him that she meant what the hell she said. She wanted him to leave her alone. "Just leave Luke cause people always leave remember your good at that" she whimpered as she turned away from him again before letting another tear slip down her cheek.

"I'm not leaving you Peyton not this time" he said as he lay down on the bed with her his arms wrapping themselves around her; and in that moment she had no more fight left in her she just let him do it before starting to sob uncontrollably.

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 **A/N:** Review and tell me what you think. Love you guyz and thank you for all your brilliant review already.

LeytonFan4Eva xx


	10. Chapter 10 The Grief

I'd like to thank all of the dedicated readers who have been reviewing my fic, your AWESOME!. Thank you guyz so much love you all and hope you enjoy this chapter.

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Peyton didn't know how long they had been laying there for, just the two of them wrapped up in each other. Probably a good hour or two to say the least. She had found herself inconsolable and every time she tried to stop sobbing it would come back again even greater than before like a sickness. She had been unaware that she had fallen into some sort of micro sleep.

' _he raped me'_

' _Peyton why didn't you…I would've'_

' _Save it…just leave it's what your good at'_

' _I'm not leaving you Peyton not this time'_

With that last thought her emerald eyes snapped open before taking in her surroundings and she only tensed more the realization that she was in a hospital room with Lucas's arms banded firmly around her waist.

Her breathing becoming erratic as everything suddenly became too much too soon. To overwhelming how was she letting him worm his way back in again. It just wasn't FUCKING RIGHT. She didn't need Lucas fawning over her like some damsel in distress, she just didn't she could take care of herself…it's what she had been doing for years.

Her eyes started watering, she didn't need or want him here. She sat up wincing as the pain ripped through her abdomen, stifling a sob she tore out the drip that was in her arm and started unplugging any bit of wire attached to her in sight. Until she accidentally ripped out a wire that she wasn't supposed to and the alarm on her heart monitor started to go off.

But she didn't care she just wanted, no needed to get away from Lucas Scott she had already told him to much and she was not willing to open her heart up again to have it stomped on.

She got up to quickly and before she knew it she was on the floor her head feeling like an elephant sitting on it and her a fiery pain consuming her stemming from her stomach. The alarm shrieked loudly and all Peyton so desperately wanted to do was cover her ears and make it stop but the pain in her stomach only grew worse.

The tears had started to fall down her face, coming fast as she let out an ear piercing shriek banding her arms around her stomach as gently as she could. Before she could register she felt steady arms banding around her and looked up to be met with the look of worried blue orbs. _God it hurt so much…_

The door burst open and in came a nurse and doctor. "Hello Miss Sawyer there will be no getting out bed for you in probably about a week you haven't fully healed" The doctor said as Lucas and the nurse helped her back in bed as she gritted her teeth to prevent another scream from erupting. "No…you don't understand I can't be here I gotta go" she tried as mere desperation laced her tone.

"I'm sorry Miss Sawyer but that's the way it supposed to be" The doctor shrugged, suddenly a weird noise came from the little black object that could only be said to be a pager. "There's been a body just wheeled in from the school, gunshot victim it's to be taken straight to the morgue. Peyton practically felt herself tense up, and a sinking feeling begun to take over her. She looked at Lucas whose eyes had become far off in thought.

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She found comfort in her room for the next hour, as Lucas sat still in his own thoughts. Just by glancing at him she could tell there was something on his mind as soon as the doctors had left he'd gone of to get a drink of water saying his throat was dry.

And had returned roughly about twenty minutes later his complexion pale and eyes void of any emotion.

Then he sat in the chair and hadn't moved since. It was really starting to scare her she wasn't use to seeing Lucas like this, the way she saw it she had two options she could either, A just block it out and pretend he wasn't there or B break the silence...she decided on option B.

"Luke...what's wrong?" she asked in a shy timid voice. His eyes shifted to hers slowly and the look it held scared her more than she could ever knew and she felt her heart speed up automatically. But then his eyes shifted to those of sad ones as his eyes started to glisten with un-shed tears. "It's Keith...his dead" he said glumly as his eyes glazed over in tears, to say she was shocked was an understatement she didn't know what to say or how to say it, her eyes cast down as she begun to choose her words carefully.

"I'm Sorry" was all she said and all she found that she could say at that moment in time.

"You should be fucking sorry Peyton" he sneered through clenched teeth and that hate that she had seen before was back right where it belonged. Directed towards her. She knew it was her fault and he was right to blame her, but hearing the words coming from his mouth didn't make it any easier. She closed her eyes as the tears begun to slide down her pale cheeks, "I know" she whimpered out in a small voice.

His breathing was heavy as if he was trying to keep himself under control. She had never seen Lucas like this before. So angry and if she thought that he hated her before know she knew for sure he did. "NO YOU DON'T, THIS WAS YOU IF YOU HADN'T OF BEEN BEING SO DIFFICULT WITH ALL OF US FROM THE BEGINNING THEN MAYBE MY UNCLE WOULDN'T BE DEAD!" He cried as tears of anguish begun to slide down his cheeks.

She shook her head at the sight of his turmoil begun to haunt her, the pain of his words becoming to much for her to handle and it threatened to drive her wild. She needed to make him stop.

"STOP IT LUKE YOU DON'T MEAN THAT, YOUR HURT AND YOUR...YOUR LASHING OUT THIS ISN'T YOU LUKE!" She sobbed out as he begun to pace the room wildly like an animal trapped inside a cage. "NO PEYTON YOUR RIGHT IT ISN'T ME IT'S YOU, YOUR..." He paused his eyes locking with hers with passion in what on could be described as him being sincere and she sucked in a sharp breath as she mentally prepared herself for his next words which she was sure would break her. "Your poison and I hate you" He grit out as the door opened and a wide eyed Nathan and Haley came in. Before Haley could speak Lucas had bolted from the room as Nathan ran after him calling his name.

"What happened?" Haley asked as she wiped her tears, Peyton tried to talk but all that came out was a strangled sob as she clasped her shaking hands to her mouth. Haley instantly came over gripping a hysterical Peyton tightly to her as she whispered soothing words to her. "His right it is my fault" she whimpered as Haley wiped the tears from Peyton's red eyes. "His hurt Peyton it's not your fault. It's not your fault you were shot...It's not you who pulled the trigger" Haley reasoned with a soft smile as tears to slipped down her cheeks.

"NO HALEY YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND I'M DANGEROUS, I'M NOT GOOD FOR ANYONE YOU SHOULD STAY AWAY FROM ME OR YOU COULD BE HURT NEXT! I'M A CURSE!" She sobbed in hysterics as Haley shook her head not agreeing with Peyton's words. "PEYTON HIS UPSET HE DIDN'T MEAN IT!" She shouted trying to get Peyton to listen.

"You need to get out, STAY AWAY FROM ME!" She cried as she pressed on the nearby button by her bed side signalling that she was in distress.

The nurses came in confused. "Get her out" Peyton said solemnly as they complied dragging a protesting Haley out as Peyton cover her eyes beginning to sob again. "I'm sorry" she whimpered into the quiet room.

* * *

About three days had passed since Lucas had told Peyton he hated her and he hadn't bothered trying to call her or anything, in that time she had been discharged from Tree Hill Hospital under the conditions that she needed to take it easy, the first thing she did was drive to Rick to pick up her pure grade Persian brown heroine also giving him the favor of sex that she had promised him, just drown out everything she was feeling. Let's just say he had been anything but gentle. Nathan had been trying to call her none stop but she had blocked his calls. Also her dad had returned home from sea to take care of her, she had expected to feel some sort of happiness but she felt nothing but mere emptiness and numbness. The day of Keith's funeral had finally dawned and her dad had practically forced her to get ready. Saying that it wouldn't be right if they didn't pay their respects.

She decided on a casual black wrap dress tight fitting, and gave herself a quiff to frame the blonde curls that hung down past her shoulders. "Peyton you ready to go?" came her dad's gruff voice from downstairs.

"Coming" she replied monotone it was like she was a wax statue she didn't respond to anything anymore unless it was one word answers. She leaned down underneath her bed before looking around to check her surroundings and hearing that her dad wasn't coming up the stairs told her that the coast was clear. She pulled out the heroin and went about doing her normal routine of prepping the needle.

She bit her lip a slight smile cascading her features and the needle pierced her skin and she watch the brown substance empty from the needle.

It was like warm golden sunshine flowing through her veins. Seeming to make everything seem one hundred times better, and it made everything seem beautiful, and seem within her reach. It's her best friend at first and took all the unbearable pain she was feeling away especially the one festering inside her heart as well as the one which had a gun shot wound healing. Then at some point that is indefinable and inevitable, it turns on her. It grows fangs and claws, and it wants her soul. It lies to her and tells her that she's not doing anything wrong. It makes her feel like she would rather die than spend another second without it. Then before she knew it, her days were consumed with waking up dry heaving and so sick she wanted to die (provided she could sleep at all, which is dependent upon whether or not she had a shot before bed...) Once she finally got her first hit of the day, then it's time to start really looking for something to get her by. She'd lie, scam, break the law, and sell her body and soul just to get just barely enough to keep her out of bed. She'd take that last shot of the day, and become filled with dread and exhaustion thinking how she'll manage it tomorrow. Then she'd go to bed, only to wake up a few hours later because her muscles are twitching and cramping. She'd fight with herself for all of ten minutes about whether or not to take that small hit she saved for morning, inevitably take it, and then wake up a few hours later, only to start all over again. And she'd rather die than live any other way.

That was her reason for it, her reason for needing it.

Her dad's serious voice came again causing her to snap out of her reverie as she all but chucked the box under her bed in a heap before getting to her feet almost stumbling in the process.

She grabbed her bag and made her way down the stairs her vision hazy to be met with the sight of her dad looking at her with awaiting eyes."Ready to go?" he asked as she nodded mutely and before she knew it they were out of the door and getting into her comet her dad taking the wheel as she slouched in her seat wishing the day away and just wanting to get this whole thing over with, without the drama of having to see that hate again in Lucas' eyes and the others looking at her with disappointment.

She already knew it was her fault, if Lucas' hadn't of gone back into the school to get her then Keith wouldn't of came in to help them get out and she'd be long since dead living out the rest of her afterlife with her mom Anna up in heaven or probably with the life she was leading hell.

Couldn't they all just leave her alone to get on with her self destruct mode she'd really appreciate it if they did.

The journey lasted for all but 20 minutes and before she knew it they were parked outside the church. She looked around her before her vision landed over by all the graves and she could see from afar where the whole funeral was happening.

She could see Lucas standing with his mother, Brooke next to him with their hands entwined, causing her heart to ache. Nathan and Haley hugging as Haley sobbed into Nathan's chest. Rachel, Mouth, Skills you name it they were all fucking their. They all thought that they knew what she was now, not so much Mouth, Skills and Rachel but more Lucas, Brooke, Haley and Nathan.

They all saw her as some sort of victimized, emotionally unstable, rape victim or a notoriously fucked up heroine addict, alcoholic, self destructive, yet overtly sensitive, frail, fragile, narcoleptic, neurotic, little piss ant who at any minute was going to O.D. jump off a roof, wig out or blow her head off or all 3 at once.

But only Nathan and now Lucas knew about the drugs to be fair so she'd settle option two being on them.

And to be honest it was all the painful truth.

She felt her dad's hand rest on her shoulder snapping her out of her little day dream before her minty green eyes met his hazel ones. "You ok?" he asked probably have caught onto the short breath she was taking. All she could do was let out a bitter laugh, she didn't know why she was finding everything so funny, it was probably the drugs.

Her dad's eyebrows knitted together in confusion and she tried to keep a straight face her lips quivering slightly as she tried desperately not to laugh at the irony of the situation.

"Yeah" she managed as they started walking towards Keith's soon to be resting place. She walked up to funeral as slowly as she could before stopping abruptly to a halt, watching her dad continue a while ahead of her before he realized she had stopped and he turned to look at her confusion etched on his features, "Go I just need a minute" she said as the fear begun to catch up with her, she let out a breath as he didn't argue and reluctantly walked off towards the funeral.

Karen instantly launching herself into his shoulder as he arrived as she silently sobbed. She watched as everyone's eyes shifted to her as she looked down at the floor in shame. She heard movement and looked up to be met with Karen who gave her a weak smile and nod before putting her arm on her shoulder and guiding her towards where the ceremony was being held.

She had so much guilt that was deep inside her as Karen stopped and placed her next to her dad and went back to Lucas who's eyes were know staring intently into hers, with what could only be seen as regret she had to look away, ' _Congratulations Luke cause now I hate you too'_ she thought as she stared blankly ahead avoiding everyone's stares. Her eyes briefly went to Brooke who gave her the falsest smile she could muster up, Peyton shot her a look to kill before looking away. Everyone was all gathered around while tears poured down their faces, never gotten a chance to say goodbye. She tried to hold back the tears, and succeeding it wasn't her place to cry, she was the cause of all this after all right?

The rest of it was a blur and all she caught onto was the ministers voice saying something about Keith know being in god's kingdom then Lucas throwing a handful of soil onto his casket before it was lowered into the ground.

Karen broke apart at that point and Lucas fought hard to keep the tears at bay but failed as the tears started pouring down his cheeks and then everyone was off on one crying. Peyton watched the despair around her as everyone started parting ways no doubt going back to the wake that was to be held at The Scott residence.

"Come on Honey" came her dad's voice as she stood still fists balled at her sides. Her eyes burning holes into the soil and her lips in a thin line of concentration. "I can't" she choked out as she looked up at the awaiting eyes of Haley, Nathan and Karen. She looked past to see Brooke leading Lucas of who kept looking back at her, his eyes pained.

"It's ok honey this isn't your fault" Karen soothed as she walked towards Peyton. Peyton shook her head frantically as she stepped back. "No don't you see i'm bad luck, i'm the reason people always die, leave or get hurt and I can't risk the people that I love getting hurt" she tried to reason as she wrapped her arms around herself. "Peyton" Nathan said coming towards her and taking her in his arms. "It's ok you guys go ahead, me and Peyton will be there in a bit" he said with a false smile looking down at her with eyes that said, _'I know you've taken it'_ No one budged and she looked past him again to see that Lucas had stopped in his tracks and was now staring along with everyone else.

She watched as Brooke brought her hand to his cheek before she gave him a soft smile her eyes looking to Peyton who watched on hurt and jealous. She said something inaudible to her ears and yet again Lucas turned his back on her.

She felt the bile begin to rise in her throat as she slapped a palm over her mouth before starting to gag. "I'm gonna throw up" she stated before turning away from Nathan and running.

"PEYTON!"she heard him yell after her. She stopped by her comet before unloading her stomach onto the ground all the contents of her breakfast coming out as a burning sensation festered from the wound on her stomach. She heard Nathan stop to a halt behind before his hand started rubbing her back. But then red liquid started being replaced instead of vomit and a lot of it. It took her a second to realize it was blood.

"Omg Peyton, HELP!" Nathan screamed at the top of his lungs. "No" she seethed between retching again as he went back to rubbing her back. She heard more footsteps scuff against the concrete and realized that there was now another presence with them a presence that was all to familiar.

"I'm fine" she said as she looked up after the vomiting subsided and was met with the sight of Lucas wide eyed and breathing heavily. "Peyton?" he asked as she wiped her mouth and then his eyes shifted to the vomit and blood on the floor. "You need a doctor" he said grabbing her arm but she shook from his grip. "NO!" She shrieked as she pushed him away, "you don't even care you hate me remember,this is my fault" she cried as she rested against Nathan who was know clutching her to him.

"Peyton I..." he begun but she shook her head, "It's my fault Keith dead remember, you hate me you said your self so congratulations Lucas cause now I hate you too" She sneered. He looked at her his eyes glazed with tears as he nodded before looking to the world then backing away slowly with his hands in surrender and walking off. She suddenly felt like her heart had been ripped right out of her chest. "WAIT LUKE I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T MEAN IT!" She shrieked as he kept walking and went over to meet the others as they all started off back to The Scott residence.

She sobbed out pulling away from Nathan and gripping her hair tightly as she shut her eyes the tears finally spilling and the emotion finally hitting her full force, she needed another hit.

"Peyton why are you still taking that shit, did you see what it just did to you just now?" Nate asked as she opened her eyes to look at him withdrawing breath. "I'M NOT!" She cried as she started to shake, "Peyton don't lie to me I'm your friend I just wanna help you, i'm not gonna leave you like everyone else has you need to take it easy, you've just gotten out of hospital after being shot in the stomach I might add and your already back to being Rick's whore all for some stupid heroin, is it worth it?" he asked with passion as she let out a bitter laugh.

"LET'S JUST GET TO THIS FUCKING WAKE BEFORE I CHANGE MY MIND, I MEAN IT'S BAD ENOUGH I HAVE A GUILTY CONSCIENCE ALREADY KNOW YOU WANNA ACCUSE ME OF BEING A DRUG WHORE AGAIN TOO!" She stammered as she fished her keys out unlocking the door then threw them at him. As he sighed before climbing in next to her and starting the engine.

This was not going to end well at all.

* * *

Let's hear what you guys thought hope you guys enjoyed it. There definitely going to be more Leyton angst in the upcoming chapters and more with them together. Also next chapter will be Lucas POV but Peyton to begin with.

LeytonFan4Eva xx


	11. Chapter 11 The Truth will find ya

They drove at a steady pace, the only thing breaking the silence was the sound of Peyton sobbing. She had never been so fucked up, her eyes hurt, her throat hurt and the shakes had yet again taken her over. "You alright?" Nathan asked having sensed her discomfort.

She let out a breath before blowing on her freezing hands, "cold" was all she could say as she stared ahead. "How can you be cold it like a million degrees out here..." he begun but then remembered the withdrawal symptoms she had been suffering from recently. She watched him carefully deciding if she should put her full trust in him or not as he fished a blanket from the backseat of her comet, to be honest if she should never trust anyone again it was Lucas, but she was just thankful that hopefully he still loved her enough not to tell about the drugs and her being raped. "You know what Nate just take me home I'm not feeling so good" she whispered as he looked at her before giving her a slight smile.

"Just try and have a little nap before we get there" Nathan said rubbing her arm with his free hand before placing it back on the wheel.

She closed her eyes before nodding and drifting off into some sort of micro-sleep. The journey to the Scott Residence had take a little under ten minutes, once the pulled up almost instinctively Peyton snapped awake her eyes instantly widening at the realization of where she was.

"What the fuck Nathan?" she asked as her eyes squinted together in anger and she took in a shaky breath to keep herself from falling apart. "Your dad and other people are expecting to see you it would be rude to just bail" he tried as she shook her head and looked away.

"I'm not going in" she protested, and before she knew it she was out of the car and was being led up to the doorstep by Nathan's forceful hand. "Get off me" she sneered as he let her go once they reached the front door.

She watched as he knocked her insides eating each other as the overwhelming sense of fear begun to take her over, then she collapsed onto Nathan exhaustion creeping over her "Come on Peyton stand up" he said as he stood her up straight, she blinked a couple of times as her knees begun to feel like jelly.

* * *

Lucas had been avoiding Brooke ever since they had arrived, he had finally admitted to himself that had been hiding with Brooke and although he did love her it was nothing compared to Peyton, he was planning on ending it and today, he was gonna dump Brooke for Peyton and fight for her. And not to be an ass but to so he could be with the one that had had his heart ever since she almost hit him with her comet and from the moment they locked eyes, all he had thought about the past three days was the look of utter defeat and devastation, he hadn't mean't to hurt her and he had been looking for someone to blame and she was his closest target. He had been focusing on their current relationship and how many times she had pushed him away and he just snapped. But what she had said to him earlier really did without a doubt hit it home. He walked around the corner head in his hands as Brooke ran straight into his chest. "Luke hey I've been looking for you everywhere" she rasped as she looked him in the eyes intently, he nodded mutely. "Is something wrong?" she asked as he avoided her stare.

"Look Brooke I can't do this anymore" he said as he let out a sigh, her eyebrows knitted together in a mixture of hurt and anger. "What?" she asked as her glare sliced into him. "us...I'm sorry" he said walking away before she could even get another word out, there was no other way to say it nice or mean. He continued to walk back into the guests but was stopped by her angry shout. "THIS IS PEYTON ISN'T IT YOUR IN LOVE WITH HER" She shouted, he turned around just as the doorbell went

"I'll get it" his mother said but he beat her to it, "It's fine i got it" he said with a false smile and when he looked back Brooke was gone...at least it saved him the drama on this one. Once his mom disappeared around the corner he opened it and was met with the sight of Nathan holding up a doped up looking Peyton.

"She needs to sleep now" Nathan said as he let go of Peyton and she fell into Lucas' arms an utter mess. He nodded as Nathan walked past him and Lucas was left in the hallway with a docile Peyton staring up at him tiredly though blonde lashes.

His annoyance at her was starting to get the better of him, she was high and he could tell just by the state of her. He sighed putting a side her words from earlier and lifting her into his arms bridle style before carrying her up the stairs towards his bedroom.

He rested Peyton on his bed and she was instantly on alert looking around her wildly like a mental patient trapped in a psych ward. "No" she whimpered trying to get up but he pushed her back down firmly before looking her in the eyes. "Look I don't like this anymore than you do Peyton but since your in no condition to be downstairs at the moment I suggest you stay here" he said trying to keep his emotions and bay which was also hard because her disheveled look along with the way her black wrap dress had fallen down her shoulder and was exposing her bra was turning him on more and more as each second went by.

Their sexual tension almost becoming to much for him to bear. He was about to rise when she grabbed his hand tightly staring into his eyes with such fiery passion that he was forced to look away.

"Don't leave me up here alone please" she whimpered out her eyes going glassy with tears. He looked at her for a second contemplating on his options. "Everyone is waiting downstairs and I have to make my speech soon for Keith" he stated coldly before starting to rise to his feet and ruffling his sandy blonde hair, he tried to sound indifferent when he said, it and he wished that his emotions had been numbed like three days before when he had heard the news of his uncles death but Peyton always had habit of making him do things he wouldn't normally do, he couldn't control himself around her, she was intoxicating and he couldn't get enough of her. She shook her head before turning on her side into the fetal position before sobbing out.

"Luke please...you can't..." she all but begged and before he could even blink she had shot up like bullet from her spot on the bed and was now in front of his closed bedroom door back to it blocking him from exiting.

"Move Peyton" he said trying to keep the anger that was starting to boil within him at bay but she stood her ground tears falling from her cheeks. "No Luke hear me out ok, I'm so so sorry that Keith is dead because of me...I wish that it was me that was dead and if I could trade me for Keith in a second I would" she spoke erratically, he didn't want to hear this he couldn't even begin to imagine his life without her, he didn't want to as far as he was concerned there wasn't a him if there wasn't her.

"STOP IT, STOP IT!" He roared as she continued not listening to his pleas, "NO LUKE I JUST NEED YOU TO UNDERSTAND THAT I GET WHY YOU BLAME ME, YOU SHOULDN'T OF SAVED ME, I'M NOT FUCKING WORTH IT!" She cried as tears for the impossible fell down her cheeks, he shook his head before grabbing her head in his hands and looking her in the eye with passion. "PEYTON SHUT UP!" He screamed and she stopped instantly her eyebrows knitting together in pain and confusion.

"It wasn't your fault Peyt..." he whispered soothingly as her face started to scrunch up, he knew she was about to breakdown.

"No..." she whimpered her head starting to slump but he forced her to look at him again.

"Peyton I was upset and hurt and in shock, I didn't know what I was saying it was my choice to save you and I did it because...because I love you Peyton" he admitted as she started to shake her head, he then realized how close he was actually standing to her their lips were just inches apart and he was pressed hard against her to prevent her from moving.

"No you can't Luke...you can't love me...I'm dangerous I'm not good for you...I'm nothing but Sammy's handy work" she sobbed as he shut his eyes his face scrunching up in frustration before he gripped her chin. "Peyton" he didn't think things had gotten that bad but they had and know he couldn't fix it.

"JUST GO BACK TO BROOKE LUKE AND JUST...STAY...OUT...OF...MY...LIFE!" She shrieked trying to move and when he didn't budge she started hitting his chest hard her emotions were all over the place and he knew that she couldn't even begin to make sense of what she was feeling because of those stupid fucking drugs. "I...HATE...YOU I DON'T LOVE YOU I'M YOUR MISTAKE REMEMBER THE VILLAIN IN YOUR FUCKING LUCAS BROOKE FAIRYTALE STORY BOOK AND I'M NOT GONNA BE YOUR GIRL TO GO TO WHEN YOUR HORMONES ARE RAGING AND YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S NOT AVAILABLE. ALTHOUGH I KNOW I AM A WHORE!" She cried hitting at his chest with everything she had as the tears flew without mercy down her face, he knew she didn't mean a word of what she was saying but that didn't mean that it didn't hurt any less. He gripped her flailing arms firmly before holding them between them to prevent her from doing him any farther more damage.

"Don't ever say that again you don't fucking mean it,, Sammy was a sick piece of shit...he raped you Peyton and that's not your fault you have no one to blame but him and when I see that disgusting little creep i'm gonna kill him myself, and I'm so sorry that I blamed your for Keith's death it wasn't your fault baby, i'm so sorry...I love you Peyton, I'm in love with you" he stated again it was the desperate truth, she tried to hit him again but he gripped her hands more firmly as his blue eyes bore into her green ones with a mixture of pure love, lust and passion, he had meant every word of what he just said, he didn't care about Brooke he was only hiding he saw that now and now all he saw was Peyton.

It was like spinning into infinity.

They stared at each other for a second their eyes both filled with hurt and passion. And in one swift motion he had his hands on her face and his lips pressed hard to hers. It took her a second to register what was going on but the moment she did she pulled away and slapped him again, making sure to drag her nails across his face. he grabbed her firmly pushing up against the door even more, and pinned her hands down to either side of her body.

"I'm not gonna let you shut me out again Peyt...Let me in, you want all the same things I want remember".

"You don't know anything" was all she could get out before his tongue was invading her mouth again more desperately this time. He pushed his body into hers as he brought her hands up around his neck.

Without thinking she dug her nails into the nape of his neck as his as his fingers trailed back down her arms down to her sides before he gripped her waist and hoisted her body up around his hips, her legs automatically wrapping around him on their own accord. His hips were bucking against hers, pressing her body as hard as possible against his sturdy bedroom door.

A slow moan escaped her lips spurring him on, as his lips trailed sweat soft kisses lower down her shoulder and her head rolled back until it hit the door. This felt so right, but she couldn't let herself give in so she forced herself to imagine him doing the exact same thing to Brooke.

She pictured him saying the exact same things to the brunette she once considered her best friend. "LET GO OF ME!" he ignored her screams as his hand slid the strap of her bra of her shoulder before he place it back onto her thigh and started nibbling at her ear.

He was determined to break her...to make her admit she still loved him.

He needed to hear it from her perfect lips. He smoothed the tears from her face before kissing her cheeks softly he needed her to look at him to confirm it was real, "Open your eyes Peyt please" he begged her eyes slowly opened and he was met with broken minty green ones filled with so much pain that it made a breath catch in his throat.

He planted his soft lips on hers again, she wrapped her legs around him even tighter around his lower half, her back arched of the wall as his lips traveled between her breasts. Her fingers gripped tightly onto the hem of his shirt and quickly yanked it over his head. She bent her neck and managed to capture his lips with hers again in hot kiss.

He moaned as he leaned into her neck and begun trailing kisses down her neck as he groped her breast in one of his palms causing her to let out a choked sob. His eyes darted upwards when he felt a moisture on his hands, which were now grasping hers again. He watched as the tears slipped down her cheeks and kissed her gently wondering how just bringing her upstairs to rest had turned into this throw of passion.

Her hips begun grinding against his, as her feet pulled his boxers down by his pants. "I love you" he whispered as he looked into her eyes with sincerity and she gasped as he slid inside her with one smooth stroke, her legs tightening around his waist as his hips rocked slowly with hers. Her breathing growing heavier as his pace quickened and she could feel his warm breath against her shoulder. His breathing equally as heavy as hers.

Her back arched of the wall as his hands gripped her bare thighs tightly. The heat was rising in both their bodies as beads of sweat begun to form on both of them. Her nails dug into his skin as she buried her mouth on his shoulder. He heard her screams on his skin as his built in the back of his throat and caught her lips as the sound left his body and echoed into hers. The kiss grew harder and more intense as the heat begun to build from his body into hers. Slowly the kiss grew into something more gentle as their breathing begun to even back out and they came down from their ecstasy.

Her lips eventually parted from his, her head hitting the wall as he gave one final thrust before spilling his seed deep inside her, but she was to in a trance to even notice that he had and he was too. He settled her body back onto the floor and rested his head against her shoulder. She let in a shuddering breath as she pushed away from him walking over on shaky knees to get her shoes from the side of his bed, and putting her knickers back on that had been tossed to the side forgotten.

"Peyton" he started but she chucked a hand towel from his desk in his direction. He wiped the sweat of his face before discarding the towel back onto his computer stand.

She turned away from him shaking her head as she tried to put on her shoes, her hands shaking so much she couldn't and the next thing she said made him cringe. "I need a hit" she uttered as she started to break down throwing her shoes of and trying again. He finished doing up his belt buckle then took long strides up to her, before pulling her to her feet.

"No" he said firmly his squinted icy eyes boring into hers with so much love she couldn't take it. He grabbed her cheek gently before kissing her softly again.

"I love you" he repeated his words from earlier and she before she could register what she was saying the same words came from her lips.

"I love you too" she said and she actually meant it this time, she didn't have to pretend it was real because it was actually there. He smiled lightly before leaning in to kiss her again but the door slammed open revealing a red eyed Brooke who looked like she had been crying.

They both looked at her like a deer caught in headlights, and Lucas felt the sheer feeling of dread saw through him.

"YOU BITCH!" She shrieked as she launched herself at Peyton slapping her hard across the face with a connection so hard that it echoed of the walls of his bedroom. Before Brooke could try again Peyton was on her and the two were at full blows with each other. Their was screaming, punching and kicking.

With that Lucas' instincts kicked in and the final slap to Peyton's face is what snapped him out of his reverie. He strode over towards his now ex girl friend and love of his life and dragged that little bitch Brooke off of Peyton and Nathan and Haley came into the room out of no where. Nathan coming straight to Peyton's aid as he helped her to her feet as Peyton wiped at her busted lip. "BROOKE WHAT THE HELL!" Lucas screamed his eyes like fire. "WE AREN'T EVEN BROKEN UP FOR TWO MINUTES AND YOUR ALREADY FUCKING HER!" Brooke cried as tears cascaded down her cheeks. He took a minute to swallow choosing his words carefully, "Brooke..." he begun but she cut him of with a hard slap to the cheek with a pain that radiated from his nose and spread to his cheek creating a burning sensation.

"What?" Haley asked staring at Lucas with accusing eyes. Peyton watched on in horror as the scene from her worst nightmares unfolded before her. "CHOOSE!" Brooke screamed as his eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "What?" he asked shaking his head, "It's me or her" she said her voice dangerously low. His blue eyes looked to Peyton taking in her tired, pained broken expression knowing that every second that went by her withdrawal symptoms were slowly starting to catch up with her and she was being triggered with every second that went by. His attention then turned back to Brooke.

Peyton couldn't stand the silence anymore and had already drawn up her own conclusion of what he was gonna do he was gonna go back to Brooke like always and they'd live happily ever after like they were suppose to, married in Tree Hill with kids, the very thought made her heart rip and the nausea begin to settle in again. "Whatever" He heard Peyton's broken voice say and then he saw a flash off blonde curls rush past him. "PEYTON!" He shouted before bolting after her, Nathan hot on his heals. Leaving only Brooke and Haley.

"Brooke" Haley tried but Brooke put up her hand to stop her.

"It doesn't matter" she stated brokenly as she started to cry knowing she had gotten her answer, it was always gonna be Peyton. Haley came over and wrapped her in a hug.

* * *

So there's today's update, hope you liked I always love to hear what you think.

LeytonFan4Eva xx


	12. Chapter 12 Harder than she thought

"Peyton!" she could hear Lucas calling after her but she didn't stop, just kept running until she was out the house as fast as she could away from Lucas, away from Nathan and away from that godforsaken hell of a house. There was only one thing she could think off and you can guess what that was. The withdrawal symptoms were back and bordering on being worse than before, black specks merging in her vision as she blinked excessively trying to make it go away.

Gasping in wonder as the fresh air hit her in the face, it took a second for her eyes to adjust to the light but when they did she walked fast paced over to her comet pulling her hitched up black wrap dress down as she did so. Her mind was going about 90 and her eyeballs felt like they were gonna roll her into oblivion, she shook her head trying to rid the the feeling out of her face. She heard the door open behind her and then her name being called. Causing her to stop dead in her tracks she didn't need to turn to see who it was. "Peyton..." she heard him say and she quickly composed herself swiping angrily at her eyes so it didn't look like she had been crying but she knew better, he would figure it out he always, had a funny way of reading her she guessed he knew her better than she knew herself. And it made her love him and hate him at the same time.

"What Lucas, what do you want?" she turned around her sun kissed blonde locks whipping into her face as she did so, forcing herself to face him, forcing herself to look into those deep mystical blue eyes.

"Why did you just run of like that?" Peyton could see the hurt as well as hope on his features and it was threatening to send her over the edge. It ripped her up inside knowing that she was only going to add to his pain. She couldn't think straight all she wanted was the feeling of that sharp pin point needle digging into her skin and making everything ok again. It was like an itch she couldn't scratch until she had it and when she had it she didn't want that feeling to stop. And she would do anything she could not to make it stop.

"Luke that shouldn't off happened, it was a mistake. I took advantage of you when you were vulnerable, don't you see it you know how poisonous I am? you said it yourself remember at the hospital. All I know how to do is cause you pain and sleep with you and sex doesn't always have some miraculous way of making everything alright again. And you have Brooke for that anyway. I don't even know if I can handle being around you anymore" Peyton could feel the tears beginning to swell in her eyes and it began chipping at the iceberg she had put up. She didn't know how much more she could take. Her eyes shifted to Nathan who briefly opened the door but shut it again no doubt knowing that they needed their privacy.

"Look Peyt us making love wasn't a mistake, so don't ever say that again cause i'd do it again in a heartbeat.

And i'm not with Brooke anymore I can't be with someone I don't love when the person that i'm in love with is standing right in front of me" Lucas raised a shaking hand to his head raking it through his spiky dirt blonde hair that was a slightly darker shade than hers. "God why can't you understand that?" he removed his hand sharply from his head and halted them in front of his face in frustration and hurt exhaling a breath carefully.

He watched the blonde before him tense her green eyes suddenly going wild before they shifted to the ground in shame, it much reminded him of a pup cowering from an owner that beats her. She let in a deep breath watching his every move carefully. Lucas gasped at the fact that she had actually flinched because of him. Peyton jolted her wide eyes to Lucas with fear once again radiating of every aspect of her body.

"Peyton...I would never hit you, you know that right" Lucas stated stepping and taking her face in his hands. She breathed heavily not able to look at his expectant gaze. "Right?" he asked rubbing his thumb over her cheeks in an attempt to calm her down. Peyton pulled away with all her strength she knew Lucas would never dream of hitting her but she couldn't shake the fear that she felt. She let her hands remain in his.

Looking down at their entwined fingers she felt the tears burst forth from their barriers.

"Your safe Peyt, I got you you're with me and I promise I'll never let anyone hurt you again not even me" Lucas soothed pulling her into a fierce hug and whispering sweet nothings in her ear all as an attempt to try and calm and the frantic blonde down.

He walked her slowly back into the house and to his surprise she didn't argue. Once inside he sat her down on the step and she could hear all the guest still talking and reminiscing Keith roles in their lives. She couldn't shake the feeling of guilt it was eating her up alive and slowly driving her mad. She knew that Lucas had spoken out of hurt and mere shock but it didn't make it any less true, however much he wanted to say it wasn't her fault, it would forever be on her list of screw ups and she'd pay for it in hell where she belonged. She sat stone still as Lucas disappeared behind the wall and was now in some sort of catatonic like state her eyes almost glassy, mascara smudged round her eyes. A total hot mess. She hadn't even noticed he went and was shaken out of her reverie when she felt his rough hands on hers.

"Your dad's going back out to sea tonight so my mom said you can stay with us for a little whilst your like this" Peyton hadn't been listening at all to what he had just said, all she caught on was the fact her dad was abandoning her again. Fucking again. She guessed she shouldn't of been surprised I mean that's what happened when people hung around her eventually but it didn't stop the pain she felt from festering until it became what could only be described as resentment and that the was final straw.

She sat her minty green eyes boring into his icy blue squint whilst breathing heavily tears burning behind her eyes as she tried desperately to get control of what she was feeling and truth be told she didn't even know herself what that was.

Before she knew it she was in front of her father fire in her eyes and Lucas' restraining hands on her shoulders. "You just couldn't wait to run for the hills again dad could you? " Peyton was a sobbing mess by then she couldn't get a grasp of what she was feeling it was all to overwhelming and now she had the whole fucking rooms eyes on her, Nathan, Haley, Skills, Mouth and Lucas as well. She gathered that Brooke had long since fled. "Sweetie" Peyton scoffed in his face, her lips twitching up in a spiteful smile. "Enough with the false promises of sticking around dad, there is no point" Peyton's teeth were clenched in anger when she said this her green eyes wide with rage. "Peyton you have to understand i'm doing this for you" a sad expression crossed Larry's face.

"No your doing it to get away from me...next time don't bother coming back"was her only response as she retreated out of the room, biting her lower lip to prevent the tears from falling anymore than they already had. Talking about everything really made Peyton feel sick, she was a mess and to be honest she didn't understand how Lucas was holding everything together so well. She had already dug herself a hole when they first met and to dig it even deeper sounded like the better option. She knew Lucas wanted to help her but it was better to shut him out, that was just how it more she thought about her "relationship" with Lucas the more and more she felt ready to give up.

She could feel the beads of sweat slide down her flustered face as she climbed the stairs shaking like crazy, the withdrawal symptoms becoming almost to much for her to bare. She could feel her cheeks burning red hot as if they were on fire and her heart leap wildly out of her chest. Her eyes scanned the hallway and the more she watched things the disorientated she became.

"Peyton" Lucas was hot on her heels and she had to just make him go away for a bit get out of her head. She flew to the bathroom, her stomach churning and shut the door hard behind her before locking it dead shut. She stopped short of herself looking in the rectangle shaped mirror she caught sight of a ghostly figure staring back at her, eyes sunken in and felt her stomach slowly forming into knots at the sight of herself.

She saw a nearby scale in the corner and stepped on waiting impatiently for the number to make itself known, and was shocked when it did. She weight 82 pounds. She was almost 5'9 and knew that she should weigh at least 110. Peyton didn't even think it was possible for her body to become so frail, but there it was right in front of her literally. It was like she had finally seen the girl in the mirror. Still staring at herself in the mirror, her pain seemingly transparent as her mind opened to the thoughts that she had buried deep inside her, everything seemed to flash before her eyes. Her mothers death, people always leave, Lucas and her friends...The rape it was all too much to handle, she shook her head in an attempt to rid the painful thoughts and feelings away just trying to make it stop.

She clutched at the sink exhaling a steady breath just to try and keep herself in control.

There was a knock at the door and the sound of Lucas voice came from the other side. "Peyton let me in, I can help you, just let me please" Peyton felt her heart clench at his begging but she just couldn't bring herself to do it.

She felt like a selfish little bitch cutting his grieving for Keith short, him and Brooke ending what else could she possibly take away from him. "No leave me alone" She could hear him shift from behind the door and then he tried again. "I'm not leaving you again Peyton" She closed her eyes her lips forming in a thin line of frustration as she forced the scream back down her throat.

She loved him to much to allow herself to hurt him it just couldn't happen. "Then your gonna be waiting for ever" She tried to make her voice sound cold and on edge but it just came out tired and depressed, as she sunk down against the door her frail body hitting the floor as tears leaked silently from her eyes. "Then so be it" Came his reply as she heard him sink down to. This was gonna be a long few weeks, with her staying at Lucas' she didn't know if she could handle it.

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 **Sorry for the delay, Lets here what u guys think...**

 **LeytonFan4Eva**


	13. Chapter 13 Running to stand still

Thank you to all of my committed readers who have been reviewing on my fic and also just to let you know I have read all of your comments carefully and some of your ideas will be tied into my later chapters.

Guest - Thank you so much for your reviews and staying a loyal reader to my story, I hugely appreciate it.

msstock87 - Thank you for your review it was such a nice thing to say.

PSawyerLove - Thank you for your feedback also and I am a huge fan of your writing. I have also read your recent update of With Tired Souls and must say I cannot wait to see what happens next. I'll be looking out for that update and thank you again.

Jordana60- I'd also like to say a huge thank you to your feedback also it's always good to hear what my readers think.

Mufc87 - Thank you for your feedback and i'd like to hear more of what you think.

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 _FLASHBACK: August 16th 2006_

 _"Hey daddy, um...it's me Peyton I was just..." she paused for a second inhaling a breath to try and calm her shaking nerves. Had that really just happened last night, or was her mind simply fucking with her. Her only confirmation was the purple bruises between her thighs as well as the numerous marks up her neck. When she found her voice again she spoke, "I just wanted to hear your voice...can you...um...call me when you get this please...ok bye daddy" she finished not quite recognizing her own voice. The option then came up saying would you like to send your message or delete. Peyton closed her eyes and pressed delete._

 _Just then a message popped up in her inbox reading Lucas and she walked over slowly to read it._

 _LUCASSCOTT: Peyton I'm so sorry about last night just please talk to me._

 _She felt her anger flare up and shut the laptop lid violently her hands flying to her eyes as she tried to regain control of her emotions. God what this was such a mess and sob escaped her throat and she finally allowed herself to breakdown. Why did this have to happen to her, had she not been through enough, what else could happen?_

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She snapped awake with a jolt, a warm summer breeze, coming in from the open window. And for a moment it felt as though nothing in her life had ever been shit. As her eyes adjusted to the room she was in she was greeted with the sight of soaps, toilet paper and whatever other toiletries were in a bathroom. She knew instantly in that moment that, that was exactly where she was.

But it didn't take her long to realize that she had very well fallen asleep on the bathroom floor. She sat up slowly brushing her matted blonde curls from her face and wondering if Lucas was still on the floor outside but she doubted it.

Sitting up slowly she took note of the excessive pounding in her head and shakily got to her feet, yep she was going to need an aspirin for that. As the rest of her body started to catch up with her, she became aware that she had the shakes again and beads of cold sweat lingered on her forehead. It was like she was dying every awful way you could think of, all at once.

Pain in all her bones so bad it threatened to force as scream out of her throat. Her curls were stuck to her face and the same sight she saw in the mirror last night made her feel even more sick, she looked like...death. She turned to the door her trembling fingers quickly getting to work on unlocking it just so she get the hell out of that godforsaken small space. Once she was out, she practically stumbled down the stairs her sight blurry as she tried to see straight. But all she was thankful for was for the first time, since a long time heroin wasn't the first thing on her mind, it was being ruled out by Lucas' hurt expression clouding her mind and the guilt and pain of the thought of the fact that she might have just ruined everything. She had to find him.

She turned the corner, to be met with the sight of Karen wrapped in a grey blanket at the kitchen table nursing a mug of hot coffee.

The smell threatened to make her sick and she felt her stomach churn. Shaking her head she entered the kitchen slowly as Karen's dark eyes met her green ones, her eyebrows knitting together in concern.

"Peyton honey are you okay...your shaking and...sweating" she spoke as Peyton cast her eyes down to her bare feet. Karen was the picture of a broken woman her eyes and nose red from crying and her hair an uncombed mess much similar to hers. "Lucas went to the River court with the others, he gave up trying to get you to come out the bathroom, sat their practically all night" she said forcing a watery smile as she tried to lighten the mood. That was all Peyton needed to know and she wished she could've been a more better shoulder to cry on but she had nothing to offer at this point, as selfish as it sounded she couldn't take the guilt of her being the reason for this woman's broken soul and could barely face her for more than two seconds. She nodded mutely before starting towards the front door.

"Wait...Peyton where are your shoes?" she heard Karen begin but shut the door quickly before she was forced to reside back into the house.

It took her just under ten minutes to reach the River Court and when she did she was met with the sight of Nathan, Skills and Lucas all in a full game of basketball and Brooke, Haley, Rachel and Bevin all chilling on the bench while Brooke scowled at Lucas. Even Mouth was there.

The whole scene made her feel really out of place but no she couldn't chicken out now she had to talk to Lucas and now no matter how awkward she felt about them having sex a mere few hours ago. She wrapped her arms around herself trying to keep the shakes at bay and wiped away the sweat on her head the best she could. Then started towards him her breathing growing heavier as the feeling of panic begun to set in.

There was no turning back now, she got closer and closer to the gang and watched as all their eyes snapped to her shock evident on their features no doubt having picked up on her frail sickly form. What could she say she was a mess.

"Peyton...what are you doing here?" Lucas questioned as he came to tower over her his warm blue eyes boring into hers making her feel naked under his gaze, she opened her mouth to speak but found that she was at a loss for words. "I...I" she muttered stumbling for the right words to say. She looked past him to see the others expectant gazes and Brooke whose eyes were in little slits staring daggers at her.

She looked down at what she was wearing and it appeared she was still wearing her simple black wrap dress that fit like a glove. Her feet bare and fresh cuts evident on them. "I...walked...I had to see you..." was her attempt at a dignified response.

"Peyton..." but she cut him off shaking her blonde curls furiously before putting up her hand. "No just listen...Luke I need to tell you something...I get why you went with Brooke..." she tried as she swallowed thickly. His brows knitted together in evident confusion as she continued her speech, she wasn't making any sense. He cupped her cheeks in his large hands her green eyes suddenly becoming wide. "Peyt...your not well...you need help...professional help" No, he didn't understand. She had to make him understand. "No Luke...i'm fine...i'm good I just need you to know that I...I Love you" finally she had gotten it out after months of psyching herself up. A slight smile twitched at his features as he opened his mouth to say something but an eerily familiar voice beat him to it.

"Hey guys what's up?" came the voice and she instantly knew exactly who it was. Oh god, that voice...THAT VOICE. "No..." Peyton felt all the air constrict in her throat as the tears at the memories begun to prick behind her eyes. "No...Not him...not him no" She backed away from Lucas slowly as she watched both Lucas and Nathan's fists clench at their sides. His brown hair blowing in the warm summer breeze and those eyes. Those demonic witch like green eyes that reminded her so much of hell stared intently at her.

Before she could blink, Lucas' fist crashed against Sammy's face, knocking Sammy to the floor with a loud cracking noise. He span over onto his back, blood seeping from the corner of his busted lip. 'What was that for?' he bellowed angrily. Sammy hoisted himself up, wiping his lip with the back of his tanned hand.

'Does that hurt?' Lucas asked, a mocking smile crossing his face. 'I hope so.' Sammy didn't want to fight, but his own fist had already swung towards Lucas. It was planted harshly against his ribs, causing him to double over "LUCAS" She screamed her hand flying to her mouth as she tried to run at Sammy but two hands held her back, it was Haley and Brooke, she didn't think Brooke would even want to be near her.

Before Peyton could blink again Nathan ran in lifted his foot to meet Sammy's face. A satisfying snap filled the air, telling everyone it was a broken nose. More blood leaked onto the stone floor. Holding his nose, yelling in pain, Sammy fell onto his back. 'Not as much as that!' Nathan snapped. "PEYTON!" Sammy shrieked trying to get to his feet and stagger towards her.

"NOOOO!" She let out a shrill shriek covering her ears as she sunk to the floor, taking Haley and Brooke with her as she breathed heavily the tears now flowing freely down her red cheeks. Sammy was cut off by Lucas' fist again colliding with his face knocking Sammy out instantly. "Call the police Nate" Lucas said as he came over to Peyton. She stared up at him wide eyed her heart thumping in her chest and she could've sworn she was scared off him in that moment in time. "Luke, Nate what the hell was that man?" Skills asked recovering from what had just happened.

"He deserved it" Lucas gritted out with venom still staring with passion at Peyton who sat shocked before him. "How does anyone deserve that?" Haley asked standing to her feet and letting Peyton's limp hand drop. "Doesn't matter, Nate have you called the police?" he asked as Nathan pressed the phone to his ear. "I'm doing it" Nate said as Lucas begun to snap. "HURRY IT UP" Peyton's flinch didn't go unnoticed and his eyes softened as he tried to take Peyton's hand in his. She withdrew instantly looking everywhere but at the hurt expression that she knew were on his features. It wasn't him, she was just scared...scared that her rapist was only a few centimeters away from her. Scared of what she had just witnessed.

"Peyt..." he begun his voice cracking as she refused to look at him. "WHY ARE YOU CALLING THE POLICE?" Brooke suddenly piped up, and Lucas lost it he was done with all the questions and the defenses. This had to be said. "BECAUSE HIS A SICK ASS WHOLE WHO RAPED PEYTON!" an audible gasp left all the girls mouths and Peyton felt her blood boil at his betrayal, how could he?

He went back to looking at her and she watched as it suddenly dawned upon him what he had done. "Oh shit...Peyton I..." She stood up so fast she almost knocked Brooke of her feet and turned her back on them starting to walk off fast paced. She was stopped by Lucas' arm gripping hers frantically before spinning her around and she was met with sight a remorseful sea of blue. She could practically see the guilt and pain behind his eyes. "I'm so sorry Peyt...God...i'm" She cut him of with a slap in the face before she burst into tears, he tried to pull her into him but she fought against him pushing him backwards. "I don't wanna hear it...just stay away from me..." She cried before running off. She didn't even know where she was going she just knew she had to get away from them, away from everything, away from Tree Hill if she had to.

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Tell me what you think, Would love to hear what you would like to happen.

LeytonFan4Eva.


	14. Chapter 14 Accidents Happen

Spoiler: Peyton's withdrawal symptoms from the drugs gets worse, sending her out of control. Things take a dramatic turn for the worst.

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Something awful was going to happen. It was the evening The sun drowned in the horizon, it's rays of light glimmering in the darkness of the clouds faded and the pale moon peeked at her from the stars. she lay in her bed restlessly. Yep, there was no doubt…

With the way she left things with Lucas. A couple hours prior, he had tried to come after her when she ran off practically begging her to see sense but she didn't want to hear it, she reckoned that he'd come by later today like he always did after they had a disagreement but he never showed. She guessed she deserved it. Maybe if she just pushed him away far enough he would finally get the hint that she's bad for him. Lucas…he was her world and she was determined not to let him be influenced by her darkness. It was her turn to save him. Sammy had been arrested about twenty minutes after Peyton had run for the hills and now the police wanted her in for questions. No…she was gonna leave Tree Hill today, tonight before this whole thing got taken to court, and worse the whole of fucking Tree Hill knew about it, and that she couldn't handle. She glanced over at the readily packed suitcase in the corner of the room.

She had about a total of twenty five voice mails from Lucas, seven from Nathan, three from Haley and surprisingly even Brooke tried.

Brooke…

No...that conniving bitch didn't deserve any of her forgiveness as far as she was concerned, not after the shit she had pulled. In stealing away, the guy that she had fallen in love with. She was leaving Tree Hill tonight, as soon as she picked up her shit from Rick and got all her stuff together she was gonna leave this place without a backwards glance…forever…hopefully. She swallowed the guilt as Lucas's hurt expression popped into her head…

' _this is the right decision'_ She thought as she forced herself to remember everything, every bit of hurt, pain and confusion that bastard had put her through in the first place. It was partly his fault she was like this, and she had decided this was probably why he had made it his life mission to save her.

But here she was at 7:30 at night, awake and scared, beads of cold sweat lingering on her forehead and the shakes convulsing her body violently, as she begun to question her sanity. She keeps telling herself it's just that she's overthinking everything, if they really cared about her they'd let her go knowing she was unsafe here. But that doesn't explain why she feel so scared. This was not all in her head.

She felt the bile pushing its way up her throat and flew from her bed on shaky knees, retching and dry heaving but nothing came up. She just wanted everything to just disappear, she wished she had never gone to that fucking party. She got up and walked across her room feeling as though she was trapped in some sort of house arrest. Peyton felt a chill, as if her body had been plunged into ice water. Her skin rose in goose-flesh. She was so lost, she just didn't know what to do anymore, what was the point in even living.

That was when she got the bright idea.

"It's ok sweetie" came a voice that made her jump as she looked around her, she couldn't see anyone in sight.

Then her eyes slowly drifted to look at herself in the mirror as the realization dawned on her, the phantom of her dearly departed mother Anna staring back at her, standing behind her like she was in the room with her. She looked beautiful but a ghostly pale like some sort of fucked up china doll, nothing like how she looked when Peyton had lost her at the tender age of only nine years' old, her ashen colored hair hung past her shoulders stopping just beneath her chest and her unending seas of gunmetal blue eyes that had formerly held so much love and care was now full of nothing. She was emotionless.

"Mommy what do I do?" she choked, her face showed distress and drops slowly ran down her face. She had wiped them so much they were red and swollen. Her vision was blurry; it was difficult for her to see clearly.

She watched as her mom moved closer to her, touching her hair but she felt nothing. Afraid that if she looked away the spell would be broken and her mom would disappear again forever, this confirmed that she was hallucinating. She watched as a forced smile split her mother's face.

"I know what you're going through and it's ok" Peyton felt her heart flutter with hope maybe it would be ok after all. "That red light was where your life should've ended Peyton" She looked her mom dead in the eye at that her heart sinking into the pit of her stomach as an unwelcomed weight settled its self-right onto her heart. She was right.

"All those times you ran the red lights; you knew…you were ready to die remember" She shook her head biting her lower lip so hard it could've drawn blood before answering. "I don't know what to do".

"Yes you do, honey...you know exactly what to do" she stared at her mother waiting for what she was gonna say next. She then followed her mother's gaze falling directly on her infamous drawing of the red lights. People always leave, then looked back up at her with teary eyes. "That's right, you cross that red light and this will all be over it's the right thing to do Peyton y'know it is. Just think you can finally stop being such a burden to Lucas and him and Brooke can get back together and be happy" She shook her head. No. He loved her, he promised.

"But he doesn't love Brooke he loves me Mom" she protested as her mom shook her head. "If he loved you he would've chose you before" she had a point there that Peyton couldn't really argue with. She blinked as more tears spilt down her face. "Admit it he's better of without you" She nodded taking in what her mom just said.

"Because i'm a monster and I deserve to die" She said as she her nodded her head in confirmation.

She stood taking the information in before shaking her head her brows furrowing. "I can't do that, I can't leave dad and Luke and Nate" she begun.

"Your dad, Luke and Nate their better of without you, don't you see that?" her mom queried.

"But mom, dad won't have anyone" She choked out the lump in her throat growing even more and making her throat burn painfully.

"At least you won't hurt either of them anymore than you have already" she nodded blinking the tears away. "Y...your right...I" She choked on her words as her face screwed up and she was sure she was gonna have another emotional breakdown. "I'm sorry...I...Mommy I didn't mean to disappoint you" She looked her mom in the eyes again and watched as she shook her head.

"Well it's just to bad you did" She gasped out at that, as a guttural loud sob escaped her lungs and she slammed a palm over her mouth, her entire body know wracked badly with violent shakes. When the light to her bedroom turned on.

"Peyton"

The light turned on and her heart leapt into her throat, she spun to face the intruder and was met with the sight of Nate. His steely eyes boring into hers and dark raven hair combed neatly in a part, he stared at her questioningly, the shock evident from her fragile form her eyes puffy and red from crying. "Who you talking to?" She suddenly found the ring on her finger interesting and started fiddling with it, ignoring his question.

"I came to see how you were, we tried to call you but you haven't been answering any of us. Lucas is going crazy their all over at Karen's right now trying to figure out a way to get through to you..." she'd heard enough. She cut him of sharply.

"How'd you get in here?" it came out harsher than she intended but, fuck it who cares.

"The door wasn't locked" She nodded showing she understood, "I think you should come over to Karen's cafe, just so they know your ok" she dismissed him instantly but she could tell he wasn't backing down. "Going somewhere?" She followed his gaze to the suitcase in the corner of her room. "FINE I'LL COME!" She suddenly snapped storming out of the room and making off down the stairs.

She heard him follow and before she could make for the door she felt him grab her arm. "Peyton were you planning on just upping and leaving without telling anyone" She tried to get away from him but he was stronger and his grip grew tighter. "Nate your hurting me" She said through clenched teeth but he didn't let go. "You were just gonna fucking run away like a coward" she watched as he spat the words out like venom.

"Are we going to this fucking shitty place or what?" She queried her voice cracking, his blue eyes bore fire and before she could register his actions she was being dragged outside and he practically threw her inside his gleaming black jeep.

"FUCKING CHRIST NATE!" She screeched as he walked over to the driver side before getting in and slamming the door so hard it shook.

They drove in silence all the way to Karen's Cafe and when they had finally reached their destination he parked right outside so she could get a full glimpse of all of them sitting at a table watching the smiles on their faces and watching as Haley sung for them. She swallowed hard tears pricking her eyes.

"Were sorting this now Sawyer" She looked over at him, and his eyes held nothing but burning anger. This was the side of Nate she always hoped she'd never be on, but unfortunately for her luck wasn't on her side at the moment. He flew out the car and then appeared at the passengers side opening the door and yanking her out roughly. She tried to run away but he pulled her back and forced her to walk into the cafe.

"Get off me" She seethed as they entered the cafe and instantly the whole gangs eyes were on the pair. And Haley stopped singing. Lucas instantly stood to his feet and started walking over followed by Brooke. Then Haley who had been singing had practically just stopped the entire performance to come over.

"Jesus Peyt...I was so worried" She swallowed the guilt that was now threatening to break her into bits. She didn't speak just looked down at her shoes. "Where's your mom?" she asked as Lucas baby blue eyes gleamed with pain. Was this seriously what she was asking at a time like this?

"She's in the kitchen" she nodded.

"Look Peyton I am so so sorry" She looked up and had to stifle a laugh as Brooke Davis, former best mate stared at her with tear filled eyes.

"Course you are...right? I mean you managed to completely fuck me up even more than I already was, I hate you" She spat childishly as she gave Brooke the coldest glare she could, "Peyton" Brooke croaked but she looked away. She felt Lucas grip her arm but shrugged him off roughly, ignoring his wounded expression. "I'm doing this for you Luke trust me" She said but he shook his head, "Why are you doing this to me Peyton, I've apologized, I've tried to be here for you...Hell Peyton I love you and you love me, your just not well baby...you need help. Just trust me." He stroked her cheek but she moved away, she snapped at that, she needed him to just stop no matter if it meant he didn't forgive her. She'd take the risk if it meant that he was safe from her.

'You know what Lucas...trust...trust is a motherfucker. I trusted Sammy and look where that got me. Which is why I gotta go' she rambled erratically.

'Wait what your leaving?' he asked his voice pitching to all new white hot rage.

She didn't answer.

'PEYTON!' he yelled making her jump and divert her attention to the floor.

'Yeah I am, but you know what first i'm gonna see that dirty son of a bitch and I'm go show him that I'm not afraid of him' she gritted out turning to leave but she felt a vice grip on her arm and was spun around to be met with a storm of angry blue orbs.

'NO YOUR NOT GOING TO SEE HIM, THINK OF WHAT HE DID TO YOU!' Lucas spoke frantically motioning at her.

'You don't think I know what he did to me' she begun to talk over him as he started saying shit she really didn't want to listen to. 'NO ONE KNOWS BUT ME. HE RAPED ME. HE TOOK MY TRUST AND HE STOMPED ON IT. HE TERRORIZED ME FOR WEEKS AND YET NOBODY NOTICED. WHAT ELSE CAN HE DO TO ME, KILL ME? I'M NOT GONNA GO DOWN WITHOUT A FIGHT AND NO ONE'S GONNA STOP ME. NOT YOU. NOT THE POLICE AND NOT ALL THE RAPISTS IN TREE HILL!' She yelled making to walk off but she turned around to face him again before he could stop her.

'You know what? If I was a man, one of these douche bags who lives here, anyone would say that it's totally doable. You're just saying it's a bad idea because you think I can't handle it because I'm a woman. I can. I have seen how it's done. And I will handle it without you if I have to' she verbosed.

'Okay Peyton...okay' she watched as he put his hands in the surrender pose, and his eyes held nothing but pain and concern. 'Peyt I can get why you feel you need to do this' he said softly.

She let out a bitter laugh before speaking her mind.

"NO YOU DON'T, YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND...JUST GO AND BE WITH BROOKE. I MEAN YOU SAID HOW MANY TIMES, SHE'S YOUR PRETTY GIRL, YOU FOUGHT TO BE WITH HER BUT YOU NEVER EVER FOUGHT TO BE WITH ME, YOU TOLD ME HOW IN LOVE WITH HER YOU WAS. I WATCHED AS YOU PURSUED HER AND IT KILLED ME EVERY TIME. I'D CRY MYSELF TO SLEEP AND THE ONE TIME I TRIED TO GET MY OWN IT CAME BACK TO BITE ME IN THE ASS TWICE AS BAD. YOU KNOW WHAT LUKE I NEVER EVER THOUGHT THAT YOU'D TURN INTO DAN...CONGRATULATION HE'D BE PROUD OF THE MAN YOU'VE BECOME, YOUR A RIGHT CHIP OF THE OLD BLOCK!" She shrieked with sarcasm her sweaty hand clutching at her thin henley top that was sticking to her from her sweat. God it was so hot.

And it was then that she finally admitted to herself that this was her hitting rock bottom.

She had finally cracked.

His jaw set at that and His normally calm and pleasant demeanor slowly cracked his face contorted in an all - consuming anger; his nostrils flaring, his eyes flashing as he did his infamous squint that she found all so sexy, if the situation was different she swore she would've jumped his bones.

"Y'KNOW WHAT PEYTON, MAYBE YOUR RIGHT. YOUR A MESS LOOK AT YOU, YOUR COLD TURKEY ON HEROIN AND WITHDRAWING, YOU GOT RAPED BECAUSE OF YOUR POOR CHOICE. I'M GLAD I'VE GOT A GET OUT OF JAIL FREE CARD, CAUSE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU PROBABLY WASN'T WORTH IT TO BEGIN WITH. YOUR MOM WOULD BE SO PROUD!" She gasped audibly at that as she heard Karen call her son's name in a shocked and appalled voice, not only had he pulled the mother card but now the bag had dropped and the whole fucking cafe knew about the attack. Tears begun to prick at her eyes and she fought hard not to let them spill in front of him but it didn't do her justice, because that it felt like he had just taken her heart. She watched as a flicker of guilt and pain crossed his features and a smile spilt her lips as the tears slid down her face and she nodded.

"YEAH, WELL YOU KNOW WHAT I'D SETTLE FOR NATE WHEN HE WAS TREATING ME LIKE SHIT RIGHT NOW, Y'KNOW BEFORE YOU CAME IN ON YOUR HIGH SAYING HOW HE WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME AND HOW YOU HAD TO BE WITH ME. YOU KNEW HOW I FELT ABOUT YOU AND YOU STILL HOOKED UP WITH MY BEST FRIEND RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME LITERALLY. SO THE NEXT TIME YOU WANNA TELL ME THAT YOU UNDERSTAND JUST REMEMBER IT WASN'T YOU HAD SOME GUY SWEATING ON YOU AND TEARING YOU IN HALF. WHERE WERE YOU LUKE?" She begun to sob as he stared at her shaking his head.

"Peyt" she cut him off.

"WHERE WERE YOU? Y'KNOW I WAS SO OUT OF IT, I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT DAY IT WAS NOT TO MENTION I KISSED NATE" She said that was her little bit of spite to tip him over the edge even more. But in all the spite she forgot that Haley was standing right there and she was instantly met with a hard and vicious slap to the face causing a scream to erupt from her. She looked down holding her cheek as Haley glared up at her with disgust.

Yep, the bag had definitely dropped now and it was all kicking off. "YOU KISSED MY FUCKING HUSBAND PEYTON...NATHAN?" She asked looking to Nathan her eyes hurt as the tears spilt from her hazel eyes. Causing a painful breath to hitch in her throat.

Nathan who had remained quite the entire time finally piped up "She was confused. She didn't know what she was doing" She swallowed hard as she watched Lucas' conflicted expression which was a cross between pain and anger. Green eyes were fighting Blue in a battle for dominance.

"Peyton...How could you do this to us" He seethed his eyes glistening with unshed angry tears. Lucas was the kinda who had to get it all out of his system and wasn't afraid to cry in front of others, what he said though was to far, farther than she had gone about Dan the wounds were too deep.

She watched as Haley and Nathan begun to argue and Brooke cut in as Lucas was shouting something at her but she couldn't make out what he was saying. His mouth was moving but nothing was coming out. It was like in those movies when it has the scene of the person shouting inaudibly. She didn't wait to here anymore so she spun on her heels and fled the cafe.

"Peyton" she heard but she didn't turn around as she opened the door to Nate' jeep and hopped into the drivers seat. She grabbed the keys off the seat her hands shaking as she started the engine. She was then met with the sight of Nathan and Lucas banging on the car window begging her to stop. But it was like she was in her own little world, everything was a daze and her mother's words rung in her head.

 _Their better off without you._

"It stops now" she murmured to herself in a trance as she started the engine and gunned it off down the road. She had been driving like a maniac for about five minutes and her phone kept buzzing reading Nathan.

Guns N roses Sweet Child O' Mine was blaring through the speaker and she turns it up to max as she blinked the tears away and decided to answer it. She flipped her phone open.

 **Oh, oh, oh**  
 **Sweet child o' mine**  
 **Oh, oh, oh, oh**  
 **Sweet love of mine**

"Sawyer where are you?" She caught onto his worried voice her breath hitching in her throat. "I don't know" was all she could get out as she heard Lucas' angry retorts in the background causing her to wince. It hurt so much she couldn't breath, the pain was unbearable...he hated her, he hate her.

 **She's got eyes of the bluest skies**  
 **As if they thought of rain**  
 **I hate to look into those eyes**  
 **And see an ounce of pain**  
 **Her hair reminds me of a warm safe place**  
 **Where as a child I'd hide**  
 **And pray for the thunder**  
 **And the rain**  
 **To quietly pass me by**

"Sawyer pull over...you shouldn't be driving while your like this" She shook her head, the last bit of self control she had starting to slip away. "DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO FUCKING DO NATE!" She shrieked as she was coming up for the bridge, she shook as she gripped the wheel angrily her knuckles turning white from how hard she was gripping the wheel. It was decided she was gonna get the hell out Tree Hill for good.

 **Oh, oh, oh, oh**  
 **Sweet child o' mine**  
 **Oh, oh, oh, oh**  
 **Sweet love of mine**

"You, Lucas, Haley, my dad, everyone your better off without me which is why I have to go" She choked out when she heard the roar of an engine about twenty meters behind her. No fucking way they had followed her. "Pull over Sawyer" She ignored him as she came up for the bridge. Then Lucas' voice suddenly filled the phone causing butterflies to saw within her stomach. It didn't sound angry anymore it sounded broken and pained. "Luke?" she questioned to confirm it was him and then she instantly cursed herself for melting so quickly.

 **Oh, oh, oh**  
 **Sweet child o' mine**  
 **Oh, oh, oh, oh**  
 **Sweet love of mine**

She sobbed knowing Nathan had put him on because he was the only one who could snap her out of it. "Look...Pull over Peyton please" She ignored him shaking her head, she begun to choose her words carefully, she could hear Haley and Brooke in the background asking what she was saying. She opened her mouth to speak but a bang caused her to jump, which told her it was a flat tire and she dropped her phone underneath the break.

 **Oh,  
Where do we go now?  
Where do we go?  
Oh, (sweet child)**

She could hear Lucas asking if she was still there and she managed to get the phone from under the break taking her eyes of the road for one second. Just one. When she looked up there she saw the headlights of a car coming full speed ahead towards her and she swerves to avoid it letting out a scream as the car reers sharply forcing her front end to lose control and driving off the bridge before slamming into the river, causing her to hit her head on the steering wheel and she's instantly out cold.

 **Where do we go?**  
 **Where do we go now?**  
 **Where do we go?**  
 **Oh,**  
 **Where do we go now?**  
 **No, no, no, no, no, no**  
 **Sweet child,**  
 **Sweet child of mine**

Then the car starts to sink.

* * *

A/N: That's this update complete i'd love to hear your thoughts and It's quite intense I hope you guys enjoyed it. How will Lucas save Peyton? Will it be too late?

LeytonFan4Eva xx


	15. Chapter 15 Your Always Saving Me

_Suffocating._

 _Hold on._

 _Hold your breath._

 _Trapped. No escape._

 _This has got to be a dream._

 _Dying._

Her head feels heavy, The pain throbs and pulses in her skull, not a sharp pain like a knife-inflicted wound, but more of a dull pounding with a hammer over...and over...and over again. Her brain feels like it's on overdrive, but at the same time can't process properly. Images, no excruciating flashbacks run through her head like her life flashing before her eyes again. Like it had when she got shot in the stomach. But they're chasing each other round and round. Her mind can't catch a single one, but gets pounded with all of them at the same time as they ricochet and slam into the walls of her head.

Peyton wakes up spluttering for air and looks around her. Rubbing the front of her head. Was this some sort of fucked up nightmare she couldn't wake up from? She blinked furiously until they adjusted to her surroundings.

She was in a car…

Nathan's car and it was dark…so dark. She shook her head trying to move and was met with the sound of what could only be described as a liquid and it was cold. She tilted her head breathing heavily before looking down and was met with the silver gleam of water. And it was filling the car rapidly, as the car was becoming fully submerged. As the water hit her, she knew it was over. She knew there was no point in fighting it.

But that didn't stop the panic from stirring inside her as the instinct to breath kicked in, she looked around for anything to smash the window in but found nothing. In about three minutes she was up to her neck in water, struggling for breath.

As one thought and one thought alone sat with her.

 _This was it._

Maybe her mother hadn't been the fucked up illusion that she thought she was. Maybe it was her spirit come to warn her of what was to happen.

She took a deep breath as the water suddenly filled the car to full tilt. Closing her eyes as she went under and praying for this all to just stop. She couldn't hold her breath forever.

Her vision turned to the door and she swiftly placed her hands on the handle trying to open it. But the water pressure outside kept the door from opening. this is the water trying to attain equal pressure. The force water applies on the door is much larger than the force us weak humans can exert on the door for opening it.

So she bangs on the window with her hands and tries to elbow it anything to get out but she's too weak, physically. There is no way out. She's going to die this time for sure.

Even though her mind had made a decision, her body did NOT agree with it. She could feel her lungs screaming for air, crying out. It hurts...

 _"It's ok Peyton Just breath..."_ She heard a voice say...

It hurts...

* * *

"Pull over Peyton" He said in the calmest voice he could at that point. He was still angry at her but it was all to just mask the undeniable pain he was feeling. His annoyance grew when she didn't answer and he looked over to Nate whose eyes were fixed firmly ahead trying to keep on her tail, so they didn't lose her.

He heard a sigh escape her lips from the other end and then a sudden bang met his ears as his blue eyes shot up. She had a flat tire...well at least that meant that she'd be slowing down soon.

"Peyton are you still there" he asked as Brooke put her hand on his shoulder. "She's gonna be fine Luke" he nodded but he knew otherwise...this was Peyton they were talking about.

They were about twenty meters behind her and that's when it happened. He saw the car before he heard the ear piercing shriek that followed erupt from the phone. Tires screeching and then the car smashed through the bridge heading full speed ahead straight into the river. He heard Brooke scream and Haley cry out. He had to force his scream of terror back down his throat.

His insides suddenly crushing under the insanely intense weight of the emotions he was feeling. which was pure through and through fear.

This couldn't be happening.

He heard Nathan curse before pulling over and they all leapt out of the car.

Lucas pounded down the narrow path to the bridge, stumbling on rocks and clumps of grass root. Brooke was sobbing from breath behind him, and Nathan, calm and cynical Nathan, was panting wildly. Whilst Haley ran behind all of them. There was the sudden creek of the car getting fully submerged and as they neared closer to the bridge and Lucas found that he could run faster.

"Get to the bridge" gasped Lucas through the fire in his lungs. He didn't know why, they were practically on it now.

Lucas's legs were wobbling and his breath was whistling in his throat, but he wouldn't let himself lag behind, this was Peyton and she needed him. Now he could see the metal planks of the bridge. The bridge was twenty feet away from them, ten feet away, five. They all made it to the bridge and he started to the water to jump in but Brooke grabbed his arm. He looked back at her tear filled eyes pleading with him not to go in and then looked back to see Haley bent over, hands on thighs, deep-breathing.

Nathan already discarding his thick coat so his brother, wouldn't waste anymore time in his brothers shocked state. Not when Peyton was possibly drowning under there. "Luke..." He shook his head, "That's Peyton down there" Lucas whispered. There were tears in his own eyes and he was shaking all over The river stretched between him and the fully submerged car, the waters a dark tumult. "I love her" was all he said before he ran and plunged himself into the water.

 **You called me out and taught me tough**  
 **With love, with love.**  
 **You fought my flaws, my teeth, my claws**  
 **With love, with love.**

He opened his eyes but could barely see much due to the blurry effect the water had on his eyes, but he could see just enough and could see where the car was. He clawed at the water desperately swimming towards it and coming up for the car window. He peered in. Some unnameable feeling shuddered through him. He saw her banging on the glass, fear evident in her face as she pleaded with her eyes for him to save her. _Don't worry Peyton i'm coming._ Her banging became weaker as he took the handle of the door desperately trying to open it but it didn't budge. His blue eyes meeting hers pleading with her to just hang on a little longer as he put his hand on the glass a silent promise that he would get her out.

 **Cause every time I'm slipping away from myself,**  
 **You're the one that moves me like nobody else.**

 **Cause when I'm down and I'm done,**  
 **And I'm coming unplugged**  
 **When I'm ready to fall**  
 **You're the one always holding me up**  
 **With love**

It was then he watched as an almost peaceful facade took over her features as though she was trying to seek oblivion or something before she placed a hand over his on the other side of the glass. Before mouthing... _I love you._ His panic set in at that point as he watched a pained expression paint her face before her head sunk back slowly and she breathed. He banged on the glass. Screaming under the water as her body begun to convulse with every breath she took as bubbles came from her mouth and nose. He watched her blink a couple of times before she went limp and just started floating. Screaming no underwater as he was powerless to stop it.

 **Oh no no**

 **Your tongue won't tie, you'll always find**  
 **The truth yeah you do**  
 **But still you smile despite the lines**  
 **I drew for you**

He then felt a hand grab his shoulder behind him and looked back to see...

Keith...

 **Cause every time I'm slipping away from myself,**  
 **You're the one that moves me like nobody else. Oh no.**

 **Cause when I'm down and I'm done,**  
 **And I'm coming unplugged**  
 **When I'm ready to fall**  
 **You're the one always holding me up**  
 **With love**

It was his uncle Keith smiling at him reassuringly. He blinked a couple of times to see if he'd disappear but it didn't happen. His eyes diverted to his hand and it took him a moment to register that he was handing him a strong object that was able to break the glass. He took the object and begun smashing the window in but it wasn't working. _No...this has to work._ He did it even harder and the glass shattered a little before the whole thing cracked and without a second thought. He reached in and unbuckled her seat belt. Then pulled her out of the car. He pushed his feet at the bottom so that he could get a boost back up to surface and gasped for breath as the fresh air hit him.

 **Love, Love, Love, Love**

 **When I'm down, when I'm coming unplugged. no. (Ohh)**  
 **You're always there with love (Love)**  
 **When I'm done, love**  
 **When I'm out, when I fall**  
 **You're always always always always there**

"You got her, is she ok?" He heard his younger brother call. Before he pulled a limp Peyton into his arms bridle style. "Lucas is she ok?" He heard Brooke shriek, he ignored her instead focusing on getting her to shore. Her cold and lifeless body hung limp in his arms and he felt his stomach drop in dread as an immense pressure settled on his chest painfully. She's not dead. She can't be.

He brought her to the shore setting her down on the concrete as he smoothed her wet hair out of her face before he proceeded to perform CPR on her. He could hear Brooke and Haley crying and looked up helplessly at Nate who stared at him in a trance of shock. Before shaking his head and kneeling on the floor opposite him. "COME ON SAWYER BREATH" He winced at the pain in his brothers voice, it was threatening to undo him and he couldn't let himself fall apart. He had to bring her back. There no way she's dead.

"COME ON PEYT BABY DON'T DO THIS TO ME...BREATH" he shrieked in hysteria before blowing another breath into her mouth as her face fell limply to the side. He refused to give up, there was no way. He pushed on her chest then blew another breath into her mouth.

 **When I'm down and I'm done,**  
 **And I'm coming unplugged**  
 **When I'm ready to fall**  
 **You're the one always holding me up**

"Haley have you called an ambulance" he heard Nathan's frantic voice cry and all he got was a mumbled response before he snapped at his wife telling her to do it and do it now. "Peyt come on..." his voice cracked as the tears finally spilled over the realization that she was gone dawning on him.

"No..." he choked out as Nathan's hand came on his shoulder. He snapped pushing his brother violently of him before glaring at him, "She's not dead, I can get her back" he stressed before turning back to Peyton and blowing air into her lungs again, god this had to work. Memories of Peyton and him flashed through his mind the good and the bad, the moment that they kissed, the moment that they first made love. Everything. He sobbed before blowing into her mouth again. Blowing and blowing until he was blue in the face.

She was unresponsive. He choked on his sob, his heart pounding sadly in his chest. He then placed a hand on his mouth before he drove his shaking hand into the concrete about twice before crying out in a mixture of pain and loss.

"God" He cried before resting his head on her chest hoping to god there was a heartbeat. But he found none. He opened his teary eyes and saw her hand move hope flooding through him as he sat up in shock. Then reality hit him and he started CPR again. "Breath Peyton come on...Live" He shouted with passion and then she stuttered coughing, choking and spluttering up the water in her lungs as he let out a relieved shaky breath pulling into him. "It's ok breath baby" he said as he crushed her tightly to him...there was no way he was ever letting her go again. He heard the girls let out relieved sobs as Nathan rested his head on Peyton's shoulder crying in happiness silently.

 **When I'm down and I'm done,**  
 **And I'm coming unplugged**  
 **When I'm ready to fall**  
 **You're the one always holding me up**  
 **With love**

His territorial instincts kicked in and he clutched Peyton to him tighter. Causing Nate to lift to his head but he didn't dare call him on it understanding his older brothers need to be close to his girl. Lucas knew that Nathan and Peyton were just friends and it was silly really but he couldn't help but feel a little jealous. He looked down at her to be met with he emeralds staring back at him with gratitude and love before a faint smile cascaded her features.

"Thank you..." he smiled as he stroked her hair away from her face before kissing her lips gently. And pulled away when he heard the paramedics pulling up. "Is she ok" one of them asked before running up to where Lucas was cradling her. He opened his mouth but found that he was unable to speak due to the sheer shock of the entire situation catching up with him.

Nathan spoke for him and in a matter of thirty minutes they were at Tree Hill Memorial Hospital.

Lucas sat in her room watching with glassy eyes the rise and fall of her chest with breath she took afraid that if he took his eyes off her for one second she'd disappear or die. What if he had lost her and was unable to revive her. That alone would've killed him and he feared that he wouldn't be able to go on if that had happened. He'd die too. He ran a shaking hand through his short blonde hair and steadied his breath. A terrible thought. It had been a long time since he had been tortured by thoughts like that; long, indeed. The last few seconds played over and over again in his mind.

It echoed in his mind almost too clearly. Suddenly, without being aware of a conscious decision to move, Lucas found himself at the open hospital window. The night air Was cool on his cheeks as he looked into the silvery dark.

"Luke" He turned round and was met with the sight of serene green eyes. "Hey" he said as he made his way over to her before entwining their hands. "How you feeling?" he watched as her eyebrows knitted together in confusion before she took in her surroundings and looked at the drip in her arm. "What happened?" He could almost sense her panic and it was beginning to unnerve him but he managed to keep his cool stroking her cheek tenderly. "You drove of the bridge and drowned" was all he could manage he really didn't want to think about this.

She looked down nodding to show she understood. There was one question burning and broiling within him...was she high when it happened?

"Peyt...can I ask you something" he asked as he stared at her. She nodded slowly.

"Were you..." he begun but choked on his words as she cut him off. "Was I high?" she snapped anger suddenly sinking into her voice. He nodded finding it was the only thing that he could do at that point. He watched as she inhaled deeply before coughing and shaking her head no.

He let out a sigh of relief before placing a hand on hers. "Peyt...I love you so much...and when I saw that car go over the bridge I..." his voice cracked as he blinked back the tears before kissing her hand. "Luke i'm fine...look i'm right here" he looked up to see her giving him a reassuring smile as she squeezed his hand. "I love you too Luke and..." he watched as she frowned choosing her next words carefully.

"I want to be with you...no I need to be with you" He felt his heart flutter with happiness as he laughed a little before nodding his head but he knew what he had to tell her next was going to be hard, "I wanna be with you too Peyton...but I can't until your better and clean" He uttered watching as the tears sprung to her eyes and that same rage from earlier was back.

"No Luke tell me you didn't" He closed his eyes before holding I tight grip on her hand so she couldn't get away. "I'm so sorry Peyt...but I don't want to watch the girl that I love destroy herself...so you have to go to rehab. You'll only be there for ten weeks then we'll all be waiting for you when you come out. And you can come back to school when your ready" she let out a bitter laugh shaking her head as the door opened and the others walked in with a doctor and who she assumed was the person from the rehab center.

"Christ what is this intervention?" his heart clenched at her bitter and hurt voice. "Peyt it's for the best" he heard Nate say as he watched her reaction. "Yeah Peyton it won't be for long it's only ten weeks" his eyes went to Haley who was at the end of Peyton's bed by now seemingly having off gotten over Peyton kissing Nathan. He was just trying to get over that himself, and if he was being honest it wasn't easy it hurt like fucking hell, but this her almost dying and his undying love for her was so much more important.

"Sounds like a death sentence" He saw her eyes grow cold as she ripped her hand from his before folding them protectively over her chest. "Were on your side here Peyton, team P. Sawyer all the way right" he looked to Brooke begging her silently to just shut up and then he felt her snap. He watched her try and get out of bed but he pushed her shoulder back down watching with a pained expression as the tears left her eyes.

"If I wasn't so banged up right I would've CRACKED YOUR FUCKING FACE IN HALF" her words tore at him, she was doing everything and anything to push them all away classic Peyton Sawyer style but he couldn't let those walls back up not when he had finally got them down.

He stood up leaning in and holding her face in his palms. "Baby...please do it for me...Please Peyton" He begged as his own tears spilled over at the sight of his favorite blonde beauty so done with everything. He watched as she bit her lip the tears coming down, her eyes red and puffy as she nodded mutely.

"Ok..."

* * *

A/N: Well they finally cracked Peyton Sawyer and she's going straight to rehab for 10 whole week how is that gonna pan out would you prefer if in the next chapter I jump straight into 10 weeks later or write her in the rehab. The song I used in it was Christina Grimme - With Love. Hope you enjoyed and Until we meet again folks.

LeytonFan4Eva xxx


	16. Chapter 16 The Birth of a new day

I'd like to thank...

 **PSawyerLove** -Thank you for your advise and commitment to my story I really appreciate it. And also can't wait to see an update on your story since I find it really intriguing and I'm hooked.

 **Jordana60** \- Thank you for review it means a lot. I always appreciate hearing what dedicated readers think.

 **Mufc87** \- Thank you for your review and I have done what you initially thought was best and it's also what I was best.

 **mmstock87** \- Is this what you bargained for haha.

* * *

The day has come, the journey has taken 10 weeks and 22 hours, but the journey is far from complete.

She stood at her bedroom window gazing out side silently, watching the kids ride their bikes up and down the streets. It had been two days, it was Wednesday about 11:30 in the am and No one knew of her release from rehab yet, but she knew they'd figure it out eventually. To be honest that was the least of her problems right now…She closed her eyes as the memories washed over her...

 _FLASHBACK:_ _White Sands Treatment_ _Center_ _– September 23_ _rd_ _2006._

 _She was about four weeks into the treatment going cold turkey, and becoming desperate. The withdrawal symptoms practically killing her and taking her sanity along with it. She needed something anything just to make it stop. She had managed to score some poppers from a guy named Jordan who could tell she was hanging from a thread just looking at her. No doubt having of heard her vomiting up everything she'd eating late at night, or the excessive screaming at the dark figure that was invisible to any other human eye. She'd have mood swings sometimes hitting the people who trying to help her often passing out afterwards from mere exhaustion._

 _She had turned the room she was staying in upside down inspecting any suspicious sound that she thought she heard resulting from her paranoia. Unbeknownst to her the professionals were coming to see her that day and she hadn't known until she heard knocking on her door, then heard the voices from behind it._

 _She froze like a mad dog caught in a cars headlight unable to move, her heart felt like it was about to explode as she heard the key entering the lock and then the door squeaking open. The light went on; she was stood in the corridor facing the door as they walked in. She can never forget the instant shock on their faces. As one of them shouted out "What have you been doing?" she could not answer, words were rushing around her head but the sound would not come out. All she could do was gaze down like a crazed fool._

 _Her hands shock as the counselor stormed up to her before trying to rip the little glass bottle out of her hand. The counselor was female soft spoken with grey hair, she remembered her from her first week in. She tried to talk to her about her having the rights to speak out, y'know being a rape victim and all. Rights? Shit! she remembered thinking. She didn't care who she was. She hates counselors! Just say what you're gonna say and get it the fuck over! ... What Insight! A "bad experience". Hundreds. Her whole life... Shit, no. No problem. "Drugs", she recalls her saying. "Tell me about the drugs." All excited. Maybe you're the one's got the problem, she thought. Why don't she tell her about it? Oh, sure, because that's exactly what she'd want so this person could get inside her head 'You'd like that. Wouldn't you, bitch?' she thought. She should spill her guts out so this woman can turn around and tell it to the DSS! Get her thrown out of the house while her Dad's free as a breeze! What do she mean, about her Dad? That's none of her fucking business. She just wants her to shut up! Leave her alone! She don't need any of this crap. Yep. She remembered this woman clearly and she fucking hated her._

 _She snapped screaming bloody murder as she tried to keep a firm grip bottle. Whilst a couple other professionals burst through the door to restrain her. No doubt hearing her banshee like howls._

" _Don't Peyton there is someone else to think about here" she looked to the man standing behind the counselor trying to struggle free from the strong grips these men had on her. God all she wanted was for them to stop touching her. It reminded her off him. She couldn't take it. She shrieks again louder this time. She recognizes the man whose voice belonged to the cry as being the same doctor that treated her after the accident four weeks prior. "What the hell are you talking about?" She seethed through clenched teeth as she tried to struggle again._

 _They didn't answer and it managed to piss her off even more. "TELL ME!" she cried as she stared at them waiting for an answer._

 _"Your pregnant Peyton..." it couldn't be she hadn't even realized she her period was late._

 _"What..."_

FOR the past two days her mind has been full of this one obsessive thought. Just what would she do if her fears were true? She often thought about it. But did she really know as much as she thinks she does? She's never read a proper book about anything. It's just something kids seem to pick up as soon as they're old enough to wonder what that abstract, enigmatical word sex means. To a boy either he has got a girl into trouble or his girlfriend is in trouble. She has got a load. Maybe to him she's a pro. moll. tart, bird, darling, whore, bitch, twit, slut, brush, sheila, sweetheart, Jill . . . perhaps he's in love with her, which she knows is the case with Lucas. Whether she got it in the back seat or pressed up hard against his bedroom door. Something has to be done.

How does she know it was him? God! She gets around enough. It makes her feel sick and she runs a shaky hand through her hair. But she dismisses the thought instantly, no it's gotta be his. She's doesn't even know how far along she was because she didn't have the balls to go get a scan once she came out a mere two days ago, she just knows that she's no doubt in her first trimester. It's either Ricks or Lucas'. One word sits with her though.

 _Please._

Right now a thousand thoughts are racing through her brain. Will she tell him? She knows she wasn't just a one time heat of the moment type thing, this was done out of love. They were complicated sure for some time now they still were but she knows he loves her with all his heart and she loves him so much also. If society wasn't so damn hypocritical she'd live with him.

But if it was Rick's she'd die. Oh god. It couldn't be this would destroy everything.

 _Please God it can't be._

Society is so complicated. It sets up so many false standards. Kids believe everything their parents tell them about good and evil is just so. It can never be any different. The law is laid. But evasiveness gives way to skepticism and the rules put down by fathers are questioned when it is realized they are not cut and dried. One does not step into sex on the wedding night. One's desires for the opposite sex, sexually and romantically, grow and mature with experience.

A 10-year-old loves as deeply as any couple on their silver wedding anniversary. It is this conflict between the natural desires of the young who are healthy and naturally inquisitive and the mores of society which cause so much of the storm and stress of the 12-to-20 group. By 17 it is realized that these unwritten laws rest on very shaky posts.

Any girl can get into trouble, whether she be from California or Tree Hill. It happens a lot. If you love somebody you want to share everything and always be together . . . She LOVES him so much she would go anywhere with him or do anything for him. He has been so strong for her these past few weeks. She's the one who tried to push him away when he'd come to visit. He's handsome, she loves his infamous squint that goes with the way his blue eyes shine and all the things he says and does. She loves to care for him. She misses him when his not around her and when she's With him she wishes they could slip into eternity together.

She loves the long, slim line of his body. He is her complement. His body is firm, but his skin is smooth. He's young and strong, potentially active but always gentle. She loves to feel his warmth and breathing beside her and to lay her head on his shoulder. She loves to touch him and put her arms around him and pull him close. She loves him to do it to her. She loves to ruffle his blonde hair and look into his clear blue eyes and grope to reach the perfection of mind and body which comes with oneness. She loves to know how he has spent his day, even what he ate for breakfast. She likes to be depended upon and to have somebody always to turn to. She love to say this is - when I introduce him. she loves him, but it is a sin to love in such a way.

Especially when your as unclean as her, but it's not an option. She has to tell him. School is back on again anyway. So she would go into day like normal no matter if everyone knew about the rape. He was more important and so was the baby. She glances over at the five pregnancy tests that read positive lying on her bedroom desk. In deniable refusing to believe the inevitable. She had just got clean. Started excepting and moving on for the rape. And now this...what a mess.

She remembers she went out of town trying to get away from everything, trying to escape. And wound up at a bar that was popular with students but had townies too. It was where she met Rick for the first time and she had they had hit off pretty well both trying to seek oblivion through drinking. After a while he went off to chat up some other girls while she continued ordering herself drinks.

This slightly older drunk guy with greasy sandy colored hair started following her around. First he said things like he doesn't understand what her boyfriend saw in her, and she was acting so stuck up. She realized he was talking to about Rick thinking they were together. Then he started saying it was great she didn't take any crap; he respected how she spoke up for herself. She kept saying, "Yeah? Thanks"; and moving away until she was sort of backed into a corner. Then he crowded in next to her, and said, "What would you do if I put my hand on your leg?" and she stated, "I'll f-king break your jaw." He gave her this creepy laugh and said, "Right, babe! Like you're George Forman, huh?" and people started getting quiet and watch. "No", she repeated. "But If You Touch Me I Will F-king Break Your Jaw. So he grabs at her leg causing her mind to soar with flashbacks of Brooke's Party and Sammy, and she thought she would freak out, she almost did but didn't want to look like an idiot so she clocked him. Now, she only knew two moves: one was going for the guy's balls, and the other was this right-cross thing where you faint a little ladylike swat with your left hand and while he's looking at that you come up hard from below with a right to the chin. She hit him good. Didn't break his jaw, but it laid him out flat on the floor. Then he came up with a broken bottle! The bar owner grabbed him and threw him out the door, meanwhile he's howling, "She hit me! She hit me!" and everybody in the bar was cheering and clapping. Rick then came to stand next to her and said, "She proved his point. She doesn't take crap!" People were buying her drinks for a long time afterwards, and that was the first time Rick offered her, her first hit of heroin when they were leaving the bar. She would never forget that day.

She pulls on a white long sleeve Henley over her slight protruding stomach, barely noticeable but if you looked hard enough. You could tell. Before walking out the house. She was going to school, but she'd walk it wouldn't take that long she just needed time to think. She stopped briefly to look at her comet that hasn't changed a bit since she's been gone. She's just thankful that weren't the car she crashed. She doesn't think she would survive if her 16th birthday present formerly her mothers was gone. It would add to much to her already guilty conscious.

 _I've gotta tell him_ She thought as she started walking faster, she was desperate now. She walked past Karen's cafe the slight wind blowing her blonde curls as she wrapped her arms security almost protectively around her self. She's afraid _._

What else is there? she thinks of what she could have potentially lost. Who will want her after this? she feels empty and very lonely again, she would've thought rehab would've made her have a more positive outlook on life and yeah she was clean now but that didn't stop the overwhelming gaping hole of pain that was still firmly imprinted within her. Yeah she said she'd move on from the rape and drugs but does it really ever go away. Perhaps she will do a bad job? She's heard about that before young moms putting their kids into care so they could get off their face some more. Why should such a gift of God turn to such sadness or tragedy? she remembers how she wept when she thought she could not have at all.

 _God! Please help her._ She thought _._ What was she going to do? how was she to drive these crazy thoughts out of her head. Make herself think rationally. She's not even sure that she's got anything to worry about yet. she'll give herself at least two more weeks before she decides anything. But first she has to find Lucas.

She's really pretty sure everything is going normally. she even feels as if it's coming. Maybe she's just psyching herself into it. Hell! She's wonder how many more times she will go through this maze of thought. Is there really any answer? Those who don't need to worry about such things have all the answers. But what about those like US who are on the fringe? I wonder how many other girls are thinking and feeling the same as her. Probably lots.

She hopes everything turns out okay.

She remembered talking to a girl named Katherine at rehab about two years older than her eighteen. She had long dark hair and piercing blue eyes. She told her how she got pregnant when she was 15. When she told her mother? her Mom pushed her against the wall, slapped her face, grabbed her by the hair and dragged her across her living room. Opened the front door and threw her off the porch. She screamed at her that she was going to Hell, and told her to never come back. Her mother was a heroin junkie and she doesn't know where her mom is, or even if she's alive.

That had scared Peyton even more. She was almost at the school just a couple blocks when she bumped into a woman almost knocking her off her feet.

"I'm sorry i'm so sorry" she spluttered out as the woman got up slowly brushing off her jeans as Peyton ducked to pick up the woman's scattered belongings off the floor. Before putting them back in and handing the bag back to her. She paused briefly as she caught sight of the woman's card, it was from some sort of writing company or something. "Um here you dropped this" she said as she looked up whilst holding out the card.

She was met with the sight of serene green eyes which bore quite a resemblance to hers almost. Her hair was shoulder length blond and straight. And she had one of the kindest and warmest smiles Peyton had ever seen.

"Thank you" She nodded as she stared at the woman awkwardly. "You must really be in a hurry, is it important?" she stared at the woman wondering for the briefest second if she knew but thought better, she smiled slightly before nodding her head indifferently, before looking down at her slightly protruding stomach no she couldn't know. "I woke up late, I need to get to school" she said as she begun walking but was stopped by the woman's voice.

"Wait I know you..." she spun round at that her eyes squinting. what the fuck? she waited patiently for the woman to take her guess.

"Your names Peyton Sawyer right, your the girl who got shot in the stomach and almost drowned at Molina Bridge, and that guy named Sammy Whitmore was arrested for raping you" she felt sick, the whole fucking town knew and she knew what that meant. "Yeah that's me..." she said bitterly while sporting the fakest smile she could.

"Ellie Harp, I work for a magazine in town" she said as she stretched out her hand to shake. Peyton took it reluctantly before nodding, "I would introduce myself but you already now who I am" she started.

There was an awkward silence. "I've seen some of your work in Thud magazine and i'd like to write about it. Here's my card if you feel it's something you'd be interested in" she nodded as the woman gave her a mysterious wink before walking off putting on black aviator shades. Christ that woman seemed familiar.

She looked at the card before glancing around her but the woman known as Ellie was nowhere to be seen. She shook her head before continuing her journey.

It took about ten minutes before she reach Tree Hill High School and there wasn't a single student in sight they were all probably no doubt in their lessons. She put her hand on the glass door but paused instantly stopping herself from opening it.

She couldn't do this...

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A/N: Hows that for a twist, she's pregnant and her birth Mom Ellie is about to come into the mess that is Peyton Sawyer's complicated life, hope you guys enjoyed and I'll update again as soon as I can. Please do leave some reviews so I can hear your thoughts.


	17. Chapter 17 Stand by me

**Guest** \- I have taken into account what your saying and It's a consideration. Thanks for reviewing.

 **Jordana60** \- The little bottle was the poppers, and she got it from a guy named Jordan that was in the chapter sorry I might have had the writing to clumped together so I've used more paragraphs this time. The 4 weeks in was a flashback which I had put into italic font. During the 10 weeks Lucas tried to come see her but she was to stubborn to see her, but yes her and Lucas did hook up in chapter 11. Hope that answered your questions and thanks for being a dedicated reviewer.

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Her sun-touched blond curls whipped furiously in the wind as she stood still. Almost like an ornament frozen in time her hand tightly gripping the cool metal handle to the entrance of her high school, so hard that her knuckles had started turning white.

' _Come on Peyton...you can do this' sh_ e thought.

But the burning question was...could she? How does one even begin to decipher such a thought. This wasn't something she could just blink at and it would disappear into thin air. No matter how hard she wished it was. Her lungs were beginning to feel like they'd explode due to the tight breath she was holding and she leant her forehead against the the solid chilled glass trying to dispel the lightheadedness she was suffering from and grateful for how cool it was. She had to let herself this. To let the intense emotions she was feeling swallow her whole, she remembered how as a thirteen year old she had, had a strong passion and love of sensation whether it was watching a full moon or tossing some pints. Let it in...that's what Katherine had told her. Once she allowed herself to feel every ounce of pain she had been through, that's when she'd be able to move on. She unconsciously let a hand drift to her her protruding womb before exhaling a shaky breath and pushed the door open quickly before she bailed on herself.

Peyton was hit with a wave of nostalgia as she took in every single little detail of her high school down to the steel blue lockers to the way the empty corridor stretched before her. It felt like a lifetime since she'd last stepped foot in that place. She hadn't consciously been aware that she had started walking until she realized her feet was taking her in the direction of the general office. She knocked furiously on the window that separated her from the office secretary.

'Oh Hi sweetie, what are you doing in school?' She scowled this secretary had always hated her through and through and the sudden change of attitude towards her told Peyton that this bitch thought she had a one up on her just cause the whole town was talking about her. Peyton Sawyer the tragic rape victim who was shot in the stomach and almost died drowning at Molina Bridge. Add unwanted pregnancy to the list and the father being still in question. She wanted to punch this snobby woman with every ounce of heart and soul her body had left to offer.

'What class is Lucas Scott in?' She snapped vigorously as she ran a shaky hand through her disheveled mass of locks a nervous habit she had always had.

'I'm not sure I should be giving out that kind of information Hun' she felt her insides begin to burn red hot and was just about on the brink of kicking this perky old hag straight back to hell where she belonged. It was times like that she missed having Brooke being there to support her but after the whole her admitting that she still had feelings for Lucas whilst Brooke and him were together let's just say that shit didn't fly so well. Her so called best friend (no pun intended) turned fast. In a melodrama of gossip and rumors, she was banished and then the rape happened and Lucas and Brooke got back together and she just cracked up. Literally.

But no she would never forgive Brooke for what she put her through, never again.

'Look this is so important... It can't wait' she pleaded afraid she was gonna loose control again. She was actually on the verge of tears. Goddamn hormones. She tried her best to swallow down the small painful lump that had formed in her throat but that made the feeling the more painful and constricted. 'The bell will be going any minute now for break he should be out then. Why don't you sit in here while you wait' she gave a pathetic attempt at a no thanks but all that came out was a small whimper.

She swept the door shut behind her. It banged gustily. She clutched hard at her hair desperate for some sort of way to be rid of the pent up frustration she was experiencing. She leaned back against the lockers opposite the office with her eyes closed, sweat popped out on her arms and forehead. Everything was starting to go to hell. How was she meant to tell Lucas about this pregnancy if she didn't even know if it was him who got her up the spout in the first place, but she hoped to God it was for her own sanity as well as his. She let out a quivering breath, her fear starting to slip subside a little, slipping away from her as easily as a nightmare slips away from a girl who awakes cold-skinned and gasping, from its grip.

Who grips her body and stares at her surroundings to make sure none of it ever happened and who then begins at once to forget it. Half is gone by the time her feet hit the floor; three quarters of it by the time she emerges from the shower and begins to towel off, all of it by the time she finishes her breakfast. All gone...until the next time when, in the grip of the nightmare, all the fears will be remembered. But this wasn't a nightmare this was her reality. This was her own personal hell. In a burst of white rage she hit the closest locker to her violently trying to get grasp of her emotions. She was in a pure adrenalized fury.

'You finished' came an unfamiliar drawl she spun round wildly afraid for a moment that it was Sammy back to come and take her out. But she was met with the sight of light blue eyes unfortunately not the blue eyes she was looking for. She ran her gaze over this unfamiliar person who had been as bold as to ask her and she quoted 'you finished' who the hell did he think he was. He had a mass of greasy dark hair that was shoulder length. He was about the same height as Lucas 6'2 and sported a black T-shirt reading Come as you are. This guy was no doubt a die hard 90s rock N roll fan.

'Who are you Kurt Cobain?' She queried, it was a cheap skate and she knew it. But it was worth a try.

'No...but when you see a pretty girl like you beating up on lockers and crying your bound to start wondering if she's having some sort of Britney Spears breakdown' she wiped at her red swollen eyes furiously at that not even having been aware that she was crying. There was a moment of awkward silence before he broke it again. 'I'm Axl...Axl Zamora' she stared at his open palm before reluctantly taking it. 'Peyton' was all she found that she could manage. 'I know I...uh...read about...you' she instantly stiffened, of course he had.

'Yeah I think the whole fucking town knows' she instinctively banded her arms around her stomach. Unconsciously protecting the growing child inside her. 'Well did you ever think maybe that's a good thing?' she felt red-hot anger, spread through out her chest, taking over her mind. It consumed her. She couldn't help it. She wasn't emotional ready for this. She opened her mouth to give an angry retort but before she could the ear piercing shriek of the school bell for break blared throughout the space. Making an all new sort of panic soar through her.

She looked around her frantically that same nausea she had earlier returning and when she turned back to look at Axl he was gone. She hated when people had to be all mysterious and shit like that it drove her nuts.

She flew down the corridor as rush hour begun to happen trying all sorts of different routes in search of Lucas but he was no where to be found. To be honest she was probably stalling herself because she really did not want to be having this conversation. She walked back to the glass doors glancing outside at the fresh outdoors to be met with the sight of Lucas, Brooke, Haley, Nathan, Rachel you name it all of the gang sitting at the table along with the other cliques who were at their own, theirs stood out among the others.

She suddenly became aware of how cold the air of the corridor felt, it was dry and lifeless. Almost or maybe it was just her. She watched as Rachel walked up to Lucas, her Lucas before plopping herself down on his lap and he didn't seem to be complaining either, could it be just her...he wouldn't do that to her, would he?. She felt the nausea come up even farther until it was practically sitting in her throat. This couldn't be happening, he wouldn't of just moved on from her. She was about to back away and walked as fast as she dared right off of the school premises. But before she could register her actions she had stormed outside taking long strides up to the table that they all sat and made her presence known. She wanted to rip that bitch right off of Lucas and scream from the top of her lungs that it was her that he was in love with.

She slowed instantly and watched with fury as Lucas shoved Rachel off his lap before standing. 'So what are you guys like a thing now' she spat her eyes already beginning to water and yet again she cursed those stupid hormones. 'Peyt when did you get out?' she scowled at him before changing the subject, 'Well...are you two dating?' she asked before folding her arms over her chest hurt and jealousy coursing through her veins.

'No...it's you know how she is she just did it, and I didn't know what to do...Peyt it wasn't what it looked like' she instantly stiffened watching as he spluttered for an excuse. She knew that he wouldn't do that to her but it still didn't stop her from frealong out. He gripped her shoulders desperately as she looked around at all the people who had seemingly stopped what they were doing to watch the Peyton Sawyer show. Gaping at her because they all knew what had happened to her, she instantly felt naked under all their intense gazes. She looked past Lucas and saw the whole gang with their eyes on her sympathy etched on all their faces. It really wasn't what it looked like she knew exactly how Rachel was and she flirted with just about everyone.

'I shouldn't of come' she whispered so quietly she was surprised he'd even heard her, his eyebrows knitted together in distress and she started retreating back inside the building running as fast as her legs would carry her, she just wanted to be away from the school, away from Lucas it was all starting to become to overwhelming again and she didn't know how to make it stop. She thought that the rehab was meant to take away the pain as well as the drug addiction, perhaps she had been wrong. 'Peyton' oh god he had followed her, she felt his hand grip tightly onto her arm preventing her from running any farther and when she spun around she was met with his infamous sea of blue eyes. 'Let me go' she choked trying to get free but he was way stronger than her. He grabbed her wrists holding a strong grip on them so she couldn't even think about running away again

'Your not running away again Peyton what's wrong why are you acting like this?' she bit back her sob his firm and almost cold tone catching her of guard a little, she noticed - again - how quiet it was up here. 'I'm not acting like anything' she muttered trying to keep her voice level. 'I know you Peyton somethings up, did someone do something to you at rehab?' Peyton gulped a couple more times as his tone begun to soften. wiped her eyes and tried to walk away again. But he twisted her to face him yet again, 'I JUST WANT IT TO STOP, LUKE MAKE IT STOP!' She cried as he pulled her into his arms and she fisted fitfully at his blue henley as he whispered soothing words down her ear. She suddenly felt that all to familiar feeling of nausea push its way up her throat and slapped a palm over her mouth.

'Peyton?' she tried hard to push it down but this time she couldn't chuck it back. She dashed over to the nearest blue bin and coughed once, nothing came at first but when she coughed again it all came up. Even though she hadn't eaten anything. She heard him call her name once more before following after her frantically and holding her damp hair out the way as she continued to throw up everything she had. That same cold sweat from earlier breaking out on her forehead.

Even when she had stopped her body still continued to go through the after motions dry heaving and retching even though there was nothing left to bring up. When she came up for air she felt Lucas' arms band around her and she leaned back into his embrace closing her eyes as the tears leaked free. He turned her round then pulled her into a tight hug as she sobbed openly into his chest.

'Peyton your scaring me...what happened...are you sick or something?' she shook her head wincing at the shaking worried tone to his voice. That was hpw much stress she put him under she couldn't do it to him. She shouldn't of come.

'I...I'm' she stuttered but the words died on her lips as fast as they came, 'did you do drugs again?' she furrowed her brow hurt and confused that he could even ask her that as she blinked her raw red and swollen eyes. 'What...no how could you even ask me that?' she cried as she pulled away from his embrace wrapping her arms around herself like some sort of protective shield for herself and the baby.

'God...Peyt i'm sorry I just...I need to know what's going on otherwise I can't help you' she almost flinched as he took her face in his hands but thought better of it.

'Your gonna hate me' she sobbed as she begun to loose any grasp of control that she had. She brought her hands up to her face as she inhaled a sharp breath. Then looked at his frightened baby blues again. She let herself take in what she had made him. Someone who felt obligated to save her. Unbeknownst to her that wasn't the case.

'I could never hate you Peyton just...tell me...please' she stared at him intently before opening her mouth to speak but the door at the end of the corridor flung open causing her to jump out of her skin.

'Luke it's Nathan he wants to know what's going on' she could've killed Haley at that moment in time, she had the worst fucking timing in the world but to be honest she was one to talk, she found herself almost cowering when Haley was there. It was her chance to make break for it but she forced herself to stay put. He deserved to know. 'Give me a minute Hales' she stared at Haley her eyes glassy with tears as she watched the small brunette nod before retreating back outside into the sunshine.

He turned back to her his eyes know full with such loss and conflict that it caused a breath to catch in her throat. She stared at him as he stroked the blond curl that had fallen out of place behind her ear before he continued stroking her hair urging her to get out what was causing her to be so uptight.

'I...I'm Pregnant Luke.'

She uttered shakily her stomach fluttering as she watched and waited for what his reaction was gonna be...

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A/N: And so there it is, please please review and tell me what you thought of this chapter I hope you guys enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Until the next time.

LeytonFan4Eva xx


	18. Chapter 18 Anything to feel

**Mufc87 -** Thank you for your view it's always nice to hear what my readers think.

 **jordana60** \- Your reviews are always so honest and motivate me into making my story better thank you so much for being a dedicated reader to my fic haha I know i've probably said that but it's the truth, I appreciate your reviews Thank you.

 **Guest -** I'd like to thank you for the reviews you've left on my fic also I really appreciate them.

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He stood before her routed to his spot.

His icy azure jewels boring intensely into her green ones with such question. So many questions. How far along was she?...When did she find out?...And the primary one that screamed inside his minds eye so loud that all he wanted to do was cover his ears and just to make it go away. To block it the hell out. Was the baby his?

He stood firm his body rigid from shock, jaw clenched as he chose the next words that were to come out of his mouth carefully.

Trying desperately to keep his very demented emotions in check. Fear, confusion...shock could be all three he believed. He waited until he could trust himself to speak again. He took in her red puffy eyes and broken appearance it made his heart constrict painfully and shatter into pieces seeing her like this, just like it had when she was doing the drugs. He almost felt powerless to save her like there was a solid brick wall preventing him from breaking through to her.

'What?' he managed to stutter out, he had to be sure...had to confirm that he had indeed heard her correctly.

'I...I'm Pregnant Luke' he furrowed his brow as he shook his head silently, denial suddenly overwhelming him at full force. This was to much...he was too young to be a father, he didn't even know if the kid was his.

Fresh hot anger surged through him at that very thought and he found his fists clenching. Peyton must have noticed this because he saw her take a step back from him her green eyes crazily wide. He watched her for a few seconds to see what she'd do next but she continued to stare at him intently like some sort of lost child waiting for what else he was gonna say. He inhaled a deep breath rubbing the back of his neck a nervous habit before exhaling it slowly.

'Is It mine?' he queried his jaw set tightly as he stared into her eyes with a fiery passion. He watched her look to the floor before shifting uncomfortably and meeting his awaiting blue storms.

'I...I don't know' He feels his throat dry, and stares at her long and hard for a few seconds a pain so strong it spreads from his heart and radiates all throughout his body. Then the anger; a clenched white fist, a pissed off scowl. A problem where words turn into actions. It was clear she really didn't pick the right moment. His being pulled in different directions, what's the right thing to do? What's the right thing to say? In his mind it sounds like a bomb exploding, a train rushing past blowing it's whistle loudly for all to hear, finger nails screeching across a black board.

He swears his face is red as lava, steam coming out his ears...but it's no doubt it's his imagination. His brain tells him one thing, his heart the complete opposite. He asks himself how should he respond, he thought he trusted her but now it's clear.

All the lies, the emotional pain, the love for her so strong it would kill him not to be with her, the constant suffocating fear and urge to know if she's still alive and not died of some drug induced overdose.

How much more could he take? It's like a cloud covering the sun all other people see is a dark cloud. Not the bright sun behind it. What does he do? Say something? Yell? Scream? How about an action. A million ideas and responses run through his mind. Once again the constant tug and war game between his head and heart coming to play. His on edge, a second away from exploding; his palms covered in sweat, his hands shaking like the ground during an earthquake. So what does he do? He takes a deep breath...looks into her eyes and turns his back on her started back towards the blue door he came in from.

Just as he starts to walk away he feels a tight grip pull at his arm, stopping him in his tracks.

'Luke no...wait please I'm sorry I was high on drugs it wasn't my fault...I just wanted something to take the pain away' he closed his eyes tightly pressing his lips into a thin line. Deep down he knew it wasn't her fault, they weren't together, they still weren't it was complicated and it wasn't like she cheated on him but it didn't make it hurt any less. He know knew how she had felt when he had been dating Brooke but it was one hundred times more worse. But to be honest the baby could be his, it just depended on how many people she slept with other than him.

He turned round slowly towering over her small form, his eyes meeting hers that were glazed over with fresh tears as she inhaled a sharp breath and he found his anger subsiding a little but he needed space. Just some time to think. 'I can't be around you right now Peyton' apparently he was letting his mind do the talking, it came out wrong...he didn't mean it like that...did he?

'But Luke...' he cringed at the sob that escaped her throat grateful that she didn't notice. 'Who else's can it be?' he asked...he needed to fucking know.

'R...Rick's' he felt more rage surge through him at that, burning and broiling inside of him feeding of each other and getting bigger. He needed time to think.

'He took advantage of you Peyton, his...his worse than Sammy...and you just gave it to him on a plate' he welcomed the hard vicious slap to his face, the pain begun small but then begun to sting half of his face. He grabbed his cheek and before turning his vision slowly to her. She stood there a palm over her mouth, her shoulders shaking from her trying to prevent anymore emotional breakdowns especially in front of him. He glared at her and once again stalked off clutching the strap of his backpack impossibly tight, so hard his knuckles had started turning white. He didn't bother looking back at her...he couldn't.

He barged through the blue doors instantly met with the heat from outside. He walked casually over to the table he had formerly been sat at before Peyton showed up screaming bloody murder. 'Hey Luke you ok man' he nodded mutely as his brother patted him on the back before taking and drinking the little bit of water he had left in his water bottle. God had it been this hot before.

'So Luke you coming to the party tonight' he heard Rachel mewl from beside, he looked at all the others expectant gazes. Wanted to scream at them how they could party at a time like this. But he was desperately in need of something to take his mind of the whole situation.

'Yeah...Yeah why not' he said with a forced smile.

'Good' he rolled his eyes at her purr. And shifted uncomfortably he really didn't need her trying to throw herself at him.

'So uh...Luke what did Peyton want?' He looked to Brooke who looked hopeful.

'Nothing important' was all he said bitterly as they all stared at him with shocked and appalled expressions.

'You've been brooding about her for 10 weeks Luke and all of a sudden you don't give a shit...what did you guys have an argument or something?' His vision shifted to the little brunette sitting next to him. 'Haley I said it's nothing ok' he cut in before she could say anything else.

Throughout the rest of the day he sat in his lessons quietly fuming and replaying Peyton's face when he walked away from her over and over again like a fucking stuck record. He was now on the way to this party that was being held at Rachel's house. Taking long angry steps up to her front door then knocking furiously. He could already hear the music blaring Jimmy Eat World 23.

 **I felt for sure last night**  
 **That once we said goodbye**  
 **No one else will know these lonely dreams**  
 **No one else will know that part of me**  
 **I'm still driving away**  
 **And I'm sorry every day**  
 **I won't always love these selfish things**  
 **I won't always live...**  
 **Not stopping...**

'Hey Luke dog whats up' he greeted Skills with a bro hug before they made their way through the crowd of chilling teenagers drinks in hand, bopping their heads to the beat of the music in appreciation.

 **It was my turn to decide**  
 **I knew this was our time**  
 **No one else will have me like you do**  
 **No one else will have me, only you**

 **You'll sit alone forever**  
 **If you wait for the right time**  
 **What are you hoping for?**  
 **I'm here I'm now I'm ready**  
 **Holding on tight**  
 **Don't give away the end**  
 **The one thing that stays mine**

'Luke you made it, where's Peyton?' he caught on to Nathan ask but pretended he didn't hear, changing the subject. 'Where's Hales?' he asked looking around for his petite brunette best friend. 'She's in the bathroom' was the response he got, and he nodded before sipping at the drink that Brooke had put into his hand. He pulled a face, what the hell was that...vodka. But soon welcomed the burning sensation he was feeling in his throat downing the whole lot.

 **Amazing still it seems**  
 **I'll be 23**  
 **I won't always love what I'll never have**  
 **I won't always live in my regrets**

 **You'll sit alone forever**  
 **If you wait for the right time**  
 **What are you hoping for?**  
 **I'm here I'm now I'm ready**  
 **Holding on tight**  
 **Don't give away the end**  
 **The one thing that stays mine**

'Woah Luke slow down there' he shook his head briskly before helping himself to more. 'You only live once right' he spluttered before finishing the last shot of and wincing as the burn continued to fester in his throat. 'Yeah man Luke here' he grunted with a slight laugh as Skills punched him playfully in the arm.

But deep down underneath all the anger, was hurt. It felt as if something had reached in, tore his heart from his chest, threw it on the ground stepped on it then put it back. The pain was so deep, so agonizing, so intense, His heart felt mangled beyond recognition, His mind numb, racing in circles, unable to make sense of what was happening...was this real...it couldn't be real, wake up, wake up...

But it didn't happen.

 **You'll sit alone forever**  
 **If you wait for the right time**  
 **What are you hoping for?**  
 **I'm here I'm now I'm ready**  
 **Holding on tight**  
 **Don't give away the end**  
 **The one thing that stays mine...**

He cleared his throat his blue eyes looking to the ceiling as he leaned back against the couch and let his mind drift of in thought about how he was gonna handle this situation with Peyton, he needed to see her...talk to her figure this out. He should never have left things how they were, she could be anywhere right now. He sighed feeling his heart break just that little bit more. One for certain though he prayed to god that...that baby was his.

Please.

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A/N: Hope you guys enjoyed and please please tell me what you think. I love hearing what you think and reading through the reviews haha.

LeytonFan4Eva ;) xxx


	19. Chapter 19 Communication Breakdown

I'd Like to thank you all:

 **Guest** \- Your question is about to be answered.

 **PSawyerLove** \- Thank you I always love to hear what my readers think and your story is going great keep up the good writing.

 **Mufc87** \- thank you for remaining such a dedicated reviewer to my fic it means a lot and this is where the drama really begins.

Just so you guys know the flashback is in italic as well as bold and the present day is not.

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She sat at her desk, her night lamp giving the dark space it's only sense of light. It's honey glow bouncing of the walls and providing a feeling of warmth in the room as well as reflecting of her pale hair making it look almost white, an iridescent glow omitting through the blond mane, sparkling like a running stream. She stared at the ultrasound in her hand whilst biting her nails, crying tears of whether relief or despair she still didn't know. But she knew one thing for sure, this baby was her flesh and blood and she was keeping it whatever the cost. But was she really up for it?

 _Four hours ago (PRIOR)_

 _The generation she lived in today was a superficial idiotic piece of crap. Living in a society with a bunch of stuck up jackasses who degraded her for everything she stood for. She had become what could only be described as a generational anger. A sixteen year old teenage girl left angry and beaten up by the world. Who only lived and breathed her living hell on earth._

 _She watched his retreating form, a pit of dread sitting in the epitome of her stomach. Her eyes shining as well as stinging uncomfortably with un-shed tears. Deep down in the depths of her soul she knew he had every right to be mad at her. To hate her even. Hell, she deserved it...but this baby didn't whoever the hell it's father was. But she was willing to grant him the space and time that he so desperately seemed even if it meant having to live without him for a little while, maybe even forever. She's have no choice but to let him go no matter how painful the cost of it was._

 _Maybe this was what destiny had been leading them to. Maybe it was best for both their sakes._

 _She swallowed back the painful knot that had formed in her throat. Before starting back the way she had come banding her tanned arms around herself in an attempt to shut out the outside world but failing miserably. It didn't make the feelings go away the dread that if this baby wasn't his the years of guilt crippling self loathing guilt, not to mention probably resenting the hell out of her own child if that was even a possibility for her. The shame that Lucas' truthful words had inflicted on her along with the loss and all to familiar feeling of dirtiness that followed. She welcome the heated summer air that hit her clean in the face only relishing in it as these were probably one of the last days of the sun she'd be seeing in a while for summer would soon turn to winter. A sharp breath exited her throat as she swiped at her red puffy eyes. She had to get a hold of herself, it was decided she was aborting it... She felt nothing for it, she didn't want it she hated it._

 _It was just this thing growing inside of her making everyone hate her. Stealing her life, just one problem after the other. Or so she told herself...but was it really the truth? Yes...well that was what she had convinced herself to think. She wasn't doing this with it anymore...it was her or it and she choose the little monster inside her._

 _'So that was interesting' she twisted so fast she was surprised she didn't give herself whiplash, scowling as that same rock N roll reject from earlier eyed her smugly whilst he lent back against the yellow brick wall. For a split second she found herself envying his laid back approach on life whilst she suffered silently in her own private little world of hell. What sort of person had she been before this life to deserve all the shit she was going through...one thing for sure karma was sure as hell a bitch._

 _She let her pale green eyes study him, the way his long dark waves blew swiftly in the summer breeze as he clutches to him what appeared to be a worn down tattered book of things...could be sketches or lyrics but by the way he was dressed she guessed the later. 'Axl were you listening to all of that?' she found herself querying sharply a new kind of anger taking her by surprise as she felt a sudden heat rise to her cheeks. 'One I'm surprised you remembered my name...Peyton' she stared at him long and hard as he chuckled to himself then continued 'And two no need to blush baby cakes I didn't hear a lot just saw the part when you were puking up your guts...besides I have my own shit to deal with' she let out an exasperated sigh one part of her jumping for joy that he didn't know her secret, the other part still riddled with embarrassment that he had seen her looking so gross not to mention the fact that Lucas had. He probably thought she was such a damaged hot mess._

 _She shifted her cerulean eyes to the white concrete before tucking a loose strand of gold behind her ear. There was a brief pause of awkward silence, the tension growing high in the air before he broke it again. 'So what happened?' She scoffed before looking him deep in his blue eyes._

 _'Life Axl...life happened...it really isn't your business' she stated sarcastically before walking past him. Where she was going she didn't know. 'I know it has something to do with that popular broody blond dude I saw you with earlier, what is his name...Lucas Scott? What did he like get you knocked up or something' she felt her blood run cold at that and her mouth suddenly felt like sandpaper. She spun round wildly fire in her eyes as her mouth hung agape...not quite believing that this stranger had figure her out so easily...what was he psychic or something, he had to be. But his expression said otherwise, she watched as his mocking smile dropped into one of realization before he grinned again like a cat who's gotten the cream. Like he'd just figured out the world's best kept secret._

 _'Oh my god that's it isn't it...your pregnant' she swallowed hard that all to familiar lump in her throat from earlier coming back to haunt her but worse. He took her silence as his answer before he continued. 'Is it his?' She blinked excessively and there was another long pause before she could trust herself to speak again without her voice cracking. 'I...I don't know' she stumbled out. 'Well haven't you been to like a scan yet or something?' She shook her head no trying her best to dismiss the subject._

 _'Why?' For fuck sake why was he asking her all these questions. It was beginning to piss her off. 'Surely you can sort it out once you've been to your...'_

 _'I'M SCARED OK...I'M TERRIFIED!' She shrieked cutting him off instantly. 'I don't wanna do this on my own...I want it gone I hate it' she confessed as she shrugged her shoulders trying to be indifferent but failing miserably. 'Do...do you want me to take you?' She felt shocked at his boldness a complete stranger offering to do something nice for her. She unconsciously found herself nodding and before she could register her actions she was following him to his car._

 _It was a blue rusty pick up truck with a massive what seemed like key cut down the side of it. He pulled open his car door before thrusting his school bag in to the drivers side.'Get in' she nodded mutely before obeying and sliding into the passenger side. She watched on silently as he got in and grabbing the keys from the dashboard and starting the engine and it roared to life. Out of the corner of her eye she caught sight of a white substance resting on the dashboard in a opaque packet. 'What is that?' She queried her eyebrows knitting together in confusion but deep down she knew the answer. It was cocaine this guy did drugs just like she once did. It was screaming for her like blood screamed to a newborn vampire._

 _'Oh I call it white dust I do it whenever I feel like I need a line' she sucked in a sharp breath and turned away, 'get it away from me' she seethed as he stopped to look at her questioningly before putting it into the back pocket of his denim jeans. She should've known he was about that life._

 _'Let me out of the car' she said decisively as he started driving. He just looked at her with a broad smile on his face like she had completely lost it. 'STOP THE CAR AXL!' She shrieked suddenly and he screeched the car to a halt just in front of the exit from the school premises. 'Ok what is your problem?' She shot him a dangerous glare be speaking...'you can't do that stuff around ever...don't ask me why just throw it in the gutter now' she said firmly. 'No that shit was expensive...' She cut him of._

 _'Do it Axl' she almost shouted as he stared at her before winding down the window and throwing it into the nearby gutter. She let out a relief sigh resting her head back against the headrest of the seat before shutting her eyes. She was grateful when he didn't question it and just started the car again before they took a slow silent drive to Tree Hill medical center._

 _When they pulled up in the car park to the hospital, she was about to open the door to the passenger seat when his voice stopped her dead in her tracks. 'Why did you freak out like that back there?' she closed her eyes, she knew he would ask her about it sooner or later. 'I didn't...' she tried but she knew she wasn't fooling anyone. 'Yes...you did' she could feel herself beginning to loose it but told herself to just keep it under control just a little while longer. 'Look can we just go in' she said motioning at the white center that stood in front of them. Taunting her._

 _She was relieved when he put his hands up in the surrender position and opened the door. She let herself out of the car before walking at a snail pace towards the entrance of the hospital, silently psyching herself up. She looked over at Axl who was walking with his hands embedded deep in his pockets. Once they reached the entrance, she stopped abruptly feeling a breath catch in her throat...she didn't know if she could do this. She could feel her foot take a step back but was stopped by the hand of Axl who had managed to push her through the entrance doors. 'Nope your not going anywhere your just making this worse for yourself' she let out a low growl of frustration as they neared the reception desk. 'Tree Hill Medical Center how can I help you' she scanned her eyes over the dark skinned woman, she was pretty with dark brown eyes, her hair was pulled into a loose black chignon and she had pale pink glasses that sat right at the end of her nose._

 _She found herself unable to speak and looked to Axl who looked at her expectantly. She watched him sigh as he got the memo that she was in no position to speak at that point before answering for her, leaning his elbows on the desktop. 'I don't think their is any other way to say this...um she's pregnant and she needs a scan urgently' she looked over at him gratitude reflecting in her pale green eyes as he smiled at her reassuringly before nodding. 'And whats your name?' she looked to the woman who's dark eyes were now focusing completely on her, 'um...Peyton...Peyton Sawyer' she finally piped up. She watched the receptionist type something into the computer, 'wait ain't you that girl who got shot in the stomach and almost drowned at Molina bridge and raped by that kid named Sammy' she winced noticeably before plastering a fake smile on her face. 'Yep...that's me' she said as an uncomfortable raw kind of pain begun to fester right at the bottom of her womb. It felt like some sort of period crap but a lot worse._

 _'Alright take a seat over there' she walked swiftly over to the metal chair before sitting down letting out a deep breath. And shifting awkwardly in her seat as the a look of pain etched onto her features briefly. 'You ok?' she looked over to Axl who was staring at her questioningly. But it felt like he was almost sort of trying to undress her with his eyes and she found herself looking down at the floor. 'Yeah fine...' she said simply before another sharp pang hit her again this time forcing an agonized whimper escape her throat._

 _'Peyton?' She shut her eyes tightly clenching her teeth together as she clutched her womb in agony. 'ow...OW!' she cried as she bit her bottom lip so hard it could've drawn blood, 'somethings wrong' she stated as Axl stood to his feet before shouting for someone to come help. She clutched desperately at his dark trench coat as another tortured groan escaped her throat. 'Miss can you tell me what's wrong' she opened her eyes and was met with the friendly face of who appeared to be a nurse dressed down in pink scrubs. She could feel her world start spinning, and black spots were starting to mere her vision. 'I..I think i'm losing...' she didn't get to finish her sentence because all she saw next was complete and utter darkness._

* * *

 _She could hear the distant beep of a machine. She lifted her heavy eyelids, wincing slightly as she did so...what the hell just happened? everything seemed blurry. She could see foggy shadows, but couldn't make out what they were. After a minute or so...everything seemed to get more in focus. 'Hey...Your awake I'll get the doctor' she turned her head and saw a wide eyed Axl beside her bedside. 'What the hell happened?' she croaked as she tried to sit up. 'Well you were all in like pain and shit...then you just passed out' She nodded mutely before looking down at her slightly protruding stomach, 'It felt like I was dying...again...Is...the baby...?' she begun to ask but was cut of as the door flung open and in walked a doctor dressed down in a long white scrub holding what appeared to be a clipboard._

 _'Hey Peyton I'm glad to see your awake it's nice to see you again as well' she smiled lightly despite herself. 'You too Dr Copeland...so what happened to me?' she asked as she felt a weight sink at the side of the bed and looked to see Axl staring intensely at the doctor with his arms folded over his broad chest._

 _'Well you by the looks of it you were just under to much pressure, and that's what caused the pain it wasn't a miscarriage. You passed out from mere stress' she suddenly felt like a massive weight had been lifted of her shoulders, she had had no idea how much she had subconsciously been beginning to care for the little fetus inside of her. 'The nurses are about to come in and give you an ultrasound, that way we can determine how far along you are and maybe tell you the sex if you want?' she instantly felt baffled and looked to Axl who was staring at her awaiting her answer. 'The...the sex?' she stuttered out with a furrowed brow as she looked to the doctors with an overwhelmed glance._

 _'You can decide that once we've figured out how far along you are' she nodded and watched as nurses flew through the door and instantly hooked her up to the ultrasound machine._

 _She watched on as they plugged in the machines, and grimaced as they squirted the ultrasound gel onto her womb. 'I...I can wait outside if you want?' she looked over to see Axl gaping earnestly at her stomach. 'No...no it's fine' she uttered but was instantly stopped dead in saying anything farther when the sound of a heartbeat radiated of the walls of the room._

 _She glanced over at the flickering image and was met with the sight of the baby...her baby moving. And suddenly all the hate, all the resentment she had been feeling towards this beautiful little life inside her hand fizzled down into nothing but pure through and through love. She was in love._

 _'There is your baby' she let out a breath she didn't know she was holding and felt tears of joy run free down her face. That was her baby. Hers no one else...and nobody could ever take that from her. 'Woah' she breathed out as she stared almost in some sort of trance at the image in front of her. 'Its head is hella big' she heard Axl laugh from beside her and felt herself snort in chuckle as well. 'You are about 10 weeks along' she snapped her attention to the nurse in front of her and then it suddenly dawned on her._

 _It was Lucas, he was the father._

 _They were having a baby together, she had only slept with Lucas roughly about ten weeks ago and that was when she had forgotten to take the morning after pill. She needed to tell him, this changed everything. 'So it's ok...everything is ok?' she queried as the doctor nodded his head in confirmation, 'would you like to know the sex?' the blond nurse from beside her asked. She looked down deep in thought before nodding her head mutely._

 _'Your having a little girl' she felt a sob of shear happiness escape her throat at that, and looked at Axl who was grinning at her broadly. 'You should call it ET with the size of that head' she hit Axl's arm playfully both of them sharing a warm hearted laugh as she pulled her top back over her stomach and took the ultrasound from the nurse's hand. 'Feel free to go whenever you feel strong enough' she watched as Dr Copeland and the nurse exited the room before turning her full attention to back Axl._

 _'So you still wanna go ahead with this abortion?' she shook her head dismissing the thought. 'No way...I finally figured out who the dad is' she said with a small smile on her features. 'Lucas Scott' she looked at him questioningly, 'How did you...' she begun but he cut her off. 'It was just kinda cliche' she giggled before swinging her legs over the side of the bed and standing a little too quickly to her feet._

 _'Woah' she rasped as she staggered slightly, but was held up by Axl catching her before she could fall. 'You ok?' she smiled slightly hearing the genuineness in his voice. 'I'm fine...do you mind driving me home?' she asked and watched as he nodded before helping her walk out the room a tight grip firmly on her arm._

 _It didn't take him long to drive her home after much confusion about what street it was, he finally figure it out. She had waved him goodbye as he pulled out her driveway before gunning it down the road and disappearing from her line of vision. And she looked on her arm to find a sticker with his number on making her bust a gut in laughter, at least she was smiling again now that was a start._

* * *

Now here she sat four hours later staring intensely at the ultrasound in her hand, wracking her brain with ways to tell Lucas the good news. It was nightfall outside and she was trying to figure out whether she should call Lucas or not. Maybe it would be best to do it face to face rather than over the phone though, since it was more personal. It was decided she was going to his house now.

She grabbed her denim Jacket of her desk before shoving the ultrasound deep into her denim jeans pocket and turned gasping audibly to find Lucas already standing in the doorway. In his blue hunter coat, leaning against the doorway with his hands embedded deep within his pockets.

'Peyton we need to talk...'

She looked at him fearfully dreading whatever the hell he was gonna say. Begging to god that this conversation didn't go down in flames.

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A/N: So there it is hope you enjoyed it. Lucas is the father and looks like Peyton's found a new friend in Axl whether she wants to admit or not but is he really good company to be around. Until next time.

SPOILER ALERT: Lucas and Peyton have it out. Will they make it through this?

LeytonFan4Eva xxx


	20. Chapter 20 You, Me and a Bottle makes 3

I'd like to thank:

Mufc87 - It was amazing hearing what you think thank you so much nothing makes me happier than getting reviews.

* * *

'Peyton we need to talk'

The blond listened to the way he spoke, he sounded tense…on edge almost.

A reflection of how she felt. Her hazel eyes glanced over his rigid form not dressed in the same clothes he had been wearing earlier…no.

Now he wore a slim fitting white top with a navy waterproof hunter jacket. Examining the lines made by the dark navy lines. She glanced up at his ash blond hair slicked neatly behind his ears wet from the rain outside no doubt. She also examined his plump pink lips clasped tightly together. 'Ok so talk...' she continued to stare at him, taking in every possible detail that was visible in his lapis lazuli eyes. He shifted uncomfortably from his place in the doorway before taking a heavy step into her bedroom. She stood quietly awaiting what he was about to say next, her legs were pushed together so tightly that the rough fabric of her jeans was cutting into her thin skin but she didn't feel it. Her back was completely straight and her head held high as she fiddled with a loose strand on her denim jeans. Her breathing was shallow and with the exception of her eyes she was practically a statue.

'Look Peyt...I...If i'm being honest i'm not really sure what to say to you' she felt her insides twist at that he couldn't be ending them before they even started...could he? No it just wasn't possible they were Lucas and Peyton they made it through anything. Right? she used all her energy to keep from crying but pressed on.

'No...Luke don't say what I think your gonna say' she almost whispered as she felt her throat already begin to constrict painfully. 'Well what else do you want me to say Peyt...I...just don't know if I can do this anymore it's so complicated' she refused to take that as an answer she wanted tell him the truth but the words seemed stuck in her throat, it was on the tip of her tongue.

'No...Luke no you can't what so just like that it's over before it's even begun you can fight for Brooke but not for me?' she queried shaking her head refusing to believe the inevitable. It all seemed ridiculous and petty if she was being completely honest. 'No Peyton that's not it it's just the thought of this baby not being mine...it's killing me Peyton' she let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding as she made her way slowly over to the bed and sat down heavily.

'I...I don't know what to say' she admitted defeated. She was gonna tell him eventually she just wanted to see what his next move would be before she did.

A deafening silence hung in the air briefly before she heard him let out a sigh filled with such despair and loss that it made her heart clench uncomfortably in her chest.

'It's not just that it's just with the drugs and everything I...I don't know if I can trust you' she felt her rage flare dangerously at that and was instantly on her feet and in front of him in a split second.

'DON'T YOU DARE USE THAT AGAINST ME LUCAS SCOTT. YOU KNOW THAT WASN'T MY FAULT...IF YOU HADN'T OF BEEN SO CONFUSED ABOUT YOUR DAMN FEELINGS IN THE FIRST PLACE AND CHOOSE THE WRONG FRIEND I MIGHT ADD THEN MAYBE I WOULDN'T OF GOT RAPED AND BECOME A DRUG WHORE AND ALL WOULD BE RIGHT IN THE WORLD' She cried as she felt the tears that had been boiling in her eyes finally spilled forth, as she slapped a palm over her mouth. These hormones were making her even more of an emotional wreck than she had been before.

'WOAH YOU CAN'T BLAME THIS ALL ON ME...HOW DID YOU EXPECT ME TO TAKE THE NEWS OF SOMEONE I THOUGHT WAS MY BEST FRIEND BEING IN LOVE WITH ME WHILST I HAD A GIRLFRIEND' she scoffed at that nodding her head as she swiped furiously at her eyes bloodshot from the pain of that this conversation was bringing. 'HOW CAN YOU EVEN SAY THAT? YOU KNEW THAT YOU WAS HIDING WITH BROOKE I COULD SEE IT EVERYONE COULD SEE IT SO DON'T YOU DARE TRY TO DENY IT. AFTER EVERYTHING I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WOULD EVEN DREAM OF USING MY DRUG USE AGAINST ME...AFTER EVERYTHING WE'VE BEEN THROUGH TOGETHER!' She wept as his azure eyes bore intensely into hers. How could he even dream of holding all this stuff against her, she trusted him. He was the one person who was suppose to understand and he was basically refusing to take any responsibility for her downward spiral what so ever.

'I KNOW ALL THAT OK PEYT...I KNOW WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY, IT'S NOT GONNA MAKE ME FEEL ANY LESS GUILTY THAN I ALREADY DO...I HURT THE GIRL THAT I LOVE SO DEEPLY THAT THERE WAS NO GOING BACK AND I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT BEFORE IT WAS TO LATE. BUT THIS IT JUST ISN'T WORKING I CAN'T KEEP BEING WORRIED SICK...DRIVING MYSELF INSANE WONDERING IF YOU'VE OVERDOSED ON DRUGS AND DIED OR LYING IN A GUTTER DEAD. I'VE GOTTA DO THIS BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!' she let out a bitter snigger at that before running a shaky hand through her tangled mess of curls.

'Then stop loving me' she tried to reason as she bit her lower lip to prevent herself from crying any farther.

'I CAN'T PEYTON!' She found herself staring at him shocked to the core at his outburst. He sounded so certain and sincere that it was hard for her to just tell herself that he really didn't care. 'So what that's just it your just gonna leave us?' she asked motioning at her somewhat jutted stomach while staring at him her eyes know taking over a newly formed desperate edge to them.

'It's not even mine' that just made matters worse at that point and hadn't done anything to help her vexation towards him. Of course this baby was his, he might not know it yet but she'd sure as hell have all the satisfaction of seeing his face when she dropped that bombshell.

'You know what Luke get out of my house...just get out...your just like Dan' she hissed, she knew she had crossed a fine line on that one and was more that ready for the pissed off retort she was sure coming.

'YEAH WELL YOU KNOW WHAT PEYTON YOU SAY HOW PEOPLE ALWAYS LEAVE RIGHT, DID YOU EVER THINK THAT YOU DROVE THEM AWAY' She knew she probably deserved that but Jesus Christ on earth it stung like a bitch, she curved her palm and slapped his face hard then letting out a choked sob of despair as she turned on her feet before taking long angry strides up to her desk and snatching up the ultrasound. She sauntered up to his tall form and shoved the ultrasound into his callous hand.

'Ten weeks...I'm ten weeks pregnant Luke, so guess what...' she set a forced smile on her face as tears leaked forth from her pale green eyes. 'This little mistake is yours and mine' at that she shoved past him and made her to shove past him but was stopped by his bruising grip on her forearm. 'Let me go' she seethed as he twisted her around to face him, he lifted the ultrasound into her line of vision before asking. 'H...How?' she wanted to hit him again at his stupidity but it was probably the shock the whole impact of their situation had on him.

'Ten weeks ago you and I against your bedroom door ring a bell?' she mocked before taking his state of shock as a chance to escape. She shook his vice grip from her arm before making her way to sit down on her bed. She watched him debate internally with himself before he walking over to the bed and setting himself down next to her. She didn't pull away when he entwined his large hand with hers and looked her deep in the eyes with such sincerity it made a breath catch in her throat.

'I'm sorry' she tried to look away trying to swallow the small lump in her throat but his fingers on her chin stopped her. 'Peyt no...listen I'm so sorry I should've listened to you' she shook her head a slight smile coming over her features. 'It's not your fault...it's me...I shouldn't of expected you to stick if the baby wasn't yours. You were right it's me who drives people away' she shrugged as he wiped at her wet face, 'No listen Peyton...I didn't mean that...I was angry at you for comparing me to Dan. But this...this is our baby Peyton our...' she cut him off, 'Our little girl' she finished for him watching his shocked expression as what appeared to be tears leak from his tear ducts. 'A little girl?' she nodded mutely as he cupped her face in his rough hands. 'I'm gonna be here for both of you...I won't leave you' she let out a choked whimper to be honest. 'Promise?' she asked in an almost childlike manner, 'I promise' she let out a shaky breath at that as he rested his forehead against hers.

Before she could register his next actions his lips were pressed firmly to hers as he lay her back gently against her bed cascading into the fresh sheets, the scent of lilac and vanilla overpowering her senses. His hands begun to roam the individual smooth curls of her arms before straightening them above her head. She felt his tense body push into hers as she bent like elastic conforming the both of them. She closed her eyes and tilted her neck back, losing herself in a long forgotten sensation. Her lips separated as she inhaled the warm air encompassing their molding bodies. Her body ached to become a part of his, she felt her frame shudder underneath him, a soft moan escaping her throat. He released her hands and they traveled along her hour glass shape until they halted on her waist.

'Is this ok for the baby?' she nodded mutely...truth was she had no idea but these heightened emotions due to hormones she was feeling right now was making any logical sense of thinking she had fly completely out of the window. She watched him nod before pressing another soft kiss to her lips again. Her legs forming an angle as her body grew on edge and impatient, her blood rushing and burning in her veins like a fire had been lit deep inside her and was burning up her entire body. One of his hands made the anxious journey to greet her inner thigh. His finger tips slipping like water along the warm skin at the edge of her cotton shorts. Her formally limp arms found comfort in his muscular shoulders, feeling the intense shift of his bones as he moved along her body. Thoughts of her past blaze through her mind but they vanish as she feels his plump, gracious lips against her own. Everything is gone from their minds now, everything except each other and their little life inside of her. She can't hear the various animals lingering in the dark, the usual symphony of the insects, she only hears his shallow breaths and her racing heart.

Fingers on his other hand playing clumsily with the small ivory buttons. He grows frustrated and breaks the kiss in order to pay more attention to his task, however, she barley notices, enjoying the feel of his hand warm hand massaging her inner thighs. He makes his way up her shirt taking time to trace and examine the new skin revealed behind each button. Once at the top he slides the cotton over her smooth shoulders and placed both his hands in the curve of her torso as he moved to kiss her protruding abdomen where their unborn child resided.

His lips move subtlety towards the detailed black lace. His hands slid upwards until they were on each side of her chest. He kissed each one of her breast, causing a sound to swell in the back of her throat. She takes no problem in letting him lead the way in this one.

Her hands found the hem of his white top, hastily and aggressively pulled it over his head. Her face found comfort in his neck, her lips playing along his ears and down into his shoulders. Seeking to kiss every square inch of him she could get too. Her hands traced his rigid torso. Her fingers followed the sharp defined lines above his jeans. She toyed with the belt buckle, removing it with the dexterity he couldn't find. She undid the button and continued with the zipper, soon folding back the loose waist line of her pants. She returned to following the indent stopping at the rim of his boxers. She opened her eyes and looked up into his face. His eyes were staring intensely at her with his body propped up on his elbows.

Her rounded nails tickled his sides causing him to squirm briefly, and her to smile. She pulled the rest of his denim jeans down by her feet freeing his legs from the heavy fabric concealing them. His pants dropped to the carpeted floor as he rolled her underneath him. He removed her shorts with little effort allowing them to fall onto his jeans.

Her hands clung to his bare back pressing their moist bodies together wanted to be as close to him as possible. She could feel the heat building inside of her, screaming to be released. His lips caressed her flushed skin, lingering momentarily in each spot. Their legs became entangled like vines in a rain forest jungle. He watched through slightly open eyes as she stretched her gazelle like body, arching her back as though leaping through the air. His hands skimmed her elongated torso, gently pressing her back into the twisted sheets. He forced himself to look into her hazel eyes.

"Peyton..." she looked at him, understanding his unspoken question. She watched the pleading in his eyes and knew he was requesting permission to complete what they had set in motion. She smiled lightheartedly nodding her head, giving him access to his desires. He buried his face into her neck, whispering into her soft skin. She closed her eyes in pleasure.

She loved his ability to understand her and accept her the way she was. He was aware of every crack, chip, flaw and dent but he never judged, he only picked her up when she fell. He supported her when she was weak, and he loved her even though she couldn't always return his gestures. He was her saving grace.

The curly blonde lost herself in her thoughts and her pleasure as her quivering fingers latched to his firm chest, a result of his training. They both grew anxious to join their bodies together. She was experiencing an eagerness she hadn't felt in a long while. Her mind started to grow insecure about what she could give him. She didn't know what she was going to be compared to. Her emotions caused her body to tremble more, as the urge to hide ran through her. But her fears and worries were quickly suppressed as he joined their lips, their tongues dancing in their mouths.

She lost all of her ability to comprehend things as she finally accepted him in his entirety. Her hips rocked in unison with his. She felt a sudden rush off energy surge through her veins, causing her to become light headed, but she ignored it. Lucas felt the sound that was traveling up his throat, relieved when it finally escaped his mouth. Peyton's body continued to rock gently as the heat sweltered in her tense body. Her hands made their way to Lucas's back, pulling her body into his from the intensity of it all. Her breathing quickly became shallow, she could feel herself gasping for breath. She could feel the immense energy her body was holding captive and she needed to let it out desperately. She felt him lift her legs higher onto his waist so that her legs were now wrapped around his pulsating waist. Their lips joined and he could feel the strong vibrations of the cries leaving her mouth and traveling into his. She pulled back from his lips and bowed down into his moist neck, breathing in his intoxicating cologne, the scent swirling around her head making her dizzy, but satisfied at the same time. Their bodies slowly made it back onto the ruffled, damp sheets as he separated their now weary bodies and rolling over to occupy the space next to her. Her matted curls clung to her face as her head found its way onto his chest. She could hear his heart racing as he cradled her in his arm.

A small smile crept across both their features as a cool night breeze blew through the windows causing Peyton to shiver slightly. 'I love you...you know that both of you' her smile grew wider at that as she kissed him lightly on the cheek. 'We love you too' she uttered barely audible as her eye feel shut and she set another kiss onto his exposed firm chest.

'Peyt?' she opened her eyes wearily to meet his baby blue ones, 'Yeah' she queried tiredly it appeared all that had taken it right out of her. 'Do you wanna get married?' she was completely taken off guard at that and lifted her heavy head to look at him. But she didn't want it any other way them living together a little family, the apple pie life it all sounded pretty great to her.

'Yeah...yeah I love you and I wanna be be your wife Lucas' she answered as tears spilt free from her eyes again for what seemed like the thousandths time that day. She felt him kiss her on the forehead lightly before stroking his finger through her blond locks. And settling down under the covers. 'True love always Luke you and me forever' was her last response before her mind was invaded with dreams of everything good in her life, especially the warm figure holding her fragile body.

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A/N: So there it is I hope you guys enjoyed it and please review so I can know what you think. Leyton are engaged hope it wasn't to anti-climatic but whoop whoop crack the champagne! Until next time.

LeytonFan4Eva xxx


	21. Chapter 21 Things are looking up

**Mufc87** \- Thank you for your review I think it went well as well haha.

 **Daydreamerdb** \- I'm glad your happy with the chapter.

 **Guest** \- Thanks for reviewing on my fic.

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She woke to the smell of Lucas' intoxicating cologne, vanilla and lavender overwhelming her senses making her feel buzzed. A heart felt grin tugged at the corners of her mouth as she took in where she was and flashbacks of the night before seized her minds eye. For the first time in what seemed like a long time she felt an unfamiliar sense of joy. Weary eyed she focused on the rise and fall of his toned chest, a silent confirmation that last night hadn't been all some kind of disorderly fantasy. Unconsciously she felt her hand drift to the slight bump of her protruding womb. She could feel Lucas' warm breath fanning her face.

'Peyton Sawyer soon to be Scott' god how she loved hearing that come from his lips. She let out a hearty chuckle as his hushed raspy voice met her ears, the hot kind that men get when they wake up prematurely in the morning. For a beat she was silent listening carefully to the outside world at peace almost from the humidity of birds chirping and the glare of sunshine pouring in from the exterior. 'I love you Lucas' she whispered sincerely so inaudibly that she was shocked that he'd even heard her. 'I love you too Peyt' her heart swelled in her chest, butterflies swarming in the pit of her stomach as he trailed a series of kisses down to her stomach gently, his sweet lips lingering on her womb momentarily before he added, 'Both of you'. Last time had been rushed, desperate, a throw of passion with a meaning that they had been yet to figure out.

And from that heat of the moment, a baby...their baby had been conceived. But this time was the definition of what people interpret the meaning making love was suppose to be.

'What are you gonna tell your mom?' she found herself asking before she could even begin to consciously process the words. A moment of painful silence passed between the two blondes before he finally broke it. 'Well I was hoping something we could do together...what are you gonna tell your dad?' she practically felt her insides curl together in terror at the daunting thought before exploding into little bits and pieces. She furrowed her brows and found herself almost choking on the next words that left her mouth. 'I actually wasn't wasn't planning on telling him..I'll wait until I know when his coming back...besides I doubt that's soon after what I said to him' she deadpanned as she watched for his reaction. He looked up from her stomach his icy eyes glinting with something she hadn't quite seen in his eyes before, then he leaned up leaning over he whilst bracing himself on his elbows before kissing her softly on the lips.

'Look Peyt...I get why your so adamant to tell him about this baby and I support you one hundred percent whatever you wanna do...i'm behind you' she nodded as he pressed his forehead to hers letting out a light laugh. 'What...is there something on my face?' she asked starting to wipe her face. 'No it's just...were late for school' she grabbed the pillow smacking it over his head playfully and that he rolled of her with a wide beam on his gorgeous features and got to his feet holding one of his large hands out for her to take.

She took it and rose to her feet unsteadily, a grin splitting her face. It was then she suddenly felt that same overpowering feeling of nausea surge within her stomach that had been haunting her for about ten weeks straight. She slapped the back of her palm over her mouth trying to swallow it down. Lucas must have caught sight of her pale complexion because his eyebrows started knitting together in worry as he stroked her cheek 'Peyt?, he didn't get to finish his sentence because she cut him of with a gag. 'I'm gonna throw up' she flew to her bedroom bathroom on shaky knees slamming the creaky door deadbolt shut behind her before crashing ungracefully to the floor lifting the lid of the toilet, letting the vile substance spew forth from her parched lips. She clutched the ceramic seat so hard, she was surprised she didn't break her fingers in half. It always hurt when she got sick and with every violent heave she found that the tears were able to come a lot easier. Once she was sure it was over she let out a trembling sigh of relief leaning her forehead against the seat. 'Peyton?' she heard his perturbed masculine voice break through the other side of the door before it carefully creaked open.

That in itself gave her the strength she needed to rise to her feet, hurriedly flushing the toilet and moving to the porcelain sink before turning on the tap proceeding to wash her face. She knew that he had seen all her flaws before including her vomiting like there was no tomorrow and off her face on the heroin but it didn't stop the red hot heat of embarrassment spreading to her cheeks.

She looked up to be greeted with the sight of Lucas' tense and uneasy form. Their eyes locking in an intense stare off taking in his worried blue storms looking at her with such bone crippling fear she thought he'd have cardiac arrest right there on the spot. 'It's fine Luke, it's only morning sickness again. One of the perks of being pregnant' she reassured with a forced smirk, she watched him un-tense visibly before he stalked over to her to where she stood leaning against the sink for support, snaking his long muscular arms around her waist before they came to rest on her womb. Another beam split her soft lips as he pecked her blond head of curls before inhaling them and looking at her with a boyish grin set on his beautiful features. 'You ok?' she nodded mutely as he smoothed the loose flaxen curl that had fallen a stray in her face back with the rest of her hair. 'That's how we got this one' she chortled as he started planting a trail of kisses along her shoulder, he stilled and smiled against her skin.

'We better get dressed' she agreed as he kissed her lightly for the final time then turned his back on her disappearing back into the bedroom. She loved how they both keep their hands of each other, and how they could finally be together now without any drama of hurting people...but still one thought disturbed her causing fear to cripple her inside making her feel like she was drowning, would they be where they were if the baby wasn't his? she desperately wanted to call him on it but didn't want to ruin the untroubled moments they were having right now. She let out a breath she didn't know she was holding before running her hands under the brisk translucent liquid that spurted from the clean metal tap. She splashed the water on her face, which relieved the feeling off overheating she had been experiencing earlier.

It was exactly what she needed. Before she knew it she was ready to go to school having brushed her teeth so hard she probably took some of the enamel off, and gotten dressed in a simple salmon pink thermal and the same washed blue jeans she had been wearing the day before for she couldn't be bothered to look in her draws for anything else, she knew in a few months that she would no longer be able to even fit in her favorite pair of denims. She ploughed back into her spacious bedroom, oblivious to Lucas' presence still in her bedroom sitting on her bed sorting through his Herschel Classic black backpack and headed straight to her desk to retrieve her Brown canvas messenger bag. The all too familiar feeling of irritability soaring through her entire being but she forced it to go away, she wasn't going to ruin moments like this with classic Peyton Sawyer meltdown show. She didn't even know where it came from it had all quite taken her by surprise...how could she just flip the switch from zero to bitch in a space of ten seconds...max?

'Ready?' she swung her messenger bag over her shoulder and turned to him. 'Yep' was all she said before storming past him and before she knew it they were out of the house and sitting securely in Lucas's red body shop jeep, the sun glaring amazingly in the humid sky. The drive had been going steady, her acting like nothing was bothering her but she knew that he wasn't stupid and knew something was up. She inhaled a sharp breath as the nausea begun to control her body again. She rolled down the window and leaned her head on the dashboard. Before taking a deep breath and shutting her eyes waiting patiently for it to pass.

'You haven't eaten breakfast, do you wanna stop off somewhere so you can eat?' she shook knowing that he was trying to break the tension in the air. Her head scrunching her nose up at the thought of even remotely touching anything to do with food at the moment in time. 'No we can just get something to eat at school' she lied as she sat back against the seat, inhaling a deeper breath as she forced the bile back down her throat. 'You got morning sickness again?' she nodded as he grabbed a nearby plastic bag from under him and set it down on her lap. 'I have to thank that guy...Axl...he took me to the hospital yesterday' she rasped out as she saw him from the corner of her eye taking glances at her. 'Who's Axl' she let a slight smile grace her face finding humor in the envious tone in his voice. She answered carefully, 'Some guy I met yesterday, we kinda hit it off and...not in the sexual kind of way' she added quickly before he jumped to conclusion and she wouldn't blame him if he did.

'Oh' she caught on to the slight firmness of his voice which told her he was being possessive and jealous, making her wanna see how far she could push him. 'There's no need to be jealous Luke' she stated looking at him and batting her eyes with forced provocativeness in her voice, 'I'm not jealous' she let out a breathy laugh as he looked at her, his looking like he was at a cross between laughing and getting pissed off all together. She turned her head to the road again and just as she did she saw a car rearing towards them.

'LUCAS!' she screamed gripping the edge of her seat her fingers digging into the material as a all new kind of fear shot through her entire being, the mere instinct to protect the child within her overwhelming her as her arms flailed around her stomach. And her seatbealt pushed hard against her chest preventing her from cracking her skull on the dashboard.

He turned the car, into a left angle as the other car shot past them...the sound of a horn echoing in the distance. Both blondes breathed heavily as they turned to look at each other icy blue eyes meeting emeralds ones. 'You ok?' she nodded still evidently in shock as she took in where they were.

The rattling wind swimming though her tow-colored locks, directed in through the car window. With a turn of her head, she felt the scene change, as if someone had set wallpaper to scene. They were at Molina Bridge, and she her eyes begun to focus on the part of the bridge that was under construction from where she smashed Nathan's black jeep through it. Memories plaguing her mind threatening to choke her. As her breathing became almost erratic.

 _Suffocating._

 _Hold on._

 _Hold your breath._

 _Trapped. No escape._

 _This has got to be a dream._

 _Dying._

 _Her head feels heavy, The pain throbs and pulses in her skull, not a sharp pain like a knife-inflicted wound, but more of a dull pounding with a hammer over...and over...and over again. Her brain feels like it's on overdrive, but at the same time can't process properly. Images, no excruciating flashbacks run through her head like her life flashing before her eyes again. Like it had when she got shot in the stomach. But they're chasing each other round and round. Her mind can't catch a single one, but gets pounded with all of them at the same time as they ricochet and slam into the walls of her head._

 _Peyton wakes up spluttering for air and looks around her. Rubbing the front of her head. Was this some sort of fucked up nightmare she couldn't wake up from? She blinked furiously until they adjusted to her surroundings._

 _She was in a car…_

 _Nathan's car and it was dark…so dark. She shook her head trying to move and was met with the sound of what could only be described as a liquid and it was cold. She tilted her head breathing heavily before looking down and was met with the silver gleam of water. And it was filling the car quickly, as the car was becoming fully submerged. As the water hit her, she knew it was over. She knew there was no point in fighting it._

 _But that didn't stop the panic from stirring inside her as the instinct to breath kicked in, she looked around for anything to smash the window in but found nothing. In about three minutes she was up to her neck in water, struggling for breath._

 _As one thought and one thought alone sat with her._

 _This was it._

 _Maybe her mother hadn't been the fucked up illusion that she thought she was. Maybe it was her spirit come to warn her of what was to happen._

 _She took a deep breath as the water suddenly filled the car to full tilt. Closing her eyes as she went under and praying for this all to just stop. She couldn't hold her breath forever._

 _Her vision turned to the door and she swiftly placed her hands on the handle trying to open it. But the water pressure outside kept the door from opening. this is the water trying to attain equal pressure. The force water applies on the door is much larger than the force us weak humans can exert on the door for opening it._

 _She bangs on the window with her hands and tries to elbow it anything to get out but she's too weak, physically. There is no way out. She's going to die this time for sure._

 _Even though her mind had made a decision, her body did NOT agree with it. She could feel her lungs screaming for air, crying out. It hurts..._

 _"It's ok Peyton Just breath..." She heard a voice say..._

 _It hurts..._

She snapped her eyes open and blinked a couple of times as the memory washed over her, and suddenly became aware of Lucas' comforting hand on her shoulder. She looked at him in awe as if she had only just realized he was there, 'Peyton baby...are you ok?' she felt him cup her face in his large hands before she nodded mutely frantically almost before answering.

'I'm fine...we're both fine...let's just get to school before we get detention for a two weeks' she tried to joke as he eyed her unconvinced by the fake smile that spread over her features. She was thankful when he reared the car engine again saying no more about it knowing no doubt that, that was exactly what she didn't need and it roared to life. Then they were off down the road, back on their way to school. Peyton took one last final glance back at Molina Bridge before it faded in to distance and felt Lucas grip her hand a silent reminder that he knew exactly of the memory that had just danced behind her eyes.

And that in itself gave her the strength she needed to know that she could get through this, she could survive this...with him by her side. She prayed to god she could.

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A/N: So there it is hope you guys like, read and review please I love getting reviews so if you read please do make sure to pop a review in there. Until next time guys.

SPOILER: Axl and Lucas tension. Tension with Brooke and Peyton. An appearance from Peyton's biological mom Ellie and a shocking phone call.

LeytonFan4Eva xxx


	22. Chapter 22 Flowers in the Attic

Daydreamerdb - What you said fully made me laugh, thanks for the review.

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People use the color yellow was to symbolize hope. Yellow. Like the sun they see all the time. When she was very young, she thought life would be like one, long and perfect summer day; after all, it started out that way. She was a beautiful only child with blonde curls for hair, virescent eyes and porcelain skin. People would say she looked like those fancy Dresden dolls that grace shelves and mantles — only she wasn't just admired, she was really loved. But that was before. Life is full of surprises, her mother used to say… and greed and fear and shame, as she soon learned. And hopelessness. She never colored even one of her paper flowers yellow.

She tread out of Lucas' jeep with a sense of nostalgia as she looked out across the lonely parking lot. Nothing in sight but the daunting face of the school and the various cars of students parked neatly row by row like some sort of army formation type thing. Peyton sucked in the air as if nothing had ever been so sweet. Those sixteen hours in her room had felt like a week. She had breathed in the stale air as reluctantly as she did homework. The fragrance of summer grasses and meadow flowers had never been apparent to her before, but now they jumped out at her like a candy commercial. 'Its' dead out here' she heard Lucas' voice break through the hollow air and turned to see him staring at the school the same way she had just been doing. When he met her gaze, she felt drawn into his eyes. The icy blueness generated a feeling like she was being pulled into a lake of wholehearted emotions. It was like all the myriad shades of blue swirled together to form a whirlpool of impassiveness. She could tell by his body language that this was indeed the guy she wanted to spend the rest of her life with, and those flickering azure orbs confirmed her thoughts.

A little embarrassed by her childlike thought of prince meets princess, they live happily ever after the end. She could feel the heat growing in her cheeks. By now they must be beyond an attractive rosiness. They must be marking her out as a social incompetent. She felt as if all her insecurities were writ large across her face and there was nowhere to hide. As her anxieties mounted they became a circle, like a song stuck on repeat.

'Your blushing again' she caught on to the laughter in his voice as she let out a little nervous giggle covering her face in self-consciousness. 'Oh my god...' she mumbled into her hands as she felt him pull her into her embrace. 'Hey don't ever feel the need to hide from me...it's me Lucas and I love every square inch of you, I love your soul and I love you for your flaws as well...no matter what ok' she smiled a true smile, one only Lucas could produce from her. 'It's just I'm not the same girl I was before all the rape and drugs, I miss who I use to be' she confessed as he threw his arm over her shoulder before pecking her forehead. 'I know Peyt...but you will get back to being the girl you use to be it might take sometime and you may never get back to being her...but your my girl and I'll take you however you are' she felt the lump constrict in her throat as she could feel herself getting emotional from his little speech, he always knew what to say to make her feel like she was invincible...she got that now.

Crying was how she understood herself best. When she cried she knew who she really was...she understood that now. She cried when others were hurt as well as herself. She cried at the brutal world news and stupid soft movies. It's her strength and her weakness...her humanity. Strong because it brings understanding and weak because who wants the listener to weep when they are looking for a strong shoulder? she wished she could turn her tears off, she did. Or perhaps just save it until she's alone, but she not wired like that. Her emotions swirl like ocean currents, deep and strong. Sometimes she's scared to dive in encase she doesn't make it out again, but she can't be anyone else, she doesn't suppose anyone can. But all she knew how to do was people away, how does one even begin to go about changing that?

And then there was Lucas. There were times the emotions in Lucas were so high that she could feel them leap from him right into her eyes. It's like they are sparks ready to fly and she is his ground. It's as if the usual scales of human emotion just don't apply to him. It can't be easy to be in that mind, to live in it, feel it. Yet she can learn so much from him; she can love him; she can help him on his journey through life as he feels every raindrop and bite of winter wind to the summer breeze. He can lead her to the sunshine, show her new spring growth and nesting birds - prove to her that there is still enough warmth for her beating heart.

She didn't realize until they were through the school entrance that they had started walking. It was silent which told her that every student was probably in their lesson. 'I'll go sign us in' she heard Lucas say and nodded absentmindedly watching as he stalked off towards the general office before leaning both elbows on the counter top. Making a small smirk etch on her features. She waited alone in the corridor for what seemed like forever until she felt his presence join her again.

'It's actually break time at the moment...so why don't we go out and meet the others at the tables' it felt weird being back in the routine of school, and she knew once the news dropped that she was pregnant she would be made to take a leave of absence as well the prying eyes of students looking at her and Lucas like they had both committed the world's worst crime. She let him entwine his hands with hers and lead her down the school hallway and towards the entrance to the outside world where everybody was sitting, hanging out...laughing at each other's jokes. Before she knew it she was facing the widened eyes of Nathan, Haley, Brooke and the the rest of the gang making her feel naked under their intense gazes.

'Hey Sawyer' she looked up to meet Nathan's cobalt blue eyes looking at her with a cross between uneasiness and genuine happiness to see her. 'Hi' she muttered politely somewhat awkwardly as the tension flew through the air. Peyton stared into Nate's eyes, determined not to look away first. She was certain that he knew she was trying to hide something, but still she was determined to fool him. She contorted her lips into an awkward, toothy smile, his but her cheeks were not so compromising. She could feel their reluctance to be molded falsely. 'It's good to have you back' she let him take her into his embrace snuggling into his warmth before pulling away. Haley was the next to come over hugging her tight to her and then Rachel, Skills and Mouth. But Brooke just sat there looking awkward, out of place because she had so many opportunities to put aside her differences with Peyton and be her best friend again. She could see how Brooke was struggling not to run up to her and hold her so tight that it killed her but she knew better than to do it while Peyton hated her so much.

'Peyton can I talk to you for a minute' shock, soared through her as the all to familiar rasp of her former best friend caught her off guard. She wanted to refuse to shout no at her until she was blew in the face. But a part of her wanted to hear what she possibly had to say...a part of her missed having her best friend and so curiosity won out. She did the only thing that her heart told her to do even if her mind was begging at her to just take the last bit of pride she had and say no, taking all the compassion that made her who she was she agreed, letting Lucas peck her on the lips to mark her territory before the two stalked away from the groups distressed gazes.

Brooke wore a face like she was expecting anger from her, anger that just didn't exist anymore, she was just to tired to fight with her anymore. She was just done with it.

'You have five minutes' she spoke when they were a good hundred centimeters away from their group of friends.

'Ok Peyton...I just wanna say...I'm so sorry these past two months i was just so wrapped up in my own pathetic spite and bitterness that I didn't even give you a chance...I love Lucas but a part of me always knew that he was in love with you and that you were in love with him and I was jealous and wanted him so I took him from you. And by doing that something terrible happened...I'm am so so sorry Peyton...please forgive me I just...I want my best friend back' she felt a slight clench in her heart and cursed her compassion for making her such an empath lately. But her mind screamed at her, asking her to remember what this one person had put her through.

'Is that it Brooke really? You made my life hell...you took everything from me...ESPECIALLY THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, I GOT RAPED, I GOT HOOKED ON DRUGS AND ALMOST DIED TWICE BECAUSE OF IT...I NEEDED MY BEST FRIEND AND YOU SPIT IN MY FACE...MAKING ME FEEL GUILTY FOR TELLING YOU THE TRUTH ABOUT HOW I REALLY FELT!' She roared as she banded her arms around her womb suddenly feeling like everything in the world was trying to attack her.

'Peyton I...' she cut her off.

'No Brooke...I'm sorry but I don't want anything to do with you...you went to far and I just can't forgive you for what you did' she spoke sharply.

'Peyton...please' she winced noticeably as A single tear slid down from her warm, doe eyes, followed by another one, and another one, until soon, a steady stream of salty tears flowed it's way down her pale cheek, releasing the sadness and sorrow that she had been no doubt pent up for two months. Held inside of her for all that time but still she did not make a sound. Peyton forced herself to look away muttering an excuse about why she had to go.

She stalked back over to the group her arms not having left her womb as she met Lucas' worried glance. 'Peyt' she stopped him before he could ask anymore...'I'm fine I promise...everything's ok' she stuttered out in a messy heap as she looked behind her to see a depressed Brooke making her way back to the table. She looked back at Lucas then her eyes drifted past him as she caught sight of Axl sitting at a table alone, his wavy dark hair slicked behind his ears. His icy eyes staring. Staring had become their form of communication. It was a contest of sorts and winning came at a price. Axl wouldn't look at her so much as through her, like her head was transparent and he was fascinated by an object two inches behind her skull.

'Actually I think I'm gonna thank Axl for helping me out yesterday...do you wanna come?' she asked Lucas as he smiled warmly before they both started taking a steady walk over to him. She watched as he quickly diverted his vision back to whatever he had been doing previously before he saw her enter into the outdoors.

'Axl hey' she uttered making her presence know to him as Lucas stood beside her his finger entwined with hers. 'Hi Peyton' she let out a breathy laugh at his sarcastic tone watching as he ran his gaze over her and Lucas hands before his eyes locked with hers. 'I wanted to thank you for taking me to get that scan yesterday...you didn't have to but you did and i'm really grateful for that' she spoke he continued to look at her, disregarding his silent salutation, and continued to stare at her wild-eyed, as a damned soul in purgatory might look at Satan passing in regal splendor through the seventy times seven fold circles of hell.

'Wow did the saddest girl in the world just thank me...i'm touched' she stifled another chuckle as he put his hand on his heart mockingly before shaking his head. 'Don't worry about it...and your Lucas Scott right?' she watched as the two males shook hands with Axl reluctantly and could see the on edge squint in Lucas' beautiful blue eyes. He didn't trust him. ' Axl Zamora' she swallowed hard not liking the tension she could feel radiating off them, 'Yeah I know Peyton was telling me about you' she looked between them feeling suddenly very uncertain of how this would pan out.

Before they could converse in anymore talking, the bell rang for third period. 'It was nice to meet you Axl...we'll be seeing ya' she started walking away with Lucas when Axl's voice broke through the air. 'No Luke It's ok i'm not feeling like going to lessons right now anyway...I might hang out with Axl for a bit' she said as Lucas gave her a concerned look. 'Peyton' she cut him off grabbing his face and pulling him into a gentle kiss, when she pulled away she could see the mental debate he was having and stroked his cheek to calm his nerves a little bit.

'Luke i'll be fine...I just wanna catch up with my friend' she reassured him shocking herself that she had already started considering her and Axl to be friends. She watched him look to Axl before nodding reluctantly kissing her again softly before making his way back over to the group and going inside for third period.

'So wanna get out of here for a little bit' The left side of her faint red lip tugged upwards creating a sinister smirk on her goddess like face; casting a spell of lust to eyes that dare look her way before she answered. 'Well yeah...where'd you wanna go?' she watched him think for a while before his eyes brightened in idea.

'Were going to town' she didn't get to say anything more as he grabbed her hand and before she knew it they were standing in front of his rusty pick up truck. She watched him get in and start the car, The engine sputtering to life, a horrible coughing sound like that of a dying man. With a loud fart, a cloud of smoke blasted out from the exhaust pipe. Her eyes watered and she coughed violently as she opened the door and hopped in.

'So I guess things went well with Lucas after all' she nodded mutely before replying, 'yeah...were actually engaged' she thought that his reaction would be shocked or jugging but he didn't even bat an eyelid. Didn't seem in the least surprised as he kept his eyes straight ahead on the road. 'Well what do you expect from two people who are in love and having a baby together' she listened to the cold on edge tone in his voice as he looked at her briefly. It was weird she didn't get why he was being so hostile towards Lucas.

'So does this mean were like friends now' she asked as they pulled up to a nearby curb having arrived at their destination, 'I don't know Peyton are we friends' she looked at him upon hearing the humor in his voice. 'i don't know we've only known each other for a day...yet it feels like I've know you longer' she admitted with a smile, 'Then maybe we are friends' she eyed him her lips curved into a grin as she looked out the windshield to see that same Blonde woman she had seen yesterday.

'Hey I know her' she said as she leaned forward in her seat squinting her eyes to get a better look at her. She walked confidently heading into Karen's cafe with a slight spring in her step. 'How...' she heard Axl ask, 'I bumped into her on the street yesterday and she gave me her card, said she was interested in my drawings' she spoke absentmindedly. 'Wait your an artist' she slapped him playfully as she could feel the mockingness that was about to come. 'Shut up Axl that's not the point' she said as her phone suddenly buzzed in her pocket, it was decided she wanted to follow this woman find out more about her.

 _She fished it out of her back pocket and turned it on to see the message reading._

 _'Hey Babe hows it going'_ she answered Lucas' text message with a coy smile adding a few kisses at the end before her phone suddenly all out begun ringing shrilly causing her to wince noticeably. The number was unknown.

'Hello' she answered grudgingly as an unfamiliar voice came through the phone.

'Hi is this Peyton Sawyer?' the voice filtered through the phone causing her to feel even more on edge than she had been.

'Yes this is she' she confirmed.

'My name is Officer Matthews and we wanna talk about your rape case with Sammy Dawson, we were wondering if you would like to press charges. That would involve a court hearing' The fear sits quietly, eroding the person she was born to be. What starts as a contortion of her stomach becomes a feeling of being smothered by an invisible hand. Her breathing becomes erratic, deep, then shallow. She fights it. She fights the feeling as her body writhes to be free or shut down entirely. Each time this happens part of her gets stronger, learning how to cope, part of her weakens. To recover, this new version of fear needs a name and she crowns it fear of failure. Against it she pit the fear of never trying, of failing through cowardice. This is how she's learnt how to keep moving forward, why others use to think her brave. She's not. She just knows how to push through fear better than others... make forwards less painful than hiding in the shadows.

In that moment all she wants is Lucas' holding her close whispering in her hair that it was alright and that he had her and how they had each other and their baby.

'I'm sorry I...I can't' was all she said before she hung up the phone snapping it shut so hard it could've broke and closed her eyes tight praying by some miracle that it would go away, becoming completely oblivious to Axl's presence in the car with her. Just as she thought things were about to get better as well.

It just went to prove that she couldn't outrun fear...or her past because it always comes back to haunt her.

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A/N: Hope you enjoyed and the next chapter will be up soon. Review, review, review and til next time guys.

LeytonFan4Eva xxx


	23. Chapter 23 Changes

**Jordana60** \- I'm glad to see your review on my story, i was wondering where you were haha. Always love to hear what you think, your reviews are always so nice and down to earth. Thank you so much.

 **Guest** \- Yeah it's about time Peyton starts fighting for what she wants. Thanks for the review.

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The lies that she feared most were the ones close enough to the truth to pass under the radar, or else the ones that are so big she'd never dream a person could make something like that up. The half truths lead people away from trust into a closet xenophobia. The big ones are shock and awe, they just root people in fear so their primal brains starts doing the thinking. Once they're in survival mode there's a muzzle on their higher thinking, concepts like altruism, charity and cooperation become whispers among the anxious screams. If they fight it they stick out, they're a rebel, a conspiracy theorist, a marked person. So people take the government issue blinkers and set about their day, punch the clock, eat the cookie, buy the coffee.

But it's just one little lie right, and they barely know each other although they've begun to form some sort of bond...

'What the hell just happened?' She glanced over at Axl's puzzled expression. Before swallowing hard her throat suddenly feeling scratchy and dry.

'Nothing...it was no one' she lied as she shoved her phone back into her pocket before running a shaking hand through her curls and opening the car door to hop out. 'Ok' she rolled her eyes as she hears his what the fuck tone threatening to send her over the edge. It didn't take a genius to know that Axl was high...he had obviously been lining up before she spoke to him today, she could tell just by the way he was carrying himself.

The dude probably felt a million bucks right know that's how she remembered feeling. Drug abuse statistics count shattered souls like dollars. Each digit is a person, a family, a tragedy. People aren't wired to make good choices about tragedies with mathematics, they need to engage with people on a human scale, make eye contact, touch, hug, empathize. The more in trouble the person is the more love they need, the more support they are crying out for. In this world there are many sensitive souls that need help to thrive. No doubt like Axl and she can see that. People need to see them as fellows of their kind, ones with gifts from the divine as much as themselves. When it is most challenging to give love people should be taking that as a signal to give more. Wounds are healed by love, compassion, caring, genuine support. Do that and the addiction will be easier to cast away the drugs. That's how Lucas got her to agree to go to rehab, through never leaving her side...through sticking by her. And she loved him to much to choose the drugs over him again, no matter how much she wanted to.

'I wanna see where that woman went' she admitted as the pair of them started towards Karen's cafe.

With each step, the closer they get. Dread owns her, pushing against her like an invisible gale, attempting to reverse her steps back to Axl's truck. Dread has her stomach locked up tight, nothing getting in or out. Dread sets her face like rigor mortis, her teeth locked tight together. But unless it can turn back time, drag the sun from the sky and inject amnesia into the mind of the professor, her time has come. But she doesn't know why.

She places a palm on her slight bulge of a stomach, a maternal instinct that only mothers to be could understand. She couldn't understand why she felt so nervous...she just knew that it felt like there was a gravitational force pulling her towards this woman and she couldn't explain it. She was so close to the door, could practically see the woman inside when a voice in the back of her head stopped her from pulling the glass door open. It felt like there was a massive force of nature telling her to take a huge step back...and so she cowered.

'I can't...I can't do it I don't know why it just doesn't feel right' she begun as she turned away, 'Peyton wait...' she caught on to Axl say as he gripped her arm in a vice grip. 'No Axl I can't it's just wrong I can't explain it' she muttered more to herself than him as she watched him nod his head before they started making off back towards his car. When a voice stopped her clear in her tracks.

'Hey aren't you that girl I ran into yesterday' she turned slowly. She sure this woman saw the shock register on her face before she could hide it. A small smile playing on the other blondes lips. It wasn't what she said though, her words were like vanilla pudding, sweet in their ordinary sort of way, it was the richness of her tones – luxurious and warm. She must have been a soprano in church or something when she was younger. In a way she's glad she saw her before she heard her voice, she'd never have put the two of them together otherwise.

'Yeah' she managed timidly taking in this strangers appearance, Against her black woolen jacket the woman's blonde hair was almost white. It fell to a straight line midway down her back, absolutely flat and shining in the summer light. The shorter strands hung forwards to hide her eyes. It was actually similar to hers when she would straighten her hair and it chilled her soul a bit thinking about how familiar this woman looked. To say that this woman's eyes were blue was like saying that the sun was yellow. Sufficient but not accurate to capture the burning. 'Peyton right?' the mysterious woman queried again and Peyton found that she could only nod her head mutely in confirmation. It's so fucking awkward.

They stand knee deep in silence. There is the steady beeping of traffic. The sound of the birds song, by now it must be like 12 pm in the afternoon and school will be over soon, they should be getting back. She just needed to figure out a way out of this.

'We weren't stalking you or anything Peyton just wanted to...' She heard Axl fumble for the right words. Flinching internally at his failure. 'We'll be seeing ya' she finally broke in grabbing Axl by the hand and dragging him of before the woman could even get another word out her mouth.

When they reach the car, With ankles crossed and her knees leaning against the center console, she watched Axl slide into the driver's seat, starting the engine with a twist of keys. Observing his movements, a tired sigh escapes her lips. The rest of the ride is silent both of them in their own thoughts, the tranquility is broken by Axl's voice.

'Ok why did you want to see that woman so bad just then Peyton' she shrugged, 'I was curious' she answered simply as they got out and headed towards the school.

When her and Axl walked through the school, it was rush hour for last period and she could see people's eyes turning to hers. Looking at her with disgust and contempt. She looked left to see cheerleaders pointing and giggling at her.

What the fuck?

She suddenly felt very self-conscious under all their intense stares. She looked over to Axl who was staring straight ahead and figured that he had barely noticed the stares. He was probably use to it...maybe it was because she had made friends with the school's newest druggie and that got all the rumors flying around that she too was doing drugs herself. Before she could even let out another breath a hand tugged her out of the thick crowd and she lost sight of Axl.

She forced the scream back down her throat and visibly relaxed when she saw Lucas' icy eyes squinting at her intently before a grin broke out on his gorgeous features. 'Hey' she let out a breathy laugh greeting him back, When he kissed her, she could've sworn her brain lit on fire and the warmth spread throughout her entire body. She felt addicted, like she couldn't get enough, like she couldn't bare to be away from him and she could barely breathe when he was around. Those kisses were her salvation and her torment. She lived for them and she would die with the memory of his on her lips. She dedicated her life to being with him from the moment of their first kiss for she knew that if she lost him she would loose herself. He was the half that made her whole.

She pulled away looking him deep in his eyes, the question she had been eager to ask him spilling from her lips, she wanted so desperately to tell Lucas about the phone call she had received from the police today, it was on the tip of her tongue but she changed the subject, not wanting to cause any drama. 'Luke can we get outta here and just like...go home or something?' she expected him to say no to her, to say _'oh come on babe you've just got back'._ But he didn't him being Lucas could read her like a book and knew that it was what was best for her and the baby right now, she watched as he nodded a smile playing on his features as he threw his arm over her shoulders and they towards the school exit.

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It was strange, being there again after so long, walking through the front door of Lucas' house. Despite how long she'd been away, she still remembered everything about the place; the blue hydrangeas planted in the front yard, the soft tinkling of the wind chimes that reminded her of the hot summer afternoons. The blue paint had faded since she had last seen it, but she still recognized it. It looked like the color of the sky before a bad storm.

He shut the sturdy front door behind them and took her hand leading her to the worn cream colored couch. Like everything else in the room the couch told a story, a testimony to the personality of its owner. It was a piece made more for style than comfort, a moderately priced copy of some truly talented designer. Underneath the blotches from casually dropped food it had been cream. She knew Karen had aspired to a clean look, minimalist, pale, but lacked the self discipline not to eat salsa and chips on it, no doubt glued to her B movies.

He entwined his hand in hers as they sat on the couch in their own thoughts, her eyes glancing around the room at the various photographs of Lucas and his mom, Keith, Nathan and Haley...She used to never look at her best photographs, always afraid that they would become worn, sun bleached or damaged. She was mistaken. The pictures were just conduits to her best memories, the ones that are not fantastic enough or traumatic enough to leave a permanent mark on their own. Her recollections are quite the opposite of those celluloid stills, unless she visits them often they will fade; and with them the very best of everyone who had blessed her life would vanish from her mind also- as if none of it ever happened. It was in those quieter moments of joy she saw the people beneath their troubles. She saw her mother's love and her fathers child-like spirit. She needed those memories to stay with her, she needed them to soothe her when the bad ones threatened to erase all traces of those people she still held dear, even in their absence. They are the evidence of the beautiful souls that belonged even to those who made the worst mistakes. And who was she to judge? Enough stress can change the best of us, even her.

Her eyes continued to run around the room her eyes coming to settle on a photo of him and Brooke. She forced herself to look away. She feels jealous, jealous at the fact that Karen really loved Brooke and the fact that the picture still remained in the living room. Of her boyfriend and ex best friend. Brooke's is smiling in the photo like she's happy right to her soul, like there is no part of her that sadness dwells. She has no mannerisms that show damage of any kind; she's perfection right down to her micro-expressions. The boys follow her with their eyes, even the ones who don't tend to notice girls. There were times she'd sell my soul just to be her for one day, to walk in those shoes instead of her own, instead of being the damaged goods that she had become. If that's envy she doesn't care. How fair is it to be born so fucked up and then be judged for wanting less?

'Peyt you ok?' she looked at him as if she had only just seen him for the first time, plastering on a fake grin. 'Yeah' she knew it sounded false and like she was flipping him off which she kind of was to be honest because it hurt that the photo of him and Brooke were still right in front of her in his living room. 'Peyt what's up?' she looked him deep in his meaningful sea of blue eyes before letting out a pained sigh. Nothing got past him. But she was determined to not let it get to her, maybe it was her pregnant brain fucking with her and making her act extra stupid. She knew he was in love with her and only her, not Brooke. And maybe it was just an honest mistake. So she lied.

'Honestly Luke i'm fine' She uttered looking down at their joined hands. 'You know Axl keeps pretty much asking me the same thing as well' she saw something flash in Lucas' eyes then, and knew the emotion to be jealousy, his jaw setting tightly.

'Peyt...I don't think you and Axl being friend's is a good idea' a felt a confused look etch her features at this. I mean she gets why Lucas would be jealous of her growing close to a boy but she didn't think he'd take it this far.

'Why' was all she could ask.

'Because...he doesn't seem right, he seems like trouble and you've only known him for twenty four hours' she shook her head dismissing it. 'His not ok...his just misunderstood Luke and I off all people know how that feels' she defended and caught that same worried expression from earlier.

'Don't worry ok...I only have eyes for you. Plus kinda carrying baby Scott here remember' she joked motioning at her slight bump as she watched a slight grin grace his features, before he stared her deeply in the emeralds. 'What?' she found herself asking with a slight humorous tone to her voice.

'I've got something for you' she watched him get up and go over to the little white jewelry box that sat on the mantle piece. 'Close your eyes' came his voice and she complied feeling a little sense of excitement well up inside her.

She felt the couch sink by her and felt him sliding something onto what she could feel was her dainty middle finger. 'Open them' she slowly fluttered her eyes open and gazed down at her left hand. It was Keith's ring, she was wearing Keith's ring. She knew how special that ring was to him and to his family. It was white gold with a intricate pear shaped real diamond. Sometimes joy and sadness get all mixed up, sometimes she thinks it's supposed to be that way. If joy for herself means hurt for another, how can it be different? If she gains and someone else loses of course her emotions are mixed. She loves competition, but only when the stakes aren't so high, only when there is enough for all to be happy. 'Baby why are you crying?' she inhaled a sharp breath as he stroked the tears away with his thumb.

'It's nothing...I just Love you so much...You make me happy and I can't wait to be your wife and have your baby' she choked out part of her crying because of the beautifulness of the moment the other because she was desperate to tell him about the call today, but didn't want to put anymore on his plate. She loved him to much for that...in the next moment his soft full lips were pressed to hers. The kiss obliterated every thought from her mind. For the first time in forever Peyton's mind was locked into the present. The worries of the day evaporated like a summer shower onto a hot car. Her usual mode of hurrying from one thing to the next was suspended, she had no wish for the kiss to end. Drunk on endorphin's her only desire was to touch him, to move her hands under his smooth summer layers and feel his perfect toned softness. In moments the soft caress has become more firm, she savored his lips and the quickening of his breath matched her own. A kiss like this was a beginning, a promise of much more to come.

He pulled away and looked her deep into her soul. Smiling at her with a smile that reached his eyes. 'I want everything with you Peyton' she let out a breathy cross between a sob and laugh. 'I want everything with you too Luke...and our baby...and us are gonna live happily ever after' she uttered with sincerity until a voice broke her out of her little speech.

'What baby?' she felt her blood run cold as her eyes shot desperately to Lucas' similar expression, and her eyes shifted to the doorway taking in the shocked and confused expression that was Karen's face. Both of them sitting there like two deer's caught in headlights.

Now here came the hard part.

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A/N: There is today's update, hope you guys enjoyed.

LeytonFan4Eva xxx


	24. Chapter 24 Heart Shaped Box

**I'D LIKE TO THANK!:**

 **Jordana60** \- I'm glad your enjoying the story, love hearing what you think I know I've said it before but it's true. And Axl disturbs me to haha.

 **PSawyerLove** \- Here is the next chapter ready for you to read. Thanks for reviewing.

 **Daydreamerdb** \- Your comment made me cry with laughter haha. Hope you enjoy.

 **Mufc87** \- Hope you enjoy the chapter and thank you so much for reviewing.

Note that flashback is in italic for if you get confused...

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'What baby Lucas?'

Through a swirl of sickening fears comes his mother's voice, shaking with an emotion he can't place but also holding something casual and light - as usual he can't hide his problems for more than a few seconds. But what can he do? Lie to his mother knowing that in a space of three months there'd be no hiding? There was no lying this time. She'll only see him just as he is - a teenager, a boy, stressed about homework, deadlines and making money at his part-time job. How was he supposed to tell his mom that he had gotten a girl pregnant? And not just any girl…his girl none other than Peyton Sawyer. She's worked all her life to give him a good home, food and more. He'd never been left wanting for hugs, smiles, laughter and acceptance in these four walls. What did he ever do? How can he prove a negative - that your girlfriend's not bad.

His quick to mask his surprise expression. His amazing fiery blue eyes watching his mom without shifting his vision, his heart hammering but he keeps his gait casual with no hint of hesitation.

He can't fight the coming dawn any more than he can the tides. He can't stop what's coming any more than he can call upon the clouds to clear the sky. Perhaps it is dread, but not quite. What comes is his destiny, what his life has been building towards and he would never wish it away. Change is coming, it has to. Change or die, isn't that the brave new world?

The air is so brittle it could snap, and if it doesn't, he might. No-one speaks, what can they say? Platitudes won't cut it right now. A week ago they were all anyone was saying, anything to ease the terrible burden of worry. But now he's coming down, either burning up at this moment or safe in the capsule, dead or alive, like that damn Schrödinger's cat. In this suspended horror that he wills to end and to last an eternity at the same time, Karen's pale green eyes stare intensely at the two blondes, waiting for an answer. In seconds she will know, she will cheer the roof right off or pain will engulf her entirely.

'Um...Mom I don't think their is any easy way to say this...' he can feel the fear in his chest waiting to take over. Perhaps it only wants to protect him but there really isn't any danger. It sits there like an angry ball propelling him towards an anxiety he just didn't need. 'Wh...What is it, when did Peyton get out?' he watched his mom motion at the curly blonde who sat opposite him her hands gripping his in a vice grip. 'Mom just...sit down ok...' In the inkiness of his mind supplies demons real and fictitious. Demanding that he slice the time between now and then ever thinner to apportion hours and minutes to each mind-numbing step closer he gets to the truth coming out. He watches as his mom stays in the doorway completely ignoring what he just said.

'Lucas you didn't answer my question' her voice held an almost chilling edge, so he forced himself to stand to his full height of six foot one taking slow steps forward until he was towering over his mothers petite form. 'Peyton's pregnant mom' he barely got a chance to say anything else. Her small hand cracks across his face, snapping it back with the force of her blow and causing his head to reel sickeningly, he heard Peyton gasp audibly and turned himself to face the eyes of his mother yet again. The slap was as loud as a clap and stung his face. It had been an open-handed smack and it had left a red welt behind. He stood there and took it because he hadn't expected anything else to be honest, this would've been her first reaction regardless of who it was.

'Jesus Lucas...How could you be so stupid, she's damaged' Every word stung only fueling the fire that burned inside of him. Every violated phrase was like gasoline to it, his fists began to clench and his jaw rooted. 'Don't talk about her like that mom, she's not damaged...you don't even know the full story' he growled out, but instantly regretted it as any child would when they speak to a parent so disrespectfully. Karen's wide open eyes reflected everything and saw nothing. Behind them was something more intense than normal thought and her clenched jaw wasn't a good sign. Lucas had been hoping for, perhaps not outright forgiveness, but the beginnings of a tentative understanding. Now he simply hoped to be able to leave his house tonight without giving his mother a reason to be pissed off at him all the more.

When his mum hands down a scolding she goes for the jugular. She takes issue with 'teenage swagger' and 'teenage entitlement.' If his friends were there she'd go for something embarrassing. If he was alone she'd go right for the guilt buttons. It used to work on him pretty good, but now his got a thicker skin. He was normally use to her getting loud, venting, blowing off her steam. In a little instance he would smirk and say "are you done? I got homework to do." That would stop her pretty quick. Who can argue with homework, right? Then his off for some quality texting time with the latest tunes. Adults say They're the ones being unstable, but what about them desperately trying to control their kids who aren't kids anymore? He may as well get loud back because she doesn't understand what him and Peyton had been through together. Doesn't know the half of it.

'I DON'T CARE LUCAS, SHE IS BAD NEWS...FAIR ENOUGH AT YOUR UNCLE KEITH'S FUNERAL BUT WHAT YOU WENT THROUGH WHEN SHE WAS IN REHAB...I DON'T WANT THAT AGAIN FOR YOU...SHE DESTROYS EVERYTHING SHE TOUCHES AND SHE'S GONNA DESTROY YOU TO!' He didn't want to be reminded of how his life was when Peyton was inside rehab. Putting her there had been one of the hardest decisions he had ever had to make in his life. He had stood on the brink of something he couldn't describe.

The weight of everything pressing down on his shoulders and he struggled to take even a single step forward. It was too much. All of it. And somehow, he kept moving. But every step cost him. The darkness grew darker; the pain grew sharper; all of it seemed to only grow in strength and he began to wonder if things could ever get better. But he never said a word, just pretending that he was fine...for his own sanity. Sometimes he wondered if that smile- the horribly fake smile- was ever seen through. If anyone ever noticed the sad, broken look in his eyes that he saw in the mirror. That was his life without Peyton, one big black whole of never ending darkness.

'How dare you...' he spoke through gritted teeth ignoring the shell-shocked expression that soon glanced over his mother's features as soon as the words left his mouth. 'We're getting married...she's having your grandchild mom...my child how could you be so cruel if you knew what she had been through, the hell we'd been through to finally reach this point in our lives when it didn't feel like the whole universe was trying to drive us apart then you'd be looking at this whole situation a lot differently' He stated in trying to keep himself from raising his voice that was becoming increasingly difficult.

'LUCAS SCOTT, I KNOW YOU NEVER LOVED BROOKE AND YOU'VE ALWAYS BEEN IN LOVE WITH PEYTON BUT ASK YOURSELF IS THIS WHAT YOU REALLY WANT. LOOK HOW HAPPY YOU WERE IN THAT PHOTOGRAPH WITH BROOKE!' He winced noticeably as he remembered how he had forgotten to take that picture down. As though he was connected to Peyton he could've sworn he felt the pang of pain that came from her, as an audible gasp of breath caught his ears. He shifted his vision to look at Peyton who was standing in the center of the living room her hand protecting their child within her womb. As she stared glassy eyed at the picture of him and Brooke that sat on the mantle piece.

The guilt was like gasoline in his guts. His insides dying slowly in the toxicity, needing no more than a spark to set it ablaze. The fire burning him out so badly there was nothing left but a shell, an outline of a person. 'Oh god Peyton I...' he tried but found himself choking on his words, he tried to take a step forward but she put her hand up stopping him in his tracks. He felt that same feeling of hurt soar through him as he believed that in that moment she was gonna shut him out again and they'd be over. 'Peyton...' her name came out desperate and raw on his lips as she shook her head turning away from the photo. When her green eyes meet his, he can see she's one more blow away from breaking. It's intervention time. He inhales a sharp breath as she take a step towards him and laces her fingers through his. Before her vision shifted to Karen's teary ones that matched her own.

'Karen i'm so sorry if I'm not the girl that you wanted for your son. But i'd like you to know that I didn't deliberately set out to hurt Lucas...I would never do that I love him. At first I wanted to hate him...when him and Brooke got together it killed me everyday and there was this party...' he knew where she was going with this and tried to stop her. 'Peyton don't...' but she continued on with her speech. 'And I was drunk and upset about them being together, it felt like they were throwing it in my face. And you off all people should know how that feels, but that's not the point...something awful happened. Sammy took me out to his car away from the party, away from where anyone would hear us...' he squeezed her hand as she inhaled a sharp breath the tears finally breaking free and spilling down her cheeks.

 _FLASHBACK: August 15_ _th_ _2006_

 _'Maybe I should tell my friends where i'm going' she breathed nervously as he carried her on his back._

 _'Tell your friends your with me' she felt a slight uneasiness well up inside her as he set her down, next to his car before opening the door for her to get in._

 _As soon as she was in the car, his lips were instantly on hers. They weren't kind and gentle but rough and forceful. She wanted him to stop. 'Do you want to?' she knew exactly what he meant but didn't want it to be true. 'Wanna what?' she asked shakily as his lips continued to invade her mouth._

 _She continued to kiss him for a little while. She tried to pull away. 'Maybe we should stop' she tried but he continued kissing her, his kisses getting all the more rougher. The thoughts are accelerating inside her head. She wants them to slow so she can breathe but they won't. Her breaths come in gasps and she feels like she will black out. Her heart is hammering inside her chest like it belongs to a rabbit running for its skin._

 _His coarse whisky tongue licked at her skin, stubby fingers curled in her hair. Every time Peyton closed her eyes he bashed her head backward onto the uncomfortable seat of his car demanding she open them. She didn't want to, she closed them over and over, anything rather than watch his face lit up with with power and lust. He became angry, his force less controlled. She screams but he cover her mouth as her hands hit his back frantically trying to make him stop._

 _He grabbed her hair and yanked and all she could do was scream, but that did nothing. A dirty sock reeking of mold was shoved into her mouth and his sweaty palm shoved on her mouth to prevent the scream that she desperately needed to release. Her skirt was hitched up around her waist and she had no room to move for they were only inside a car._

 _Her skirt was drenched with blood, sweat and tears. While he felt pleasure, she felt pain. His hair was sweaty and he was biting his bottom lip to keep from moaning out in triumph. She was doing everything she could to study every single feature on his face. She felt violated and... ashamed. Her dignity and strength was gone and all to a monster who calls himself a man! He finally removed himself from her and placed a chaste kiss on her lips "That was amazing babe, I'll see you back at the party" came Sammy's disgusting voice as he hopped out of his car leaving her staring at nothing in sheer shock._

 _He zipped up his jeans and started towards where the roaring music was coming from, and said in an alluring and sexy yet threatening voice that made her insides twist with sickness, "I'll see you soon"._

'And that's why I got so messed up...I just wanted it to stop' by the time Peyton had finished telling the story their were tears in all their eyes. He felt anger, Anger is a silent huntress looming in the night, ready to strike when you least expect it. She hovers over you like morning fog, clouding your judgment. She deceives you whenever she wills. You see a threat and she sees game. The more he saw it destroy her, the more he wanted to kill that slimy son of a bitch.

He stood there staring at his mom a heavy silence looming in the room as he watched his mom's regretful expression. 'I'm sorry Karen but I'm having your grandchild and I'm marrying your son and i'm sorry if i'm not the one that you wanted for your son' Lucas felt a painful emotional weight settle itself on his chest As much as she tried to hold it in, the pain came out like an uproar from her throat in the form of a silent scream. The beads of water started falling down one after another, without a sign of stopping. 'I'm sorry Karen...I'm so sorry' his own tears fell as he watched the love of his life crumble yet again. He watched as his mother walked up to her slowly and pulled her closer to her wrapping her arms around Peyton. As Peyton begun to sob again openly into his mother's shoulder.

'It's ok...' Karen uttered as she stroked the fragile blondes curls. Lucas watched on as his mother's sage green eyes met his before she nodded mutely repeating the words again.

'It's ok.'

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A/N: So I think that went well haha. I was gonna make Karen be nice about it but where's the fun in that right? Hope you guys enjoyed. Until next time. Plus more drama to come.

LeytonFan4Eva xxx


	25. Chapter 25 Who are you really?

I'd like to thank, I was in awe when I saw so many reviews come through haha!:

 **LeytonShipper** \- Thank you it always means a lot to here what my reviewers think.

 **Elena** \- good to know your enjoying it.

 **Guest** \- Thats for me to know and for you to find out.

 **Dinaaaaa** \- Thank you.

 **Guest** \- I know I feel like crying too haha.

 **PeytonLoverxx** \- Hope I didn't keep you waiting to long.

 **Jordana60** \- I'm glad that you enjoyed the chapter, I thought it would be good to see a different side of Karen and to fit more with the storyline of my fic. Thanks for reviewing.

 **Mufc87** \- I'm glad to hear that you are happy with the way things are going and thank you.

 **Kb** \- Another Update.

 **LeytonTLA** \- Yes there will be a lot more angst and drama to come I promise.

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To cry at sadness is strength, strength to see and engage with what is truly being seen and felt. To feel deep emotion is an open door, one ready to let any wanderer meet you as you truly are. To be happy is to feel the goodness that still lives on in the world, to share a spark of love and let it inside. To be angry is to know you are wounded, though the cause is rarely obvious. Emotions are what make us human, to be an emotional person thus is to embrace your humanity. They are the blessings of being part of the natural world, blessings with so much to teach the open heart and mind.

A heavy silence settled over them, thicker then the uneasy tension in the atmosphere. Unsettled eyes glanced unceremoniously around and tried to avoid catching other glances that passed by. The only sound being was her speeding heartbeat that seemed to now be thundering in her ears. She went to pick up the porcelain mug of hot chocolate that sat taunting her, the steam coming from it like a volcano ready to erupt. But soon changed her mind as a sense of nausea at the idea swept over her entirely causing her to exhale a deep breath. Thirty minutes, thirty minutes and ten seconds it had taken her to get everything out in the open, and now the three of them sat engulfed in an intense tranquility that threatened to make her lose her mind any second. How were they meant to decide how they moved forward from this? What now? they say god works in mysterious ways, you just can't know how mysterious those ways could be. She wondered what world history would look like if people had all understood their feelings better and could be honest with themselves. How many world leaders deceived themselves on their true motivations for war? How many said it was for God instead of greed and fear of the unknown? How many addressed their unwarranted feelings of superiority and their anxiety about how their subjects perceived them? Perhaps they had issues from childhood, pent up rage, an "inner child" who never felt loved? Should people feed their inner demons or inner angels? What kind of world do they want to hand down to future generations? A huge part of the solution lies in the understanding of the way humans like her feel, what triggers negative thoughts and how they avoid acting on them. What is the good of understanding the universe if people fail to understand ourselves?

She felt Lucas' calloused hand entwine with hers no doubt a silent gesture to make sure if she was ok. She squeezed his large hand plastering on a false warm smile as his icy eyes met hers, she was far from okay right now. She had pretty much been forced into telling Karen what happened it was either that or she forever in Karen' eyes be the no good crack whore who would jumped into bed with just about anyone for a line. 'Peyton I had no idea' she glanced over to a red eyed Karen who was staring at her intently pain etched on her features, much resembling the way Lucas was looking at her now. 'It's not your fault, it's no one's fault' she spoke almost inaudibly as she felt Lucas press a light kiss into her blonde spirals of curls. 'Can I do anything for you dear...anything' Karen' guilt was apparent and Peyton forced herself to look away as she declined mutely with a shake of her head. 'Actually I should probably get going...' she muttered as she got to her feet and in that same moment Karen and Lucas did the same. She knew that Lucas could see through her fallacious facade and knew that she hated talking about the rape. 'I'll drive you' she didn't have it in her to fight so just nodded, saying her goodbyes to Karen and walked out towards Lucas red jeep before climbing in and sitting in a deadly silence.

She was raised in love and peace, taught to show grace and forgiveness, but when your mind turns to you none of it is there. You knew what you were doing. She suffered and she drank it like a fine wine, becoming intoxicated on her own power. All I felt was bitterness at the fact that Karen had been so quick to practically jump down her throat about her past. How she had scolded the hell out of Lucas for getting her pregnant, how happy Lucas looked in that photograph with Brooke. With each passing second it grew like a tumor, pushing on the side of her that was serene, enveloping her in toxic darkness. She unaware that the car has already started moving and sits there in her own little world of resentment her head resting on her hand for support as she shut her glaucous eyes.

Suddenly there was a screech of the jeep tires and the car stopped abruptly, they couldn't be back at her house already. Her sage green eyes danced around her surroundings and she realized that unbeknownst to him they were pulled up right by the tree where it all happened where Sammy raped her, and were probably a good ten meters away from Brooke's house. 'Peyton talk to me baby...I know your upset about how things went back there' she barely hears what he says, like there's an incredible brick wall stopping him from getting through to her. The panic starts out as thin cellophane, something her fingers can pierce breathing holes in. In another minute the panic is a deluge of ice water surrounding every limb, creeping higher until it passes her mouth and nose. That's when the attack becomes absolute, shutting her body down as fast as punching a fucking biochemical reset button. An invisible hand is clasping over her mouth; an equally ghostly hypodermic of adrenaline piercing her heart, unloading in an instant. She feels her ribs heaving as if bound by ropes, straining to inflate her lungs. Her head a carousel of fears spinning out of control, each one pushing her mind into blackness. She wants to get out and run; She needs to freeze. Sounds that were near feel far away, like she's no longer in the body that sits paralyzed in the passenger seat of Lucas' jeep...

'Peyt' she freezes like a monument frozen in time as his hand touches her shoulder, before shaking her head frantically. 'WHY DID YOU BRING ME HERE!' she shrieked her voice breaking as tears broke free from her eyes. 'Baby' she winced as he touched her cheek before spinning wildly and trying to open the passenger door but her hands were shaking and sweating so much that it enabled her from doing it, her hands slipping right off. 'Peyt babe, calm down what's going on' the more questions he asked the more wore she became. WHY DID YOU BRING ME HERE!' she repeated her voice cracking and then a scream tore through her like a great shard of glass, not like one of those women in some Tarantino movie being tortured, but worse. It had a raw quality, the realness of a person consumed by a pain that knew no end or limit. . She felt her eyes widen and pulse quicken, Her heart thudding like a rock rattling in box. The scream came again, desperate, terrified... human. The blood draining from her face. The door finally opened and before she was even aware of making a conscious decision her legs were pounding furiously on the grey slate concrete track, her ears straining for more sounds, more clues as to where it had come from.

'PEYTON!' She continued to run away from that place, away from that god forsaken tree...away from that godforsaken parking space. When she felt strong arms lace around her and she tried to fight but she wasn't strong enough and she had to think about the child within her, so tried sooth herself but it just wasn't working. 'Peyt it's me...ok...it's me' she fault viciously and scratched him away before loosing her balance Her body jerked as she fell. The wind in her face making it impossible to breathe, she felt like she'd suffocate before she ever got the signal to pull the seems to slow down when you're falling. In the seconds it took her to reach the ground she knew it was going to hurt. She hit the floor hard landing straight on top of her protruding womb and letting out a high pitched pained grunt. 'OH GOD PEYTON!' she heard Lucas frantic voice as she saw his blue eyes looking into her face and she blinked blearily. Peyton knew she would faint when her stomach gave out. It felt like her innards were being replaced by some kind of black hole and a pain that ripped her raw. Then nausea crept from her abdomen to her head and the world went black.

* * *

She wakes suddenly, every thought in high definition, Though her eyes are open she can't think of why; her heart is pounding, mind empty. It's as if a hypodermic of adrenaline has been emptied into her carotid. She strain into the utter darkness, breathing rate beginning to steady. Her hands flew to her protruding stomach her heart rate increasing but when she felt the slight bulge of her womb she relaxed. Taking in her surroundings everything seemed unfamiliar, she was laying in a bedroom she didn't quite recognize. The bedroom was furnished on a meagre budget but if was full of more warmth than Peyton had seen in many years. On the back wall was a mural, a tree with every color of fall leaf imaginable and a few more besides. On the crude pine bed she was laying on was a hand embroidered orange cover. 'Peyt' she blinked her eyes and glanced over to where the gruff disturbed voice had come , her emerald eyes met those of Lucas' cerulean ones as he flew from the seat he was in and sat down beside her.

'How you feeling, is the baby okay' she could hear the southern drawl in his voice and it made her want to laugh but she kept composure. 'I dunno my head hurts but yeah...I think she's okay' she whispered almost inaudibly as she watched him get up and bring over to her a clear glass of water. She drank it hungrily before pulling away and smiling at him slightly but she could tell he was on edge.

'Peyton why did you freak out back there' she knew she shouldn't bother lying to him, this was Lucas and he only wanted her to be safe. It would be easy like ripping of a band aid. 'That's where it happened' she watches as he visibly goes ashen, lips almost blue in this crazy summer heat. His limbs move as if some inexperienced person is controlling them remotely and his eyes are wide, looking right at her, but not really as he stands to his feet looking like all the wind had been knocked right out of him.

'What?' she opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out so she looked down her brows furrowing. She felt the bed dip as he gripped her chin between his fingers before pressing his forehead to hers. 'I'm so sorry' she shook her head against his dismissing his apology, 'It's not your fault' she breathed as she pulled away to look at her surrounding as his hand stroked the back of her head. 'Luke where are we?' she asked as she took in the unfamiliar room. 'A woman named Ellie saw me trying to wake you up on the pavement, I was so scared you fell on your stomach and you were out cold. I didn't know what to do she said she lived across the road. So I carried you inside and yeah...you've been out for a good hour' she stared at him wide eyed before nodding mutely, when the name rang a bell. 'Wait did you say Ellie?' she asked watching as his gorgeous blues took on an edge of confusion before he nodded mutely. 'Where is she now?' she queried, 'Downstairs' she nodded. She tried to sit up but winced in pain, gripping her head.

'Peyt?' she shook her head dismissively, 'I'm fine Luke' she insisted as she watched his uneasy squint. 'I'll be back, i'm gonna get you some more water' she gave him a genuine sweat smile of appreciation as he pecked her lips before disappearing out of the room. She sat in her own company looking round the room before pushing herself shakily onto her feet and staggering to look in the mirror. She took in her appearance so tired and worn down.

Exhaling a breath she turned to walk away when a photo on the dresser caught her attention and she neared closer to it picking it up with trembling hands. Beneath her feet the wooden floor felt soft, not as much as even a firm carpet, but not right for oak planks. She staggered backward, her mind swirling, her breaths shallow. It was photo of her as a baby, bundled in a teenage mother's arms who was looking down at her adoringly, her hand unconsciously fell to the little bump on her stomach. She picked the picture up and stared at it tears starting to glaze in her eyes as her mind pieced together everything a feeling of hate and bitterness so strong it threatened to drive her wild. 'Peyton' she heard Lucas' voice from the door way and spun around glassy eyed and caught sight of the target of her anger. That was the breaking point of her patience. At that moment, she was blinded by a five-course serving of rage that tasted bitter, yet surprisingly satisfying. 'Giving me your card...talking to me at Karen's...lying about working at Thud' she growled through clenched teeth as the other blond woman in the room's face softened and she opened her mouth to speak but Peyton was quick to stop her.

'Who are you?' she asked shakily her voice breaking. 'Peyton what's going on' she heard Lucas interject as he took a heavy step into the room walking closer to her and she snuggled into him clutching to him for dear life and still staring at the woman. The two blond teens stared at the woman waiting for some kind of response as she looked to the floor. The silence made Peyton's anger flare more. 'WHY DO YOU HAVE MY FUCKING BABY PICTURE WHAT ARE YOU SOME SORT OF STALKER OR SOMETHING!' she cried tears spilling down her cheeks as she breathed heavily.

'I...I'm your mother Peyton' that was it Peyton snapped. She flew from Lucas' comforting grasp, she reached out. She went to punch Ellie in the face. When her fist came in contact she fell to the ground wailing in pain, as she tried to shake the aching after taste, upon the taste buds of her hand. Much like coffee, its bitterness drew her in to take another sip knowing she would be more awake than minutes before. She tackled her and held her down so she could not fight back. But Lucas' was quick to grab her before she could take another hit. 'Peyton' she heard him say against her hair but she didn't stop.

'YOUR LYING...YOU BITCH MY MOTHER IS DEAD...YOUR LYING!' she cried desperately trying to fight his strong grip and sobbing uncontrollably. 'You wee adopted I couldn't take care of you because I was a drug addict, your father was away with work' she shook her head, all of this was sounding to familiar. 'NO...SHUT UP!' Peyton screeched trying to get out of Lucas' grasp. This wasn't true this couldn't be happening.

This wasn't happening.

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A/N: I hope you all enjoyed the chapter, I'm thinking in the next one i'm gonna skip a couple months ahead. Just so it fits in with the amount of chapters I want. Until next time.

LeytonFan4Eva xxx


	26. Chapter 26 They Say Time Flies

Let me Just THANK!

Guest - Thanks for your review.

Guest - Hope your curiousity was satisfied.

LeytonShipper - Thank you for reviewing, it's immensly appreciated.

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 _FLASHBACK: LAST NIGHT AT AROUND 11 PM - TREE HILL MEMORIAL HOSPITAL_

 _Four months had gone by, and in the space of those four months she had felt more pain than was humanly possible. Now here she sat six months pregnant outside in the hospital waiting room. All her friends Nathan, Haley, Axl not to mention Lucas waiting with her so she wasn't alone by herself, even Brooke was there although the two were not on the best terms, Lucas' mom Karen her future mother in law was there to. All of them there to see her dying mother on her deathbed in her final moments. She let out a shaky breath as she felt Lucas' hand entwine with hers giving it a light squeeze as she plastered a fake smile on her face, she had gone into some sort of denial when she found out about her mothers cancer after the two months she had spent bonding with her. Finding out her history, where she came from and then she had found the leaflets on breast cancer in her mother's draw. And that was the last straw, she had cried hysterically at first but then went into denial. Every time Ellie would mention dying she would refuse to listen. Not wanting to face the inevitable after the amount of people she had lost. And then she had found her mother unresponsive in her bed and screamed for Lucas to call an ambulance. And so it begun..._

 _She opened her pale forest green eyes as the memory washed over her. If she couldn't cope then how the fuck was she meant to cope now. The fear sat quietly, eroding the person she was born to be. What started as a contortion of her stomach became a feeling of being smothered by an invisible hand. Her breathing was erratic, deep, then shallow. She wanted to fight it. To fight the feeling as her body threatened to writhe to be free or shut down entirely. 'Peyt you should get some rest' she heard Lucas say as she motionlessly shaking her head no before placing a sweaty palm on her much bigger protruding womb. 'Peyt his right' she looked to Axl who had been there for her immensely in the past few months. He was her best friend and understood more than anyone else how it felt since he had lost his father to prostate cancer only the previous year. She practically could feel the intense stare of ice meeting cloud blue between him and Lucas were having, there was no denying that they hated each other's guts and she didn't understand why...all she knew is Lucas had gone to see Axl one night and he had come back practically begging her to stay away from him, maybe he found out Axl was a drug addict like she had been...she didn't know, but she did know that Axl had been very over affectionate the past months. It was the littlest gestures like stroking her cheek or turning up unexpectedly. Now every time she brought it up he'd change the subject or get super protective of her. The only upside of the past months was that Sammy was sentenced to seven years in jail, which meant she was free of him at least temporarily. 'No...' was all she said as she visibly tensed. For the next ten minutes she sat there aware of the other's talking around her but in her own little world staring blankly ahead of her, at the white wall that was taunting her._

 _At that precise moment she saw Dr Copeland coming towards them with Ellie's files and stood shakily to her feet. She was in complete utter denial. There was no way another person was leaving her again. 'Family of Ellie Harp?' she nodded before speaking. 'How is she...I mean she's okay right she's gonna be ok?' she queried. 'I'm sorry to tell you this Peyton but your mother, she's died...' she hadn't heard much after that she blocked that part out. She didn't feel Lucas put his hand on her shoulder or kiss her hair holding her tightly. She didn't hear the women with her sob...or the sighs of the men. All she heard was her heart beating in her ears. She didn't shed a tear._

 _'I wanna see her' she said as she pushed past the doctor and stormed into her mother' hospital room only to find the bed empty. She walked shakily to the bed and touched the neatly made up bed sheet and nodding her head telling herself internally that everything was gonna be fine. 'Peyton?' she spun around her eyes glassy with tears to see Lucas and Axl standing in the doorway. 'No...No there's no way' she stuttered looking around her like some lost little girl. 'Peyt talk to me...let me help you' she looked at Lucas who was walking towards her holding his hand out at her shaking form but she didn't move. She stood motionlessly and then it all hit her at a force faster than the speed of light._

 _She could feel herself loosing her mind…again. She could feel it unraveling, the threads of every happy memory she could ever once recall, all but a disarray of strings scattered about her feet. Her sharp knees dig into the hard floor as she hits the ground, her hands unsteady as they silently look for something to claw at to get the pent up feeling to go away. Tear stream down her cheeks, her whole face is red, and she screams at the very top of her lungs. Her upper body and shoulders wrack with every sob that forces their way out, chest rising and falling unevenly as she gasps for breath, and she squeezed her eyes shut, balling her hands into fists each time she threw her head back to let out a blood curdling scream. She felt Lucas' strong arms band around her clutching her to him tightly as she continued to go through the motions. There were five stages of grief and she was now going through the first one..._

 _Denial..._

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PRESENT TIME: Morning 6 am the Sawyer residence:

She sat on the sofa snuggled into Lucas' shoulder sniffling after another intense and painful emotional breakdown. Her eyes bloodshot and puffy from the immense crying that had been coming in waves. She sat shaking it was almost like she was on drugs again but not quite the same feeling...it was worse. 'Peyton c'mon' she caught on to Lucas say as he tried desperately to move her elsewhere. He couldn't bear to see the confused emotion in the curly-headed blonde' empty, cold green saw him flinch visibly as she shuffled out of his embrace, before getting up and glaring at him.

'DON'T YOU DARE!' She cried as she shook her head vigorously, the hot tears streaming down her red cheeks.

'Peyt' she shied away from his touch turning her back to him and inhaling a sharp breath trying to calm her heightened emotions. Peyton had grieved so many times. The drugs had taken her away a piece at a time. Once she had been the girl that held her first Mother Anna's hand on the way to swings, squealing with delight and demanding to be pushed higher. She had been generous with her smiles and free with her hugs, but all of that was soon ripper away...in the tragic car accident that took her mother's life. That was the first time she stood in the face of grief and she swore to herself she would never let herself feel that amount of pain again, she couldn't of been more wrong. In her early teens the remoteness had begun and she chalked it up to the hormones of becoming a teenager. That was her second grieving. Soon after that her grades collapsed and she grieved for the future she had hoped she would have. The night the police brought her home with charges of shoplifting and she had screamed obscenities at her father before storming into the night, her heart had felt like it was beating in a tight cage. With no way to break through her silence a chasm opened with her. The third time was when Sammy raped her, there was so much more to survival than the persistence of the flesh. Long after Peyton's tears had dried and her abrasions healed her sense of self remained in tatters. She felt like a distortion what she once was, unable to find her way back. Each day was a thing in itself, she didn't dwell in the past or look to the future. Her loved ones wanted her back. They wanted the same girl they loved before, the girl who brought them sunshine. How could she tell them those rays just weren't there? That she was barely there? But she had to accept she would be a different person from here on in. That person would be more cautious, less trusting of strangers, more fearful...The drug addict side to Peyton Sawyer. This could not be her life.

'This isn't good for the baby...you need to get some sleep' she laughed falsely at him turning round to face him, her eyes boring into his with rage heatedly as the anger surged through her. 'That's all you care about isn't it Luke! My mom died last night Luke I don't wanna let go of her...I don't wanna think that everything's changed that I have to start over. THE WORST THING THAT COULD POSSIBLY HAPPEN ACTUALLY DID AND I DON'T THINK I CAN MOVE ON FROM THAT!' she stammered her arms flailing about as she let out a choked sob. 'Baby' she shook her had stepping away from him as he took a step towards her.

'You see Luke you still have a family even though you lost Keith, you still have Nathan, your mom, Haley and even Brooke. You have a parent to run to when you need to seek advice. Do you know how it feels to loose not 1, 2 but three people that you love so deeply just vanish out of the blue forever. I just...I can't keep doing this anymore...It's killing me' she sobbed as she finally let him take her in his embrace hugging her tightly. The grief surged with every expelled breath, always reaching higher peaks, never sufficiently soothed by her long intakes of the damp spring air. Tears for the impossible began to spill from her helpless eyes onto his woman beater top. All pretense of quiet coping lost and she sank to the floor bringing him down with her. Her black fingers clasping her very pregnant stomach. She cried uncontrollably hanging onto Lucas for dear life as he whispered sweet nothings into her ear to try and sooth her. She cast her eyes to God, she needed his love more than ever now. "Dear God, take care of my mom."

'It's ok baby...I got you...You said I have no clue that's where your wrong, Peyt. I know exactly how it feels. When I lost Keith, It felt like all reasonable thinking of living had been thrown to a distinct planet and I had lost the air to breathe. I closed myself off, to anyone that came my way, kept my emotions to myself, until you showed up. I'm not saying it's gonna be easy Peyt, because it's not and for someone who has been through this multiple times I get that it would be more crucial but this stress is affecting our baby. Please Peyt for god sake get some sleep, do it for me. Do it for our unborn baby who deserves the right to see the outside world. He looked into her saddened green eyes. Do it for Ellie who would've wanted you to move on from this and live your life the best way you can. I get that you need your space and I get that, when you ready to talk, I'll be here.' Promised the Lucas quietly as she witnessed a lone tear fall off his face, she watched as he ignored it, simply kissing her forehead and pulling leading her to the couch before pulling the nearby blanket over her. She watched as he walked to the door leaving her again, his hand on the handle and turned around, his eyes staring at her with emotion. 'I love you." Said the blonde quietly before leaving the room, and leaving the pregnant teen full of guilt and a head wrapped around sorrow.

Once he was gone...she just stared into blank space wondering what the hell she ever done to deserve such shit in her life. The bitterness threatened to tear her in half only feeding off each other and growing bigger. How was she meant to do this...she didn't even know where to start. Her first reaction was to turn to the heroin it was calling to her and strongly and it took every ounce to shut the urge out. She couldn't do it...she couldn't do that to Lucas again and she couldn't do it to her baby.

It had to get better...right?

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A/N: There is this weeks update, Hope you guyz enjoyed tell me what ya think. I appreciate all feedback, especially reviews!

LeytonFan4Eva xxx


	27. Chapter 27 Thinking of you all the while

Let me just thank:

 **Guest** \- Thank you for your review, I'm sorry to hear that you have lost a parent, I really am. It really means a lot when people take the time to review on my fic, and I am so grateful for that.

 **Elena** \- Loved the enthusiasm read to find out what happens next. Thank you.

 **Db** \- Here's that update you were waiting for.

 **Guest** \- Thank you SOOO MUCH!

 **DreamerBeliever12** \- Thank you for your amazing feedback, I love reading my reviews and it really love when people go into detail and give me advice on how to continue so thank you for that.

Guest - Thank you for choosing to review on my fic and I hope now that means you'll be a regular reviewer now. Thanks again.

 **Tate** \- Here's that update that you wanted. Thank you so much for your review.

 **Jordana60** \- I always love your reviews and look forward to seeing them. I love that you are on of my regular reviewers. Thanks your reviews really mean so much to me.

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Her dull lifeless green eyes shifted to the opening door to be met with the sight of Nathan Scott her best friend, the one who had been her shoulder to cry on when things had been disastrous entering into the living room that she had been occupying for the past hour and a half. Her already tattered heart begun to feel as though there was an extra amount of weight on it as if her soul was being trampled on by feet in heavy boots, even the sunshine seemed cold. And that's when she understood that she wasn't ready to deal with anything right now, especially their sympathy. 'Peyt?' she didn't answer him in fear of what she might say so simply let her glass like vision drift back to her focal point on the freshly painted pallid wall, her hand rubbing unconsciously at her swollen stomach the baby being her only source of comfort for the time being. She felt the end of the leathery couch dip as he sat before one of his large hands splayed on her leg, and she felt herself stiffen. "You gotta let us in Peyton…Let us help you." she heard him utter, reaching a hand out towards the broken girl. It was then she felt an all new white hot rage surge within her, anger boiled deep in her system, as hot as lava. It churned within, hungry for destruction, and she knew it was too much for her to handle. The pressure of this raging sea of anger would force her to say things she did not mean, or to express thoughts she'd suppressed for weeks. It was obvious Lucas had put him up to this, in attempt to get her to let it out and Nathan being her best friend and all he probably thought he could get through to her.

"Shut up!" Peyton cried, swatting his outstretched limb. "No one helps. They only make it worse. This isn't something you can just put a band aid over and say it'll be okay. Because, news flash! It won't!" The pregnant oil haired teen leapt to her feet hastily, shocking herself at the amount of agility she had just shown although she was pregnant. Then started to pace back and forth in the middle of the floor. "This is gonna drag me into a pit and never let me go. No matter how hard or how long the rope is you guys throw to get me out, something always cuts the cord so I plummet back down to the ground. So all of you just stop trying to save me all the time because I'm not worth being saved. Why can't you see that!" She stopped pacing and shockingly, there wasn't a slope in the floor she had been stomping over. "There is no band aid large enough or absorbent enough to cover this" Her voice took on a trembling tone. "And I just want all of it to go the fuck away' she whimpered out on the verge of tears yet again and when Nate got up to come and comfort her she felt herself recoil turning her back on him, swiping angrily at the single tear she had shed.

Peyton took one hand and leant against the solid oak mantle piece, her fingertips gripping into the crevices that ran through the wood. Her eyes came to rest on the pattern, chaotic like the cracks in parched summer earth. Outside the sound of the golden leaves blowing in the autumn winds were as noisy as the static in her head. Nothing was making sense anymore, not even nature. Her life had had direction and meaning, all her work had been for Lucas, their baby and their life together, their future. She had gotten a mom back and lost another again...what was the point off all this? was god playing some sick joke on her for the mere fun of it. She had lost yet another person. So there was no reason for the world to exist anymore. Why was it all still here? She willed the world to dissolve around her, just to melt away, yet she could still feel the unweeping rough wood and the chill breeze that came through the open window refusing to reflect the howling pain that tore through her body. Without warning she felt her insides become iron and she turned to Nathan with a face like a mannequin, "You should probably get going now...Haley is probably wondering where you are" she watched as he paused and sighed. He cast his gaze falling onto the ground and he nodded his head in consent. She forced herself not to fall apart at his hurt expression, pushing past the sinking feeling that was engulfing her rapidly. "Ok Peyt" She suddenly felt sick hearing how his voice sounded more pained than anything. And felt herself pale but told herself to keep those walls twice as thicker and even more higher just so she would stop feeling this...this agony. She forced herself to look away from him again, her jaw set tight and body tense as she heard his heavy footsteps leave the room before the door slammed shut telling her he was gone.

She had broken all the rules she had ever sworn to herself the night after she got raped at Brooke's. Rule five...Never, ever allow yourself to feel. Feelings kill. She was cold again like how it should be, suddenly she felt a drip of water fall on her hand and looked up thinking there was a leak in the ceiling or something. It took her a few minutes to realize she was crying. 'Oh god please help me' she spoke her voice shaking with an emotion that could only be placed as loss or grief. Probably both. She let out an exasperated breath picking up a picture of the mantle piece, the same photo of her and Ellie she had found when she had found out Ellie was her mother. And pressed the photo to her lips squeezing her eyes shut tightly. She couldn't fall apart now.

...

 _Three months ago:_

 _'Ellie...Ellie are you home?' she took a heavy step into the house with her hand's on her much bigger bump, she had come to know as her third home. Hers and Lucas place being taking the lead at first and second. The house was long and narrow, perhaps only twelve feet wide at the front, but it stretched some thirty feet back like a giant shoe box. It was two stories high and had a one story extension at the rear for the kitchen. The wooden framed sash windows were propped open with books and the brick work._

 _'Ellie' there was still no answer. She made her way through the living room and looked around the empty space. Not seeing any sign of Ellie around she turned to walk away but something caught her eye stopping her. She walked slowly over to where she could see three leaflets splayed out on the white oak table. Her brows knitted together in confusion as she read the leaflets._

 _All three leaflets read **BREAST CANCER.**_

 _It was like thunder in her ears. She knew that this was the start of the beginning where she would break. Knew that there was too much below deck not to shatter her carefully laid floor when it came up. Breaking was the hard part, recovery almost impossible. She felt the most suffocating lump she'd ever felt knot in her life grip in her throat as fresh tears begun to prick her eyes._

 _'Peyton sorry I didn't answer I was...' she spun around wildly her eyes glassy with tears, mouth agape as she took in the sight of her mother beaming at her brightly but she could see through the facade. Knew that it was all an act to hide the emotional and physical pain. 'Ellie is this a joke?' she asked holding up all three leaflets her hands shaking as she watched Ellie's face pale evidently. 'No' she let out a shrill sob at that throwing the leaflet's on the floor her hands flying up to grip at her curls as she squeezed her eyes shut letting out a painful breath._

 _'There's no way your gonna die, you can't Ellie' she cried a hand flying to her mouth as Ellie stepped forward to comfort her but she took a step back. 'No don't I just... .CAN'T' she sobbed as she started to break down covering her face with her hands as she felt Ellie's warm embrace, and her whispering soothing words to her to try and calm her down. But she was inconsolable._

 _'Mom...' she choked out as she clung to Ellie for dear life._

 _That was the first time she had called Ellie mom. It was weird but it also gave her a feeling of warmth inside. That's when the denial first hit and she shook her head deliriously against her mother's shoulder. 'Everything's gonna be fine' she repeated like some sort of mantra, like a prayer that was destined to come true or maybe it was just wistful thinking. But she hope to god everything would be fine._

 _..._

'Peyt' she jumped shaken from the memory spinning around to face the intruder and was met with the sight of Lucas' intense blue stare looking at her with a pained expression. She stared as if he'd just produced a rhinoceros from his pocket. She could feel the sparks in her brain, desperately trying to connect the dots of what was going on and instead just causing a short circuit. She stared at him expressionlessly as he took a step towards her before gathering her in his arms, holding her against his chest for dear life as he towered over her, resting his chin on her head.

She allowed herself to relax into his embrace her eyebrows in a frown as she tried desperately not to let herself cry again. She was sick of crying. 'Can you call Axl?' she asked and felt him stiffen against her, she felt him pull away from her gripping her chin and forcing her pale green eyes to meet his icy ones. 'Peyt...Axl...why do you want me to call Axl?' she felt judged under his intense gaze and pulled away from him walking to the other side of the room to try and put some distance between them. 'I just feel like his the only one that'll understand. He lost his dad the same way and...' she stopped short at seeing Lucas' annoyed and hurt expression. 'Peyt please...You have me...I should be all you need not that...Stupid druggie you know how I feel about him...his not good for you' she furrowed her brows feeling slightly offended at the term druggie as a wave of intense pain pierced her heart like a shard of glass.

'Well I guess that makes me a druggie to then right because I was addicted to drugs, so i'm not good enough for you' she choked out not even recognizing her own voice as it sounded broken and in so much pain. 'No Peyt I didn't mean it like that don't twist my words...I just don't get how you can't see what his doing' she let out a bitter laugh as she watched how stressed he was getting.

'Oh please Luke you've been jealous of Axl ever since you first met him!' She raised her voice as that all to familiar lump begun to form, as she swallowed thickly. She watched as a red hot anger flashed in his eyes instantly and he stood glued to the spot staring at her so hard, that she swore if looks good kill she would be a pull of blood and guts on the floor. 'Ok if any guy out there just looked at me the way you just looked at me...' she begun but he cut her off harshly his words tearing through her like a fucking hattori hanzo. 'I'M NOT FUCKING JEALOUS OF HIM...THE GUY IS FUCKING ASSWHOLE OKAY' she jumped at his enraged words, staring at him wide eyed a jolt of fear slashing through her but she pushed it aside, 'THIS IS ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED WHEN YOU WENT TO SEE HIM THAT NIGHT ISN'T IT LUKE...TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED!' She roared as he shook his head placing his palms over his eyes and exhaling a steady breath trying to calm himself down a little. 'This isn't good for the baby' she scoffed as he tried to change the subject ripping her hand away from his outstretched arm. 'Don't touch me...why are you acting like this...' she sniveled as her red puffy eyes brimmed with unshed tears. 'I'M NOT ACTING LIKE ANYTHING PEYTON...I JUST DON'T GET HOW YOU CAN'T SEE!' She shook her head exasperatedly. 'SEE WHAT!' she bawled as she started to cry, she was an emotional unstable wreck who couldn't handle anything right now.

'THAT HIS IN LOVE WITH YOU!' she locks eyes with him, her forest gaze burning intensely into his cerulean ones. The soft expressions of only a few months ago have evaporated. Peyton holds his gaze, but instead of the warmth of a lover it is with an icy hostility. She felt her world shift as shock sat with her eroding her to the very core.

'That's a joke right?' she asked her voice sounding broken as she shook her head in denial.

'No Peyton...it's not you've gotta believe me...surely you can see...baby' she felt him cup her face in his large calloused hands desperation painting his words as they fell from his full parched lips. She didn't believe it, there was no way Axl was in love with her...it just wasn't possible he was one of her best friends.

'That's bullshit Luke his my best friend...Is that why you've hated me hanging out with him...you don't trust me' she asked as she looked Lucas deep in his fearful blue eyes. 'No...Peyt of course not I...' she searched his face as he tried to give her a valid reason but wasn't doing himself any justice. She pulled away from his embrace, walking slowly over to the chair slowly and retrieving her thick green parker of the chair.

'Peyt...baby don't leave like this' she shook her head the tears finally spilling free from her red itchy eyes. 'I just need some space Luke...I just...I can't handle anything right now especially this' she replied brokenly as she pulled the jacket over her shoulders before making towards the door. She needed to breath. 'Peyt...Please' she closed her eyes as he gripped her forearm tightly his voice cracking on the words that had just left his lips. She didn't say anything just lent up on tiptoes and placed a soft chaste kiss against his mouth. Before turning away, her face tear stained and walking out into the corridor. 'Peyton' she heard him choke out but shut the front door slowly and made of to the destination she was heading in.

She was going to see Axl. She needed to know.

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A/N: There's today's chapter hope you liked. Will Peyton finally get some common sense about Axl? Will she let Lucas in? read the next chapter to find out :D. Thanks for reading. I appreciate all feedback, especially reviews. Until next time.

LeytonFan4Eva xxx


	28. Chapter 28 See my dreams all die

**I'd like to thank you all for reviewing on my fic it means a lot to me to hear what my readers think. Thank you so much and I hope you enjoy Chapter 28.**

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She was at Axl's house in a record of time, pulling up in her black mercury comet a look of uneasiness etched on her features. the grey house was a blur behind her tear filled eyes.

It was large, certainly, almost intimidatingly so. On climbing out it took a more detailed form, natural grey stone with all the hues mother nature could provide. The paintwork on the trim a brilliant white, flawless and the path wound to a double oak front door in loose pea shingle. The windows weren't the large ones that are so fashionable now, but more the size she used to see in old country cottages, and like them they were mullioned.

But that's where all the old world charm ended, once across the threshold it Dust lay over every surface like dirty snow, pristine dust layer, not a foot print anywhere, papers and letters addressed to no one were piled up to the letter box and cascaded all the way to the foot of the rough wooden stairs, old tea cups lay on a coffee table thickly encrusted with dried up mold, dust covered mirrors, smell of mildew, stale air, air thick with dust, shafts of light bursting through gaps in the boarded up window, light streaming through the gaps in the heavy velvet curtains, absolute silence, the houses only occupants weaved their webs between the spindles of the stair banisters and from the ceiling to the wall, old cobwebs billowed in the draft. The grim and gloomy building was the worst excuse for a house she'd ever seen; it was more like a squat.

'Axl?' she called out but there was no response. Her olive eyes danced around her surrounding her face scrunching up in distaste as she wiped the remaining tears that streaked her face. The banister was no more than rope threaded through wrought iron rods. Each rod rose from its wooden stair and soon began to twist like a candy cane, until finally forming a shepherd's crook shape at the top. She climbed the stairs slowly before reaching a dark doe wooden door standing opposite of it and suddenly unsure of whether to enter.

She took a heavy step forward her hand reaching out towards the brass doorknob before she retreated it slowly, no...she had to know. She had to know if Lucas was right, because that would change everything. And she wouldn't continue being his friend anymore, not if it risked loosing everything she loved. Like Lucas, god she was so in love with that boy...there was no way in hell she was gonna let anyone jeopardize that not after everything they had survived together. The knob was cold against her hand, and made an involuntary shiver go down her spine as she turned the handle pushing the door forward as she did.

His bedroom, Cramped, dim and cave like, a cheap spindly pine framed bed was cut shorter to fit into the room with a narrow strip of carpet graying with decades of filth placed to its the right of the bed was a meanly proportioned window layered in aging mold and dust, covered by twenty something year old net curtains swaying mysteriously in the shadows . Draws were overflowing with moth eaten clothes and bedding thriving with maggots and grime. Dirt encrusted beige wallpaper was peeling of the wall near the dented floorboards. And not to mention all the drugs you could imagine.

Weed.

Crack.

Cocaine.

Poppers.

...Heroin.

She needed to get out, she felt her breathing begin to quicken as she glanced around his dump of a bedroom, until they finally caught onto the sight of him. Shirtless and in the corner of his bedroom his pale lapis lazuli eyes wide as if he was in psychological shock or something. He crouched into the wall like a rat trapped in a corner. His dark hair doused in his own sweat tucked behind his ears, as he rocked back and forth. Dread creeps down her spine like a careful spider leaving a trail of silk. She feels her feet on her skin, descending until she's almost frozen to the spot. Her stomach full of lead; her feet set in concrete; her mind worryingly empty. All she can do is pray things slip into place when she take the hot seat, when finding the answers matters...When getting him help matters.

'Axl' she finds that she can move again and enters the room slowly standing in front of him and getting down on her knees the best she can, her six month pregnant belly not enabling her to do anything farther. 'Axl...look at me' she demanded as he continued to stare through her, she knew he had no doubt taken one of the drugs laying scattered on his desk over some fucked up visual art sketch. 'What have you taken Axl?' she almost shouted grabbing his face in her small hands desperately the tears beginning to prick her eyes yet again. She got to her feet carefully as she walked over to his desk and picked up the little packet on shaky hands. Her breath hitching in her throat as she caught onto what the name of the drug was.

Quaaludes.

a depressant that increases the activity of the GABA receptors in the brain and nervous system. When GABA activity is increased, blood pressure drops and the breathing and pulse rates slow, leading to a state of deep relaxation. These properties explain why methaqualone was originally mainly prescribed for insomnia. An overdose of Quaaludes lead to seizures, coma or death.

She had heard about this drug before from Rick when she had been hooked on heroin. Taking doses of this drug over 300mg was extremely dangerous for first time users. Depending on the state of the user's tolerance, doses of about 8,000mg per day can be fatal and others on even higher doses (of up to 20,000mg) may survive. Death can result at much lower doses if Quaaludes are taken with alcohol, which is also a central nervous system depressant.

'Oh my god' she cried hysterically as she spun around bone crippling fear turning her insides into lead as she begun to make her way over to him again. 'I...I'm fine' she looked at him baffled as he rose to his feet shakily his blue eyes meeting her scared green ones. 'No...your not you need a hospital' she begun trying to grip his muscular arm but he swatted her hand away violently, making an all new type of fear grip her. She eyed him wearily her shoulders still tense as she rested a hand on her bump 'You scared me...' she whispered as the tears finally leaked free from her eyes. She watched him divert his eyes from her swaying slightly and she put out a hand to steady him. 'Did you take those Quaaludes?' she queried as he blinked down at her blearily before making a little gesture with his fingers motioning to say just a little bit. 'And your upset that's not a good combination Axl...' she begun but he cut her off. 'No i'm not upset...upset is an emotion that's specific to those who care' she looked away from him briefly before exhaling a steady breath, afraid that the slightest of movements would cause him to freak out.

'Come on Axl your lying to me, you do care otherwise you wouldn't of done this...how long have you been living like this?' she swallowed the lump in her throat brows furrowing slightly as his eyes took on a darker shade of blue. 'Lucas tell you then...I can tell...what are you surprised that I thought you'd love me back, you can't imagine that I'd believe that you would' she shook her head running a sweaty palm through her blond curls. 'Axl' she tried but he beat her too it yet again, 'What we've been doing here means something...your the liar Peyton there is something going on between the two of us and you know it and your lying to me ' she stared at him as he continue his speech, 'And your lying to Lucas and most of all your lying to yourself...I can prove it' she shook her head no as he grabbed her head gently in his large hands. 'No...Axl this is the drugs' she tried as he begun to press a forceful yet gentle kiss to her lips and she protested pushing him away. Her lime colored eyes wide meeting his as she frowned at him in bewilderment. 'Axl don't...what's wrong with you?' she queried...'Lie about this' she couldn't take his intense icy stare as she tried to get out of his grip, now becoming terrified for her baby as well as herself. 'Stop it Axl your better than this...come on' she tried, 'That's where your wrong' she pushed at his chest as he kissed her again this time more desperate. She managed to pull his hands away from her cheeks and get him to stop kissing her now beyond desperate to get him to stop and think about what he was doing, but know she knew for sure Lucas was right whether Axl was on drugs or not.

'No...no...no Axl I care about you, listen to me I care about you...I do but...I love Lucas it's always gonna be Lucas, I'm pregnant with his baby' she reasoned as his hands dropped down to his side and he towered over her, she could see the hurt evident in his eyes as tears dance within the ducts. But she didn't miss that flare of anger, she had pushed him to breaking point and she knew it. 'Lucas isn't good enough for you Peyton, not after everything he put you through with that slut Brooke, not being able to choose who he loved...How do you know he didn't just propose to you because your lumbered with his mistake' she curved her palm and slapped him with all her heart and soul at that letting out a choked sob as his hair whipped into his face messily. Before his vision turned to hers again, his eyes almost black with white hot rage. She let out a yelp as he gripped her arm forcefully dragging her out of his bedroom and forcing her to walk down the stairs until she was lead to his glass wooden front door.

She stood there frozen as she watched in awe at his expression. She saw nothing short of disgust on his face, almost hatred, as his face reddened with anger. He opened the door, stepped outside expecting her to follow, slowly she did. She had broken the rule...never come to his house uninvited, but why did they even have rules to begin with? They were best friends or so she thought until that moment. When nothing made sense anymore, when she found out of his feelings for her. When she found out that he had fallen in love with her.

Her legs refused to move, too shocked, too embarrassed at his reaction after letting her in. This is the man who said he loved her, cared for her, was her best friend, yet she was being chased from his house like she was a nobody and for the first time in her life she understood what it felt like - being chased like a dog. She watched him close turn away from her and slamming his front door hard in her face. Not once did he look back as she stood there, the wounded dog that she'd now become, licking her wounds, too embarrassed to move.

A pit of despair settling on her already tattered and broken heart as she made of towards her comet climbing in and started the engine as it roared to life.

* * *

She made it back home in a under twenty minutes, and found Lucas sitting on the couch twiddling his thumbs nervously staring off into no where. 'Luke' she whispered out and his intense ice squint instantly met hers. 'Peyt...' she watched as he stood and instantly ran into his arms clutching to him for dear life. That rage in Axl eyes had reminded her of the look in Sammy's eyes but it wasn't evil it was...heartbroken.

'You were right Luke...' she sobbed into his shoulder as she felt his grip tighten on her and he tensed before pulling away from her gripping her chin so that she could look up into his beautiful blue stare. His eyes showed the kind of gentle concern they normally had. He laid his other hand lightly on her shoulder, and instead of flinching like she usually did, she was soothed by it. He left his hand there and spoke with such a soft voice she felt his words calming her more by the way they were said than the actual words. It felt as if she was wrapped in a blanket of his caring. How could she not consider my actions now, now that she could see how profoundly they effected him too.

But then his voice took on a hard edge as the terror on her features were evident, and she saw his territorial side come out. 'What happened Peyton'.

She let out a uneasy breath, her hand lying on her protruding womb for a source of comfort. What had happened? she wasn't even so sure herself.

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A/N: There's todays chapter. I always like looking at review would love to know what you think.

LeytonFan4Eva.


	29. Chapter 29 How does pain disappear?

It was about six o'clock two hours since Peyton had practically flew through the door in a mess and crashed into his arms nearly bringing him to the floor with her. Now Lucas held a bedraggled, sobbing Peyton on his lap, rocking her back and forth. His shirt was soaked through with her tears. He continued searching for the right words but it was once again to no avail.

He knew deep down, that healing went beyond his words. He also knew that by tomorrow all her fortifications would be up and stronger than ever. Lucas knew that whatever caused Peyton to break, would destroy everything he managed to form with her. The trust would be gone and she would return to being ice cold. All the thoughts running through his head brought the tears to his eyes again. 'She doesn't deserve this' he thought to himself. He had tried to sooth her enough so that she would tell him what happened but she refused to talk. And the more she broke the more frustrated he became and the closer he became to going and killing whoever it was that had gave her that final push her over the edge. Him and Peyton were meant to be going to a special gathering in resemblance of Ellie in about an hour that Brooke was hosting at the school. She had rung his brother Nathan and told him to tell him that she wanted Peyton to come out to Tric tonight because she knew Peyton would hang up if she phoned her directly. 'Peyt...what is it let me help you' he pleaded frantically wanting desperately to take her pain away but she stiffened and pulled away from him looking blankly into his impossibly blue eyes and if he thought his heart had been broken before his already battered heart ripped just that little bit more. To come so close to pure love and loose it so violently is something no medication can heal. His heart is more than broken it's obliterated, what beats in his chest is merely a mass of angry muscle that will function only until he can help her through this pain. Over wise he'll loose her forever.

'Peyt...' he tried but she got up abruptly and walked fast paced out of the room, leaving him boring into her back. He flinched and shut his eyes tight as he hears her bedroom door bang shut. The slam of the door was the tempest inside Peyton made audible. It was how she wrote her pain into the air, hoping that someone would understand how to stop the storm - praying that there would be enough love in the world to clam the winds that tore at her insides. He wasn't stupid...deep down he knew who she went to see but he told himself she wasn't that stupid. She was with Axl. What if he had hurt her again the way Sammy had? What if he had made her do drugs again?

the fire inside him burned violently. Every violated thought was like gasoline to it, his fists began to clench and his jaw rooted. When the final mento had almost been added to the coke inside of him that's when the

mobile in Lucas' back pocket buzzed notifying him that a voicemail had been received and he listened to it immediately. "Hey Luke... it's Haley. I just wanted to make sure you and Peyt are coming tonight. Nathan just went by to Axl's and there's no one home, I think his up and left which is a good thing considering that we all know how you felt about him. It was about time he skipped town we all knew he was dragging Peyton right back down to the shit. Sorry to bug you if your with her. Just checking on you is all. I'll see you in about an hour." He let out an exasperated sigh partly because a part of him was overjoyed that Axl was finally gone out of their lives all together and because he didn't want Peyton to have to put up a front while she was like this. He scrolled down on his contact list pressing the button to select her name and ring her phone.

He waited patiently while it rung and then the sweet level headed voice of his best mate echoed into his ear. 'Hey Hales' he said not even recognizing the cracked voice that left his mouth, sounding choked with emotion. 'Luke...what's...what's wrong?' he heard her voice come from the other line painted with worry. 'Hales...she's not up for it she can't come tonight...she won't even let me in, I don't know what I'm suppose to do?' he choked out swallowing the painful lump that had seemed to sneak it's way into his throat when he had been least expecting it. 'Luke...I don't think there is anything you can do at this point in time...she's just lost yet another person in her life and I can't even imagine the memories that it brought up...She needs time, I'll tell Brooke to call it off and you guys can have some time alone tonight' he nodded mutely although he knew she couldn't see. 'Ok thanks Hales' he muttered as he heard he say goodbye down the phone before he snapped it shut.

Emotional pain leaves invisible scars, yet they can be traced by the most gentle of touch. Sometimes, like a cyst, the "wound" must be opened to be healed; other times a well meaning person may seek to heal what should be left alone. If it can be ignored and a normal happy life resumed, isn't it kinder to have faith in the natural healing process?

Nobody wants to hurt, yet if his pains can be used to help her, He is blessed. Perhaps his scars are his road-map, maybe he'd be lost without them. If we hear with our hearts, we can care and not scare, we can heal and bring ointment to invisible wounds in the hope they can be reduced to scars and fade in time.

He looked towards the open door and stared at the steps pondering on whether he should go and see if he could take some of her pain away. He knows exactly how she's feeling, he felt the same way when Keith died. She feels alone, lost... incapable of doing even the smallest tasks. And this was only the beginning, the beginning of the pain, the suffering and the endless congo line of emotions that were in store for her. Before he could think rationally he was in front of the staircase, his hand gripping so tightly onto the banister that his knuckles had started turning white. And then he was taking the steps two at a time and before he knew it he could hear the quiet weeping coming from her room. Making his heart constrict painfully in his chest. He stood there for about two minutes psyching himself up but the harsh sob that he heard rip from her, was his final straw and he found himself slowly opening her bedroom door.

'Peyt? he queried as she suddenly went silent not wanting him to hear her crying, unbeknownst to her he had heard it all. 'Luke...is that you?' he closed his eyes tightly her words cutting him like a shard of glass. 'Baby...Let me help you...please...this is killing me seeing you like this' he begged desperately but still remained at his place in the doorway. He almost hit the wall in frustration when she didn't respond, but what did he expect. He stood there for about a minute before her voice filled the air catching him of guard a little. 'You were right...he...his in love with me' he was felt a sinking feeling in his stomach and moved from his place in the door way. 'Luke can you like...just hold me...just make it stop please' he felt his own eyes prick with tears as a fresh sob ripped her throat raw and he instantly climbed into bed with her holding her close to his heart. And whispering soothing words to her as she wept, until she eventually cried herself to sleep.

He found that he couldn't get himself to relax and lay awake haunted by how broken she was, he needed to sooth himself tell himself this was all gonna be okay, that they'd get through this together. But he found himself doubting it with every passing second. He placed his large calloused hand on her rounded stomach closing his eyes, as he felt his unborn child kick against him. Looks like they were both awake. He smiled lightly when he felt the baby kick even harder against his hand, excited that it's daddy was in the room. It always amazed him when this happened, he remembers the first time Peyton ever felt their baby kick she had screamed and he thought there was something wrong. But then her eyes had filled with tears and she gripped his hand tightly pulling it to her belly and he felt his child kick for the first time. As they both shared a look of pride and love. He then found that sleep came a little easier and let himself shut his eyes.

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He woke up to the sound of small whimpers next to him, it was probably about ten thirty at night. His icy eyes looked over to Peyton whose was sweating immensely, her skin bleach white as she her, her breathing erratic like she was gonna hyperventilate any second. He sat up slowly his eyebrows etching together in evident concern as he gripped her shoulder. 'Peyt' he rasped out trying to shake her out of this...this night terror of hers. He put his other hand on her leg and that's when she freaked out. We can never truly feel another's pain, but that scream of Peyton's cut it pretty close. It was the kind of scream that puts every other thought on hold and roots everyone close in the very same agony. It was the kind of scream that made your blood run cold. It pierced the brain and ignited some primeval pathway.

He frantically pulled her thrashing form into his arms as she continued to cry out in the most bone crippling fear he had ever heard. 'PEYT BABY WAKE UP!' he shrieked as she continued going though the motions the screaming the crying tearing him up with every pained sound that left her mouth. 'IT'S OVER, YOUR ALRIGHT!' he shouted desperately as she gripped her bump in a vice grip still crying but she seemed to be coming to.

Once he was sure she was fully awake, and had calmed down a little he pressed a firm kiss to her head holding her so tight he could've made her stop breathing. 'I'm here...I'm gonna make it stop...I'm gonna make it stop' he promised her as she breathed heavily her entire being shaking with terror. He repeated the words to her over and over like a mantra because he knew she needed to hear them. The silence of her bedroom made his blood as cold as the autumnal air that crept through the open window. it was a poison to him, for in that void of sound the shallowness of their her erratic breathing was laid bare.

'I...I'm sorry' he caught on to her say and instantly shook his head. 'You have nothing to apologies for baby...it's gonna be ok, we'll get through this together' he whispered as he felt her relax a little in his arms. There was absolutely no words. He lost. It slowly seeped in how much of a fool he had been, he should have seen this all coming. What ifs? feel his mind and he knows there is no way in hell his letting her go right back down to where they started. It wasn't an option. He was gonna make it stop. One way or another for the sake of her and their unborn child. And also for himself.

* * *

A/N: So there it is I hope you enjoyed. Would Love and appreciate knowing what you think and the next spoiler is Brooke and Peyton finally talk it out...will it all go to plan.

LeytonFan4Eva xxx


	30. Chapter 30 When hell freezes over

Her dull eyes flew open and for a second she didn't know where the hell she was. But once she felt the warm puffs of air splaying on her forehead and the all too familiar strong arms of Lucas banded around her and instantly relaxed. She was about to move when she felt Lucas begin to stir and snapped her eyes shut quickly willing the sleep to take her again. She knew it was childish to pretend to be asleep but she just couldn't be asked for Lucas fawning over her, she got that he cared and it was really sweet but she didn't want to break down crying again. And she definitely didn't think she could handle anything else, she didn't want to talk about it anymore. She wanted to forget every bad thing that had ever happened in her life starting from today.

It was obvious someone up there had it in for her, and that someone was not gonna win by a long shot. She feels him rouse next to her his arms tightening around her slightly no doubt reassuring him that she's there and won't disappear. She wants to grin at his protectiveness but can't bring herself to do it, she's not strong enough but she'll do it if she has to.

'Peyt…I know your awake, you don't have to hide from me' she heard his voice speak against her head sounding thick with sleep to her ears. Knowing she had been caught she slowly Peyton pulled up the duvet and rolled toward the darker side of the room. The blinds shut out most of the autumn morning sun, but still on the opposite wall there were rectangles of light projecting from the gaps. 'Peyt…talk to me tell me what's going through your head' She lets out an exasperated breath, it was times like this she remembered when she had been on the heroin, for spells she would close her eyes and be conscious of breathing slowly, rhythmically. She would consider the sleeping pills the doctor had prescribed. They worked well alright, but she had been groggy the next day and her mouth had tasted of metal. Nights would wear on, thoughts tumbling through her mind in rapid succession. Problems she had already solved reemerged for another examination. Things she mustn't forget for the next day constantly nagging at her. Then after a tortured eternity the room would get lighter and the birds chirped.

she threw back the covers and stumbled out of her bed. Sleepless. Moving to undo the blinds, letting the light flood in...it was the only reminder that she still had a soul. But that same awful hollowness, the waves of wretchedness threatened to engulf her mind, body and soul. 'Luke...can we just leave, can we get outta here. I don't wanna stay here anymore' she asked her voice monotone, no emotion. She heard him shift and saw him rise to his full height of six foot two. The feeling she feels is strange, too familiar but yet to strange; she never knows how to define it. she wants to smile, laugh and tell everyone it's ok, she's ok but something in her grabs her heart tight, crushes it to pieces. The brightness inside of her slowly gulped by something dark. No, she would be wrong to say it is dark - it is empty, nothing else.

'Peyt...we can't just leave, we have family here, friends...' she cut him of there an anger she didn't know she had beginning to fester only growing extremely bigger. 'No...Lucas you have family here and...friends...the only friends I seem to have is Nate and Axl, Haley and Brooke don't count anymore and neither does the rest of the river court gang that goes for Skills, Rachel and Mouth. I don't care how selfish I seem you have everything here and I have...nothing' she spat bitterly turning walking to the other side of the room and trying to put some distance between them, she didn't see the pissed off expression that painted his features. 'You do not have nothing Peyton, you have me...and Nate and the others are just trying to help you...because your not ok...' she scoffed, she hadn't wanted to practically bite his head off as soon as they woke up but she was just done. She wanted out.

Out of her house.

Out of Tree Hill. For good if she had to.

Which was what she had originally been planning on doing when she got in that car wreck at Molina Bridge. 'I'm fine' she said simply. Her breath caught in her throat when she meets his intense squint boring into the very depths of what ever soul she has left. He looked at her like the fire in his eyes had been dowsed with ice water, if anything it made the blue more pale. She's not used to it, it unnerves her. She wants him to give freely like he always does but he won't not this time. It's like he just crawled inside some invisible shell and no matter how hard she tries his unreachable. He moves his eyes more slowly, like they're heavy, an effort to move. But then she see's it, all of it the heartache she's subjecting him to and she knows that this, engagement can't work. Because she's pulling him away from his life outside of her and it can't go on. She's standing right next to him but he might as well be on the moon. She has to let him go...

'This isn't working Luke' she choked out instantly masking the tears in her voice, she refused to cry this time. 'Peyton what do you mean this isn't working?' she closed her eyes biting her lip so hard it could've drawn blood, before opening them slowly and raising her chin. 'We can't get married, I am ruining your life how can't you see' she whispered almost inaudibly, she was surprised he even heard her. 'No...No Peyt your not ruining my life...you shouldn't feel like I'm here because I think I have some obligation to you because I got you pregnant...I love you' she took a step back as he tried to touch her folding her arms around herself, a nervous habit she had developed. 'Don't ... can't please don't make this any harder than it has to be' she said putting up a hand. 'DAMMIT PEYTON WHY DO YOU HAVE TO ALWAYS MAKE EVERYTHING SO COMPLICATED!' she jumped at the mixture of anger and pain that his words held, she forced herself to look away.

'That's why i'm giving you the easy route out' she replied suddenly finding the floor all the more interesting. He stared at her long and hard for probably about two minutes and then she could finally see he had given up. He didn't say another word just turned his back to her and walked out slamming the door so hard she practically felt the whole room shake. In that moment she felt any bit of humanity she had left begin to slip away...like hell had just frozen over.

She finally found the strength to move settling herself down onto the now cold and empty spot on her bed. This was the right thing to do...right? at least that is what she told herself. She drew her legs up so that she was now lying on her back facing the ceiling. Her hands on her protruding stomach as she closed her eyes.

...

She felt the rage begin to build like deep water currents. She did everything right - everything - all damn mess. Everything they had is what he made and they squander it like ill-raised children. That's when her anger comes, unleashed without thought of consequence.

She had been lying there for about forty five minutes quietly fuming about the fact that he had walked away so easily, when there was a soft knock at the door and she turned her head slowly to see the one person she hadn't dreamed off seeing. Brooke. But then again who else did she expect Lucas to go and run to after he couldn't have her.

'So he told you then' she spat out bitterly, forcing herself to sit up as much as she could with a six month pregnant baby bump. 'Yeah something like that' she rolled her eyes at the brunette' raspy voice. How was Brooke even standing in her house right now, she wasn't welcome there. She needed her out so she could start packing. 'Well if your here to tell me that Lucas is in bits, I did this for him I hope he knows that. I never meant to hurt him' she said quickly she needed to shut this down fast.

'What Peyton...where you gonna go you gonna follow Axl out of town?' she tensed at that, what did she mean by that?

'What are you talking about?' she spoke sounding suddenly vulnerable. She watched Brooke's doe brown eyes soften, 'His left town...no one knows where he went' she sucked in a breath at that feeling like she had been punched in the gut, he didn't even say goodbye. But as soon as that feeling came it was gone, as she put the wall back up again. 'Is that all' she said her voice firm as her green eyes widened slightly in annoyance.

'No...Peyton that's not it...you need to talk to Lucas...he loves you his in bits' no, there was no way she would be guilt tripped into changing her mind, this was what was best for him and for both of them. She wasn't good for him, at all.

'I don't care' she said simply shrugging indifferently her eyes dull and lifeless.

'You don't care?' she nodded as the Brooke mimicked her, placing a hand on her wincing slight when a sharp pain jolted in her stomach. 'Peyton' she looked up as her former best friend tried to come closer to her worry etched on her features.

'DON'T YOU DARE DO THAT...DON'T COME INTO MY HOME LIKE YOU CARE ABOUT ME WHEN ALL YOU'VE GIVEN ME IS HELL. I SHOULD'VE KNOWN THE FIRST THING LUCAS WOULD DO IS RUN TO ONE OF HIS EX'S FOR A QUICK FUCK TO FORGET!' she shrieked knowing that she wasn't making any sense. She knew that Lucas loved her to much to do that to her but it didn't make it any easier to know that he had gone to Brooke first.

'Look Peyton...that's not what happened he...' she cut Brooke off shaking her head. 'Just get out of my house...I've got packing to do' she said abruptly turning her back to the petite brunette and grabbing the suitcase she had packed twenty minutes after Lucas left. 'Peyton I know you hate me and...' she cut her off again, 'NO BROOKE, YOU DON'T KNOW...YOU MADE ME FEEL ALIENATED IN MY OWN TOWN, I BLAME YOU FOR GETTING ME RAPED AND I BLAME YOU AND LUCAS FOR PUSHING ME TO DO DRUGS...AGAIN!' she cried placing a shaky palm on her mouth as the tears she had promised herself not to cry finally erupted from her tear ducts. 'Peyton...I'm so sorry' she shook her head putting her hand up, 'It doesn't matter anymore...I'm leaving town I don't know for how long and I don't know if i'll be back' she said gripping the suitcase tightly to her side. She probably looked so pathetic just in her white vest top and pajama pants.

'Peyton you can't just up and leave you have a life here. You have all of us and Lucas...he loves you I don't know how many times all of us have to say it, his such a mess without you, the...the kiss didn't mean anything' she let out a sob at that, not quite believing what she had just heard. He didn't he couldn't she was lying she had to be. Did that mean that everything they had, had been a lie. Did he still love Brooke?

'Wait...hold up what kiss?' she asked her voice unnervingly calm, she watched Brooke bite her lips her dark eyes glassy with tears. 'It was the night Lucas proposed to you, there was a party at Nathan's house and he was drunk and upset about something to do with you. I was still angry about the talk we had that day and I took advantage of him and...I kissed him Peyton, I'm so sorry' she couldn't believe what she was hearing, she didn't want to believe it. He said he loved her and she took him at his word. He said she was his soul mate and over the course of a year he had became part of the bedrock of her personality.

 ** _I'll be seeing ya_**

 ** _She's not you_**

 ** _I Love you Peyton_**

 ** _I love you too Luke_**

 ** _I'm pregnant._**

 ** _Do you wanna get married, Peyt?_**

She blinked at the flashbacks, no memories that begun to plague her vision. She had to think rationally, maybe she should talk to Lucas at least that's what her heart told her. But her mind had other plans and before she knew it she had pushed past Brooke with her suitcase in hand and was in the corridor.

'Peyton' she heard Brooke's croaky voice say and then the heels following after her, she forced herself to walk faster until she neared the stairs. 'Peyton you can't go' she ignored her and kept walking. She was at the top of the stairs now, 'STOP!' she felt Brooke's vice grip on her arm and pulled away sharply. 'LET ME GO!' she shrieked spinning around but she lost her footing on the steps this was all to familiar, it was like she was reliving the night of the rape all over again. This had happened before she was sure of it.

It was déjà vu almost, 'PEYTON!' she heard Brooke yell as her body twirled and jerked as she fell. She let out a blood curdling scream trying desperately to grab Brooke's extended arm but it was too late. For a full half-minute she went downward painfully at a speed that constricted her throat so that she could hardly draw breath and let out a high pitched grunt as she hit the wooden floorboard at the bottom of the stairs. Then let her world succumb to the darkness that it had so suddenly become.

* * *

A/N: Ohhh, What's gonna happen now. Read and review and they'll be an update soon.

LeytonFan4Eva xx


	31. AN: Author's Note

**Authors Note:**

 **Hey Reviewers it's LeytonFan4Eva here. I am just writing to say I know it seems that Peyton is being selfish but drugs and rape can really fuck with a person's psyche, trust me I've been there.**

 **Remember in the first chapter when I said she hit her head when she fell that bit was really significant, and from there you can see where she got really messed up. I promise things are gonna get a lot better as the story progresses and I'm gonna be keeping things lighter for the few chapters ahead, especially a Leyton wedding which is always good.**

 **Thank you for all your reviews they are hugely appreciated. Until next time.**

 **Katerina aka LeytonFan4Eva xxx**


	32. Chapter 32 Clarity

Lucas had been sitting in his mom's cafe for a good hour now, and hadn't heard much since his dark haired ex girlfriend Brooke went of to talk to Peyton. Anger boiled deep in his system, as hot as lava. It churned within, hungry for destruction, and he knew it was too much for him to handle. The pressure of this raging sea of anger would force him to say things he did not mean, or to express thoughts he had suppressed for weeks.

He knew he had to get out of Peyton's way before he erupted in his furious state. He didn't understand her, he was aware that grief was a funny thing and that she was probably grieving but there had to be more to her acting this way. She didn't exactly throw him out she wanted him to come with her, and then when he had basically said no she told him she didn't want to be with him, it just didn't make any sense. He was so deep in thought that he hadn't heard Haley pull a chair out and sit down next to him. He stared deep in thought out of the cafe window...feeling a mixture of pure anger as well as bitterness.

'Lucas' he broke his gaze and looked over at the owner of the voice, her face was full of worry and question. Her eyes asking a question he knew was coming. He shook his head and then went back to looking out the window because he didn't want to look at anyone, it hurt too much. 'Luke talk to me, tell me what's going on...what happened between you and Peyton...did you guys have a fight or something?' he rolled his eyes, he didn't want to talk about it anymore, Brooke had drawn up her own conclusion of what had gone on and gone over to see Peyton. He didn't need anyone else jumping to conclusion about shit that wasn't true. And if it wasn't bad enough that Haley was sitting here all up in his shit, Nate had also decided he wanted in on what was happening.

'Luke c'mon man what happened?' Lucas ran his hand through his shaggy dirt blond hair three times in quick succession and fixed his raven haired younger brother in a stare that could have frozen the Pacific. He snarled more than spoke. "I said I didn't want to talk about it" He watched Nate drop his gaze to the floor and hooked his thumbs into his washed blue jeans. He hadn't expected the outburst from Haley that followed it appeared she knew him too well, 'Dammit Lucas...it's obvious that you and Peyton have had an argument or something so spill already because I will ask her myself' There was a brief moment where his face washed blank with confusion, like his brain cogs couldn't turn fast enough to take in the information from her wide eyes. Every muscle of his body just froze before a pissed off scowl crept onto his face. 'That's if she's still there that is' he managed to hiss out, the bitterness evident in his tone. He took in the auburn haired girl's questioning expression as she opened her mouth to speak but Nate beat her too the punch.

'What is that suppose to mean Lucas?' he let an exasperated huff before rubbing his face roughly before stuffing his hands into his jean pockets. 'She told me she didn't want to be with me anymore' he admitted his features etching from mere annoyance to that of total defeat and vulnerability. 'What...why would she do that?' he shrugged looking at Haley's awaiting gaze, 'because I refused to leave town with her' he stated simply and In one swift motion he raised the glass of water to his lips that had been sitting on the table beckoning him for a good half hour and chugged it down before clasping both hands over his mouth to keep it in.

'She wouldn't just break up with you for that...there's gotta be a reason. If I know Sawyer she doesn't just do things without having a reason maybe it's just her pregnancy hormones...I mean jeez this one here is bad enough' he felt his ear prick up at that as he looked to Haley who was now blushing the colour of scarlet. She was smiling perhaps 'smile' wasn't the right word for it - the top row of teeth was showing, and there was a faint curve to her lips, but there was no crease below the eyes, no movement of the cheeks. On anyone else, it would be a grimace, at best. On her face, however, it was a sign of bliss.

'Hales are you...?' he asked feeling a slight flicker of blitheness for the young couple sitting in front of him. 'Yeah I'm pregnant' he opened his mouth to offer a congratulations but she cut him off, getting straight back to the Peyton topic. 'Anyway were talking about Peyton right now no matter how exciting this is. Open your eyes Luke she got raped and was hooked on heroin people don't just bounce back from that and her being pregnant is only adding fuel to the fire trust me...those hormones are bitches' he let out a slight breathy laugh at that letting his vision run around the room of buzzing customers. 'Your probably right, thanks guys. Also congratulations baby Scott's gonna have a little cousin to play with' he uttered his mood slightly lightened but the tetchiness still definitely apparent in his tone.

His blue eyes snapped to his phone that was buzzing on the wooden cafe table, alerting him to a received voice mail. He stared at it, then rush to grab it hoping it was Peyton. He tapped the screen awake and check his chat messages—holding his breath when he saw Peyton's name in bold at the top of the list. He pressed it quickly raising the phone to his ears and waiting patiently to hear her voice flood through the receiver but instead he was met with the sound of Brooke's scratchy one filled with utter terror and fear sounding frantic to his ears.

But what he heard next made his heart constrict painfully in his chest. 'Luke it's um...Brooke i'm on Peyton's phone...she's had an accident. She went to leave and I tried to stop her and she...oh god she fell...she fell down the stairs and she's not moving Luke. I've called an ambulance but I can't wake her up you gotta get here now...' he stood frozen, In the grip of silent panic. He felt it, building like an unstoppable snowball in the pit of his stomach. As his frosty baby blue eyes flying down to the time the voicemail was sent on his phone, twenty minutes ago.

He couldn't concentrate on anything, just knew that he needed to get to her now. His heart started to beat harder and faster, his brain starting to fire out negative thoughts like a machine gun. As sweat starts to happen all over his body. It feels like his skin has another hot skin on the outside, like a bin bag, it moves over his body and never releases. The negative thoughts keep coming like waves on rocks. As he shoots up from his seat, the arguments in his head get so fast and so disturbing that his brain shuts down his body. His heart feeling as thought it's going to explode.

The only word he can get out at Haley and Nathan's confused expressions is. 'Peyton' before he hurtles out the door, His feet slip outwards on the wet autumn leaves as he rounds the corner, the cold morning air shocking his throat and lungs as he inhales deeper, faster. With each footfall a jarring pain shoots ankle to knee, ankle to knee. Perhaps running so fast wasn't so smart but if he failed Peyton would pay the price, run and the damage is limited mostly to his shins and knees.

He runs the whole way, gasping through the painful fire in his lungs until he reaches Peyton's road. Seeing the ambulance only adding more dread to the knot that is in his stomach and he finds that he can run faster. Once he reaches the house the front door is already open and he tears up the stairs leading to the entrance stumbling through the front door. Suddenly all he sees is Peyton, literally. Looking pale and lifeless on the floor with paramedics looming over her. Everything else fell away. He no longer heard cars speeding down the street. Every natural body movement was on hold. But at that moment the adrenaline kicked in and he practically threw himself on the ground next to her taking her small frail hand in his. Just as they were putting an oxygen mask on her face.

'Peyt hey babe can you hear me' he asked in a daze tapping her cheek lightly but she didn't respond. 'Sir i need you to give her space' he caught onto one of the paramedics say and a mixture of pure panic and anger raced through him. 'NO THAT IS MY FIANCEE, SHE'S PREGNANT I'M NOT JUST GONNA LEAVE HER!' he cried but then suddenly felt a hand on his muscular arm pulling him back. He turned to see Brooke's puffy red eyes.

'Luke just do as they say' he shook his head mutely his baby blue eyes much resembling that of a lost child. As he stayed where he was still continuing to try and rouse her. 'Peyt wake up' he tried and begun pressing desperate kisses on her forehead. His heart raced with hope when he felt her hand squeeze his faintly. 'Peyton open your eyes' he said more urgently and watched as her eyes slowly flickered open. 'Peyt...' he repeated as her lime eyes looked to his with confusion, and she tried to sit up but winced. 'Luke...what?' she spluttered out but it came out muffled due to the mask on her face. 'You've had a fall they need to check to see if the baby is ok...so there taking you too the hospital' he spoke frantically, 'Just make sure the baby is ok please...' he gripped onto her hand tightly at her frantic voice watching as fresh tears sprung to her glassy eyes.

'Peyton...' he tried but she was on a roll, 'No Luke...they gotta help her...' he squeezed his eyes shut at her choked voice gripping her curly hair and kissing her forehead for reassurance, both blonds totally forgetting Brooke and the paramedics presence in the room.

'Peyton...you need to calm down we can determine whether the baby will be ok once at the hospital' he looked to the male paramedic as he started helping her up. Lucas stood up alongside her as both men helped her out to the ambulance leaving Brooke standing there in the doorway with a worried expression on her features.

In about under thirty minutes they were at the hospital and she was immediately taken to a doctor.

...

He sat in an uncomfortable blue chair next to the hospital bed, the chair was about as soulful as a bank convention at the Hilton. The wood cheap and the pillow cushions worn. The whole time he sat there the fear grew bigger and bigger crippling him but the expression never made his features, he was about as stoic as Chris Chambers in the River Phoenix movie Stand By Me.

His eyes wondered to Peyton's silent form watching as she stared blankly ahead, her eyes red from crying and her hands clutching her protruding stomach in a silent prayer that everything would be okay. 'I'll go and get us some water...I'll be back in a minute' he said as he stood to his feet but was stopped by her vice grip on his arm preventing him from leaving. 'Luke...can we talk?' his mind the selfish part told him to give her a taste of her own medicine his hurt from her words earlier still so raw but his heart which held the undying love for her so strong that nothing could or would ever come between won out and he nodded mutely taking a place on the hospital bed.

'Luke...I'm...I'm so sorry and I wouldn't blame you if your tired of hearing it, the truth is...I have been so lost, I don't know who I am anymore I'm so confused...I...I don't know what's happening to me' he felt his heart clench painfully at her revelation raising her chin so he could look into her soul and so that she knew the next words that he spoke were sincere.

'Peyton...I'm not going to sit here and pretend that I know what your going through because I don't, you hurt me really bad but...I could never walk away from you because I'm so in love with you...and I could never leave my sugar mama' he let out a breathy laugh making her smile slightly as a few tears slipped down her face. He cupped her face wiping them away as his eyebrows knitted together in pain for the girl he loved.

'Peyt...' he choked out his voice heavy with emotion as she let in a shaky breath before meeting his intense stare. 'I love you too Luke...I just don't know who I am anymore...I want to be the person I was before all the drugs and rape. I want to be able to be a decent mother to our daughter and a decent wife but I'm just such a mess...that's why I was so dead set on leaving earlier I needed time to think...I needed space and I didn't want to keep ruining your life. And I feel like i'm failing as a mother' he looked at her with understanding running a thumb over her cheek lovingly.

'Peyt it's okay you don't need to explain yourself I understand...your gonna be that sarcastic, beautiful broody artist that I fell in love with again eventually Peyt...I promise but it's gonna take time...but I'm willing to stay here with the girl that I'm in love with and help her through it' he spoke squeezing her hand lightly with his free hand. 'Luke...we can't loose her...I don't know what we'll do if she...' he pulled her against his chest as she begun to cry into his chest. But at that moment the door swung open and in walked the Doctor Copeland. He was getting kinda sick of the hospital scene if he was being honest and he could tell that Peyton was as well.

'Hello Peyton...here again so soon, seems that your very clumsy' neither blond laughed at his dry humor as he called in a couple nurses who wheeled in an ultrasound machine. 'Your friends are outside waiting for some good news...' he forced a smile at the doctor, but in his head he could imagine his fist crashing against the cocky son of a bitch's cheek. 'Let's take a look' he watched as they lifted the material of Peyton's white The cure bed shirt. Both blonds waited quietly for the heartbeat, Peyton squeezing his hand so hard he thought it would break. When the heartbeat monitor echoes of the walls he heard Peyton let out a sob and he in turn let out a sigh of relief kissing Peyton's small hand that was laced in his.

'It appears everything is fine, thankfully she fell on her side...but if she has any cramping or bleeding bring her in immediately, we'll discharge her in a few hours just because we want to keep her under observation just in case anything changes' he nodded gratefully as the doctor made some pictures for them, to keep before turning to walk away. But Peyton's voice stopped him, 'So that's just it everything's ok...she's ok?' he watched as the doctor made his way over to Peyton before placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder, 'Peyton I promise you everything is fine, since this is your first baby and you have a history of unfortunate events that have occurred in your young life it would be normal for you to experience what is called baby blues, which would be heightened by your recent bereavement as well as hormones' Lucas looked to Peyton as she squeezed his hand tightly.

So that was what was wrong with her. She hadn't fully been able to deal with everything. 'Thank you Dr Copeland' he found himself saying as he watched the dark haired man nod before exiting out the door.

'Did you hear that Peyt she's okay...everything's gonna be okay' he said as she smiled her first real smile in what seemed like forever. 'Luke...I want to get married right away...' he looked at her as his feature molded into one of sheer bliss and contentment before he nodded kissing her lips with passion. Then pulling away, to look into her eyes. 'Let's get married next week' he declared as she let out a warm hearted laugh.

Both blonds head's snapped to the door when it opened revealing Brooke. He looked to Peyton as she looked at him before uttering 'give us a minute'. He nodded standing to his feet and pressing a kiss to her forehead before walking out the door giving Brooke a nod of appreciation for being there to help Peyton. He walked into the hospital corridor and was met with the worried faces of Nathan, Haley, his mother Karen, Skills and Mouth even Rachel was there. No doubt because Brooke was.

'Their both fine' he said finally letting the news sink in, that his little family were gonna be okay and him and Peyton were on the road to recovery. He smiled as he heard their relieved gasps and his mother came up to him pulling him into a tight embrace. And he didn't pull away, not wanting the moment to end.

...

'So you and Luke patched things up' she looked to Brooke before bobbing her head in confirmation a small smile briefly splitting her pink lips. 'I wanted to say thank you...if you hadn't of called the ambulance I probably would of lost the baby...thank you' she watched Brooke's face light up with a flicker of hope.

'Peyt...I...I just wanna...' she put up a hand to stop Brooke who was now glassy eyed looking ready to cry.

'I forgive you Brooke...me and Lucas' baby is still alive because of you, god knows what would've happened if you weren't there and I had taken that fall..I mean were probably never gonna be as we were but...' she spoke as Brooke exhaled a shaky breath, 'Maybe we could be better...Peyton I've missed having my best friend around...I've just wanted to make things right for so long...this whole you, me and Lucas love triangle shit is over because I know his always only ever wanted you and I don't have any feelings for him what so ever, I guess I was just jealous...jealous of you. I am just so sorry for everything that happened to you and my...part in it' she let out a sob at that as she motioned for the raven haired girl across the room to come over.

Before she can draw in the air her body needs she has melted into her form. Her hands folded around her back, drawing her in closer. 'I've missed you ' she heard Brooke say as the two girls both started crying, and for the first time in six months Peyton let herself feel it all and she cried.

Cried for her stolen dignity after the rape, cried for her lack of sanity from the drugs, cried for her two deceased mother's and for her dad who she never saw, but most of all cried for herself. Maybe now she could finally move forward and leave the past in the past.

* * *

A/N: There is chapter 32 I didn't have the heart to make them lose the baby, I want to keep things light for a few chapters ahead. Whose happy that Lucas and Peyton are back on track again and Brooke and Peyton have finally reconciled and Naley are having a baby all seems finally right in the world. Read and Review. Until Next Time. And thank you all for your previous reviews.

LeytonFan4Eva xx


	33. Chapter 33 Holding on and Letting go

They had waited around for a couple hours before the doc gave them the all clear and told them that it was fine to leave. It was 3 pm in the afternoon, her and Lucas now resided at his house and his mother Karen was back at the cafe doing the normal things that needed doing when your were running a successful little coffee shop like hers, which meant that the two blond teenagers were home alone in the backyard at peace with the world on the white stitched hammock.

Peyton against Lucas' muscular chest, feeling herself swing for a while before coming to a stop. In the distance there was traffic, but far away enough not to bother her. She thought of her cell phone, probably now sitting on the coffee table at home. Just yesterday that thought would have sent her into a near panic attack. But Lucas swore that switching off for a bit would do her the world of good and she had to agree.

She let the sound of birds fill her ears instead of the ticking of clocks. Here ten minutes was a long time and so the day stretched out like a small eternity. She couldn't stop bad things happening in the world even if she tuned into the news twenty-four-seven, it could only make her more anxious, more fearful. In her quiet contemplation she could think about love, the people she cherished and what was right with her life. She felt like God's whisper was in the trees. Once found this happiness would be easier to find again...

'So what are you thinking with baby names?' she found herself asking before she could even consciously make the decision to speak, where the hell had that come from? the feeling she got once those words had left her mouth was not one of utter regret for a change but gave her a sense of tingling giddiness. She felt the breathy chuckle rumble in Lucas' chest before he let out a groan full of blitheness.

'Mmm Kate Bosworth' she let out a snort before hitting his chest playfully. 'Luke be serious' she spoke snuggling closer into his warm embrace. 'I...I like the name...Sawyer for a girl' her eyes widened at that, there was no way he was being serious why in the hell would they use her maiden name. 'Your kidding me right...?' She chortled ...no he had to be joking. Her content lime eyes meeting locking with those of his gunmetal blue ones.

'No...I love that name it reminds me if you' her cheeks were suddenly kissed pink like a spring rose, the blooming colour so cute against her porcelain skin. She looks away and finds a distraction at the sink, pulling at a loose strand on the hem of his bleached white shirt. She's aware that of Lucas hanging back, allowing her time to compose herself, fighting back the smile that wants to break out. What happens next he's going to want to remember for a long time, so while his gaze is soft he doesn't drop his eyes for a moment.

'As much as I love you for that compliment...that is not gonna happen...' she giggled pressing a chaste kiss to his shaven jaw line. 'Well let's hear your ideas then...what do you wanna name our daughter?' she sat up then, looking down at his amazingly angelic features, she soaked in every detail of him. To say that his eyes were blue was like saying that the sun was yellow. Sufficient but not accurate to capture the burning. 'Bean...I want her name to be Bean' she watched as he looked at her incredulously and she could tell he was trying to stifle a laugh, The laugh came from Lucas like a newly sprung leak - timid at first, stopping and starting. But she could tell he wasn't done yet, she could tell from the way he rolled his blue eyes to the sky and half bit his lip. From deep inside his chest came a great shaking motion and his face muscles grew tight. She folded her arms over her six month pregnant belly, eyebrows arched, waiting.

In moments Luke's laugh was more like a bust water main arching into the brilliant summer sky soaking everyone around him with unrestrained gales that debilitated him to a thigh slapping and pick faced picture of glee. She wanted to stay straight faced, flip her hair and storm off - he was after all laughing "at her", not "with her." But before she could stop herself her poker straight mouth twitched upwards and she was giggling despite herself...

'And you were just giving me hell about using your maiden name' well he had a point there, but she just happened to like the name...she had found it in a book that she had been reading whilst inside rehab, she knew it seemed stupid but it mean the highest most exalted one, the best and she thought it was cute.

'Why not Bean Sawyer Scott...oh c'mon Luke it's so sweet...that way we both get to use the names that we want...' she knew he was gonna buckle sooner or later, he always did. 'Sawyer Bean Scott' she rolled her eyes at his correction, they were not seriously going to get in an argument about their baby girl's name. 'Lukeee...' she whined batting her long eyelashes at him. She watched his gorgeous features split into a smile at that and he pressed a sweet quick kiss to her lips before getting up and leaving her high and dry on the hammock by herself.

She managed to push herself up from the hammock and followed more like waddled inside after him. Once inside his house she found him in his living room looking at a photo of him, Keith and Karen. The photo of him and Brooke that had been there previously had long since been taken down, thankfully because she didn't know what kind of mood these hormones would put her in. 'Keith always use to tell me, you can find happiness or happiness will find you...' she looked down at her feet, she guessed apart of her would always feel guilty for Keith's death...if Lucas hadn't of gone in to help her then he would've still been here.

Peyton eyes drifted to the window watching as the rain now fell outside. She let the pitter-patter on the roof echo through her ears. She turned her attention back to him to see him now facing her and felt a sinking feeling forming in her stomach as she diverted her attention down to the floor. Was he upset with her...she didn't know. But she could feel her eyes beginning to prick with the all too familiar sensation of tears, 'Luke...' she started but he took a step towards her, and cupping her face in his large hands. 'I'm so happy I found you Peyton...' she felt her own grin form on her face as she blinked and the tears spilt over, she watched as his expression grew puzzled as he tried to wipe the tears away. 'Peyt...I didn't mean to upset you I...' she shook her head quickly, her beam only growing bigger. 'No...no it's just I feel...happy...I want to marry you right away...baby...I wanna marry you tomorrow' she said decisively as he agreed quickly with contentment, unexpectedly, his hand drifted to her hip. It settled there and pulled her closer. She inhaled sharply. She was against his warm chest, chiseled to perfection. Must he be so perfect? She splayed her hand against it, intending to pull him closer, but instead she left it there. His breathing quickened as did hers.

His lips were only inches away from hers when she heard the front door open, and she pulled away from him turning to see who the intruder was. Who dared ruin there moment. She expected to see Karen's warm smile, but she see's the familiar stance of a tall man standing in the doorway...her...her father, Larry Sawyer. Standing right there unannounced inside the Scott residence and Lucas' mother Karen literally just appearing at his side as well as the other's Nathan, Haley and Brooke.

'Daddy?' she questions afraid that it was all just a hallucination and she was tripping out. She blinked her eyes to see if he would disappear, but it didn't happen. She watched as her father took a heavy step into the living room stealing the breath and the heat from her skin. She knows if she wasn't pregnant right now she'd be running forwards at this point, throwing herself into his arms but she can't. So she stepped forward, keen that he shouldn't go. After so long without him she thinks she'll just die if he left right now. When she tries to speak her voice falters into an unintelligible croak.

She let her father open his arms and she didn't hesitate to step into his embrace, hugging him for dear life. 'Hey baby girl...' she heard him say to her as he hugged her just as tighter before pressing a flurry of kisses into her curly locks. 'I'm sorry dad...for everything' she choked out, she felt as her father shook his head knowing that she was talking about Keith's wake. 'Sssh...don't think about that...' she smiled up at him as he pulled away from her before his storm grey eyes drifted down to her protruding stomach. 'I guess a congratulations is in order' she let out a breathy laugh, 'your not mad?' she queried taking in his elated expression. 'I've known about it for a while now...Karen here wrote me a letter...I didn't really have time to get mad' she chuckled at that wiping her tear stained face as she turned around to look at Lucas who was standing awkwardly in the living room.

'Hi Mr Sawyer' she gave Lucas an encouraging grin as he descended behind her, her back now pressed firmly against his front as she watched the two men converse in conversation and shake hands. 'This is so cute...' she looked to Haley who stood beaming next to Nathan in the doorway, also Brooke who she shared a smile with.

'So when's the wedding' she caught onto Nate say, she could've sworn he was psychic or something. She looked back and locked eyes with Lucas who beamed down at her before speaking. 'Tomorrow at noon' she couldn't help but let out another chuckle as everyone at that started conversing in a jovial conversation, as they all moved into the living room and sat down on the couches to discuss who was going to be the best man and maid and of honor, where the venue would be, who would do what.

But she kind of zoned out whilst they were talking looking to hers and Lucas's entwined hands with a blissful smirk. Her mother Anna use to say to her that happiness was like a soda. Sweet, fizzy, and doesn't last very long. You have to enjoy happiness before it goes flat. So she did the logical thing drank the soda down quickly and she would do that every day so that she could be as happy as she was now. Until eventually she got cavities. The blankets of darkness had now miraculously been replaced by bursts of light that pierced through the darkness. It was like the heavens had given Peyton another chance to live her life right, and her heart soared, mending itself once more. She was saved! Waves of happiness and relief washed over her, and she felt it soak right into her bones. Dizzy with exaltation, she wanted to savor the felicity that fizzled in her heart, and didn't want it to end. She knew that eventually they would have to hold a funeral for Ellie but...maybe they could do that after the wedding. She know felt that she could do it with Lucas and her family and friends there to support her.

For the first time she felt like she was truly able to let go of all the dark emotional baggage she had been holding and move on with her life. Married to Lucas and a mother to a baby girl she couldn't wait to meet. She wanted this day to be over quickly...so that she could be married to Lucas as soon as possible. But that didn't mean she didn't cherish the moments like this, her dad was home and that...that changed everything.

* * *

A/N: Chapter 33 is up and I told you I would keep things light haha. The Leyton wedding will be held next chapter, this is where I need your help give me your ideas on what you would like to happen. Should it be a day of magic or slight drama you decide. I need a lot of ideas. Anyway read and review, and thank you for all your previous reviews.

LeytonFan4Eva xxx


	34. Chapter 34 Marry - Go - Round

Yesterday had been so hectic, with the whole family being there. But she couldn't lie it had been exactly what she needed, it felt almost surreal, it was weird knowing that her dad was just downstairs when she was so use to having the house to herself, they had practically pried her and Lucas apart. She woke up with a gigantic grin set on her features, sitting up on the edge her bed trying to compose herself. She felt like every fiber of her being was vibrating with anticipation. Adrenaline was coursing through her veins. Her hands trembled and her eyes were wide. 'This is what a cat must feel like waiting to pounce on a mouse,' she thought. The excitement wired her body like she was plugged into the mains. She felt like her brain was on fast-forward and there was no off switch.

She was getting married, her Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer was getting married to Lucas Eugene Scott the love of her life.

Her mother always told her the happy ending always came on the last page. When she was little, she always dreamt of the last page of the story of her life. She wrote it very carefully. She made sure it didn't have any flaws. She tried to fight through every chapter ignoring the hurt. She believed in the last page of the last chapter - where the happy ending was mentioned. It had to come to her. She had written it herself, and planned on keeping it the same until she reached the last page. She felt like she was finally on her way towards it.

"Peyton….hun come on...we need to get you ready." her head snapped to see who the owner of the voice was and she saw Haley standing inside her bedroom alongside Brooke. Both girls a picture of contentment.

'P. Sawyer get your pregnant ass up right now" Brooke demanded as she stood next to Haley with her hands on her hips. "You are so not doing this right now, not today." she made a gesture at them to help her up and all three women came over to her and hoisted her up. 'Brooke get the dress it's downstairs on the couch' she looked to Haley before her eyes followed Brooke out of the room. 'And you in the bathroom...now...c'mon move it' she let out a breathy laugh as Brooke chaperoned her to the bathroom and told her to undress. It wasn't long until she heard Haley come back into her bedroom and appear in the doorway of her bathroom alongside Brooke. She gasped audibly the dress was beautiful, it was a sweet heart bodice with lace overlay and sleeves of lace plunging back with lace to form a square neckline. full A line skirt falling longer in the back to make a train, something that would fit perfectly on her pregnant frame.

'Oh my god' those damn pesky hormones always coming out to bite her in the ass and turn her into a blubbering idiot. 'This is really happening' Peyton whispered as she bit her lower lip in an attempt to keep the tears at bay, 'No...no...no...no tears on your wedding day' she laughed as Haley walked past the threshold into the bathroom with her and handed her the dress. 'Wipe those tears, get clean and get changed so we can do your makeup P . Sawyer' she heard Brooke cluck as Haley walked out and she shut the door to give herself some privacy from the others. Once she was washed and dressed the two girls in the room, made a gigantic deal out of how amazingly beautiful she looked, then started on her makeup and hair. Once she they were all done getting her ready lets just say she was definitely a sight for sore eyes.

'Oh honey you look beautiful' Haley gushed throwing a hand over her mouth, feeling impressed with their hard work. And she did, her curly flaxen hair was pulled up into a messy bun and the chalky wedding garment clung to her pregnant frame perfectly. She cursed internally as she felt her eyes begin to prick with a fresh batch of tears, Peyton just looked up at them with tears forming in her eyes. "Oh no…you can't do that…we just finished your makeup." Brooke whined, "And this is why its water proof" Haley said with a smile as she handed the blonde a tissue. "But you shouldn't be crying Peyton."

"I know…I'm supposed to be happy and all but I'm not sure about this anymore I'm only seventeen." She looked up at the two girls with more tears quickly forming in her pale sage green eyes. She pushed a stray peace of hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ear.

"You don't think I got cold feet too Peyton…I wanted to turn and runaway and never look back. God, Peyt I had cold feet up until I said 'I do' it was actually kind of hilarious and then it was just magically better all of a sudden and I felt like was invincible." Peyton and Brooke watched as only the smile on Haley's face grew wider. Until they were afraid it would break the angelic image completely.

"I just…I want everything to be perfect and something always goes wrong for me…I'm just so scared that that's gonna happen again y'know and that its gonna happen today. Of all days" She hung her head down as Brooke pulled her into a tight hug. "Peyton...sweetie...nothing is going to go wrong, I promise you that. I won't let anything go wrong today. It's your wedding day and if it's the last thing I do I'm gonna make sure everything happens just the way you want it. Remember when we were kids...we would plan our weddings…you said you didn't wanna get married in a church…you wanted to get married at Tree Hill lake which is quite ironic considering you met Lucas there, with the wind blowing through your hair. The weather would be perfect, not to hot or cold, just right and the sun would be bright but not blinding. You'd have a dress that fit you perfectly. You didn't want a veil or a nice hair piece." Brooke reached for Peyton's trembling hands and gripped them tightly. "Your having your dream wedding P. Sawyer" Brooke smiled but the blonde didn't return the gesture, she only struggled to hold back more tears.

'Uh oh" the two brunette's looked up to find Karen walking slowly into the room. The soon to be mother-in-law knelt down in front of the blonde and placed a comforting hand on her arm, trying sooth her but it just made Peyton's nerves all the more worse. "Peyton…sweetheart…".

"It just feels likes something is missing without her...I wish my mom could be here to see this, both of them" Peyton looked up briefly before falling back onto the brunette's shoulder.

"Peyton they are both watching you and they are here with you. Their gonna be with you for the rest of your long life and especially on this very special day when you take those steps to begin a new chapter in your life." Karen watched as the fragile blonde looked up at her and wipe the tears away. "I just wish they were really here y'know physically" She forced a small smile as she looked around the group. "Well I can help a little bit, that's why I stopped by." Karen picked up a small box from the ground that she had brought in with her. "Lucas has had this for the last three weeks, he's kept in my room and I only found out about it yesterday." Karen smiled as she handed the box to Peyton. The blonde slowly pulled the lid off the small box, unsure of what to expect. Her eyes lit up with shear bliss when she caught sight of the white gold crystal drop earrings. She looked up in disbelief. "Where did he get these…how did he…" Karen could only smile as the other two girls looked on in confusion. "He went up into your attic and he went digging. He said it was in one of the boxes near the back and the clasps were broken so he got them repaired." "Oh God…"Peyton was speechless.

"These were my moms…she used to wear them all the time but she lost them one day I never saw them again since until now that is." Peyton choked hugging Karen tightly as she whispered thank you repeatedly into her ear. "Don't thank me for that, thank Lucas…but I did bring you something, we have to keep tradition." Karen revealed a larger box from behind her back. "I brought this for you…its something new" Peyton opened the rectangular box to reveal a rhinestone necklace with three teardrop designs at the bottom. Peyton looked up at the women and smiled brightly. "Thank you so much Karen...you have no idea how grateful I am" she whispered. She took the necklace out of the box and held it in her hands. "Would you?" she asked timidly as she looked at the older women who nodded her head. "Of course sweetie " Karen replied as she took the necklace from the blonde and they both stood up. Peyton anxiously turned around and let Karen place the necklace around her neck. When she turned back around she quickly hugged her with a radiant smile playing on her lips.

"Wait we're not done yet" Brooke stood from the bed and ran out of the room. She returned seconds later with a bag in her hand and a glowing face. "Okay so I was going to wait till later but your in need of something blue and I have just the thing." The brunette smirked happily as she handed the bag over to her best friend. As Peyton opened the bag she pulled out a small card.

"Just thought I'd make your night a little more fun" The blonde read out loud. Peyton dug back into the bag and grasped the gift between her fingers as Brooke finally thought about her gift and the people in the room, mostly the one woman standing in front of her best friend.

"Peyton wait" Brooke bit her bottom lip as the blonde removed the blue lingerie from the bag and held it up. They all looked towards Karen and Brooke and Peyton couldn't help but blush, especially Peyton. They were surprised when Karen laughed and took the blue silk from the blonde's hands. "Cute" was all she could manage as she laughed and soon Haley joined in.

Brooke just smirked while Peyton stood too embarrassed to move but she finally managed to mutter out. 'Brooke six months pregnant here'. 'There's always once the babies born' Brooke rasped making Peyton chuckle. "It's alright you two…it's not that big of a deal." Karen placed the lingerie back into the bag as Peyton started to lose the red tint in her cheeks. "Well now you just need something borrowed but I think that's covered" Haley teased as she lifted up the bottom of Peyton's dress to reveal the champagne colored garter belt sitting on her thigh…more importantly the one the petite brunette had wore on her wedding day "It'll do" Haley shrugged as she let the dress fall back to the floor. They all laughed as Haley's cell began vibrating. She looked down to see a message from Nathan asking where they all were.

"I guess that means we should be going now…don't want you to be fashionably late to you own wedding P Sawyer. Brooke linked arms with the blonde as she led her out the room. "Let's get a move on people...we have twenty minutes" She shouted as they made their way down the stairs. "You ready best friend." Peyton thought for a while and then smiled. "Yeah…yeah I am".

* * *

It had been twenty minutes and Lucas glanced down at his watch, where the hell was she?

"Hey Bro you ready?" Nathan whispered as he watched his brother kick his foot repeatedly at the grass. Lucas didn't answer him, he didn't even look at him, to deep in thought. The older Scott was so caught up in his thoughts that he hadn't heard his brother's words. He flinched when Nathan grabbed his shoulder, bringing him back to reality. "Sorry man….I'm just...haha...really nervous." Lucas admitted as he craned his neck to meet his brothers gaze. "It's normal…don't worry about it…it'll get worse when you see her trust me and then at one point it will just all disappear completely and after that it's like the two of you against the world always and forever." Nathan reassured his brother. Lucas was slowly getting lost in memories again until he heard music fill the air around him. He turned to face his best friend who was sitting to the side strumming her guitar.

 **I'm dying to catch my breath**  
 **Oh why don't I ever learn?**  
 **I've lost all my trust,**  
 **Though I've surely tried to turn it around**

They all watched as Brooke stepped out of the car and walked onto the grass, her arm linked with Mouths. It had taken Peyton a week to convince her to be the maid of honor. She still looked beautiful as she walked across the grass, a smile playing on her lips. Brooke and Mouth parted at the alter. Nathan and Brooke stood across from Lucas.

 **Can you still see the heart of me?**  
 **All my agony fades away**  
 **When you hold me in your embrace**

Karen and his uncle Cooper were the next couple to make their way from the parking lot to the alter. Karen felt the tears burning behind her eyes as she watched her son stand tall in front of her. There was no way for her to deny the fact that he wasn't her little boy anymore but the fact that she had molded him into the man that he had become made her heart swell with pride. He was about to start his own life and break free from her. She was happy however because there was no one she would rather lose him to. She knew how happy her son was and that was all that mattered. Karen gave her son a reassuring smile before she and Cooper stood to the side.

 **Don't tear me down for all I need**  
 **Make my heart a better place**  
 **Give me something I can believe**  
 **Don't tear me down**  
 **You've opened the door now, don't let it close**

 **I'm here on the edge again**  
 **I wish I could let it go**  
 **I know that I'm only one step away**  
 **From turning it around**

Lucas took a deep breath as he watch Larry step up the car and hold his hand out. She placed her hand gently in her fathers and Lucas watched as the white glove was slowly revealed inch by inch. He saw her feet slide to the pavement and suddenly his heart was pounding in his ears, he felt like he was gonna collapse.. He could see her through the glass on the window as she slowly stood from the car and time seemed to stop for him. He couldn't take his eyes off of her as she continued to rise. She stole the air from his lungs when she was finally standing and facing him. Her hair was neatly curled into a bun with a slightly messy touch to it, but blonde ringlets framed her face perfectly. Her dress hugged her upper body and pregnant belly perfectly and then flared out at her waist. Everything was simple and that made it seem all the more perfect for both of them. Lucas couldn't take his eyes away from her as she linked arms with her dad and proceeded to make her way towards the alter. She was glowing and she couldn't help but smile. They all watched her glide across the grass with amazement. Karen snapped pictures as did Brooke. Larry felt the tears building in his eyes as he watched his daughter. Her smile was infectious and both he and Brooke were astonished by how much she looked like both her mothers.

 **Can you still see the heart of me?**  
 **All my agony fades away**  
 **When you hold me in your embrace**

 **Don't tear me down for all I need**  
 **Make my heart a better place**  
 **Give me something I can believe**

 **Don't tear it down, what's left of me**  
 **Make my heart a better place**

As they came closer to the alter, her smile grew as did Lucas's. Before she knew it Larry was letting go of her arm. He kissed his little girl on the cheek and was forced to admit the same thing as Karen had to herself only earlier...she's wasn't his little girl anymore. Peyton stepped up in front of Lucas and he took her hands gently in his. She gave a small laugh as things finally began to set in. This was it, they were finally completing things, finally had this new magical chapter in their young lives. She gave his hand a light squeeze as Haley ended the song and went to stand by Karen.

 **Don't tear me down for all I need**  
 **Make my heart a better place**  
 **Give me something I can believe**  
 **Don't tear me down**  
 **You've opened the door now, don't let it close**

"Please be seated...We gather together as a community seeking peace, inspired by this couple standing before you." the preacher read aloud everyone turned to face him except Lucas and Peyton, who couldn't take their eyes of each other. They were made for each other, written in the stars.

 **I'm here on the edge again**  
 **I wish I could let it go**  
 **I know that I'm only one step away**  
 **from turning it around**

 **Can you still see the heart of me?**  
 **All my agony fades away**  
 **when you hold me in your embrace**

"And in the face of family and friend, to join together Lucas and Peyton in holy matrimony; which is an honorable estate, instituted of God since the first man and first woman walked on the earth. Therefore it is not to be entered into unadvisedly, or lightly, but reverently and soberly into this Holy Estate, these two persons come not to be joined". Peyton felt Lucas's grip tighten around her trembling hands as her nerves slowly returned. She couldn't' be happier but she was just a scared as she was earlier that morning if not more. Haley had warned her about this but she didn't think it would be this bad. Her emotions were running wild but every time she met Lucas's eyes happiness won out over everything else.

 **Don't tear me down for all I need**  
 **Make my heart a better place**  
 **Give me something I can believe**

 **Don't tear it down, what's left of me**  
 **Make my heart a better place**

She let out a sharp breath when she felt the unborn child within her kick. And looked to Lucas' suddenly worried expression. 'Peyt...you OK' she nodded at his frantic voice a watery grin splitting her features. 'She's kicking really hard' she laughs as giggles and sighs ran around the area. This was truly one of the best days of her life.

 **I tried many times but nothing was real**  
 **Make it fade away, don't break me down**  
 **I want to believe that this is for real**  
 **Save me from my fear**  
 **Don't tear me down**

"If any one can show just cause why they may not be lawfully joined together, let them speak now, or forever hold their peace." They both hoped with everything they had that things would run smoothly as they held onto each other. Lucas smiled down at her and she returned the gesture but they were both nervous. As the priest continued they both let out a breath they didn't know they were holding.

"Who gives this woman to be married to this man?" They all watched as Larry took a step forward.

"I do" he said with a smile in his daughter's direction and she smiled back before looking up at her future husband again. Maybe every bad thing that had happened to her had been leading her up to this particular moment, this was her destiny.

"I require, and charge you both, that if either of you know any impediment, why you may not be lawfully joined together in matrimony, you confess it now." he paused for a moment and then continued.

"This is the day you have chosen to become husband and wife. We are here, not only to witness your commitment to each other, but also to wish you every happiness in your future life together. Within its framework of commitment, and loyalty, marriage enables the establishment of a home, where through trust, - patience and respect, the love and affection, which you have for each other may develop into a deep and lasting relationship. We, who are witnessing your marriage, hope that despite the stresses inevitable in any life, your Love, Respect for each other, and your trust and understanding of each other will increase your contentment, and heighten your joy in living." He looked up from his Bible before he continued speaking.

 **Don't tear me down for all I need**  
 **Make my heart a better place**  
 **Don't tear me down for all I need**  
 **Make my heart a better place**

"You have both chosen to recite your own vows. You may precede with them now" Lucas looked directly into Peyton's eyes and smiled brightly at her. "Peyton...through all the tears and struggles I always knew in my heart that we'd make it here. From the moment you almost killed me with your car. Peyton, I've loved you since the first time I saw you. And this ring, and these words, are simply a way to show the rest of the world what's been in my heart for as long as I've known you. I love you, Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer. I always have and I always will.'

 **Don't tear me down for all I need**  
 **Make my heart a better place**  
 **Don't tear me down for all I need**  
 **Make my heart a better place**

Lucas took a deep breath and watched as a single tear slid down Peyton's cheek. 'Oh god...that's a tough act to follow' she breathed out wiping the tear that had just fallen. 'But here goes...Lucas you are the best thing that ever happened to me. I was afraid that you were to good to be true...that maybe I didn't deserve someone as pure and beautiful and as loving as you are. Lucas Scott, we have been through so much together. And despite how confused I've been or lost I might've gotten, there was always you finding me, and saving me. You deserve to be adored, that's what we're going to do. Your baby and me, we are going to adore you for years to come. Luke I was born to love you and I always will'.

She smiled up at him and could see the tears that glistened in his clear blue eyes. She felt him squeeze her hands again and was surprised when he started speaking. "Peyt…I just realized that we seem to use a song to start each new stage in our relationship and I don't want to break tradition." They all gave a small laugh as they thought about what Lucas had just said and they realized in one way or another it was true. He pulled her a little closer as he spoke the words he had memorized over the last week. He had been listening to the song over and over again because it had grown on him so quickly. Peyton closed her eyes as more tears fell from her eyes.

Peyton and Lucas joined hands again and forced themselves to resist their urge to kiss each other. That moment was there for them…they were both in complete bliss and nothing could ruin it for them.

 **Give me something I can believe**  
 **Don't tear it down, what's left of me**  
 **Make my heart a better place**  
 **Make my heart a better place**

"Do you Lucas Eugene Scott, take Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer to be your lawfully wedded wife, to live together after God's ordinance, in the Holy estate of matrimony? Will you love, honor, comfort and cherish her from this day foreword, forsaking all others, keeping only unto her, for as long as you both shall live?" The priest looked towards Lucas and watched him smile. "I do" he said firmly as he gazed into her eyes. Peyton listened to the priest repeat the words as he turned to face her but she wasn't really hearing her.

That was when her stomach began to knot again and fear started to overtake her. Lucas could see it in her eyes as she tried to make the feeling go away, but it only got worse. She closed her eyes and tried to focus on how happy she been jus seconds ago but it only helped a little. She felt her hair blow around her face as a warm breeze encircled her. She opened her eyes again and smiled as she inhaled deeply. She felt whole as the last of the breeze blew around the couple and then disappeared, taking all her fears with her.

 **Don't tear me down for all I need**  
 **Make my heart a better place**  
 **Don't tear me down for all I need**  
 **Make my heart a better place**

"For as long as you both shall live?" she listened as the words left the man's mouth and she watched as Lucas looked down at her and waited patiently. "I do" she said with confidence. The priest turned back towards Lucas and spoke. As he finished Lucas repeated his words, his voice cracking as he held Peyton's hands tightly. "I Lucas, take thee Peyton, to be my lawfully wedded wife. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better of for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, honor, and cherish, 'till death do us part." He couldn't help but let his smile grow.

"I Peyton take thee Lucas to be my lawfully wedded husband. To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better of for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, honor, and cherish, 'till death do us part." They all watched as tears slid down Peyton's face again. "May I have the rings" Brooke and Nathan each handed a ring to the priest and then stepped back into their places. Lucas and Peyton watched as he blessed the rings and then handed them down. He once again told Lucas to repeat after him. Lucas slipped the ring onto Peyton's fingers as he spoke.

"With this ring, I thee wed. Wear it as a symbol of our love and commitment" Peyton's words were whispered but Lucas could still hear her. Brooke but her bottom lip and clasped her hands together knowing that soon things would be official. "As Lucas and Peyton have consented together in Holy Wedlock, and have witnessed the same before God and this company, having given and pledges their lives, each to the other, and having declared the same, by the giving and receiving of rings, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride."

 **Don't tear it down, what's left of me**  
 **Make my heart a better place**

 **I tried many times but nothing was real**  
 **Make it fade away, don't break me down**  
 **I want to believe that this is for real**  
 **Save me from my fear**  
 **Don't tear me down**

Lucas looked down at Peyton and gazed into her eyes with passion. Everything had went perfectly and there was nothing more that he could ask for. Everything else would just be more of a blessing for him. Peyton felt the same and they could read it through the other's eyes. There was nothing that could tear them apart now matter how big it was.

'Kiss her' came Nathans voice laced with humour.

This only cause Lucas and Peyton to laugh as they continued staring at each other. "We all know you two have been dying to kiss since this started and now your just gonna stand there…come on bro…" Nathan pushed Lucas closer as Brooke pushed Peyton towards Lucas. The young couple smiled at each other as they leaned down until their lips finally met. Everyone one around them cheered as they got lost in each other, it felt like coming home. "Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. And Mrs. Lucas Scott."

 **Don't tear me down for all I need**  
 **Make my heart a better place**  
 **Don't tear me down for all I need**  
 **Make my heart a better place**

 **Give me something I can believe**  
 **Don't tear it down, what's left of me**  
 **Make my heart a better place**  
 **Make my heart a better place**

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A/N: I think this was the longest chapter I've ever written hope you liked it. Read and review. And thanks for all your previous reviews.

LeytonFan4Eva xx


	35. Chapter 35 A new chapter in their lives

**Mufu87** \- Thank you I'm glad you enjoyed it, I like reading your reviews.

 **Jordana60** \- I'm glad that you liked my last chapter, don't worry Brooke will get hers soon enough haha, Thank you for the review on chapter 33.

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We look forward to the time when the Power of Love will replace the Love of Power. Then will our world know the blessings of peace.

"Peyton…." she heard her father's voice call from downstairs as she lay against Lucas both blond's occupying the space on her bed. "Yeah" she screamed down from her room. She had been upstairs all day with Lucas just relaxing, she needed it.

They were enjoying each other's company and the quietness. Yesterday was hectic she felt like she was in an episode of Beverly Hills, 90210. Nathan had thrown them a surprise reception at his house, it was beautiful and had managed to make her cry yet again. 'I wish I could hold you forever' Lucas mumbled pressing a chaste kiss to her forehead. 'Me too' was all she mumbled absentmindedly as she drew circles on his bear chest, it was still in the am and she was shattered. But she couldn't say that this wasn't as good as it got. This was her life now, and she couldn't complain because it was everything she dreamt it would be as a little girl.

 **Flashback**

 **'Oh my god...you guys didn't have to do this' Lucas said whilst Peyton stood there in her own silent trance, stunned into silence. This had to be one of the nicest things anyone had ever done for her. She looked with glassy eyes towards Haley and Nathan who had the same sappy smile as everyone else in the room. She watched as Haley's face begun to fall as she blinked and the tears that were destined to fall from the moment she stepped into Nate's house that was filled with such beautiful decoration spilt over.**

 **'Oh no, honey don't cry we just...it's...' she put up a hand to stop them, Her smile was like the sun lighting up the sky. Like it was a bleak and rainy day - but then the sun came over the horizon, shining it's beautiful rays up into the sky. It was a smile that finally reached her eyes. 'No...its...it's beautiful...thank you guys so much' she choked out launching herself into Nathan and Haley's awaiting arms.**

 **"Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present to you for the first time…Mr. And Mrs. Lucas Scott."** **The chatter erupted and the room was filled with comments and whistles. That's when she realized Everything in life is transitory, her love, it was just that somethings last longer than others. Every emotion's fleeting, every thought gives way to a new one. It isn't a reason to despair, but one to rejoice. If you were to make a necklace of beads you'd choose the prettiest for your string, and such is life also. Make your moments happy so that they come together to form something wonderful and unique that is your time under the sun. Like this moment.**

'Peyton!' came Larry's voice again causing her to roll her eyes. 'Yes dad!' she shouted back as she laughed hiding her head in Lucas' shoulder. 'Can you and Lucas come down here for a sec'.

The two looked at each other suspiciously before getting off the bed, Lucas made sure to throw a shirt on before hand thought, And then the two blonds headed down the stairs, Lucas helping her along the way. In the hall Lucas grabbed her hand and squeezed it lightly causing her to smile.

"Is everything okay" Lucas asked as they stepped into the kitchen. "Everything is fine I just want to give you guys your wedding gift." Larry said with a smile. "Originally I was going to give you two the house…but Karen and I felt that the house was not an appropriate gift for you guys.

"Okay…"Peyton looked at her father strangely. "So what is our gift." she questioned.

"These" they watched as Larry pulled a box out of his pocket and handed it to Lucas. The blonde took the box and looked down at it with a raised brow. "Ohh and this" Larry then handed them an envelope with their names neatly printed across the front. Peyton took the letter but didn't open it, instead she looked at her dad waiting for him to explain.

"Umm…Mr. Sawyer the box is locked." Lucas said as he noticed the pad lock on the front."Who is Mr. Sawyer" Larry said looking around the room as if he were searching for something. The two blondes laughed as Lucas corrected himself. "Dad…why have we got a key?."

'Well that's because your mom and I have brought you too a house of your own to live in' She felt her eyes widen at that and looked over to Lucas to see the same expression etched on his gorgeous features. The excitement wired her body like she was plugged into the mains. She felt like her brain was on fast-forward and there was no off switch. 'Daddy!' she squealed launching herself into his open arms to give him the tightest hug she could due to her pregnant belly being the prevention.

Lucas shook his hand after, since hugging wasn't really something boys and men did unless they were kids. 'Here is the address, Lucas will drive because it's obvious you'd like to relax with the condition your in' her dad said with a light smolder to his features. 'Thank you...Larr...I mean dad' Lucas said as he grabbed onto Peyton's hand and she beamed up at him.

In about half an hour they had gotten dressed, waved Larry goodbye and was off to see the new place. When the car pulled up Peyton felt her breath hitch in her throat, it was every thing she'd dreamed it would be. The house was like one of those ones rich people buy when they get paranoid about having too much money. It was identical to it's neighbors right down to the shade of paint on the iron balconies, but she knew which one was their's right away. Whereas every other dwelling was simply the towering black brick, their's was a riot of blooms in every shade. Along the rail hung boxes and below were hanging baskets.

Lucas looked around and got out the car as Peyton did clutching her protruding belly, a habit that all pregnant women had. She grabbed his hand and smiled up at warmly him before walking down the gravelly clearing. "Peyton…umm this whole place looks the same. How are we suppose to get back?" he questioned as they traveled farther down the clearing. "I know this place by heart…just trust me" she cooed as they began to walk faster. "Alright Peyt…I'm trusting…".

Peyton looked up at him and smiled as she led him to the center. The light appeared green as it shined through all the leaves. 'My mom and dad use to bring me around this area when I was a kid' Peyton said quietly watching as Lucas looked around in amazement as the scene his blue eyes lighting up in contentment. It was gorgeous and something about the place just made him feel calm and warm inside.

He walked over to her and wrapped his arms gently around her waist. "Peyton Scott I love you" She smiled as the name rang through her ears, that is exactly what she'd always wanted to here. It had only been a single day and she was still to getting used to it but the feeling it gave her was amazing, warm and tingly. "I love you too…and I'm glad I shared this with you…I've haven't been around here since my mom died…it feels nice to come here again." She turned to face him, her lips lingering inches from his. "And you know what else? It feels even nicer knowing that I'm here with you.

"he pulled her to him for a kiss then, and the sparks came to life again like they always did when she kissed him, this was where she was meant to be here with Lucas...forever.

She pulled away as he gripped her hand and led her farther until they were at the front door, fishing the key out of his back pocket then unlocking the door. Once inside the house was dead silent not the uncomfortable kind but the one that was suffer-able.

It pretty much looked just like her house but more better. She loved it...this was their new home. Hers and Lucas' and their baby. This is where they'd watch their baby girl grow.

'Home sweet home' Lucas spoke as she snaked her arm around his waist and he pressed a soft kiss into her curls of gold. Before placing a palm on her rounded stomach, and the baby kicked automatically.

They were all gonna like it here.

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A/N: There is chapter 35 finally, read and review i'm glad there is a bit of happiness at the moment before the drama starts coming back again. Until next time.

LeytonFan4Eva xx


	36. Chapter 36 The Boys are back in town

**Jordana60** \- Here is the update I hope that you like it, Thank you for your review. Love hearing from you...I always look out for your reviews.

 **Guest** \- Thanks for the review, tell me what you think of the chapter.

 **Tpassions** \- Thank you for the compliment, i'm glad you feel that way. Thanks for the review.

 **Kb** \- Thank you and here is your update.

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He has a feeling that this journey is going to be a magical pill. Hope and Peyton. That's what keeps him alive, gives him strength and helps him to fight through every day. But what does one hope for? A better tomorrow? The shear joy he experiences when he wakes up and knows that this is his forever.

That helps him to wake up every day. Maybe that's what hope is - a distant star shining in the darkest sky. Not enough to remove the darkness, but enough to make him believe there's thousand more stars somewhere and that he's found it. So he keeps fighting, ignoring the darkness that tries to stop him. But he can tell something is coming up ahead, he doesn't know what yet but his sure it's gonna happen soon. It's like a sixth sense.

Two months had passed since him and Peyton had moved into their new home, and they were still loving every minute of it, they were in pure bliss. Lucas had helped Peyton set up an area where she could draw in one of the spare rooms and together they had painted where the baby's room would be.

Lucas opened his eyes to the cool breeze that blew around him, making his body shudder slightly in anticipation. He looked down as he felt someone push into his side, a soft smile tugging at his angelic features.

He had forgotten where he was for a moment but when he saw Peyton it all came rushing back to him. They had were in their bed, in their beautiful home and were talking about what they wanted to do and how they wanted to tell everyone. After a while they fell asleep in the same position they were in now. Lucas smiled as Peyton curled her slender figure into him, burying her face in his chest and letting out a sigh in her sleep of appreciation. He kissed the top of her head gently. He didn't want to wake her up , he always loved watching her sleep. It made him feel at peace and was quite interesting to watch. "Peyton…" he shook her gently causing her eyes to flutter open slightly, but she quickly shut them again. Lucas laughed as he shook her again. 'Babe' She mumbled something he couldn't understand and then fell asleep again, not that she was ever really awake to begin with.

Lucas grinned as he moved from underneath her, letting her body laying her gently back down against the pillow. Peyton had been exhausted over the last couple of weeks, with the baby on the way and everything. She would lay in bed but she couldn't sleep and when she did finally close her eyes should would toss and turn like crazy. Lucas was glad she was sleeping soundly now, he knew she was going to need all the rest she could get over over the weeks to come before they welcomed their baby girl to the world. "Why do I get the feeling I'll be doing this a lot more often." He mumbled to himself as he rolled out of the bed and to his feet , careful not to wake her peaceful serene form.

He arched his back to stretch letting out a yawn as he rubbed at his face trying to rid the tiredness. He looked back at Peyton's sleeping and pregnant form before walking to her side of the bed and bending down to press a firm kiss to her exposed eight month pregnant stomach. And felt as the baby kicked in excitement, no matter how many times his unborn child did that it would never get old. He lent up to brush his lips against Peyton's forehead, smoothing a loose strand of gold out of her face.

He was caught of guard when his stomach begun snarling and howling and from it came the not-so-subtle undertone of pain. It came in waves and it seemed as though his stomach was slowly digesting itself. He clutched at it, pulling it this way and that in an attempt to silence it but to no avail. It cried even louder. It was a slow pain, eating away at his stomach and leaving him feeling drained and empty. Yep, he definitely needed to fix them some breakfast. He smiled back down at Peyton before walking out of the room, and downstairs to the kitchen where the fridge was calling him. He opens the fridge to see barely anything there and his face falls. His gotta go into town.

He opens his mouth to call her but then remembers she is sound asleep, so he snatches the nearby pad and pen on the counter top, ripping the paper out and scrawled 'Went to get breakfast be back soon. I love your Mrs Scott' on it before leaving it on the table. He would never ever get tired of hearing the name Peyton Scott, it made get butterflies every time he checked the post and of course every time he was around her and he knew it would never end. For as long as he lived.

He strolled out the front door slamming it shut behind him and jogged of to his red pick up truck fishing out his keys to open it.

The drive into town didn't take long. And before he knew it he was at the counter paying for breakfast to go at his mother's cafe. That he obviously didn't have to pay for. 'Hey mom do you want any help making the coffee for those customers?' he asked as his mother let out a huff before a beam spread across her features and she shook her head at him. 'No...Luke it's fine honey...go home to Peyton she's probably waiting for you' he was about to open his mouth to speak when the sound of a bell on the door met his ears and he turned around to see Haley and Nathan walking in.

'Hey guys' he spoke as they walked to the counter with smile etched onto their features. 'Hey Luke how are you? How's Peyton and the baby?' Haley spoke with eagerness. 'Yeah everything is going great...and what about you how are things with my little nephew?' he asked placing one of his large hands on her slight bulge of a stomach. 'Everything is fine...we had a scan this morning' Nathan utter as he pressed a kiss into Haley's dark mass of hair. 'That's good...I'm just picking up breakfast for me and Peyton you know how she is...with the hormones and everything she's lik-' He was cut off when he glanced out the glass window pass Nathan and Haley's confused features his face falling as fast as vomit when he see's an all to familiar face that he hadn't seen in too months.

It couldn't be.

A dark haired teen his age, slumped against his rusty blue car, his windswept locks matted and dull. His skin so pale it has a waxy appearance and at first Lucas thinks he's dead. He burst out of the cafe without an explanation as to where he is going. And as he approaches he can hear the rattle of the boy's breathing, his air passing over mucus lined bronchi. Then the guy looks up and his met with a pair of cold blue eyes similar to his locking in an intense stare of with him.

Both guys filled with anger.

It was Axl fucking Zamora. He was back...This guy must have had a death wish or something. He hated this guy, frankly he wouldn't spit on him if he was on fire.

The anger churns and fizzles within him eroding the person he had become. And before he knows it his mouth is doing all the talking before his mind can register what his saying.

'So looks whose finally back after hauling ass outta here two months ago...' he spat the words out like venom his normally warm blue calm and collected eyes wide with an all new white hot rage. He hardly ever argued with his fists but his words packed a powerful punch. Carefully spoken, without drama, his words had an air of finality to them and no matter how hard anyone railed against them, nothing would change his mind.

'I'm in visiting' the other male spoke with such confidence in his voice that it made Lucas' fist clench tightly. So hard in fact that his knuckles were turning white from the pressure. 'Visiting who?' he challenged raising one of his perfect blond eyebrows.

He didn't answer, he didn't have to and Lucas knew who was here to see. He wasn't getting close to her, Peyton was his wife not the other way around. 'I just want to know how she's doing' Axl said folding his arms across his broad chest, his hair long brunette hair blowing in the autumn wind. 'She's fine actually she's better than fine, she's my wife' Lucas snarled inching closer to Axl who watched him indifferently seemingly finding humor in Lucas' rigid and pissed off form. He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to see Nathan.

'Luke what's going on?' his younger brother asked, he turned around not answering but simply glaring at Axl. His cool and collected form beginning to make him all the more enraged. He seemed so sure of himself, so sure that he could have Peyton if he wanted her. Which was definitely not the case.

And like reading his mind that is exactly what Axl says. 'We both no I could have Peyton if I fucking wanted her' he wanted to scream as rage filled his belly. He felt his ears getting hot. And his icy eyes glared at him then spat out. "HOW DARE YOU?" He furrowed his brows as Axl simply sneers at him then laughs only adding fuel to his wrath. "You think this is funny?" he snaps. Watching as he glares at him with hatred in his cruel dull eyes.

An hour ago his stomach growled. Now it was silent. His past the growling point. Feeling a sinking emptiness, but strangely doesn't feel exactly hungry. He just feels empty and pissed off, like a part of him is gone and he needs to get it back.

'I know who you are...your that crackhead that was obsessed with Peyton' he heard his younger brother's deep voice say. 'I'm clean now and I just want to see her' he repeated his words from earlier.

Lucas inched closer until his face was centimeters away from his. 'Your not gonna touch her...your gonna stay the hell away from her and our baby, she doesn't love you' he snarled. Watching as Axl blue eyes lit up again with amusement and the final thing he said was the thing that Lucas needed to push him over the edge.

'Are you sure cause' last time I checked I had my tongue in her mouth' His fuse simmered and fizzed like a firework in the chill autumn breeze, then he exploded with unrestrained fury. There was stillness on both sides. If hatred was visible the air would have been scarlet. Then suddenly movement, so much force in every blow. Lucas rained blows onto Axl as if he meant to smash him into the very earth and Axl did the same. Each didn't just want the other dead, they wanted him smashed, obliterated, nothing left to bury. When it came to attacking no one ever played by 'the rules'.

'Lucas stop' he heard Nathan's voice say as his brother tried to pull him off Axl. But he was dead set on trying to kill him, literally. 'You sick son of a bitch' he rasped out throwing his fist down and crashing his fist so hard into Axl's face that he spat blood. 'LUCAS!' he heard the familiar voices of his best friend Haley and his mother cry in unison as him and Axl continued beating on each other. He was caught of guard when Axl threw himself forward with full force and pushed him into the open road.

'LUCAS WATCH OUT!' his brother's voice practically screamed frantically. And all he saw next was the a speeding shiny black ford heading his way. _Shit._ Was all he could think before his body was thrown onto the windshield violently. Pain erupting from the point of impact, and he hit the concrete his face contorting up in pain. And then everything faded into an all to familiar inky darkness.

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A/N: Ohhh this is deep. Will Lucas be ok? I won't make him that hurt I promise...there has been a lot of drama in the recent chapters and I want things to be okay for a while. Read and Review I love knowing what you guys think.

LeytonFan4Eva xxx


	37. Chapter 37 Be Angry At The Sun

**Mufc87 -** Here is chapter 37 I hope you like it looking forward to hearing what you think.

 **Guest -** I'm glad you found it humerous haha. I hope this chapter is everything you expected.

 **jordana60** \- I hope that you enjoy this chapter, thank you for your feedback I can always count on you to tell me what you think. Enjoy.

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She hadn't been up long…she had read Lucas note and had been waiting for his return, in fact it had only been about half an hour when she got that phone call from Nathan telling her to get over to the hospital immediately. The fearful thoughts had looped around in her mind until there was no room for anything else.

The "loop" played like this. "What the hell had Axl done to her Lucas and why the hell was he back' The thought loop included plenty of anger at Axl. Had he made it appear as an accident? No normal person would just push someone in front of a moving vehicle...he was a psycho. It was like a vexing of the soul for what she felt was not human, it was twisted and distorted but it was something strong. It burned so bad like fire lacing her veins and creeping up her spine, her skin was a sore looking red but all she could feel was desire; desire to hate.

She was intoxicated with emotion she had no intention of ever feeling, the acidity of it was residing in her stomach where her baby resided waiting to be spat out of her mouth in foul and vulgar words she would be stared at for saying, except she wasn't going to say them, she was going to screech them with every ounce of breath that dwelled in her lungs.

These next few hours would either pass as a blip in the course of her life, or they would be the final trauma that broke her. Peyton held the back of her hand to her suddenly burning forehead, her body had to conquer the fever soon or she would perish. She didn't even bother to get changed out of her bed clothes. She grabbed her purse and made off towards the front door stopping briefly a pained expression marring her features when she felt a slight jolt in her stomach. She should really take it easy like the doctor had said but Lucas needed her...he could be dying for all she knew. That thought was enough to make her feet move even faster and before she knew it she was out the front door and in the driver's seat of her mercury comet. Reversing out of her and Lucas' driveway then gunning it down the road towards Tree Hill Memorial center. She gripped the wheel fitfully squeezing it so hard her knuckles turned white and bit her bottom lip hard to prevent the sob that so desperately needed to escape her throat.

What if Lucas wasn't okay.

As she drove, Her crying was both ferocious and noisy. She blinked briny tears from her bloodshot eyes, her thick lashes sticking together in clumps as if she'd been swimming. The tears made wet tracks down her face and dripped from her wobbling chin. She just couldn't loose him.

She would describe her fear and despair like death by a thousand paper cuts, for every time she remembered her loss it was another cut to her already damaged mind. None were enough to kill her, but overtime their accumulation bled her of the humanity she had once had. She was fearful that if she lost Lucas she would go from being a good natured girl, back to the gaunt and melancholy drug addict she had once been and incapable of looking after her baby daughter that would be making an appearance in a mere three weeks.

She had literally just been through the pain of burying Ellie only last month and didn't know what she'd do if she lost Lucas too. The painful memories of her late mother Anna who she had lost in a car accident a mere eight years ago plagued her psyche and the sob that she needed to let out was set free. Her hand unconsciously drifted to her swollen abdomen as her unborn baby kicked her. He had to be okay. She arrived at the hospital in records of time walking fast paced through the entrance and to the front desk. 'Um...Hi i'm here for Lucas Scott his my husband' she spoke shakily her emotions threatening to take a tail spin. 'The doctors are still checking him over, his room is room 121 you can take a seat in the waiting room' she didn't stay to hear anymore just walked until she found Haley, Nathan, Karen, Brooke, Skills and Mouth standing outside room 121. 'Nate...' she said shakily the tears spilling over, as she ran into Nathan's open arms. 'His gonna be okay Peyton, his just got a couple cuts and bruises but his fine...their just checking him over before they release him' she let out a choked relieved sigh.

'Oh thank god' she murmured into his shoulder before pulling away and wiping at her puffy red eyes. 'Peyton...' she stiffened as she heard that all too familar voice, a voice she hadn't heard in two months. The dread creeps over her like an icy chill, numbing her brain. In this frozen state her mind offers her only one thought. It is today. There is no avoiding it. She's like a cow being herded into a truck for the slaughter house, only the cow doesn't know where it's going and she does. 'WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE GET OUT!' Nathan stammered causing her to jump as she turned around to face the owner of the voice.

Her former best friend Axl Zamora stood in front of her, his dark hair a mess and icy blue eyes filled with pain and regret. She had always had a soft spot for Axl but that had long since deteriorated into hate at the fact that he had almost killed Lucas. Her husband and the father of her child. Peyton holds still, staring at Axl, eyes locked right on his. There is a wrinkle in her nose that has nothing to do with a coming sneeze, muscles tight, jaw clenched. When she moves it's like an epic series of movie-stills, fists moving as her face contorts into an expression she's never worn before. Though she is screaming, it is mostly drown out by the hospital noise.

Her hand cracks across his face, snapping it back with the force of her blow and causing his head to reel sickeningly. It had been an open-handed smack and had left a red welt behind. Just below his eye was a small cut where her wedding ring had caught him. He staggered backwards, clutching his face, eyes watering. 'Peyton i'm so sorry' he choked out but she stepped closer to him with hate filling her eyes. She slapped him again even harder putting her entire heart and soul into it.

'You stay the hell away from me, and away from my family you sick son of a bitch...what? did I reject you so badly that you wanted to kill my husband just to get a shot with me. How could you...you knew I didn't feel the same way and you still tried to get me' she spoke stopping short as a pang of that same pain from earlier shot through her abdomen and she let out a agonized gasp hunching over slightly. 'Peyton...' she heard Nathan say as everyone took a worried step towards her. And Axl caught her before she could fall, she pushed Axl away from her again shoving him harder this time. 'YOU ARE GONNA RUIN MY LIFE...JUST GO BACK TO HELL!' she screamed and with that his eyes rimmed with tears and he blinked letting them fall before turning away and hopefully walking out of her life for good.

She watched him until he had gone out of the exit, feeling like a massive weight had been lifted from her shoulders. The sound of the creaking door was what caught her attention as the doctor came out. 'You can go in and see him now'. She didn't wait she practically flew into Lucas' hospital room. Her tears falling more freely now as she saw him sitting up on his hospital bed, a weak smile on his lips. 'Hey baby' his voice was hoarse but content. 'Oh my god Luke...' she sobbed rushing over to him as he got off the bed and stood to his full height taking her in his arms. 'It's okay Peyt...i'm fine everything is fine' he soothed as she openly started crying into his chest. 'I was so scared...' it came out muffled because her face was leaned into his chest. She heard the other's appear in the doorway but made no movement to face them.

She looked up at him as he cupped her cheeks, a smile gracing his beautiful features. 'I'm okay' he spoke as she nodded letting out a breathy laugh. God she was such a girl. Her face falls when she feels something dripping down her leg and then it comes heavier. Her skin paling as she gripped Lucas' blue hunter jacket fitfully. 'Peyton?' he asked as she let out a pained sigh. 'Oh my god' she heard Brooke's raspy voice pipe up no doubt seeing what she had just felt come out. The pain was like a knife being twisted in her abdomen times by one hundred. It shot up fast, erasing every thought from her head and paralyzing her body.

'L...Lucas I think my water just broke...get the doctor now' she watched as Lucas' eyebrows knitted together in a mixture of worry and content. The fear crippled her as she keeled over letting out an agonized scream. 'Nathan get the doctor' she heard Lucas shout.

'It's gonna be okay baby...your okay' he whispered to her as she begun breathing heavily, erratically almost. Clutching her stomach. There was no doubt about it the baby was coming...and it was coming now.

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A/N: Time to welcome baby Scott at least Axl has finally fucked off. Read and Review I hope you guys like it. Only four more chapters until the end how do you think it will end. Until next time.

LeytonFan4Eva xx


	38. Chapter 38 The day I tried to live

When the labour began the pain was more intense than anything Peyton had ever imagined. Nothing could be more brutal, not whips or chains.

The room was only the bed and four walls, her helpers melting into the background as if they weren't even there. Is there anything more isolating than intense pain? Doesn't pain lock us in as effectively as any prison?

About three minutes had passed and the doctors had come in telling everyone to evacuate from the room except for Peyton and Lucas because it was apparent he was the father. "Oh my god it hurts...it hurts so bad" Peyton screamed as Lucas helped her of the floor and into the white hospital bed. The nurse lifted Peyton's feet onto the cold metal braces at the end of the bed after slipping her underwear off from under her bed sweats and placing a sheet over her legs.

The doctor came in as soon as the nurse was finished setting up. The doctor sat in front of Peyton and attempted to help her control her breathing.

Peyton being the stubborn person that she was had ducked out of most of the prenatal classes that her mother in law Karen had booked for her, ayong that she had read all the books. And now he was betting that she wished she had attended them now instead of making out with him every given oppurtunity. He had to admit things had escalated quickly, one minute she was hugging him glad he was okay after his little showdown with Axl and now she was about to give birth to his daughter.

The nurse pulled Lucas aside and gave him a sterile gown to put on as well as a mask. When he had everything on he returned to Peyton's side and took her shaking hand in his. "Okay Peyton…I need you to push."

The doctor told her and when she did she had to scream, it made Lucas flinch he had never like seeing Peyton in pain. She squeezed Lucas's hand to the point of cutting off circulation but he didn't care, as long a it helped take some of the pain away. Peyton relaxed back onto the bed, but when she did the doctor told her that she had to push again. 'You keep pushing you idiot' he had to laugh at her blatant mockery of the doctor, it was all he could do at a time like that.

"According to tue development charts she's almost full term eight month. Is that correct sir?" The nurse asked as she looked over Peyton's charts.

 **Some things we don't talk about**  
 **Rather do without**  
 **And just hold the smile**  
 **Falling in and out of love**  
 **Ashamed and proud of**  
 **Together all the while**

"Yes but the baby isn't due for another three weeks" Lucas said panickedly as Peyton squeezed his hand again and let out another pain filled grunt. Once again she relaxed back against the bed and once again the doctor told her to push again. "Peyton you gotta keep pushing.." Lucas said quietly as he leaned closer to the panting blond.

'I can't it...' she cut herself off with another tortured cry as Lucas pressed a firm kiss to her forehead before egging her on. Telling her she was doing so well. "Okay Peyton one last push" the doctor chortled. 'I can't..i'm tearing' she screeched boring down so hard she was surprised she didn't rip herself in half. "Your not tearing I promise" doctor Copeland goaded.

 **You can never say never**  
 **While we don't know when**  
 **But time and time again**  
 **Younger now than we were before**

With the last push came a pain that dominated Peyton's entire being. In that moments, it felt as though seconds had stretched into infinity, there was nothing else. The hot stretching of flesh and held her breath. Without any further effort the baby slid into the hands of the doctor. There was elation, a baby daughter at last, and in seconds she was there, nascent eyes opening, mouth rooting for milk.

 **Don't let me go**  
 **Don't let me go**  
 **Don't let me go**  
 ** _[2x]_**

When the pain passed it was only for a minute or so and she breathed with closed eyes, unwilling to re-engage with life outside of her own body. "Peyton...baby...you did it she's here..." He spoke excitely his heart almost breaking free from his chest with happiness. Her eyes widen as she looks down to the new born baby girl dangling in the doctors arms. They took the baby to be cleaned off and she begun to panic when she didn't hear a cry.

 **Picture, you're the queen of everything**  
 **As far as the eye can see**  
 **Under your command**  
 **I will be your guardian**  
 **When all is crumbling**  
 **I steady your hand**

"Why is she not crying...is she okay?" She uttered frantically as the doctor slapped the newborn on the back and the most beautiful cry she ever heard filled the hospital room, causing her to let out choked sob of relief.

 **You can never say never**  
 **While we don't know when**  
 **Time, time, time again**  
 **Younger now than we were before**

"Congratulations you have a beautiful baby daughter" she let out a choked sob overwhelm with emotion. The doctor placed the newborn in the arms of her mother, as she beamed at him with gratefulness.

 **Don't let me go**  
 **Don't let me go**  
 **Don't let me go**  
 ** _[2x]_**

She wanted to drink this moment in, this moment with her little girl in her hands. Her eyes were more brilliant than she could have dreamed they would be..ice blue like her fathers. Her hands more delicate. She feels so light, looks so perfect and smells so amazing. And at that moment Peyton knew her and Lucas were her protectors for as long as they lived and their love for her would last for all time.

 **We're falling apart and coming together again**

 **and again**  
 **We're growing apart but we pull it together,**

 **pull it together, together again**

She looked at Lucas with teary eyes. 'Thank you...' Was all she said as he placed a soft kiss on her lips filled with every ounce of love he had for her. "Does she have a name?" The doctor interuptted breaking them from their lovey dove moment. She looked back at Lucas a wide smile on her face. "Sawyer Annabeth Scott".

She sobbed out as Lucas pressed a soft kiss to the crown of the newborn's head. She was perfect, the perfect combination of Lucas and Peyton down to having tuffs of gold for hair and Lucas' squinty blue eyes. "Is she okay?" She asked Lucas and he smiled down at them with a smile that reached his eyes.

 **Don't let me go**  
 **Don't let me go**  
 **Don't let me go**

 ** _[4x]_**

"I think she's okay" he reassured her, stroking a damp blond curl out of her face. "Oh my god my baby had a baby" both blondes snapped their heads to the doorway to see Karen, and the rest of the gang with identical smiles on their faces. This was truly one of the best days in either blondes watched as her friends and family came into the room and started fussing over the fragile newborn and instantly knew she wouldn't want it any other way.

Peyton lay back tiredly and let the happiness soak right into her bones. She wanted the feeling to still be there when she was old. She closed her eyes and savoured the moment, but never released her grip on her baby. For the first time in forever her body and mind relaxed. In that moment there were loads of new expectations upon her but she could handle it. She was all in, she'd made it, she was a winner.

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A/N: There is chapter 38 and the birth of Sawyer. Read and review. I hope you enjoyed. Also thank you for all your previous reviews. Only three chapters left...

LeytonFan4Eva xxx


	39. Chapter 39 Hello, Goodbye, Farewell

God is with us always when we express Love and this Earth is our only home. We can make it Heaven on Earth, as the Lords Prayer asks, or we can carry on being beings ruled by fear, running as a herd every time the wolf bares his teeth instead of refusing to take the misdirection given and thinking as an individual. If humans were as difficult to heard as cats the world would be an infinitely better place. It had been a mere three days since Peyton had given birth to Sawyer, and in the space of those three days the police had called saying that Sammy wanted to see her in jail, she had hung up the phone then burst into tears clutching Sawyer to her for dear life. Her baby being the only source of comfort that she had at that moment in time. She was yet to tell Lucas...she didn't know how right now, her hormones were still all over the place. But with her getting married and just having a baby she found a new found sense of confidence, she didn't feel scared anymore...she had made up her mind she was going to see him just to show him...just to show him that she was no longer scared off him, that he may have ruined her life but she bounced back and was twice as stronger for it. That she was finally undeniably...happy.

Sawyer Annabeth Scott was the apple of her eye. She was completely her and Lucas down to the blond hair that was soft like every new born baby's, but she had inherited her father's eyes sparkling electric blue like storm clouds right before lightning hit. Peyton sat back against the couch letting the happiness soak right into her bones, as she clutched her newborn baby to her chest...a small smile etched on her features. Her and Lucas had only just brought her home from the hospital today. And Peyton was currently trying to get her settled, she couldn't believe that the little life in her arms had come from her and Lucas. She was completely and utterly in love.

'Peyton' her eyes widened as Lucas came in, he automatically went silent. 'I just got her off' she whispered as a grin graced his handsome features. She eyed him as he walked farther into the living room, she felt the couch dip as he sat down and reached out to stroke Sawyer's fragile head. 'She's perfect Peyt' he let out a breathy laugh as their eyes locked. 'I know...she kinda has your eyes too' she murmured as he also let out a gentle chuckle. 'No...she's all you...beautiful, pure...angelic' he said as he brought his hand up to stroke her cheek, which had suddenly developed a red glow. 'Your blushing again...' she shook her head mutely a satisfied beam on her face. 'You make me nervous' she admitted as he pressed a soft kiss to her lips. The kiss was sweet and short full of love and passion, she pulled away first looking back at Sawyer, it appeared she couldn't take her eyes of the baby that had stolen her heart. 'I can't believe it...I'm sixteen years old, married and a mother, yet I wouldn't have it any other way' she breathed as Lucas tucked a stray strand curl behind her ear. 'Neither would I' he sighed.

It was then her mind cast back to the phone call she had received only just yesterday...how Sammy wanted her to come and see him in jail...for a talk. It made her frazzled nerves jumped all together, and in different directions. The anxiety was like being hooked up to a cattle fence - not enough voltage to kill but sufficient to keep things uncomfortable. She guessed that was the downside of knowing things are awry instead of living in blissful ignorance. But what is there to do other than breathe, walk and figure things out just a little at a time? She knew she couldn't lie to him again, she wouldn't dare. Not when they had made it this far.

'L...Lucas I need to tell you something' she spoke watching his face instantly turn to worry, 'Okay should I be worried?' she didn't answer but simply drew her attention back down to the little life in her arms. 'Its...um Sammy...he wants me to visit him in jail' it was easy like ripping off a band aid. She didn't have the heart to long things out. His expression remained passive for a few moments and she could practically see his brain cogs turning trying to process what she had just shared with him.

The laughter evaporated from his eyes. His customary warmth gone faster than summer rain on the tarmac. Indeed even his focus was somewhere on the wall behind her, as if she had become invisible to him or he could not bare to see her at all. She knew he'd react like this, and she didn't blame him...he had every right to be angry at what that bastard did to her...hell she was even pissed. Beyond pissed. She'd seen him do this to others before, but not like this. She practically felt her blood drain and heart begin to hammer erratically.

She was never afraid of his anger when it came as fire, for that burnt hot and fast. She was deathly afraid of his ice. It coated him like protective permafrost, it had saved him from the torments of the hell that they had been through, but now the same method could isolate him from his new family. It was pointless to try to reach him now, my well meant words would bounce off as good as hard rain. But she could only try. 'Luke...' she whispered not quite trusting herself to say anything farther.

'No...no way Peyton i'm not having you anywhere near that bastard' she flinched as his voice raised, but bounce back quickly shooting him a look to kill, saying that if he woke their baby he would be more than sorry. She got up from her seat and walked over to the Moses basket placing Sawyer in it. She signaled for them to move into the hallway and he did as she said closing the living room door behind him before they locked eyes. 'Lucas...honey I know how you feel...trust me I've got the anger down to a science by now...but maybe this is something that I need to do' she spoke as he ran a hand through his dirty blond hair. 'Peyton...this guy raped you, he pretty much set your course how is going to see him gonna make it better, what if he hurts you again' he spoke erratically and she could see the mental debate going on inside his head. She strolled forward grabbing his face in her dainty hands and forced him to look at her. He needed to understand.

'Luke...listen to me. I can do this...I need to hear what he has to say, ask him why he did it...please Luke' she practically begged the tears forming in her eyes. She watched his brows furrow and he looked at her deep in the eyes. 'Peyt...I can't promise that I'm gonna be okay with this...' she sucked in a sharp breath waiting for his answer. 'You can go okay...but i'm coming with you' she shook her head quickly. 'No Luke you and I both know that you won't be able to control yourself if your there, stay and look after Sawyer or bring her and wait in the car. I can do this on my own...i'll be fine and there will be police there' she spoke, she watched as he hesitated briefly before nodding his head okay and pressing a firm kiss to her forehead.

...

The car pulled up outside Tree Hill Police Station and she glanced over at Lucas to see him gripping the wheel tightly. 'Luke it's okay baby...I can do this' she whispered her eyes looking over to her baby safe and secure in the car seat. 'Peyt...I don't know if this is a good idea' he spoke, she gave him a firm look. 'Luke I get that your worried and I love you for that but I need to know...i'll be fine I promise...' she leaned over to kiss him lightly on the cheek and rested her forehead against his. 'I promise' she said strongly before pulling away and giving him a warm smile. She got out the car wrapping her thick coat around herself, looking back at Lucas, his blue eyes held a pained worried glint but she smiled at him to reassure him she was fine. She turned away making off towards the entrance.

Once inside the fear begun to cripple her, she hadn't expected anything else. It had all seemed unreal at the start. It had been easy to be all hyped up saying she could do this, egging herself on. But in the bleached hygiene of the police station Peyton turned cold. The air conditioning was on but she knew the blood had run from her face. The assistant glanced up and smiled warmly, "Excuse me kid can I help you?" She stopped dead. She could hear her pulse banging in her ears and there was sweat dripping down her back. She tried to return the smile, but her lips barely twitched. She wrapped her fingers around the cross necklace her mom had given her before she died and glanced to her left. Then she drew her eyes back to the expectant looking secretary.

She walked to the desk slowly, 'I'm actually here to visit someone...Sammy Whitmore' she spoke as the woman instantly started typing the name into the computer. 'Oh yes we have him. That officer over there will take you to him' she spoke as she called the nearby officer over and told him who she was here to see. As they walked down the hall towards the visiting area, she felt the vomit threaten to make its presence known. She shouldn't off come. She was taken to an area with a window and two seat separating him from getting close to her. And also two phones which she gathered were to speak in to. 'Take a seat' she heard the gruff voice of the police officer say and did as was instructed sitting down like she had been compelled.

She was waiting for about five minutes when she saw the door open and felt her breath catch in her throat. She couldn't believe her eyes. She didn't want to anyway. She had never seen something like this even in her worst nightmares. But that was only because her brain always woke her up before such a horrific image covered her mind. And now she was seeing something her eyes would never be able to erase.

The adrenaline flew over her veins like a carp through the river, but she couldn't move a single muscle, not even to scream. The absolute horror completely paralyzed her, and the more she thought about running away, or simply moving a bit, the more she felt discouraged and utterly terrified. She hadn't felt this scared in a long time. That only made it worse. If that was even brown hair was stuck to his face even greasier than before. He was grotesque. His eyes were swollen over and bloody spit drooled from his slack jaws. He was now as revolting as he should be, finally the outside reflected the man within. With a wrinkled nose she sank backwards into her chair, it was tempting to shout from the rooftops, that he was broken and she had won, but what was the point. He'd be lucky to even make it out of here alive.

Peyton was trying not to stare at his nose but she kept finding her eyes had diverted to it. One moment they were obediently on his red-rimmed swollen eyes and the next they were rested on the bloody mess that had been a perfectly ordinary nose probably hours before.; so ordinary in fact that she could not recall what it had looked like.

He sunk into his seat with a sigh of relief, lifting the phone to his ear and she did the same. He looked at her with expectancy, his formerly grey eyes boring into hers intensely making her skin crawl. 'Had enough yet?' she spat but his demeanor didn't change. 'I thought we had something Peyton...I don't get why you would make up a lie like that...and let them just throw me in here to rot' she scoffed this guy really didn't know what he had done, the hurt in his voice made her want to throw up. 'Well we all know what people do to RAPISTS in jail' she said making sure to extend on the word rapist. He looked at her with anger and confusion, 'You do know that's what you did to me Sammy right? You. Raped. Me' she watched him shake his head mutely his eyes glazing over with fresh tears.

'Is it coming back to you know?' she asked sarcastically but the quiver in her voice didn't go unnoticed. 'No...we made love' she let out a frustrated scream fixing him with an ice cold stare of hate. 'No...Sammy that's where your wrong...I said no...I SAID NO OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN UNTIL I WAS BLUE IN THE FACE, YOU KNOW YOU ALMOST DESTROYED ME AND I HATE YOU FOR IT!' she couldn't contain the hatred and anger anymore, the loathing she had been carrying for months, the constant looking over her shoulder, the drugs, the nightmares everything she had been carrying had finally come to a head.

'No...' She let out a bitter laugh as the tears fell from her eyes. 'Yes' was all she said. 'You know Sammy in a way I feel sorry for you because you have to really fucked up to do that to someone. You know you I was so close to ending it all because off you, to running away and never looking back potentially even kill myself but Lucas saved me. Your nothing Sammy, and you can rot in hell' she said slamming down the phone and telling the officer she was finished. She wasn't going to do the self righteous thing and tell him she forgave him, fuck that it wasn't some sort of movie. It was real life...she didn't care how hard his life had been, didn't care about him. She was done with the compassion act look where that had got her with Axl.

She practically ran out of the police station and clung to the nearby poll for support finally allowing her sobs to break free. She was finally free. Free from the pain, from the burden, from him. 'Peyton!' She looked up to see Lucas running towards her and she ran to him smashing herself into his chest. When she pulled a way he tucked a messy curl behind her ear casting her a concerned squint. 'Did he hurt you are you okay?' He queried and she shook her head.

'I think its over' she sobbed out happily, a small smile etching her features and she watched as he smiled to. 'Come on let's go home' he said walking her back to the car where there baby girl was waiting.

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A/N: Thank you for reviewing the last chapter my ever so faithful reviewers and I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Only two more chapters until the end and a massive twist ahead.

LeytonFan4Eva xx


	40. Chapter 40 Promised Land

**Mufc87** \- I'm glad that you found she needed closure because I did too. I thank you for being a dedicated reviewer on this fic.

 **Jordana60** \- Thank you so much for being a dedicated reviewer on my fics. I am so glad that you were please with the last chapter.

* * *

'Peyt...babe are you sure your okay, you seemed pretty shaken up back there?' she snapped her green eyes up to meet his intense stare. She was currently in Sawyer's room watching as her baby squirmed in her sleep the way every newborn did. 'Luke it's fine everything is fine...I think it did me good to see him' she spoke not once taking her eyes of her child, she smiled running her eyes over Sawyer, the milk spots on her nose and her thick blond hair making her all the more adorable. 'How did I get so lucky?' she asked turning away from the crib and locking her gaze back on Lucas'. She watched as a soft smile split across his features and he took a heavy step into their room.

'Cause you have a good heart Peyt' he spoke, she found herself walking towards him and Not knowing when it happened her lips were suddenly locked with his, kissing him. The start of the soft touch sent a strong feeling of warmth spiraling through her system. Her eyes closed fearlessly, but the closure didn't let her see darkness, it instead created colors of fondness. Her tense nerves soon began to relax, her troubles, her pain began to melt away and the surroundings began to disappear leaving only her, her and Lucas. This. This felt true. This felt good. This felt right.

His lips felt so gentle so warm, she felt her hands begin to slide up his chest and encircle his neck, as the kiss began to grow heavy. Lucas's hand slid off her face and tightened around her waist. She continued kissing him hungrily wanting more. She felt herself being pushed against the nearby wall, Lucas's body pressing against hers. The kiss went on, their lips moving in perfect sync and the kiss becoming more passionate by the second.

Reluctantly Peyton removed her lips from Lucas, leaning frailly against the wall. Her eyes leisurely began to open, eyelids relaxed as she slowly sucked in the cool air. Lucas stared back, his eyes calm. She rested her forehead upon his as her hand slipped back onto his chest. Her breath was slow. In strength she quietly murmurs "That's how we ended up with Sawyer". Lucas' slow breathing emitted a breathy laugh and their lips captured once more before letting go. Both blonds attention was grabbed by the shrill cry that came from the crib signalling that they had woken their daughter. She looked to Lucas with wide eyes but he signaled to her that he had her. She watched as he made his way over to the crib and picked the infant up.

From the back, Lucas' scalp was not visible through his blonde hair, unlike like the infant he jiggled in his arms in his panicked way. In a way all teenage parents were with a new born baby.

Peyton wasn't sure who was most fractious, him or the baby. He was utterly out of his depth. She went forwards and offered to take the baby, but he shook his head abruptly, his face set in determination. "I have to be able to cope with her...she'll get use to me eventually" The baby's arms became faster, grasping at the air with increased speed, her shrill cries were only broken by her gasping for breaths in-between.

Her face was blotched and her little mouth stretched wide. After a few moments of soothing Sawyer the harsh cries soon softened to snuffles. She let a small grin split her face as she took in Lucas' excited expression, their child looked so small clutched to Lucas' chest and Peyton could tell he would never let her go. That he was gonna be the best father anyone could ever ask for and her the best mother...hopefully. 'She's so small' Lucas said softly causing a soft chuckle to escape Peyton mouth as she watched how Sawyer stared up at her daddy with wide icy eyes. He placed a soft kiss to Sawyer forehead letting it linger before his eyes locked back on Peyton's and he grinned boyishly. 'I need to go out and meet up with Haley and the others later, Nathan said he'd come pick you up if you wanted to come' her eyebrows knitted together in suspicion, 'what about Sawyer?' she queried her eyes unconsciously snapping down to her peaceful looking daughter. Who was more than comfortable in her father's arms.

'My mom will take her' she continued to stare puzzled at his expression, he was hiding something but she didn't bother calling him on it, she loved surprises to much. But she decided to play along. 'Okay...' she said reluctantly, 'Well do you wanna go get dressed or something?' she let out a laugh at that, eyeing him with playfulness. 'Lucas Scott are you trying to get rid of me?' she uttered the humor evident in her tone. 'What if I say maybe Peyton Scott?' he spoke playing her at her own game.

After a few more trades, she was finally persuaded. Lucas had long since left the house, with Sawyer and had gone of to do whatever hell it was that he was doing. Now she was home alone trying to decide between the two summer dresses she owned, one was a flouncy white baby doll dress that cut of just above the knee and the other a light blue stopping at the knee. She decided on the white one, The creamy sheets of the ruched dress slipped onto her shoulders, peppering her body with soft, sensual kisses. Like a lover, it seduced the senses and conveyed with utmost skill the art of pleasing. She had pulled her hair out of the pigtail it had been in and left her golden curls loose so that they were falling just past her shoulders framing her face, the way she knew Lucas like it. The last thing to do was her makeup, she applied a thin layer of mascara and clear gloss to her lips so that she looked natural, and not like a freak. Her youth made her beautiful enough. Heads would turn, boys took notice.

She couldn't stand still and her body jiggled excitedly as she freshened her makeup. Checking the time, it was about six forty-five and she knew that Nathan would no doubt be there any second. Good mood songs, good mood food and the telephone ringer off. She had gotten how to be in a good mood down to a science - no, not science - an art. So long as she didn't do it too often a little self-indulgence went a long way. The doorbell snapped her out of her stupor, she jumped like the button was hardwired to her brain and strode off downstairs to open the door. She was greeted with sight of her best friend/ ex boyfriend Nathan Scott, dressed down in a blue button up shirt and faded denim jeans. His dark raven hair slicked parted neatly.

'Hey Sawyer you look hot' he laughed out making her hit his arm playfully letting out a chuckle, 'So where are we going Nate, I know this is something Luke has cooked up' she declared tucking a loose strand of flaxen behind her ear and leaning back on her front door. 'That's for me to know and you too find out' she let out another laugh at that, as he motioned to his new shiny black jeep similar to the old one. Considering she had pretty much ruined his old one, how could she forget. 'Your chariot awaits' he spoke causing a warm smile to spread across her features as she walked down the steps of her front porch and made her way to the car.

She heard him unlock it and slid in, straightening out her white summer dress as she sat in the seat and watched Nathan climb in. She was eager to see what surprise Lucas had in store for her as well as see him and their daughter. They pulled out of the driveway and started the drive to wherever the hell it was they were going both of them with smiles on their faces. She watched as Nathan tapped his hands on the wheel to the music...the song was Jimmy Eat World's 23.

 **I felt for sure last night**  
 **That once we said goodbye**  
 **No one else will know these lonely dreams**  
 **No one else will know that part of me**  
 **I'm still driving away**  
 **And I'm sorry every day**  
 **I won't always love these selfish things**  
 **I won't always live...**  
 **Not stopping...**

She felt her phone buzz in her pocket and fished it out to see who the caller ID was. It was Lucas and she hesitate to answer it. 'Luke...hey...so you gonna tell me where your brother is taking me?' she queried her eyes diverting over to Nathan who had a massive grin on his handsome features. 'What kind of surprise would it be if I gave it away?' she heard him say through the receiver, she let out another giggle. 'Okay guess your not getting lucky tonight...' she spoke, and heard Lucas sigh from the other end. 'Ew I don't wanna hear about my big brother and ex girlfriend's sex life' she again slapped Nathan's arm as he let out a booming laugh. 'As tempting as that is Peyt...i'm not giving in' she pouted before letting out a huff. 'Fine be that way, i'm hanging up now' she said with humor in her tone. 'Okay and uh...Peyt...I love you' she heard him say and felt her heart melt instantly, Lucas always had that effect on her. 'I love you too Luke...with all my heart' she said sincerely before she heard the line go dead.

 **It was my turn to decide**  
 **I knew this was our time**  
 **No one else will have me like you do**  
 **No one else will have me, only you**

'So did you get it out of him?' Nathan asked looking at her with expectant eyes, she shook her head her curls whipping into her face. 'Not a goddamn thing' she spoke and cast her eyes back to the main road. It only took seconds for it to happen, she didn't even know what was going on until it was too late. They had approached the light just as it turned green and drove the car through the intersection, but they barley made it halfway across. 'NATHAN LOOK!' she shrieked as she saw a blue SUV heading their way and before she could do anything else, her body jerked to the dashboard, her forehead colliding with the window. The car rolled over, lights swirled like crazy catherine-wheels and the noise of the metal being bashed over the concrete was almost deafening. The seat belt tugged on her skin with every lurch, The crash seemed to take for ever; as adrenaline coarsed through her system. She could see there was no hope. Her body was flung forwards her face hit the air bag. Various flashes of her life playing before her eyes. Memories of her and Lucas, her daughter Sawyer, her friends...the rape, the drugs and her father who would be all alone if she didn't survive this. She watched as her own crimson blood ran down a Polaroid photograph of all her friends and family...tears escaping her eyes.

The car had flipped so many times that Peyton had become disorientated before she even sustained the concussion that had her drifting in and out of consciousness. She was fleetingly aware of the bloody taste in her mouth but she couldn't figure out what it was. At times her eyelids fluttered and she thought she must be at home in bed because it was so dark. Then why the cold? Why the pain, God, why so much pain? Then came a white flicker, the sound of voice, wait, people? No, not people. All she could do was hope for the best...Then total darkness. The music was long since gone...

...

The car tumbled over and over into the central barrier before coming to an absolute stop. Silence; it scared Nathan more than the pain. Shouldn't Peyton be moaning or calling out? he tried to move but he was pinned by the collapsing roof and the steering column. His leg too fragile to move...

'Peyton...hey wake up' he had came to about three minutes later, to realize that he was upside down and in excruciating pain. His eyes looked to Peyton was lying unconscious in her seat, all he could see was the back of her head, her blond curls hanging down. 'Sawyer...' he tried again but she was unresponsive and bleeding excessively. _Shit._ Was is thoughts exactly. He heard the shouts of strangers, people. 'Kid...kid are you okay?' he heard a voice say as he strained to turn his head to the direction of the sound. He saw an unfamiliar person about middle aged with dark shaggy brown hair bent down so that he could see into the vehicle. 'I...I dunno my friend...she's...she's not moving' he managed as he watched the man reach into the car. 'Wh...what are you doing?' he queried as the man undone his seat belt, 'The car is going to explode I need to get you out' his icy eyes widened at that as he begun to panic.

'Wh...What about Peyton?' he asked, 'I'll come back for her' the man promised as he successfully unbuckled his seat belt. He slid out of the seat with ease falling down hard on the roof of the car before the man dragged him out through the window and helped him to safety. 'Are you okay?' the man asked as he nodded mutely, watching as the man ran back of to get Peyton's limp form out of the car. He helped her out just in time before the car exploded into flames. The man middle aged man who had helped them begun to busy himself with phoning for an ambulance, as Nathan crawled over to a bloody Peyton on the floor. The sight of her was heartbreaking, she looked like a dying swan...blood ran freely in thick scarlet rivers down her head, her nose bleeding, and she had various cuts and bruises all over her skin, as well as the open wound on her stomach that was leaking blood at an alarming rate.

'P...Peyton' he choked out frantically pulling her fragile comatose body into his arms. He shook her in hopes that she would wake up and watched as her eyes flickered slightly before fixing onto his blearily, and in that moment he knew she wasn't going to make it.

...

Her pale muddy eyes came to, to see the familiar face of her best friend staring down at her with a look of pain and concern, her vision was hazy. 'N...Nathan...' she choked out through the blood in her mouth. 'Shh...Peyt don't try and speak...save your energy you'll need it for you and Lucas' honeymoon' she blinked the tears away at his broken voice as he tried to lighten the mood with forced humor in his voice. But she knew he wasn't finding this remotely funny and this was his way of coping, wincing and coughing as she tried to move the blood finally spilling down her suddenly parched lips. 'I...need y...you to tell...L...Luke and Sawyer...th...that I love them so much...and Nate...' she whispered, as he looked down at her his tears spilling onto her face. 'Th...thanks for being...my best friend...' she spluttered. The pain that once burned like fire had faded away to an icy numbness. Black filled the edges of her vision and the only thing she could hear was her own heartbeat. She wished to god that it was Lucas holding her instead of Nathan, but she was just happy it was somebody familiar. Her breath came in ragged, shallow gasps. Seconds passed as she lay there, then, she heard voices.

People swarmed above her and Nathan, trying to help her, she realized. They wanted to save her. If she could have, she would of laughed. Surely they could tell that it was far to late for her to be saved, yet they were like children, naive to the darkness of the real world. The despair and suffering of the world that took everyone she loved away from her. she would be joining them soon though. But she couldn't bare the thought of leaving her child Sawyer and Lucas behind. 'Are you ready honey?' she heard an eerily familiar voice say, she cast her eyes slowly to the open road to see her two mothers Anna and Ellie and Lucas' uncle Keith standing there clear as day waiting for her with small smiles on their faces.

'I'm ready' she whispered.

She could no longer fight the darkness she closed her eyes. Her fragile, human heart beating one last time. And her body betrayed her, her eyes shutting as she grew weaker and colder.

* * *

Lucas looked away from the talking people and towards the clock, causing him to frown. Nathan had promised him that he would have Peyton there in an hour…it had been nearly two hours since he had left to get her and he was starting to worry. He had tried to call her cell but it went to her voicemail. He took a deep breath and turned back to the chattering people where he could see his mother Karen holding Sawyer and Brooke and Haley chatting to the others, he walked over to the gang and begun striking up conversation hoping it would make the time pass faster.

'Luke where's Peyton?' Haley asked as he shrugged nonchalantly trying his best to hide his worry but he knew Haley always saw through his facade. That was what ten years of being best friends had done for him. 'I'm sure her and Nathan will be here soon' he gave her an appreciative smile as his mother came other to him, a look of concern and grief on her features as she held what appeared to be his cellphone to her ear, his daughter in her free arm. 'L...Lucas...honey I think you should take this' he felt his blood run cold at the fear in his mother's voice and he anxiously reached for the phone taking it out of his mother's shaking hand.

'Hello' he spoke quickly his own voice sounding unfamiliar to his own ears, he sighed deeply when the voice on the other line wasn't Peyton's. 'Hello is this Lucas Scott" the woman's voice was very professional causing him to assume she was a telemarketer.

'Yes...speaking' he said dejectedly into the receiver, his voice trembling. The fear sat with him crippling him and routing him to the spot. 'This is Tree Hill Memorial, we have a Peyton Scott and Nathan Scott here and her registration lists you as her husband" the calm in her voice made his mind swirl with all sorts of thoughts. This woman wasn't saying what he thought she was saying. 'She is my wife and his my brother….are they alright…what happened...IS SHE OKAY?' his voice raised slightly making everyone's attention garner to his, he couldn't make himself move from the position he was maintaining.

'They were involved in a two car collision. Your brother is okay but I can't say anything about your wife, you just need to get down here. Are you aware of our location" her calm demeanor was beginning to piss him off. Here she was telling him that his wife was in the ER and could be dying for all he knew and she sounded like she was describing how glue sticks to wood.

'Yeah I know…' he hung up the phone and forced his feet to move, he was stopped by Haley's firm grip on his arm. 'Where are you going Lucas...what is going on?' he shook his head mutely, feeling frozen inside. 'There's been an accident, I've gotta go' he managed to mumble out as he rushed out the door. The other's hot on his heels. Once on the road, he could barely think straight, the other's in the car not being any source of comfort at all. His mother had said she would stay behind to look after him and Peyton's daughter.

The only thing on his mind now was getting to Peyton and making sure she was okay. 'What the hell can I do for her?' he questioned himself as the first tear slid down his cheek from fear of losing her. And he had a feeling he already had...which made it all the more worse.

He pulled up to the hospital minutes later and ran through the entrance. "Peyton Scott" he said out of breath as he used the nurses' station to hold himself up. And Haley did the same asking for Nathan instead her eyes wet with tears. "Mr. and Mrs Scott?" the nurse questioned as she looked up at him and watched him nod. The woman opened her mouth to speak but was cut off by Doctor Copeland. 'Lucas...you and your family should come with me...' he didn't like the grave tone the doctor was using with him, and shook his head mutely the denial suddenly taking him over completely. He had to be physically dragged there by Brooke and Haley. When they had moved to the secluded area he found Nathan sunk down a nearby wall his face red with tears, it appeared he had not been as seriously hurt as Peyton and had escaped with only a broken leg that the doctors had already sorted out. He watched with glassy eyes as his best friend Haley went over to tend to her inconsolable husband. 'We couldn't get him to go back to his room' one of the nurses said causing Lucas to loose his cool. 'NATHAN WHERE IS PEYTON!' he shrieked taking a threatening step towards his brother. He heard Brooke sob from behind him.

He then saw two police officers making there way out of what appeared to be Nathan's room. 'Mr Scott?' they queried, 'Yes' he said sharply feeling himself start to shake uncontrollably. 'Your wife was in a two car collision the person in the other car was Axl Zamora...his dead' the police officer said and he instantly felt rage boil within him, if that bastard wasn't already dead he would have done it himself. 'Where's Peyton?' he said through gritted teeth the tears spilling over as he looked to doctor Copeland and heard his younger brother sob.

'I'm sorry Lucas...she didn't make it' he felt his world crumble, his eyes burned and his chest felt heavy as if it were filled with lead. He could no longer see clearly. All he knew was that she was gone, out of his life for...forever. He felt like he would throw up...but it didn't come, just stayed there pushing him over the edge. He is someone... or at least he was up until this moment. And then it just came out of no where, he dropped to his knees...Peyton always said Lucas loved like a hurricane. She was right. He was crying with more violence than any gale. Not to have her right there was a torture to his soul. He was not breaking quietly, it was like every atom of his being screamed in unison, traumatized that he should exist without her left to look after there three day old baby girl. He was aware of the people around him breaking, but was barely listening due to his own. It was a primal sound, one we're programmed not to ignore. The commuters turned their heads, caught between an impulse to help and another to stay out of bother. But whatever they chose their day had been altered. To be so close to such pain changes a person, even just temporarily. Their own pains come a little closer to the surface; their empathy is triggered. If they choose to walk away they get a little kick of guilt as a punishment, a sharp jab to guide them to do the right thing next time around.

He cried as if the ferocity of it would bring Peyton back; as if by the sheer force of his grief the news would be undone. She was his soul mate, his wife, his true love always and she could not be gone.

Peyton was dead.

* * *

A/N: One more chapter left, Here was the massive twist...sorry guys. Final chapter will be posted soon :(

LeytonFan4Eva xxx


	41. Chapter 41 Home

**Guest** \- Thank you so much for your very detailed review and the kind words you said about about my story. I'm glad you have enjoyed the ride.

 **Kim** \- Thank you and I'm glad you found my story. I hope your not to upset thanks for reviewing.

 **Jordana60** \- Thank you for the heads up about the different names, I have edited and changed that, I'm glad you have enjoyed this story and that you have been so dedicated to reviewing. Thank you so much.

 **Daydreamerdb** \- Hey there thank you for your review, I know it was a shock that Peyton died and I wanted to set my story apart from other peoples. Thank you for the review.

 **Guest** \- I'm so sorry your sad, I also get how people can get attached to the characters and story since I am one of those people. I am not a brucas fan so I would never dream of that haha. thanks for reviewing.

* * *

' _Dadda...' he heard the voice of his two year old daughter Sawyer drawl, he looked down to see her toddling towards him._

 _The kid moved like her knees were just hinges, wobbling to and fro before falling on her padded bottom. Then she clapped like it was all part of the plan and rolled to her stomach to get up again. She was cute as hell, the carbon copy of her mother even down to the big curl blond locks but she had inherited his icy blue eyes. And there was no doubt that, that kid was theirs. She was dressed in a primrose pinafore dress and those soft first shoes kids wear, the ones they can still feel the ground through._

 _Then from behind an over-sized rhododendron Peyton with a smile to light up the whole town. The girl giggled, waving her arms for the pick-up she knew was coming, but before she was hoisted high she was on her bottom again. 'Hard day at work' he nodded with a grin on his face before kissing not his wife and daughter on the head. 'How bad was it babe?' He gave her a smirk , 'Do you really wanna know how many times I had to pull Quentin Fields and Drew Hastings had to be pulled apart' he watched as his angelic looking wife rolled her green eyes before putting up a hand. 'I think I'll pass' he watched as she moved towards the playpen to put Sawyer down for a nap._

 _'I missed you' he spoke coming closer to his wife to press a soft kiss to her lips before pulling away and she spoke the same words also. He leaned his forehead against hers as her smile grew wider. 'What?' He continued to stare at her, his majestic blue storms locked on her forest green ones intensely. 'Don't ever leave me Peyt...okay I love you so much' he murmured and she looked completely taken of guard by his sudden vulberablenes. 'I'm right here Luke' she promised making him close his eyes and nod appreciatively._

 _He suddenly felt her go rigid in his arms and watched as she pulled out of his embrace, the desperation evident on her features. He suddenly felt the mood go dark. 'Baby...what's wrong?' He queried a sudden feeling of dread welling inside him and he had a feeling what was to follow wouldn't be good. 'Luke you have to wake up' he furrowed his blond brows stroking her face with confusion. 'Peyt...what?' He asked and she suddenly pushed him away with force._

 _'Wake up_ '

His icy eyes snapped open, as he took in his surrounding he was in his and Peyton's room the only thing that was missing was Peyton.

He frowned slightly to himself and sighed deeply. He sat up and swung his legs over the bed and hung his head down. He pulled a shirt over his head and stood up and walked down the hall. He pushed his daughter's room door open to find the small two year old still curled up under the covers, fast asleep. He couldn't help but smile to himself, she was two today and in an hour or so she would be awake and bouncing around the house. Another birday missed by Peyton.

He hated how his dreams had become so vivid and detailed he wasn't sure about. He also wasn't sure whether he liked his dreams or not. They kept her alive but he was living with her memory. He created his own memories and sometime he could swear they were real, but in the end he knew they would never be. Every dream was different but they were all had that same chilling familiar thread. It was as if he was living another life at night, on in which she was still by his side. He changed her in his dreams, she had aged a little and she now looked less like a teen, and more like a mature eighteen year old just like him. He relieved each day while he slept with the exception of Peyton.

The absense of her was everywhere he looked. One day he would grieve for Peyton, but first he would have to accept she was really gone. But for now he holds that memory back. Lucas had grieved so many times for Peyton Sawyer, saw where she was going, tried to stop her as any person would for their soul mate. And now the same grief felt like emptiness in Lucas's heart, a shear of nothingness that snowballed as memories from his own past, gatecrashed and ambushed him too. But it somehow took over, and held his soul and threatened to kill him entirely. He couldn't help thinking, he'd let Peyton down, he'd let his wife down he should have tried harder, he should have been that car with Peyton instead of his younger brother. It should have been him. Two years of raising a kid by himself with exception of his family and friends had definitely taken its toll on him.

He never told anyone about his dreams, they were his and he wanted to keep it that way. He could swear it was really Peyton at night, her spirit, some loophole allowing him to talk to her , to tell her how much he loved her and missed her and for her to do the same. She would tell him things and he would listen. He took her advice on everything involving Sawyer, after all she was their daughter. Everyone thought he was doing so well and was an amazing parent but what they didn't know was that he would have no clue what to do if it wasn't for his dreams. He loved to fall into deep sleeps at night, he loved being that close to her again even if it was only for a few hours. He wanted her back so bad it was killing him...

He heard his daughter stir awake and went into her nursery to retrieve her from her crib. The blond toddler automatically smile at him, happy to see her daddy. 'Happy birthday Sawyer' he said forcing the cheeriness in his voice, he knew the rest of the family would be around soon to celebrate and he wanted to take Sawyer to see her mom on her birthday before they got there. He didn't bother getting dressed out of his bed clothes thy looked like outdoor clothes anyway. And Sawyer would be fine, it was summer out side. Sawyer reminded him so much of Peyton it hurt. She was the only thing he had left of her.

Lucas slowly made his way out of the house and climbed into his car, making sure to strap Sawyer into her car seat. He soon pulled up in front of Tree Hill Cemetery. He walked over to the cold marble slab that stood for what was left of his wife, that had a single white rose occupying it. "Hey Peyt' he whispered as he kneeled down on one knee. "God I miss you so much. I just wish you were still here, that I could hold you once more. The nightly visits help, but it's just not the same, it's not you. I don't think Sawyer really understand yet, that's why I decide to bring her. So she could see you on her birthday' he stroked the little toodlers blond curls before setting her down on his lap and she squeeled in appreciation clapping her hands.

'She might not understand yet Peyt...but I know she misses her mother in a way that only babies can understand. I've been teaching her the lullaby you use to sing to her just so that she has something to hang onto. There is no easy way to tell her where you are so I just tell her that you loved her with all your heart. She too smart for her own good sometimes contrary to her mother. The other day she asked me if you had loved me and I told her you did. She's definitely your daughter Peyt." He laughed lightly to himself as he took the rose out of the infants hand before she hurt her little hands, and set it back on the gravestone.

"She loves to draw and she's getting better everyday. I've never seen a girl under three draw people. They may only be stick figures but I know that when I was two I was still mastering the art of coloring in the lines, she has that down. I've been playing basketball with her more lately and I'm proud to say she's alright at it and she likes. I don't think you'd want me to put her on a team though so I won't; at least I'm not planning on it. I just...god baby I miss you so much...I still carry that picture of us around in my wallet...I hope that bastard rots in hell for what he did to you' his broke as he pressed his free hand to her gravestone. 'Mama...' He looked down with wide eyes at Sawyer, she had just said her first word, it was mama. That alone was his undoing. And a few stray tears flowed unchecked down his cheeks. And the reminder of the one person All Zamora who had taken her away from him suddenly plagued his mind , making him feel a lethal anger. When Peyton had died he went into a deadly rage, angry at the fact that there was no one to take the pain out on. Angry at the fact that he had then had himself to blame because the person who caused everything was gone.

"Sad" sounds so childish, like something flimsy, something one should be able to cast off with a happy reflection or the smile of a friend. But "sad" is nothing of the sort. It sits inside like the germ seed of depression, just waiting for the right conditions to grow, to send out roots to choke the hope out of your heart. It is the trough in which we struggle to return to the peak, always afraid that this time the rungs will be too slippery, too far apart or simply not there at all.

'Yeah...sweetie that's your mama' he spoke shakily kissing Sawyer on the head. 'What do I do know Peyt' he asked out loud and as if some sort of loophole that allowed them to speak he watched a leaf glide down from the big oak tree and drop down to Peyton's mother's grave Anna which read Sawyer. He nodded mutely looking down at Sawyer then back at Peyton's grave. 'Thanks Peyt' he murmured. 'Everything is going pretty good, some days are still pretty rough, but we survive. I'm convinced you have something to do with that, at least I like to think so. The others will be coming round soon so I better make tracks. I'll be back later this week, I promise. I miss you and I love you Peyt.'

Lucas set the two red roses he been given to him for Peyton on the gravestone, placing a rock on the stems to make sure they stayed there. He then peeled a picture off the bottom of the marble stone and replaced with another one. It was an updated picture of him and Sawyer. he replaced the picture twice a year, it was his war of keeping Peyton involved. He then laid a single yellow rose underneath the picture after removing the old dried one. He replaced the second rock on the edge of the stem and pushed down into the grass to make it stay. Tear began to slide down his cheeks as he leaned forward and placed his lips on the cold marble. "I love so much" he breathed as he stood up and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath and looked up towards the sky briefly before gazing back down at the polished rock, 'mama' Sawyer repeated as he held the toddler in his arms. "Bye Peyt." He whispered as he forced himself to walk away and go home to organize his daughter's birthday party. Another year without Peyton.

 _In Loving Memory of_

 _Peyton Elizabeth Sawyer Scott_

 _June. 19, 1987 Jan. 5, 2007_

 _Beloved Mother, Wife and Friend_

 _Concrete Angel and an angel to us all._

 _We love you. Sleep well._

 _ **The End**_


	42. Chapter 42 AN: Thank you!

**Hey guyz,**

 **It's LeytonFan4Eva thank you so much for coming along for the journey of this story, unfortunately it has come to an end and I too feel sad that it is finished. Thank you so much for all your reviews and it's been awesome!**

 **Love,**

 **LeytonFan4Eva x**

 **( a.k.a Katerina)**


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